Tag Archives: Retro Television Reviews

Late Night Retro Television Review: Degrassi: The Next Genreation 1.12 “Wannabe”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sunday, I will be reviewing the Canadian series, Degrassi: The Next Generation, which aired from 2001 to 2015!  The series can be streamed on YouTube and Tubi.

This week, we get a peek into Degrassi’s future.

Episode 1.12 “Wannabe”

(Dir by Laurie Lynd, originally aired on June 10th, 2002)

This week’s episode is a good example of Emma Nelson being the worst person possible.

Paige and Hazel (Andrea Lewis) are planning on relaunching the Degrassi Spirit Squad, with help of Oskar (Fielding Horan), a character who I’m pretty sure was never seen again after this season.  Manny, a trained gymnast, wants to join the Spirit Squad and does a cartwheel in the school hallway for her audition.  It looks like Manny is finally going find a life outside of being Emma’s supportive friend and….

Uh-oh, Emma looks mad.

Yes, Emma is angry again.  She writes an editorial for the school newspaper, calling the Spirit Squad a sexist relic and saying that the only people interested in it are bimbos.  For some reason, the newspaper runs the editorial, which leads me to suspect that they have no faculty sponsor.

Paige, Manny, and Hazel responds by grabbing every issue of the paper and ripping out Emma’s editorial.  That is some of the funniest and most realistic high school behavior ever.  However, the show expects for us to be as upset as Emma.  No, I’m sorry.  Emma’s editorial was out-of-line and was clearly written by someone who had a personal issue with Paige.  (Never mind that Paige was the one who came to Emma’s rescue when Emma got her first period while wearing a white skirt….)  A responsible editor wouldn’t have published it.  If I said to Arleigh, “Hey, you know that former film blogger in Canada with whom I had that extremely petty argument 15 years ago?  I’m going to write a surprise, 1,000-word post calling him a loser just because I’m in a bad mood,” Arleigh would rightfully suggest that I reconsider.  Add to that, every editorial that Emma has written has sounded like scoldy crap but, during the first season at least, Emma was such a creator’s pet that we weren’t supposed to notice.

Mr. Simpson confronts Paige and Manny about vandalizing the Degrassi Grapevine.  Paige says that she saw Hazel doing it.  Manny realizes that Paige cannot be trusted!  Paige tells Manny that she’ll be lucky to make the Spirit Squad unless she adjusts her attitude.

Of course, those of us who have seen Degrassi knew the future.  Despite Emma’s whining, The Spirit Squad is going to become one of the show’s mainstays.  Manny is going to make the squad and become friends with Paige.  Meanwhile, Hazel is eventually going to be retconned into a Somalian refugee who ends up dating Jimmy until he gets shot in the back.  Meanwhile, Emma will marry Spinner and….

Oh yeah, Spinner!  Poor Spinner!  In this episode, Spinner gets stuck in one of the lamest Degrassi storylines ever.  Toby, JT, and Liberty think that they have a Pringles can that will win them a million dollars in some weird Canadian Pringles sweepstakes.  Spinner decides that he wants some of the money as well and J.T. and Toby say sure because they’re like 4’11 and Spinner is like 5’10.  But it turns out that JT had the wrong can so no one wins anything.  Yes, it’s just that dumb.

Again, it’s good to know the future when watching the Pringles subplot.  J.T. will never become rich because he’s going to be brutally murdered during his senior year.  Before he dies, J.T. will manage to impregnant Liberty and Liberty will give the child up for adoption.  Meanwhile, Toby will end up hosting a Canadian robotics competition.  (Yeah, I don’t quite understand it myself….)  And Spinner will end up flunking three times before graduating at the age of 21.  And even then, he still hung out around the school until he was like 30.  Never underestimate how far this show would go to keep a popular character around.

