Hi, everyone! Tonight, on Mastodon, I will be hosting the #TubiThursday watch party! Join us for 1985’s anti-communist masterpiece, Rambo: First Blood Part II!
You can find the movie on Tubi and you can join us on Mastodon at 9 pm central time! (That’s 10 pm for you folks on the East Coast.) We will be using #TubiThursday hashtag! See you then!
I am going to be hosting a watch party of Rambo: First Blood Part II later tonight so it seems only appropriate for Frank Stallone to provide us with our song of the day.
Sing it, Frank!
Today’s scene that I love comes from one of the first movies that I ever reviewed at this site, the psychedelic classic Ghetto Freaks! They knew how to have a good time in the freezing cold of the late 60s/early 70s.
4 Or More Shots From 4 Or More Films is just what it says it is, 4 shots from 4 of our favorite films. As opposed to the reviews and recaps that we usually post, 4 Shots From 4 Films lets the visuals do the talking!
122 years ago, on this date, the great director Edgar G. Ulmer was born in what is today the Czech Republic. It’s time for….
4 Shots From 4 Edger G. Ulmer Films
The Black Cat (1934, dir by Edgar G. Ulmer, DP: John J. Mescall)
Detour (1945, dir by Edgar G. Ulmer, DP: Benjamin H, Kline)
The Man From Planet X (1951, dir by Edgar G. Ulmer, DP: John L. Russell)
Beyond The Time Barrier (1960, dir by Edgar G. Ulmer, DP: Meredith Nicholson)
Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing 1st and Ten, which aired in syndication from 1984 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on Tubi.
This week, OJ Simpson is stalked by an abhorrent admirer!
Episode 5.3 “Fale Start”
(Dir by Stan Lathan, originally aired on October 25th, 1989)
Johnny Gunn, the new quarterback, is injured while leading the Bulls to victory in their latest game. Westwood, who has an unexplained dislike for Gunn, convinces the drugged quarterback to sign away his power of attorney and then has Gunn undergo a risky surgery. When Gunn realizes what has happened, he goes to the construction site of Westwood’s new house and knocks a few things over. The lesson? When your quarterback has just finished spending several years in prison for manslaughter, don’t upset him.
Dr. Death is stunned to discover that the highest bidder in the “Win a Day With Dr. Death” auction was not Heather Locklear but instead Carlyle Trent (Vince Edwards), a motorcycle-riding millionaire who happens to be gay. (Trent was obviously based on publisher Malcolm Forbes Sr.) Trent thinks that Dr. Death might be gay too. Oh, the hilarity, I guess. Actually, this storyline wasn’t as homophobic as one might expect from 1st & Ten. One of cool things about Dr. Death is that, despite his fearsome image, he’s usually the most open-minded and least prejudiced of all of the Bulls.
Finally, TD Parker (OJ Simpson) finds himself being stalked by a woman named Lisa (Laura Alavarez). Hey, that’s my name! Anyway, what starts as a one night stand ends with OJ having to talk Lisa out of shooting him and Kristy. Wow, OJ Simpson getting stalked by a homicidal maniac. Who would have guessed?
This episode tried to cram three big storylines into just 24 minute and, as a result, everything ended up feeling a bit half-baked. Last season, for all of its flaws, did seem to have a definite destination in mind, The Bulls were finally going to win the Championship Game. This season, on the other hand, has been all over the place.
Get it together, Bulls!
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!
Is your mind on a new romance? Are you ready to set sail for adventure?
Episode 8.11 “My Mother, My Chaperone/The Present/The Death and Life of Sir Albert Demerest/Welcome Aboard”
(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on November 24th, 1984)
Your Love Boat crew is sailing to London!
This is another one of those two-hour episodes that was shot on location. I always enjoy these episodes, even if they are mostly just extended travelogues. This one actually has a few good storylines to go along with the scenes of the crew walking around London and France.
For instance, Marc Singer plays John Neary, Judy’s ex-husband who boards the cruise in an attempt to win her back. This was the first storyline to really feature Judy as someone other than just the perky replacement for Julie. We saw how happy she was at the prospect of getting together with John but we also saw how John consumed her life to the extent that she started screwing up at work. When John suggested that Judy’s job really wasn’t that important to begin with, we saw why their marriage failed in the first place. This was the first episode in which Judy really felt like a member of the group.
Colleen Dewhurst played Maud Correll (Colleen Dewhurst), a former actress who is sailing to London with her son, Byron (Peter Barton). On the cruise, Maud tells Byron that his father is actually the distinguished actor, Sir Albert Demerest (Trevor Howard). In London, Maud and Sir Albert meet and, in a wonderfully acted scene, Sir Albert says he isn’t sure that he wants to meet the son that he previously didn’t know he had. “It’s been 20, 21 years,” Sir Albert says, “it’s too late.” Still, Byron wants to be an actor and he visits Sir Albert at work. Albert is filming a commercial and he keeps flubbing his lines. At first, Byron is upset that his father would sell out his talents but eventually, he comes to understand that, sometimes, an actor doesn’t have a choice. The bills have to be paid.
This story was surprisingly good. Dewhurst, Howard, and Barton all gave heartfelt performances. Howard was obviously not in the best of health when he appeared on The Love Boat but his fragile appearance only adds to the poignance of the story.
