A Movie A Day #344: Skyscraper (1996, directed by Raymond Martino)

If you want to see a movie about somone trapped in a skyscraper and battling terrorists, the obvious solution is to watch Die Hard.  After all, it’s always a good time to watch Die Hard.

If for some reason you cannot watch Die Hard, then I recommend trying Die Hard 2.

If Die Hard 2 is not available, I guess you could watch something like Skyscraper.

Skyscraper is a by-the-numbers remake of Die Hard, except that the Bruce Willis role is now played by Anna Nicole Smith.  Anna Nicole is a helicopter pilot who is hired by a group of strange men to give them an aerial tour of the city.  What Anna Nicole does not realize is that these men are all terrorists and she is flying them to the skyscraper that they are planning on taking over.  Unlike Bruce, Anna Nicole does not get to say much during this movie.  She doesn’t get to say “Yippie ki yay, motherfucker,” or anything else that might liven things up.  Instead, she takes a shower, has one lame sex scene, and then spends the rest of the movie crawling through air ducts and shooting terrorists.  The few times that she does have to actually speak, she is about as convincing as you would expect Anna Nicole Smith to be in the role of a tough action heroine.  At one point, Anne Nicole responds to the main terrorist’s florid soliloquy by telling him that he is quoting Shakespeare and she delivers the line in such a way that you are left with little doubt that, until she showed up on the set that day, Anna Nicole Smith had never heard of this Shakespeare dude.

On second thought, if Die Hard is not available, do not watch Skyscraper.  Stare at a wall for a few hours.  Protect your brain cells.  Skyscraper is one to avoid.  If you have to resort to a Die Hard rip-off, watch Shannon Tweed and Andrew “Dice” Clay in No Contest instead.

One response to “A Movie A Day #344: Skyscraper (1996, directed by Raymond Martino)

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