Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 8.4 “Ace Meets the Champ/Why Justin Can’t Read/Call Me a Doctor”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

Come aboard, we’re expecting you!

Episode 8.4 “Ace Meets the Champ/Why Justin Can’t Read/Call Me a Doctor”

(Dir by Robert Scheerer, originally aired on October 6th, 1994)

Malcolm Bosworth (James Noble) boards the ship with his son (Dick Billingsley) and his son’s tutor (Jeannie Wilson).  When both the tutor and Doc Bricker suggest that his son might be struggling academically because he’s dyslexic, Malcolm replies, “My son’s not retarded!”  Booooo, Malcolm, booooo!  In Malcolm’s defense, he comes to see the error of his ways but still, booooo!

Walter Milner (Louis Giambalvo) is a furniture salesman who tells Margo Bush (Tovah Feldshuh) that he’s a doctor.  Margo’s mother (Doris Roberts) really wants her daughter to marry a doctor.  Wow, I bet that will lead to some wacky complications!

Those two stories are both well-handled and feature some likable performances.  James Noble makes Malcolm into a sympathetic figure, even if he is totally incorrect about dyslexia.  But neither one of those stories is the main event.

The main event is Ace and Isaac boxing Ernie Jordan (Dick Butkus).  Ernie is a professional boxer.  Ace and Isaac are not.  Ernie was originally scheduled to take part in an exhibition match for charity but, when his opponent gets sick, it looks like the children’s hospital will just have to close.  Ernie’s publicist, Gaylan (Jennifer Holmes), is a former girlfriend of Ace’s.  She left Ace because she felt he was irresponsible.  Isaac and Gopher decide that the best way for Ace to prove that he isn’t irresponsible would be for him to volunteer to fight a professional boxer.  Ace agrees.  After Isaac writes a poem ridiculing the champ, Ernie declares that he’ll fight both Isaac and Ace at the same time.

Wow, sounds like Ace and Isaac are in a lot of trouble!  Fortunately, for them, Ernie is a nice guy and he throws the fight and pretends to get knocked out.  The children’s hospital is saved, Ernie’s reputation is probably ruined, and Ace proves …. well, I don’t know what Ace proves.  Ace’s goal is to show that he’s not just a rich kid with an easy job but that’s a little bit difficult because he is a rich kid with an easy job.  Ace is the Jack Schlossberg of The Love Boat, just with better hair.  Still, Ace gets a girlfriend for the final five minutes or so of the episode so that’s a good thing.

This episode was pleasant, though it’s hard not to feel that Gopher would have been a more amusing opponent for Ernie Jordan.  Pat Klous still seems to be struggling to fit in with the rest of the cast as Judy.  Still, Isaac’s brief Mohammad Ali impersonation made me smile and Ted McGinley’s hair was perfect.  With this episode, The Love Boat shows its age a little but luckily, our crew is still capable of delivering an enjoyable if not exactly memorable cruse.

 

Brad reviews FALL (2022)!

Posted on by Bradley Crain

I’ve never been that afraid of heights, but you’ll never catch me climbing up the side of a mountain or jumping out of a plane. I don’t have that daredevil gene that makes me want to do stuff like that. Back in 2023, our family visited Yellowstone, so we took a ride on the Beartooth Highway that runs through the Rocky Mountains in parts of Wyoming and Montana. As I was driving that gorgeous roadway, I will admit that I became quite “weak in the knees” a few times as I drove near some very steep edges. The more I think about it, I don’t really like heights that much, but I’m willing to deal with them as long as the payoff is awesome and the risk isn’t too crazy.

FALL is one of those movies that takes whatever fear of heights may be lurking beneath our surfaces and forces us to deal with them from the comforts of our own living rooms! I kept looking at my wife because it was hard for me to look at the screen, and my wife kept telling me her palms were sweating. This lady spent a decade as a flight medic, but she was still struggling.

The premise is about as simple as it gets. A year after a devastating mountain climbing tragedy, Becky (Grace Caroline Currey) reluctantly agrees to climb an abandoned 2,000-foot television tower with her thrill-seeking, social-media obsessed best friend Hunter (Virginia Gardner). Once they reach the top, the ladder collapses, leaving them stranded 200 stories above the desert with almost no supplies, no way to call for help, and only some vultures for company. This all happens in the first 30 minutes. For the remainder of the film’s 107-minute running time, the ladies will have to do whatever they can to survive.

The film succeeds because it understands exactly what it wants to be. This isn’t some deep character study about a person’s quest for the rediscovery of peace and happiness after unimaginable pain and suffering. No, this is all about creating tension, and sometimes nauseating tension at that. Every rusty rung and loose screw on the way up foreshadows the characters’ fate. Once they’re stuck at the tiny platform at the top, the camera constantly looks over the edge, forcing us to experience the mind-blowing heights and the growing desperation right alongside the characters. These are the scenes where I had to keep looking away to maintain my own sanity!

