Oh, Twilight! How we missed you, with your blue-tinted view of the world and your romantic bloodsuckers!

After her mother remarries a minor-league baseball player, 17-year-old Bella (Kristen Stewart) moves from sunny Arizona to gray, wet Washington State. She lives with her father, the police chief (Billy Burke), and starts at a new school. Her friend is played by Anna Kendrick! How cool is that? She has a crush on Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson), and Edward has a crush on her, but Edward’s also a vampire, and he’s been seventeen since the Spanish flu epidemic. Bella discovers that she loves Edward, Edward loves Bella, and Edward’s family loves Bella, but there’s a group of vampires who want to feast on Bella. Also, Bella’s friend Jacob (Taylor Lautner) doesn’t like Edward, but we won’t find out the full details about all that until the next movie!

Lisa and I watched Twilight on Netflix earlier today, and yeah, it’s bad, but it’s just so addictive that you can’t look away. Even today, it’s hard to know whether to laugh or swoon. I usually end up doing both because the longing and smoldering way that Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson look at each other makes up for the fact that it’s a long movie where not much really happens. I was so excited waiting for the baseball scene, but I had forgotten how long it takes before Edward’s adopted family plays vampire baseball in the middle of a storm. Sign them all up for the Rangers, I don’t care if they glow. A sensitive ball player? Go ahead and bite my neck! Edward might seem mopey but when Bella needs to be protected from the other vampires, he and his father (Peter Facinelli) are right there and showing they know what to do. He’s a fighter, that Edward Cullen! And he’s a dream of a prom date too.

Twilight is what it is, and everyone who makes fun of it has a point, but I don’t care. I’ll be watching the second movie tomorrow.