This episode was pretty lame but historically, it was very important.  Not only was it the first episode to feature Spirit Squad drama but it was also one of the first episodes to suggest (albeit unintentionally) that Emma was essentially a sociopath who couldn’t stand to see her friends happy.  This episode was a harbinger of Degrassi’s future.

Retro Television Review: Homicide: Life On The Street 4.13 “I’ve Got A Secret”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sundays, I will be reviewing Homicide: Life On The Street, which aired from 1993 to 1999, on NBC!  It  can be viewed on Peacock.

Ring ring.  “Homicide.”

Episode 4.13 “I’ve Got A Secret”

(Dir by Gwen Arner, originally aired on February 2nd, 1996)

This week, almost everyone has a secret.

For example, when Pembleton and Bayliss are called in about a man found dead in his car, they discover that, earlier in the day, he went to a local ER after being shot.  The gunshot wound, which was accidental, didn’t kill him.  Instead, it was the internal bleeding that the doctor either missed or intentionally ignored.  Dr. Kate Wystan (Mimi Kennedy) may come across as being a selfless doctor who has dedicated her life to helping the residents of Baltimore’s most crime-ridden neighborhood but Pembleton and eventually Bayliss come to suspect that her secret is that, because the victim was black and a known criminal, she didn’t give him the same standard of care that she gives to her other patients.  Pembleton considers this to be murder, though it sounds more like a case of malpractice than anything else.

Munch spots Kay kissing a man outside of police headquarters and he becomes obsessed with trying to figure out who the man is.  He’s always believed that Kay is happy being single and alone.  (Uhm, hello?  Munch?  Remember when she dated Ed Danvers?)  Kay’s secret is that apparently she has a life outside of Homicide.

Finally, Lewis and Kellerman spend the entre episode chasing a burly man who is wanted for killing both of his parents.  At first, this entire storyline feels almost like a parody of NBC’s request that the series start featuring more action.  Lewis and Kellerman spend the entire first half of the episode chasing this guy through allies and pool halls and every time, they fail to catch him.  There’s none of the badass heroics that we’ve come to expect from cop shows.  Eventually, Lewis reveals that his brother is in a mental institution.  When Lewis tries to visit his brother, he’s just turned away.  Lewis’s secret is that he actually cares about his brother.

This was an okay episode.  By this point in the series, Homicide had reached the point where it could do an episode where the true enjoyment came less from the storyline and more from just listening to the characters talk to each other.  I really didn’t care much about the crimes that they were investigating.  Instead, I just enjoyed listening to Pembleton and Bayliss talk and bounce ideas off of each other.  They’ve come along way since the day that Bayliss objected to Pembleton’s interrogation technique and Pembleton shouted that he would never have a partner.  By the same token, Kellerman and Lewis have their own unique chemistry that is fun to experience.  They’re like the sensitive frat cops.  As for Munch and Kay, they should just hook up already.  It’s obvious to everyone that they’re in love!

Maybe that’s their secret?

Late Night Retro Television Review: Saved By The Bell 1.3 “The Gift”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell, which ran on NBC from 1989 to 1993.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime and Tubi!

This week, Zack exploits his best friend.

Episode 1.3 “The Gift”

(Dir by Dennis Erdman, originally aired on September 8th, 1989)

Screech gets stuck by lightning!

Wow, I guess he’s dead now.  Oh wait, this is Saved By The Bell.  People get struck by lightning all the time.  Screech isn’t dead.  Instead, he can now see into the future.  Zack is thrilled that his friend has a power that he can exploit and Screech is thrilled to be exploited.  (That’s actually kind of sad.)  It’s all fun and games when Zack uses Screech’s powers to trick Slater into losing his bomber jacket.  But then, when Zack attempts to use Screech to pass Terrible Testaverde’s history midterm, things fall apart.