As you might imagine, this isn’t the most realistic movie in the world. It’s one of those movies that keeps setting you up to think something good is just about to happen only for things to continue to get worse. Then again, as an audience we know when watching these types of movies that things have to keep going wrong or the movie would be over way too soon. FALL definitely works best if you just go along for the tense ride, without thinking too much about some of the finer points. From that standpoint, I was able to really enjoy the film, even when some of the twists and turns along the way threatened to go too far.

I wasn’t really familiar with their prior work, but Grace Caroline Currey and Virginia Gardner do fine jobs in the lead roles. As the grief-stricken Becky, Currey does the heavy lifting as we see her go from being completely broken, to almost giving up hope, before finally finding the courage and resilience to battle for survival. As the free-spirited, certifiably insane Hunter, Gardner has plenty of enthusiasm and charisma. Once they’re stuck at the top, she also shows a lot of bravery as well. The movie spends almost its entire runtime with these two actresses, so their chemistry has to work, and it does. I’ve always liked Jeffrey Dean Morgan, and it was nice seeing him as Becky’s dad, even though it’s a small role.

One of the best things about movies is that they have the ability to take us places we would never go on our own. Not in a million years would I ever climb the rock cliff of a mountain or a 2000-foot TV tower. But FALL took me up that tower and made me feel something. It made me uncomfortable, it made me a little sick, and it made my hands sweat… and I liked it. And all from the comfort of my own living room.

Scenes I Love: The Sopranos Stage An Intervention

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Today would have been the birthday of the late Tony Sirico.  Sirico was a former mob associate who, after serving a term in prison, reinvented himself as an actor.  Because of his background, he was often typecast as gangsters but he also proved himself to be an intelligent performer with perfect comedic timing.  For a lot of us, he will always be remembered for playing Paulie on The Sopranos.

Today scene that I love comes from The Sopranos and it features excellent work from the entire cast, especially Tony Sirico.  In this scene from the 2002 episode “The Strong, Silent Type,” the Sopranos and their associates stage an intervention for Christopher Moltisanti and it goes about as well as you might expect.  In just five minutes, this scenes manages to capture everything that The Sopranos was about, as well as giving each member of the cast a chance to shine.  Since this is Sirico’s birthday, I’ll just recommend that viewers especially watch Paulie’s facial expressions while Adriana reads her letter to Christopher.

4 Shots From 4 Films: Special Clara Bow Edition

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

4 Shots From 4 Films is just what it says it is, 4 shots from 4 of our favorite films. As opposed to the reviews and recaps that we usually post, 4 Shots From 4 Films lets the visuals do the talking.

Happy birthday to my pre-code role model, the amazing Clara Bow!

4 Shots From 4 Clara Bow Films

It (1927, dir by Clarence G. Badger)

Wings (1928, dir by William Wellman)

Dangerous Curves (1929, dir by Lothar Mendes)

Call Her Savage (1932, dir by John Francis Dillon)

 

Glen Hansard, RIP

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

I woke up to the tragic news that Glen Hansard, lead singer of the Frames and the star of The Commitments and Once, was killed earlier in a motorcycle accident.  He was 56 years old.  In America, he’ll probably always be remembered for his enthusiastic and heartfelt speech after he was on Oscar for Best Original Song.  I’ll always remember him for Once, one of the most wonderful romantic films ever made.  Nearly 20 years after seeing the film, I still listen to the soundtrack.

Glen Hansard, RIP.

Music Video of the Day: Abuse Me By Silverchair (1997, directed by Nick Egan)

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

I don’t know if there’s any abuse that can really compare to being forced to listen to Silverchair but some may disagree, The group’s lead singer, Daniel Johns, for instance, said that this song was an answer to all of their critics. Go ahead and abuse me, the song says, I’m still going to play my music. Johns also once said, in answer to the band’s many critics, that, “every song I’ve heard sounds like another song I’ve heard.” That’s certainly true if you’re listening to Silverchair.

This song was the band’s second biggest hit in the U.S. Much of that popularity may have had something to do with this video, which is a pretty good video regardless of what you think about the band’s sound. It was directed by Nick Egan, who also did videos for Duran Duran, Oasis, Alanis Morissette, and many others.

Enjoy!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 4.12 “Cruz Control”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network!  It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

This week, almost everyone’s got a secret.

Episode 4.12 “Cruz Control”

(Dir by Michael Levine, originally aired on December 13th, 1988)

I guess someone in the Pacific Blue writers’ room finally remembered that Amy Hunter joined the cast at the start of season 4 because her character, Jamie Stickland, actually gets to do something in this episode.  In fact, we ever see the odd loft that she is apparently still sharing with Russ Granger.

This episode opens with Jamie gunning down a Korean smuggler.  Even though it’s a “good” shooting, it’s still Jamie’s second killing in just a handful of months.  Lt. Susan Jessup (Holly Gagnier, who previously played Parker Stevenson’s little-seen wife on the first season of Baywatch) uses the shooting as leverage to try to force Jamie to become a mole for Internal Affairs.  When Jamie refuses, Susan threatens to reveal that Jamie lied on her police application when she said she had never been convicted of a felony.  It turns out that, when Jamie was 15, she was convicted of manslaughter after she shot her abusive foster father.  When Jamie continues to resist the pressure to spy on her fellow cops, Susan suddenly talks about “Internal Affairs is very erotic.”  By the end of the episode, it appears that Jamie is ready to become an IA informant so I guess the erotic line worked.

