Since yesterday was Sheryl Lee’s birthday, here’s one of the best all-time examples of foreshadowing.
From the 1991 finale of Twin Peaks:
Tag Archives: TV
Late Night Retro Television Review: 1st & Ten 3.11 “Land of the Free (Agent)”
Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing 1st and Ten, which aired in syndication from 1984 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on Tubi.
The playoffs continue!
Episode 3.11 “Land of the Free (Agent)”
(Dir by Bruce Seth Green, originally aired on December 2nd, 1987)
The Bulls are in the playoffs but they need a new running back. Jill decides to sign Brian Bozworth (Brian Bosworth), a player who was drafted by Arizona but who refused to sign his contract because he felt he wasn’t being offered enough money. TD Parker (OJ Simpson) tells Jill that it would be highly irregular for the Bulls to sign Bozworth because, technically, he still “belongs” to Arizona. Jill tells TD to take a knife to the rules and sign Bozworth.
And it’s a good thing that she did because, after some opening jitters, Bozworth plays a key role in getting the Bulls a win over Arizona in the playoffs. Recognizing what the Arizona defense is going to do, he gives Yinessa a heads up. Yinesa throws Bozworth the ball, Bozworth gets the Bulls into good field position, and Zagreb kicks the game-winning field goal.
Zagreb is only able to make that kick because Mad Dog lied to him and told him that Anna had called and agreed to marry him. The next day, at the wedding ceremony, Anna is a no-show. Or, at least, she is until Mad Dog breaks into her house, forces her to put on a wedding gown, and then carries her to the ceremony. She arrives just in time to hear Zagreb giving a speech about how much he loves her. Anna and Zagreb marry.
Finally, Jethro is upset when Bubba is offered a commercial contract with Squelch Sports Drink. Squelch doesn’t want Jethro in its commercials. But when Bubba can’t find the strength to lift a drum of Squelch and pour it over Coach Grier’s head, his contact is canceled.
This was a weird episode. A lot of stuff was going on but none of it really added up too much. At first, Bozworth seemed like a bad player and then, suddenly, he was a good player. Jethro and Bubba were arguing and then suddenly they weren’t. Zagreb got married and good for him. Zagreb is perhaps the most cartoonish character on the show but then again, 1st & Ten is rather cartoonish in general.
Anyway, the Bulls are one step closer to the Championship Game. We’ll see if they make it next week.
Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 7.16 “The Buck Stops Here/For Better or Worse/Bet on It”
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!
This week, the ship is a casino!
Episode 7.16 “The Buck Stops Here/For Better or Worse/Bet on It”
(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on January 14th, 1984)
It’s a gambling cruise!
Of course, it’s all for charity. The Love Boat has been turned into a floating casino but all of the money that the passengers lose will be donated to the Flanders Hospital. Florence Flanders (Celeste Holm) is yet another old friend’s Captain Stubing’s and he’s happy to welcome her aboard. He is less happy to see Florence’s ne’er-do-well brother, Frank (Richard Jaeckel). Frank is in debt to another passenger, Al Dixon (Richard Ponzini). Frank is willing to cheat and steal to get the money to pay off Al. When Stubing calls Frank out on it, Frank threatens to reveal that Florence’s deceased husband had a mistress.
One of the people cheated by Frank is newlywed Nancy Sidon (Leah Ayres), who is upset about the prospect of having to move in with her in-laws. Her husband, Stewart (Shea Farrell), says that it’s perfectly normal to move back in with your parents after you get married. He also doesn’t want Nancy gambling. When Nancy loses all of her money, she fears that she’s going to lose Stewart as well. Fortunately, Frank has a change of heart and returns all of the money that he stole. Not only has Nancy avoided divorce but she now has enough that she and Stewart won’t have to move in with the in-laws.
Meanwhile, Michael Borden (McClean Stevenson) is carrying a very valuable silver dollar with him. When Sally (Jo Ann Pflug) accidentally puts the silver dollar in a slot machine, Michael has a near breakdown. He obsessively pulls on the lever, hoping to win back his silver dollar. Soon, he’s broke. However, Sally puts her final dollar in the slot machine, pulls the lever, and hit the jackpot. Michael wins back his silver dollar and he also finds love. To be honest, Sally could do better.
This was a rather low-key and almost moody episode. The laugh track was notably muted. On the one hand, the show celebrated gambling for charity. On the other hand, nearly everyone’s life was ruined in the casino. Richard Jaeckel gave a good performance as the conflicted Frank. Not giving a good performance was McClean Stevenson, who came across as being so cranky and whiny that I found myself hoping he would never win back his silver dollar.
