Get Hyped For William Cardini’s “Tales From The Hyperverse”

Ryan C.'s Four Color Apocalypse

I plead the Fifth on whether or not I’ve ever done this myself, but there was a time when dropping acid and reading (or, more likely, just looking at) Jack Kirby comics was a popular pastime — and so it was only a matter of time, I suppose, before some enterprising cartoonist came along, eliminated the drug-dealing middleman, and just served up Kirby-esque tales with the “LSD effect” baked right into the pages.

Enter Kansas City’s William Cardini — although I honestly wonder whether or not he hails from a dimension much like the ones he draws, because I don’t know how you come up with some of this stuff without having seen it, perhaps even lived it, firsthand. Or, ya know, maybe he’s just got a good connection for hallucinogenics, in which case I really need him to give me a call.

My only previous exposure to…

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A Movie A Day #344: Skyscraper (1996, directed by Raymond Martino)

If you want to see a movie about somone trapped in a skyscraper and battling terrorists, the obvious solution is to watch Die Hard.  After all, it’s always a good time to watch Die Hard.

If for some reason you cannot watch Die Hard, then I recommend trying Die Hard 2.

If Die Hard 2 is not available, I guess you could watch something like Skyscraper.

Skyscraper is a by-the-numbers remake of Die Hard, except that the Bruce Willis role is now played by Anna Nicole Smith.  Anna Nicole is a helicopter pilot who is hired by a group of strange men to give them an aerial tour of the city.  What Anna Nicole does not realize is that these men are all terrorists and she is flying them to the skyscraper that they are planning on taking over.  Unlike Bruce, Anna Nicole does not get to say much during this movie.  She doesn’t get to say “Yippie ki yay, motherfucker,” or anything else that might liven things up.  Instead, she takes a shower, has one lame sex scene, and then spends the rest of the movie crawling through air ducts and shooting terrorists.  The few times that she does have to actually speak, she is about as convincing as you would expect Anna Nicole Smith to be in the role of a tough action heroine.  At one point, Anne Nicole responds to the main terrorist’s florid soliloquy by telling him that he is quoting Shakespeare and she delivers the line in such a way that you are left with little doubt that, until she showed up on the set that day, Anna Nicole Smith had never heard of this Shakespeare dude.

On second thought, if Die Hard is not available, do not watch Skyscraper.  Stare at a wall for a few hours.  Protect your brain cells.  Skyscraper is one to avoid.  If you have to resort to a Die Hard rip-off, watch Shannon Tweed and Andrew “Dice” Clay in No Contest instead.

Finally, Here Are The Winners From The Indiana Film Journalists Association!

Okay, one final precursor to share with everyone today.  The Indiana Film Journalists Association announced their picks for the best of 2017 on Monday.  They really liked Lady Bird and The Shape of Water.  They also liked Harry Dean Stanton for his final film role.

Best Film

Winner: “Lady Bird”
Runner-up: “The Shape of Water”

Other Finalists (listed alphabetically):

“Blade Runner 2049”
“Brigsby Bear”
“The Florida Project”
“Get Out”
“The Post”
“Star Wars: The Last Jedi”
“Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri”

Best Animated Feature

Winner: “Coco”
Runner-Up: “Loving Vincent”

Best Foreign Language Film

Winner: “Faces Places”
Runner-Up: “BPM (Beats Per Minute)”

Best Documentary

Winner: “Let It Fall: Los Angeles 1982-1992”
Runner-Up: “Liyana”

Best Original Screenplay

Winner: Greta Gerwig, “Lady Bird”
Runner-up: Jordan Peele, “Get Out”

Best Adapted Screenplay

Winner: Scott Frank, James Mangold and Michael Green, “Logan”
Runner-up: Hampton Fancher and Michael Green, “Blade Runner 2049”

Best Director

Winner: Greta Gerwig, “Lady Bird”
Runner-up: Guillermo del Toro, “The Shape of Water”

Best Actress

Winner: Saoirse Ronan, “Lady Bird”
Runner-up: Sally Hawkins, “Maudie”

Best Supporting Actress

Winner: Laurie Metcalf, “Lady Bird”
Runner-up: Allison Janney, “I, Tonya”

Best Actor

Winner: Harry Dean Stanton, “Lucky”
Runner-up: Gary Oldman, “Darkest Hour”

Best Supporting Actor

Winner: Willem Dafoe, “The Florida Project”
Runner-up: Doug Jones, “The Shape of Water”

Best Vocal/Motion Capture Performance

Runner-up: Sean Gunn & Bradley Cooper, “Guardians of the Galaxy, Vol. 2”

Best Ensemble Acting

Winner: “The Florida Project”
Runner-up: “The Post”

Best Musical Score

Winner: Alexandre Desplat, “The Shape of Water”
Runner-up: Hans Zimmer and Benjamin Wallfisch, “Blade Runner 2049”

Breakout of the Year

Winner: Timothée Chalamet, “Call Me by Your Name” and “Lady Bird”
Runner-up: Kogonada, “Columbus”

Original Vision Award

Winner: “Loving Vincent”
Runner-up: “Brigsby Bear

The Hoosier Award

Winner: “Columbus”
(As a special award, no runner-up is declared in this category.)