Meanwhile, Bobby Cruz goes AWOL for two days so that he can track down Lee Kwan (Karen Kim), a model who, years earlier, accidentally ran over Bobby’s parents while driving too fast.  Lee was acquitted in court and Bobby has been dreaming of revenge ever since.  When it becomes apparent that Lee has become involved with a smuggling operation, Bobby goes rogue to try to get her sent to prison.

Meanwhile, Monica goes undercover as a model because, on this show, all bicycle cops can go undercover at a moment’s notice.  The undercover storyline doesn’t really go anywhere but it does give Monica an excuse to show TC her portfolio.  Cory sighs dramatically and rolls her eyes, which is pretty much her standard response to Monica doing anything that would indicate that she’s still alive.

This was a busy episode.  All of the regular characters, with the exception of Darlene Vogel’s Chris Kelly, made an appearance.  That said, busy does not necessarily equal good or even interesting.  Bobby’s decision to go AWOL never made much sense but then again, Pacific Blue itself has never made much sense.  A bunch of people barking out orders while wearing bicycle shorts will never make sense.  At the very least, though, we did get to see Mario Lopez doing the “big” acting.  There was never an episode of Saved By The Bell in which Slater got hooked on rage-inducing drugs but Pacific Blue gives us an idea of what that would have been like.

By the end of the episode, Lee Kwan is dead, Bobby is back on his bike, and Jamie’s a rat.  Hopefully, this will somehow lead to TC getting sent to prison for embezzlement or something.  That’s my hope!

Retro Television Review: Saved By The Bell: The New Class 2.11 “Tommy The Tenor”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell: The New Class, which ran on NBC from 1993 to 2o00.  The show is currently on Prime.

Oh no!  The Glee Club is in trouble!

Episode 2.11 “Tommy the Tenor”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on October 15th, 1994)

During the second season, Saved By The Bell: The New Class aired twice on Saturday morning.  The first episode would feature the Gang at Bayside, dealing with high school stuff.  The second episode would feature the Gang outside of school, working a summer job or visiting relatives in another state.  This often wrecked havoc with the show’s already fragile continuity.  Episodes in which Rachel and Brian were dating while working at the Palisades Country Club would air beside episodes set at Bayside, in which Brian was still pining for Rachel and Rachel, for her part, barely seemed to notice that Brian was even around.

In this Bayside-set episode, Brian joins the Glee Club because he wants to be near Rachel. (Rachel, meanwhile, joins the Glee Club because the teacher is hot.  That’s also why Lindsay and Megan join as well.)  The only problem is that Brian can’t carry a tune.  So, he arranges for Tommy stand outside the classroom and sing through an open window while Brian lip-synchs.  Tommy has a wonderful voice but he’s afraid that his cool, leather jacket-wearing image will be ruined if he joins the Glee Club.  And the teacher apparently is too stupid to notice that Brian can only sing when he’s standing near an open window.

(Speaking of continuity, Lindsay doesn’t realize that Tommy is the one singing for Brian, even though she’s been dating Tommy forever and should presumably know what his voice sounds like.  In this episode, Lindsay and Tommy barely speak.  It’s as if everyone involved forgot that Tommy and Lindsay were supposed to be the school’s power couple.  How lazy were the writers this season?)

Uh-oh, the school board is thinking cutting funding for the Glee Club!  Mr. Belding invites the school board’s Mr. McKenzie (Eddie Allen) to hear the Glee Club perform but, unfortunately, Rachel, Megan, and Lindsay are too busy fighting over the teacher to sing (and that all get hiccups due to — God help me — hiccup spray that Rachel buys to sabotage the other girls) and Tommy isn’t available to provide a voice for Brian.  The Glee Club is doomed!

Oh well.  Who needs a Glee Club?

Apparently, Bayside does.  Belding arrange for yet another performance and, this time, Tommy walks out on stage and does his best Tony Bennett impersonation.  Tommy D is willing to risk his cool to save the Glee Club.  What a loser.

The best thing about this episode is that Screech was not present.  Bobby mentions that Screech is in Alaska, visiting his grandmother.  For some reason, this is presented as a laugh line.  I mean, surely, there are grandmothers who live in Alaska, right?  And people do visit them.  It’s not like Screech went to Manitoba to visit her.  Now, that would have been funny!

Otherwise, this was a dumb episode.  The lip-synching was dumb.  The assembly was dumb.  Why was the school board funding the Glee Club?  Why couldn’t the Glee Club just do a fundraiser on their own?  When I was in high school, I stood outside of Richardson Square Mall in short shorts and a crop top and yelled, “Car Wash!” and raised enough money to fund the Drama Club through 2035.  It’s not that difficult!

Seriously, this episode barely even tried.  No wonder Screech went to Alaska.