Terrible George Testaverde (John Moschitta, Jr.) is supposed to be the most fearsome teacher at Bayside.  Everyone fears his superhard midterms.  From what we see of his class, he actually appears to be a surprisingly easy teacher, albeit one who talks extremely fast.  His midterm questions also don’t seem that tough.  Essentially, Zack and the Bayside crew are freaking out because they’re going to have write an essay on three basic questions about the American Revolution.  What a bunch of wimps.  Seriously, I could pass Testaverde’s midterm with my eyes closed.

Screech loses his powers after Zack accidentally spills a drink on him but still comes up with three questions that Testaverde might ask.  Zack sets up a study date with Kelly, one that is crashed by Jessie, Lisa, and Slater.  Zack assures them that he knows what the three questions will be.  Jessie says, “You would never lie to Kelly, would you, Zack?”

Screech later says that he’s seeing three different questions, which means that it’s time for another wacky plot!  Zack pretends to be Mr. Belding and calls Testaverde and tells him that the school is flooded.  Then, he pretends to be Testaverde and calls Belding and says that he has laryngitis and he needs Belding to administer his midterm.  Neither Belding nor Testaverde apparently notice that the person calling them sounds like he’s 14.

The plan nearly works.  Belding gives the class the three questions that Zack called him with.  But then Testaverde shows up, dress like a plumber.  “My school needs me!” he says.  Testaverde and Belding eventually figure out what happened.  (These aren’t the smarter public educators in the world.)  Testaverde administers the real midterm….

Jessie gets a C and faints.  Slater doesn’t seem to care about his grade, mostly because Slater’s a bad ass.  Zack gets an “F minus, for scamming.”  He also has to be Slater’s slave for a month.  (Slater has Zack order a pizza.  Zack asks for one with the “hottest peppers you can find.”)  Screech passes because he actually studied so Zack makes fun of him and the audiences goes wild….

Watching this episode, I realized that the appeal of Saved By The Bell was how incredibly amoral it was.  There was no right or wrong and there were no consequences.  Zack fails a midterm.  He lies to both a principal and a teacher.  He reacts to Screech getting struck by lightning by taking advantage of him (as opposed to calling an ambulance).  And, other than having to order a pizza for Slater, nothing bad really happens to him.  Most shows would make a big deal about the importance of getting good grades and caring about your friends.  Not Saved By The Bell!  Saved By The Bell takes place in a world where, even when Zack loses, he somehow wins.  I can understand why that would appeal to many viewers.

Next week, Kelly convinces Zack that she’s going to kill him.

Retro Television Review: Baywatch 1.4 “Message In A Bottle”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch, which ran on NBC and then in syndication from 1989 to 2001.  The entire show can be viewed on Tubi.

Save me!

Episode 1.4 “Message In A Bottle”

(Dir by Kim Manners, originally aired on October 20th, 1989)

Hobie’s such a dumbass.

For the second time in like four episodes (and that’s not counting the pilot), the entire Baywatch team is mobilized to search for him after he goes missing.  This time, Hobie overhears Mitch and his ex-wife arguing over who should have custody of him so Hobie and two of his stupid little friends head off to an island that’s also being used by a couple of murderous modern-day pirates.

Seriously, Hobie — stuff like this isn’t going to look good when Craig is in court and trying to argue that you should stay in California with your Dad.  So far, Hobie has nearly been killed by a collapsing pier, he’s ended up getting chased by a murderer on a jet ski and, in this episode, he’s menaced by two other murderers.  It’s time to send Hobie to Indiana or some place else where there’s no ocean.

In other news, Shauni accidentally drives over Eddie’s foot so Mitch orders them to work the 24-hour shift together so that they can learn how to work as a team.  Truth be told, Eddie is  a bit of whiny punk and he definitely needs to learn how to work with other people.  That said, I think Mitch is overlo0king the fact that Shauni, a trained lifeguard, drove over someone’s foot.  (Shauni was apparently backing out and didn’t realize Eddie was behind her, which is even worse.)  Mitch finds the whole thing to be amusing and, later, Shauni has a good laugh when she nearly runs over Eddie a second time.  I don’t think any of these people should be anywhere near anyone who needs help.  Sometimes, people really should just stand in the darkness.

