Late Night Retro Television Review: Saved By The Bell 2.8 “Miss Bayside”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell, which ran on NBC from 1989 to 1993.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, Screech is a pawn yet again.

Episode 2.8 “Miss Bayside”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on October 27th, 1990)

It’s time for the annnual Miss Bayside pageant!

Jessie considers Miss Bayside to be sexist and she tries to organize a boycott.  Lisa says “No way.”  She wants to be Miss Bayside.  Lisa enters and so does Kelly because Kelly’s family is poor and she could really use the extra money that comes from being a beauty queen.  Finally, Jessie goes against her pledge not to compete and enters because she wants to teach everyone about inner beauty.

Zack bets Slater that he can make anyone into the next Miss Bayside.  Slater takes the bet on the condition that he get to pick the person.  And, of course, Slater picks Screech….

Oh, this episode.  When I talk about Dustin Diamond being too young to be on this show, this is the sort of epiosde that I’m talking about.  While Lisa, Jessie, Kelly, and eventually Slater all come across as being confident and happy while competing for the title of Miss Bayside, Screech looks awkward, embarrassed, and almost troll-like.  I’m not even a Screech fan (or a Dustin Diamond fan for that matter, God rest his soul) but even I felt bad for him when he walked out on stage in a 1920s-style bathing suit.  While everyone else on the episode was obviously closer to adulthood than childhood (i.e. Mark-Paul Gosselaar and Tiffani Thiessen were both 16, and Elizabeth Berkley and Mario Lopez were both 17), Dustin Diamond was 13 and looked even younger.  That gives this entire episode a bit of an icky feel.

Screech does win the pageant.  He wins because his robot, Kevin, accidentally gives him a black eye and Zack tells everyone that Slater did it.  Screech gets the sympathy vote.  Sorry, Lisa.  Your dreams don’t matter.  Sorry, Kelly.  I guess you’re never going to be able to afford college.  The importnat thing is that Screech won something that is definitely not going to lead to him being taunted later in life.

Other than Screech’s victory, this episode is remembered for two things.  First, Slater absolutely kills it when he plays the drums during the talent competition.  Secondly, Mr. Belding sings the Miss Bayside song.  Isn’t she he lovely/not even a girl….  It must be said that, judging from this episode, Belding has a terrible singing voice but at least he tries.

Slater should have been Miss Bayside.  We all know it.

Villain of the Day: Judge Holden (Blood Meridian)


“War was always here. Before man was, war waited for him. The ultimate trade awaiting its ultimate practitioner.” — Judge Holden

In Cormac McCarthy’s masterpiece Blood Meridian, Judge Holden stands as one of the most terrifying, yet utterly magnetic figures in American literature. He is not a conventional villain driven by simple greed or revenge; instead, he operates on a cosmic, almost mythological scale. McCarthy crafts the Judge as an massive, albino entity who is completely devoid of hair, yet possesses an uncanny, childlike smoothness. This striking physical presence combines with an immense intellect, making him instantly unforgettable. He dominates every scene he enters, holding both the Glanton gang and the reader captive under his dark, philosophical spell.

At the core of Holden’s hypnotic presence is his utterly arresting physicality. Described as a massive, hairless, albino giant, he possesses an otherworldly appearance that immediately commands both reverence and dread. Yet, this grotesque physical power is contrasted with a startling, almost delicate grace. McCarthy frequently depicts the judge dancing, his enormous frame moving with an effortless, ethereal fluidity that borders on the supernatural. This juxtaposition—a gargantuan, impossibly strong killer who moves like a dancer and possesses the pale, unmarked skin of a newborn—creates a profound cognitive dissonance. He is simultaneously repulsive and fascinating, a living paradox that draws the eye and refuses to let it go.

The Judge also remains mesmerizing because McCarthy refuses to explain him. We never receive a tragic backstory or psychological diagnosis that neatly explains why he is the way he is. In fact, the mystery is the point. Throughout Blood Meridian, Holden often feels less like a man and more like a supernatural force wearing human skin. Different readers have interpreted him as the Devil, a gnostic archon, the embodiment of Manifest Destiny, the spirit of war itself, or simply humanity stripped of every moral restraint. McCarthy never confirms any of those theories, allowing the character to exist in a space between realism and myth. That ambiguity makes Holden endlessly discussable because every rereading invites another interpretation without ever exhausting the possibilities.

Another reason Judge Holden has endured as one of literature’s greatest villains is that he represents ideas rather than merely serving as an obstacle for the protagonist. The Kid spends much of the novel drifting through a world consumed by brutality, but the Judge continually tests him, almost as though he is trying to prove that compassion has no place in existence. Holden’s obsession with domination extends beyond physical violence. He wants mastery over knowledge, nature, history, and ultimately other people’s souls. His habit of sketching artifacts before destroying them reflects this desire for absolute ownership; if something exists outside his understanding or control, he cannot tolerate it. That makes him terrifying in a way that extends beyond the novel’s bloodshed. He embodies the frightening notion that intelligence, eloquence, and culture offer no protection against evil when they become tools for domination instead of wisdom.

Ultimately, Judge Holden’s charisma lies in the fact that he forces readers to confront a deeply uncomfortable idea: that there may be a coherent, even seductive logic to nihilism and destruction. He is not a cartoon villain driven by petty grievance; he is a fully realized intelligence that has looked at the human condition and arrived at monstrous conclusions. Blood Meridian is not an easy novel, and the Judge is not an easy villain — he does not allow readers the comfort of simple condemnation. His eloquence, his energy, and his terrifying completeness as a character make him linger in the mind long after the final page. In a landscape already saturated with literary darkness, Judge Holden stands apart as one of the most profound and deeply disturbing figures ever committed to the page.