This cruise did not hit the jackpot for me.
Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 3.22 “Best Laid Plans”
Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network! It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.
This week, season 3 comes to an end.
Episode 3.22 “Best Laid Plans”
(Dir by John B. Moranville, originally aired on April 19th, 1998)
Heh heh …. they said laid.
The third season finale of Pacific Blue finds everyone at a crossroads, almost as if the showrunners weren’t sure who would be back for the fourth season so they wanted to make sure that everyone had an excuse to leave. There’s a lot of personal drama in this episode and I guess it would be compelling if any of these people were the least bit likable or sympathetic.
Victor Del Toro is being investigated by Internal Affairs and he spends the majority of the episode telling people that he suspects that he’s going to lose his job.
Cory is dumped by her long-distance boyfriend and leaps into a new relationship with some guy she accidentally punched at a bar. (She was trying to hit his friend, who was being pretty obnoxious at the time.)
Chris takes a pregnancy test and it’s positive. TC asks her to marry him. Despite the fact that Chris was previously hoping TC would ask her to marry him, Chris says no because …. well, because Chris is the worst. No, actually, it’s because Chris doesn’t want TC to marry her just because he feels like he has to. Chris and TC have separate scenes where they imagine how wonderful it would be to have a baby and how annoying it will be once the baby grows up to be a bratty teenager. But then Chris finds out that it was a false positive.
Palermo, meanwhile, is burned out. He’s feeling old. He wants to do more than just look at crime scenes. Plus, he’s having sex with a 22 year-old (played by Saved By The Bell: The Next Class’s Sarah Lancaster) and he’d rather do that then go to work.
Sadly, Palermo does have to go to work. A gang of criminals is breaking into people’s home and carving letters on their foreheads. (The letters correspond to their last name — Edwards gets an E and so on.) It turns out that the leader of the gang blame Palermo for his mother’s death and is spelling out P-A-L-E-R-M-O. The bad guys are always one step ahead because a member of the gang (Ginny Shcrieber) is working as a receptionist at Pacific Blue headquarters. Do they not do background checks before hiring people?
Palermo does catch the guy, though only after several people have been permanently scarred. Once again, you have to wonder why the bike cops are the only people working these cases. Add that the end of the episode, Palermo announces he’s going to Italy.
That’s one down and four more to go! Who will be around for season 4?
We’ll find out next week!
Retro Television Review: Saved By The Bell: The New Class 1.12 “Tommy A”
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell: The New Class, which ran on NBC from 1993 to 2o00. The show is currently on Prime.
It’s midterms!
Episode 1.12 “Tommy A”
(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on November 27th,1993)
Tommy D has got his driver’s license!
Everyone’s excited because Tommy’s father has promised to buy him a car and that means Tommy will be able to drive them everywhere. Keep in mind, no one is excited for Tommy. Instead, they’re just excited that they’re going to get a chauffeur who is too dumb to realize that he’s being taken advantage of. Consider this your reminder that the first season of Saved By The Bell: The New Class featured some of the least likable character to ever appear on a dopey teenage sitcom.
Uh-oh, Tommy’s father is concerned about Tommy’s terrible grades. He informs Tommy (and, for some reason, Mr. Belding) that, unless Tommy gets at least one A on his midterms, he won’t get his car.
The gang tries to come up with a class that Tommy could do well in. This is kind of dumb as it’s already been established that Tommy is an amazing mechanic and that he takes autoshop. He’s also a jock and therefore, he should do well in his physical education class. The gang, however, decides to get Tommy an A in his science class. Because the teacher grades on a curve, the gang tells the nerds in the class that they have the answers to the midterm and that they’ll signal which answer is correct by coughing. By giving the nerds the wrong answers, they’ll help Tommy get an A….
So, to be clear here …. I mean, what the Hell? Seriously, who comes up with a plan like this? Wouldn’t the teacher notice that there are a lot of extra students in the class on the day of the midterm and that they’re all coughing in unison? As well, it’s one thing to try to help Tommy pass. It’s another thing to try to make a bunch of other students fail. Not even Zack Morris would have gone that far. (As I’ve mentioned before, the first season of Saved By The Bell: The New Class has been oddly mean-spirited.)
It doesn’t matter, though. Tommy still flunks his science midterm. Now, he only has one chance left to get an A and it’s in …. ENGLISH!
Oh my God, how difficult is the English midterm going to be? Apparently, the entire grade will be determined by each student standing in front of the class and giving a one minute speech. What? What type of class is this?
