Dr. Divine Will See You Now!

Dr. Divine (Ron Ray) has a successful practice going in his heavily guarded clinic. The mixed-up mutants and rednecks who work for him go out into the city and bash attractive 20-year-olds on the head. They drag them back to the clinic, where old people pay a million dollars to have their brains put into younger bodies.

“If you’ve been thinking about plastic surgery, Dr. Divine would like to change your mind!”

Dr. Divine has a point. Why get plastic surgery when you can just pay a million dollars to have your brain scooped out of your skull and stuffed into someone else’s head? Laugh at the plot all you want. Jordan Peele won an Oscar for coming up with the same basic story. Of course, The Immortalizer doesn’t have any of the subtext of Get Out. In fact, it doesn’t have any subtext at all, beyond the fact that everyone wants a body that’s healthier than the one they’ve got.

Gregg (Chris Crone) is among those abducted. He manages to escape from the clinic, but he struggles to get anyone to take him seriously when he tells them about what’s happening. Eventually, he does get some help, but will it be in time to save his friends?

This is very much a direct-to-video, late-’80s horror film, complete with big hair, bad acting, and gratuitous nudity to go along with the lengthy shots of the brain surgery. The doctor worries about the bodies getting damaged, but he’s the one who is opening up people’s heads and moving brains around. That’s going to leave scars. It’s fun in the nonsensical way that most late-night Cinemax horror films were fun. It’s on Tubi, and it’s a nostalgia rush, even if the title does sound like the name of a minor Marvel comic villain.

Spider-Man vs. The Immortalizer? My money is on Spider-Man. He’s been around since 1962, and he’s still only in his 20s. Who needs brain surgery when you’ve got radioactive spiders?