Villain of the Day

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 6/21/26 — 6/27/28


Bands of Enchantment (PBS)

On Friday night, I watched a performance by the band Pacifica.  They were okay.  I prefer louder music.

Bring Me The Beauties: The Model Cult (HBOMax)

I watched this 3-part docuseries on Monday.  It was yet another cult documentary.  This time, only good-looking people could join the cult.  That actually made sense to me.  If you’re a cult leader, why would you want to be surrounded by ugly people?

Degrassi: The Next Generation (Tubi)

My review of this week’s episode will drop tomorrow.

Election Coverage

I watched this latest primary results on Tuesday.  Ugh, the DSA in New York.  Never has a group of activist been both so charmless and so successful at the same time.  A lot of people are panicking about that but, honestly, if the DSA was going to win anywhere, it was going to be in New York.  I imagine they’ll do well in Denver next week as well.  DSA appeals to gentrifiers.  (I also remember that the DSA insurgency was declared dead after the primaries in Illinois so perhaps we should be careful about reading too much into any one night.)  It seems like after every “wave election,” there’s a few new congresspeople (and even senators) who end up self-destructing during their first  or second term, people like Katie Hill, George Santos, Madison Cawthorn, Cori Bush, and Jamaal Bowman.  This year, I’m putting my money on Dairaliza Avila Chevalier and, if he wins, Graham Platner as being the most likely to fall apart as soon as they arrive in Washington.

Homicide: Life On The Street (Peacock)

My review of this week’s episode will drop tomorrow.

Saved By The Bell (Tubi)

My review of this weeks episode will drop later tonight.

Watched and Reviewed:

  1. 1st & Ten,
  2. Baywatch,
  3. CHiPs,
  4. Crime Story,
  5. Decoy,
  6. Freddy’s Nightmares,
  7. Hunter,
  8. The Love Boat,
  9. Pacific Blue,
  10. Saved By The Bell: The New Class,
  11. St. Elsewhere

Retro Televison Review: Baywatch 2.9 “The Trophy: Part One”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch, which ran on NBC and then in syndication from 1989 to 2001.  The entire show can be viewed on Tubi.

This week, Eddie in trouble!

Episode 2.9 “The Trophy: Part 1”

(Dir by Douglas Schwartz, originally aired on November 11th, 1991)

Awkward teenager Caroline Larkin (A.J. Langer) doesn’t have any friends because her family’s poor and she’s from Ohio.  The only person on the beach who shows her any kindess is Eddie the lifeguard.  When Caroline tries to impress the rich girls on the beach by claiming to have been seduced by Eddie, the main mean girl makes sure that Caroline’s father finds out.  Eddie is shocked when he’s arrested and charged with statuatory rape …. despite the fact the fact that almost the same thing happened to Craig during the first season of the show.  

What makes thing particularly awkward is that Eddie is arrested just as he and Shauni are getting ready to go to a chairty gala.  Shauni finally got Eddie into a tux and then Eddie gets the handcuffs slapped on.

Meanwhile, parapalegic lifeguard Eric Turner (Daniel Quinn) returns.  He’s still in love with Megan (Vanessa Angel), the Australian lifeguard.  But he’s also bitter about having to use a wheelchair.  This is one of those stories that would be compelling if we had the slightest idea who Turner and Megan were before this episode aired.  This is also one of those episodes where totally new people show up and everyone acts as if they were there from the start of the series.  (In all fairness, Megan has appeared on the show before but her role has never been particularly large.)  Everyone else know who Eric Turner but we, the viewers, have never heard of him before.

Anyway, this is a two-part episode so neither storyline is resolved.  Since I’m taking next week off for America’s 250th birthday celebration, Eddie’s going to have to wait in jail for a while.  However, two weeks from now, we’ll see if Eddie can clear his name!

 

Live Tweet Alert: Join #ScarySocial For Hellbound: Hellraiser II!


As some of our regular readers undoubtedly know, I am involved in a few weekly live tweets on Twitter and Mastodon.  I host #FridayNightFlix every Friday, I co-host #ScarySocial on Saturday, and I am one of the five hosts of #MondayActionMovie!  Every week, we get together.  We watch a movie.  We tweet our way through it.

Tonight, at 10 pm et, #ScarySocial presents Hellraiser II!

If you want to join us this Saturday, just hop onto twitter, start the movie at 10 pm et, and use the #ScarySocial hashtag!  It’s a friendly group and welcoming of newcomers so don’t be shy.

Hellraiser II is available on Prime!  See you there!

4 Shots From 4 Films: Special Cormac McCarthy Edition


4 Or More Shots From 4 Or More Films is just what it says it is, 4 shots from 4 of our favorite films. As opposed to the reviews and recaps that we usually post, 4 Shots From 4 Films lets the visuals do the talking!

The shots below are all taken from films based on the work of Cormac McCarthy.

4 Shots From 4 Films

All The Pretty Horses (2000, dir by Billy Bob Thornton, DP: Barry Markowitz)

No Country For Old Men (2007, dir by Joel and Ethan Coen, DP: Roger Deakins)

The Road (2009, dir by John Hillcoat, DP: Javier Aguirresarobe)

Child of God (2013, dir by James Franco, DP: Christina Varos)

Music Video of the Day: Soldierhead by Newsted (2013, directed by Leon Melas)


Jason Newsted and his then-band rock out in this video and remind us all of what metal is supposed to be.  Newsted has said that this song is about fighting for what you want and for what you believe and that’s something that Newsted has done over the course of his entire career.

Director Leon Melas has also done music videos for Rick Monroe, David Also, Chantel, and others.

Enjoy!