Luckily, Scott and Weasel have a scheme. Weasel dresses up like a janitor and he convinces Mr. Snavely, the strict English teacher, that it would be dangerous to enter his classroom. Mr. Belding steps in to give and grade the English midterm. Scott figures that Belding will go easy on Tommy and Scott is right. Tommy speaks for less than a minute and basically says that everyone should just be themselves. Belding gives the speech an A. TOMMY’S GETTING A CAR!
And Megan realizes that she doesn’t have to play dumb to get boys to like her. That was the episode’s B-plot. It was pretty dumb and required Megan to behave in a way that was totally out-of-character.
Anyway, Tommy D is now Tommy A. He thanks his friends for helping him. Hey, Tommy, they just want a ride!
Next week, the first season ends!
Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 5.16 “Battle of the Bands”
Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983. The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!
This week, it’s a musical conflict!
Episode 5.16 “Battle of the Bands”
(Dir by Leslie H. Martinson, originally aired on January 31st, 1982)
Jon Baker cannot understand the appeal of punk rock. He says that the punk rockers all seem to be suburban kids so why are they so angry? They’re not from “the ghetto,” as Baker puts it.
“Suburbs can be a ghetto too, Jon.” Grossie says.
Grossie, who is definitely my favorite member of the Highway Patrol, explains that he likes to keep up with youth culture and, as a result, he understands the difference between Punk and New Wave. Punk rockers have fans who slam dance while New Wave bands have fans who pogo. Grossie demonstrates how to do each dance while the other members of the Highway Patrol watch. When Getraer demands to know why Grossie is slamming himself against the lockers in the locker room, Grossie proceeds to hop out of the room.
This is all important information for Baker to have because there’s a Battle of the Bands coming up. New Waver Snow Pink (Susan Richardson) is eager to win but her guitars were recently stolen out of her band’s van. Unfortunately, Snow Pink has been targeted by Pain, a punk band that is led by Thrasher (William Forsythe). Thrasher doesn’t care about making good music. All he wants to do is cause trouble!
Now, I will say that Thrasher is kind of intimidating. That’s more due to him being played by a young William Forsythe than anything else. He’s a “punk,” which, in the world of CHiPs, means that he has a mohawk and his two bandmates have shaved heads. (If anything, they look more like Neo-Nazis than punk rockers. Johnny Rotten would have kicked them out of a moving car.) That said, when Thrasher flicks his lighter and talks about trashing the club, you believe that there’s a very good chance that he’ll do just that. Fortunately, the Highway Patrol is there to stop him.
Now, as you probably already guessed, there was no way that CHiPs was going to do a Battle of the Bands episode without giving Ponch a band. Ponch competes and he sings Kool & The Gang’s Celebration. It’s disco vs punk vs new wave! Of course, punk doesn’t really get to compete because the band is arrested. And Ponch really can’t win because then his character would have an excuse to leave the show. So, it’s not a shock when Snow Pink wins the Battle of the Bands.
To be absolutely honest, this episode was surprisingly fun. It was definitely an episode of its era, embracing both music and the moral panic of the 80s. The punks were unconvincing. Snow Pink was actually a pretty good singer. Estrada flashed that blinding grin while singing disco. Baker once again comes close to getting a romantic subplot. Grossie gets a monologue about the ideology of punk rock. What’s not to like? Bury this episode in the ground because it’s a time capsule!
One final note: Baker, at one point, says that Ponch might leave the Highway Patrol to pursue his musical career. It’s impossible not to hear the note of hope in Larry Wilcox’s voice.
Retro Television Review: Making It Legal 1.1 “Pilot”
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On this Monday, I will be reviewing Making It Legal, which aired once on ABC in 2007 and then never aired again.
Last Monday, I finished up Miami Vice. For the rest of the week, I was busy. This weekend, I was even busier. That’s a polite way of saying that I haven’t had a chance to settle on a new Monday series. However, I did find a show that only lasted one episode. So, let’s take a quick look at 2007’s Making It Legal.
Episode 1.1 “Pilot”
(Dir by Gary Halvorson, originally aired on January 31st, 2007)
At the high-powered law firm of Kolar, Dalton, Babbit & Leahy, Josh (Scott Wolf) and Julie (Ashley Williams) are the leaders of the Blue Team, one of the firm’s eight litigation groups. Both Josh and Julie are hoping to someday be promoted to a partnership. They’re friends but they also understand that only one of them can become a partner. Josh is a little uptight and tends to push himself and those around him too much. Julie is neurotic in the way that most professional women on network sitcoms in days immediately following Friends were neurotic. One night, after a long day of hard work, Josh and Julie gave in too temptation and made love all over the office. The sitcom picks up the morning after. Josh doesn’t want anyone to find out about their one night stand. Julie agrees and then tells her friend Elise (Ayda Field) who proceeds to tell paralegal Theressa (Kym Whitley)….