Speaking of good performances, the great German actress Lili Palmer plays novelist Lily Marlowe. Lily is a cynic about love and she’s concerned when she sees that her virginal daughter, Samantha (Anna-Alicia), is falling for Roger Wembly (Morgan Stewart). And when Samantha runs into Roger’s wife in London, it appears that Lily is right. However, Roger then takes over Speakers’ Corner and gives a speech about how much he loves Samantha and how he and his wife are getting divorced. He wins over both Samantha and Lily. While the story might have been a standard Love Boat melodrama (and how convenient was that divorce?), the scenes of Lily, Samantha, and Roger in London were nice to look at. (Rainy, misty London was lovely.) And the use of Speakers’ Corner was a reminder of what the UK used to be.
Finally, Kathy Ross (Loretta Swit) decides to test the fidelity of her husband, Leonard (Dennis Holahan), by hiring a prostitute to seduce him. The prostitute, Monika (Catherine Oxenberg), hopes to get her hands on Leonard’s money by lying and breaking up his marriage with Kathy. But, after seeing how terrible Leonard feels after Kathy leaves him, Monika has a change of heart and tells the truth. This was the weakest of the episode’s stories but Catherine Oxenberg did have a few funny lines.
All in all, this was a great cruise! London brought out the best of The Love Boat.
Happy Mayflower Day!
Today’s song of the day comes to us from James Horner’s score for Terrence Malick’s 2005 film, The New World.
Here’s Grouch Marx summing up my political ideology in song. This is from the film Animal Crackers.
4 Shots From 4 Films is just what it says it is, 4 shots from 4 of our favorite films. As opposed to the reviews and recaps that we usually post, 4 Shots From 4 Films lets the visuals do the talking!
104 years ago today, the British director Guy Hamilton was born. Though Hamilton rarely seems to get as much credit as Terence Young, he was one of the most important of the early James Bond directors. With Goldfinger, he set the template the many subsequent Bond films would follow: an over-the-top villain, nonstop action, and one liners. (“No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to die.” Not to mention, “I must be dreaming.”) Hamilton went on to direct Sean Connery’s final Bond outing and he also directed the first two films to star Roger Moore as 007, all three of which are rather underrated in my opinion. Guy Hamilton’s Bond films reminded us that James Bond’s cinematic adventures work best when they’re fun to watch, which is something that I think the modern Bond films would be well-served to consider.
In honor of Guy Hamilton’s contributions to my favorite film franchise, here are….
4 Shots From 4 Films
Goldfinger (1964, dir by Guy Hamilton)
Diamonds are Forever (1971, dir by Guy Hamilton)
Live and Let Die (1973, dir by Guy Hamilton)
The Man With The Golden Gun (1974, dir by Guy Hamilton)
Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network! It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.
This week’s episode is stupid even for Pacific Blue.
Episode 4.19 “Near Death”
(Dir by Gary Winter, originally aired on April 4th, 1999)
Before I say anything else about this episode, allow me to say this: Ugh.
Okay, so check this out. A group of home invaders, led by Claire (Monica Louwerens) and her husband Milo (Matt Borlenghi), are in a van, fleeing from their latest robbery. TC, Chris, Cory, and Bobby are all chasing after them on their bikes. The van takes a sharp turn, the passenger-side door flies open, and Claire falls out. TC swerves to avoid Claire and is thrown straight into an electrical junction box. TC gets electrocuted.
Cory, Chris, and Bobby all arrive and immediately run over to TC. TC isn’t breathing. There’s no heartbeat. Cory and Bobby perform CPR. TC, meanwhile, is having a near-death experience, which means that we get a montage of old clips. They manage to bring TC back to life, but no one bothers to check on Claire. Claire ends up in a coma and subsequently dies at the hospital. Milo blames the cops for ignoring his wife while all of them gathered around TC.
…and Milo is absolutely right. Don’t get me wrong. It makes sense that Cory, Bobby, and especially Chris would be worried about TC. But it doesn’t change the fact that they basically just left another gravely injured person on the street while they gathered around TC. This is not the first time that something like this happened on Pacific Blue, and it’s yet another example of our heroes being rather selfish people.
Later, Cory announces to all the other bicycle cops that their first priority is to track down Milo and his gang because “this one is personal.” In other words, don’t worry about any of the other crimes that might be happening in Santa Monica because those crimes don’t directly involve any of the show’s stars. As is often the case with this show, it’s never really explained why the case apparently only belongs to the bicycle patrol. We don’t see any burglary detectives investigating the home invasions or anything like that. I guess the bike patrol has jurisdiction over everything.
As for TC, he reacts to his near-death experience by becoming more philosophical. He’s determined to always tell the truth. Over the course of the episode, he insults all four of the rookies: Granger, Cruz, Jamie, and Monica. Later, once TC starts to return to normal, he apologizes to Granger, Cruz, and Jamie but smirks when Monica asks if TC has anything he wants to say to her. “Nope,” he says. It’s kind of weird how this show wants its audience to hate Monica despite the fact that Monica is usually the only one of the cops who can be depended upon to do her job.
This episode really annoyed me. There was just something really annoying about a show about bicycle cops attempting to impart some sort of philosophical message about life. Did no one consider that TC is nowhere near a deep enough character to be believable as someone who worries about the larger questions of existence? Did no one consider that Jim Davidson’s limited range made him exactly the wrong actor for this type of story? In the past, TC was always dull but reliable. In this episode, he’s condescending. Since Chris and Cory were already condescending and have been for several seasons, TC joining them pushed this episode to new heights of unearned smugness.
This was an annoying episode. At least no one went undercover.