The Vancouver Film Critics Circle Name Lady Bird The Best of 2017!

Best Film
“Lady Bird”

Best Actor
Daniel Day-Lewis, “Phantom Thread”

Best Actress
Saoirse Ronan, “Lady Bird”

Best Supporting Actor 
Willem Dafoe, “The Florida Project”

Best Supporting Actress
Laurie Metcalf, “Lady Bird”

Best Director
Paul Thomas Anderson, “Phantom Thread”

Best Screenplay
Jordan Peele, “Get Out”

Best Foreign Language Film

Best Documentary
“Ex Libris: The New York Public Library”

Here’s What The Southeast Film Critics Association Picked As the Best of 2017!

Best Film: “Get Out”
Runner-up: “The Shape Of Water”

Best actor: Gary Oldman, “Darkest Hour”
Runner-up: James Franco, “The Disaster Artist”

Best actress: Sally Hawkins, “The Shape of Water”
Runner-up: Frances McDormand, “Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri”

Best supporting actor: Sam Rockwell, “Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri”
Runner-up: Willem Dafoe, “The Florida Project”

Best supporting actress: Laurie Metcalf, “Lady Bird”
Runner-up: Allison Janney, “I, Tonya”

Best ensemble: “Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri”
Runner-up: “The Post”

Best director: Guillermo Del Toro, “The Shape of Water”
Runner-up: Christopher Nolan, “Dunkirk”

Best original screenplay: Jordan Peele, for “Get Out”
Runner-up: Greta Gerwig, for “Lady Bird”

Best adapted screenplay: James Ivory, for “Call Me By My Name”
Runner-up: Dee Rees and Virgil Williams, for “Mudbound”

Best documentary: “Jane”
Runner-up: “Faces Places”

Best foreign-language film: “First They Killed My Father”
Runner-up: “The Square”

Best animated film: “Coco”
Runner-up: “Loving Vincent”

Best cinematography: Hoyte Van Hoytema, for “Dunkirk”
Runner-Up: Roger Deakins, for “Blade Runner 2049”

The Gene Wyatt Award: “Mudbound
Runner-Up: “The Florida Project”

SEFCA Top 10 of 2017
1. “Get Out”
2. “The Shape Of Water”
3. “Dunkirk”
4. “Lady Bird”
5. “Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri”
6. “The Post”
7. “The Florida Project”
8. “Call Me By Your Name”
9. “Darkest Hour”
10. “The Disaster Artist”

The Los Angeles Online Film Critics Society Honors The Shape of Water and Hugh Jackman!

The Los Angeles Online Film Critics Society has named their picks for the best of 2017!

Best Picture
“The Shape of Water”

Best Actress
Sally Hawkins – “The Shape of Water”

Best Actor
Gary Oldman – “Darkest Hour”

Best Supporting Actress
Allison Janney – I, Tonya

Best Supporting Actor – TIE
Patrick Stewart – “Logan ”
Michael Stuhlbarg – “Call Me by Your Name”

Best Adapted Screenplay
Aaron Sorkin – “Molly’s Game”

Best Original Screenplay
Jordan Peele – “Get Out”

Best Male Director
Guillermo del Toro – “The Shape of Water”

Best Female Director
Greta Gerwig – “Lady Bird”

Best Animated Film

Best Foreign Film
“The Square”

Best Documentary – TIE
“Jim & Andy: The Great Beyond”

Best Visual Effects
“War for The Planet of the Apes”

Best Cinematography
Roger Deakins, “Blade Runner 2049”

Best Blockbuster
“Wonder Woman”

Best Independent Film
“Lady Bird”

Best First Feature
Jordan Peele, “Get Out”

Best Comedy or Musical
“The Big Sick ”

Best Action/War
“Baby Driver”

Best Sci-Fi/Horror
“Get Out ”

Best Actor or Actress 23 and Under
Saoirse Ronan, “Lady Bird”

Best Stunt Work
“Baby Driver”

Best Score
Alexandre Desplat, “The Shape of Water”

Best Editing
Paul Machliss and Jonathan Amos, “Baby Driver”

Best Visual Effect Performance
Andy Serkis, “War for the Planet of the Apes”

Special Awards 

Trailblazer Award: Jessica Chastain

LAOFCS Achievement Award: Hugh Jackman