Meanwhile, Mr. Kolar (Robert Wagner) has hired Trevor (Ben Savage) and assigned him to work with Josh. Trevor is the son of a legendary attorney and he’s eager to escape from his father’s shadow. He’s neurotic because everyone on this show is neurotic. Josh doesn’t want to work with Trevor and he proceeds to give Trevor a huge amount of files to go through.
Meanwhile, Ethan (Geoffrey Arend), the weird guy of the blue group, continually does bad celebrity impersonations. I mean really, really bad. What makes it even worse is that I don’t think they’re meant to be bad. On a sitcom where every joke is telegraphed and all of the dialogue hits with the subtlety of a sledge hammer, no one mentions that Ethan’s impersonations are bad. There’s no way this show would have passed up the chance to point out that Ethan’s Christopher Walken impersonation sounds nothing like Christopher Walken.
Watching this pilot, it’s easy to see why Making It Legal didn’t become a regular series. The pilot is bad, sluggishly paced and not particularly engaging. Scott Wolf and Ashley Williams have no chemistry. Ayda Field and Kym Whitley are stuck playing characters who have no personality. Geoffrey Arend’s character is a bunch of quirks that add up to nothing. And then you’ve got Ben Savage, who has never been a particularly good actor but who at least knows how to deliver hackneyed sitcom dialogue. Unfortunately, Trevor still isn’t a particularly likable character. At one point, he falls asleep on a couch and misses the start of a very important meeting. Of course, a panicked Trevor runs into the conference room and promptly trips and falls to the floor. My reaction was that Trevor should have been fired on the spot.
The laugh track disagreed with me, though. This pilot has one of the most intrusive laugh tracks that I have ever heard. Every line of dialogue is followed by canned laughter. Whenever anyone steps into a room, we hear laughter. When people leave a room, we hear laughter. Nothing funny has been said. Nothing funny has happened. But if enough laughter is heard on the soundtrack, maybe we can be fooled into thinking something funny has happened.
Probably the only thing that really did work about the pilot was the casting of Robert Wagner. Wagner wanders through the action with a permanent scowl. He doesn’t appear to be in a good mood. It’s hard not to sympathize with him.
Next week, I’ll start reviewing a show that lasted more than one episode!
Patrick Muldoon, RIP
This morning, I was saddened to read about the passing of actor Patrick Muldoon. He died of a heart attack yesterday. He was 57 years old.
Patrick Muldoon will always be remembered by many for playing Jeff, the “frat boy babe stealer” from Saved By The Bell. Personally, I thought Jeff and Kelly made for a cute couple and it always bothered me that the show’s writers suddenly changed Jeff from being a nice guy to being a cheater just so Kelly and Zack could (eventually) get back together. Supposedly, years after the show aired, Muldoon still had strangers yelling at him on the street for breaking up Kelly and Zack. I felt bad for him reading that. The man was an actor and he did a good job.
Muldoon went on to play an important supporting role in Starship Troopers, making him the second Saved By The Bell actor to appear in a Paul Verhoeven film. (Unlike Elizabeth Berkley, Muldoon at least seemed to understand that he was appearing in a satire.) He also appeared in a countless number of Lifetime films, occasionally sharing the screen with Starship Troopers co-star, Casper Van Dien. Muldoon was also the first actor to play Austin Reed on Days of Our Lives.
Here he is in Starship Troopers, getting into a memorable fight with Casper Van Dien.
Late Night Retro Television Review: Degrassi: The Next Generation 2.12 and 2.13 “White Wedding”
Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sunday, I will be reviewing the Canadian series, Degrassi: The Next Generation, which aired from 2001 to 2015! The series can be streamed on YouTube and Tubi.
It’s a nice day for a white wedding!
Episodes 2.12 and 2.13 “White Wedding”
(Dir by Bruce McDonald, originally aired on January 6th, 2003)
Snake and Spike get married!
Of course, there’s some drama on the way. How much drama? Let’s count.
- Spike discovers that she’s pregnant and doesn’t tell Snake because she’s not sure if she wants to keep the baby.
- Emma is upset when she finds out that Spike is thinking about getting an abortion. She’s even more upset when her perm goes terrible wrong and she ends up looking like Harpo Marx.
- Lucy and Caitlin show up to help Spike get ready for the wedding.
- Joey throws a bachelor party for Snake. Craig suggests that Joey should hire a stripper, despite Snake not wanting a stripper. Joey agrees because he thinks it will be funny.
- Why did Craig suggest that Joey hire a stripper? Because JT and Toby begged him to. However, when JT and Toby dress up like they’re on Miami Vice and show up for the bachelor party, Joey tells them to go home.
- Mr. Raditch shows up for the bachelor party. “Oh, cheese balls!” he says when he looks at the food that’s been laid out.
- Emma tells Snake that Spike is pregnant. Snake gets mad that Spike didn’t tell him.
- Spike tells Emma that it’s her right to get an abortion if she chooses and then says that she’s not going to make the same mistake twice. Uhmmm …. wow, Spike. That’s a really stupid thing to say to your daughter.
- Emma eventually forgives Spike. I would not.
- Eventually, with everyone at the church waiting, Spike and Snake talk and decide to keep the baby. Then, they get married!
- Manny invites Sean to the wedding. Emma freaks out and Manny has to retract the invitation. But then Emma eventually invites Sean herself. At the end of the episode, at the reception, Emma and Sean have their first kiss. Apparently, it was Miriam McDonald’s first kiss as well. Awwww!
This episode is classic Degrassi. It’s also one of the best-known episodes because Nickelodeon used to repeat it constantly. Yay for Snake and Spike! And yay for Emma! Who wouldn’t want their single mother to marry one of their teachers?
Okay, I don’t think anyone would want that. Still, it worked out well for the show.
Retro Television Review: Homicide: Life On The Street 5.6 “White Lies”
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sundays, I will be reviewing Homicide: Life On The Street, which aired from 1993 to 1999, on NBC! It can be viewed on Peacock.
This week, Detective Much meets Dr. Cox.
Episode 5.6 “White Lies”
(Dir by Peter Weller, originally aired on November 8th, 1996)
When a suburban housewife is reportedly found dead in bed, Detective Munch suspects that she was murdered by her husband, Phillip Engle (Scott Bryce, of As The World Turns fame). Munch points out that the dead woman was wearing makeup, that Engle’s story is full of holes, and that it doesn’t make sense that a healthy woman’s heart would just stop in the middle of the night. However, Dr. Cox is not convinced that the woman was murdered and, as she puts it, it’s not a murder until the M.E. says it is. Munch finds himself investigating a crime that may or may not have been committed. Ultimately, it turns out that the woman died of a heroin overdose. Philip Engle was not trying to cover up a murder when he redressed his wife and moved her from the bathroom floor to her bed. Instead, he was trying to preserve his wife’s dignity.
The story was a sad one and Scott Bryce did a great job as Phillip Engle. For that matter, Richard Belzer gave one of his better performances as Munch. This episode made you both respect Munch’s tenacity as a detective while also making you hate him for putting Phillip through so much pain. That said, it was hard not to feel that this episode was a continuation of last week’s introduction of Dr. Cox. The show seems to be really determined to make us love Dr. Cox. I mean, we get it, Homicide. She’s a badass. You don’t have to keep hitting us over the head with it.
Meanwhile, Frank is still offering advice to Bayliss on how to be a homicide detective, even though Frank’s not allowed to go to crime scenes or conduct interrogations. Bayliss’s latest case involves a suspect with a long history of stealing cars. Frank watches as Bayliss screws up an interrogation, getting so lost in talking about how much he would like to steal a car and cruise down to California that the suspect replies, “I want a lawyer.” Bayliss responds to Pembleton’s criticism by telling Pembleton to go into the Box and get the confession himself. Bayliss seems to be sincere. He truly wants Pembleton back in the Box. Pembleton fantasies about storming into the Box like the Pembleton of old but he can’t do it. He can’t break regulations. He can’t risk another stroke. As for the murder suspect, he goes free.
Lewis kicks Brodie out of his house. Kay offers to let Brodie stay with her but Brodie ultimately declines the offer because he doesn’t want people gossiping about Kay. Brodie says that he’s just going to sleep in the station. Good luck with that, Brodie! Seriously, do they even pay Brodie? Why is he always one step away from living on the streets?
Kellerman take a polygraph concerning the accusations that he took a bribe from the Rolands. Kellerman answers, “No,” when asked if he ever took a bribe but he ends the exam when he’s asked whether or not he knows of any other cops who were on Mitch Roland’s payroll. Kellerman is told that he passed the polygraph. But, so did Mitch Roland and “he answered all the questions.”
This was an okay episode, with the scenes between Bayliss and Pembleton being the highlight. The stuff with the Rolands and the bribery accusations isn’t doing much for me. This feels like a storyline that should have been resolved already. That said, I do like it when Kellerman gets annoyed. This episode ended with him hitting a punching bad and looking good while he did it.
Don’t let the bastards get you down, Kellerman!
Through the Shattered Lens 