This episode was supposed to make me appreciate the efforts of the Baywatch lifeguards to protect the beach and to find missing kids like Hobie.  Instead, it just made everyone look incompetent and irresponsible.  Halfway through this episode, I wanted someone to get attacked by a shark.  It hasn’t happened yet but at least the show has given me something to which to look forward.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Freddy’s Nightmares 1.15 “School Daze”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Freddy’s Nightmares, a horror anthology show which ran in syndication from 1988 to 1990. The entire series can be found on Tubi!

Earlier today, Robert Englund received a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame!  Let’s get this episode of Freddy’s Nightmares out of the way so that we can celebrate!

Episode 1.15 “School Daze”

(Dir by Michael Klein, originally aired on February 12th, 1989)

Stupid episode this week.

Two high school friends worry about their future.  One of them hallucinates all of the adult authority figures in his life trying to brainwash him.  The other keeps having visions of how much his life is going to suck if he doesn’t get a good score on his SATs.  The premise really isn’t that bad but, as so often with Freddy’s Nightmares, it appears that the writers didn’t really dig into it.  Instead, they just wrote a very shallow episode in which both stories relied on the same overused twist that seems to show up in every episode.  Hey, it was all just a dream!  The biggest compliment that I can give this episode is that the second story did manage to capture some of the anxiety that comes along with college testing.  Some teachers really do overboard with that whole “This will determine the rest of your life” spiel.  Seriously, blow off the tests, go to a party school, and make friends with someone has money.  That’s really all you have to do.

Instead of fixating on a bad episode of Freddy’s Nightmares, let’s watch Robert Englund get his star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.  This happened earlier today and, by most accounts, it couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy.  Robert Englund is living proof that you don’t have to a bad guy to play a monster.  Congratulations, Mr. Englund!

Retro Television Review: St. Elsewhere 2.22 “Hello, Goodbye”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing St. Elsewhere, a medical show which ran on NBC from 1982 to 1988.  The show can be found on Hulu and, for purchase, on Prime!

This week, season two comes to an end.

Episode 2.22 “Hello, Goodbye”

(Dir by Linda Day, originally aired on May 16th, 1984)

Due to St. Eligius being structurally unsound, the first floor is temporarily closed.  The ER, which was the busiest part of the hospital, is no longer operative and Shirley Daniels is assigned to redirect any and all ambulances to Boston General.  As Joan explains it, either the first or the third floor had to be closed so that a team of engineers could strengthen the building.  The third floor is surgery, where all the money is made.  And so, it’s the ER that closes.  Joan, meanwhile, is designated as the scapegoat for all of the recent problems at St. Eligius.  She loses her job with the mayor’s office.

Fresh from interviewing a nervous Dr. Elliott Axelrod (Stephen Furst) for a position as a resident, Dr. Auschlander collapses.  Dr. Westphall fears that his old friend is going to die but finally, Auschlander wakes up and says that he’s not done fighting yet.  Neither is St. Eligius.

Luther finds a stuffed Cheshire cat for a young heart patient.  Dr. Craig finally starts to forgive his drug addict son, Stephen (Scott Paulin).  And Dr. Morrison takes his son on a walking tour of Boston and meets a college student named Clancy (a young Helen Hunt).  Even though Clancy label Morrison a “boomer,” she still spends the night with him.  Morrison finally takes off his wedding ring and appears ready to try to move on with his life.

The second season ends on a melancholy note.  Apparently, the show’s producers weren’t sure whether or not St. Elsewhere was going to be renewed for a third season and this episode was designed to work as both a season and a series finale.  Very few of the regular characters appear and the episode is dominated by Westphall and Morrison, both of whom tend to be rather somber.  In other words, this is a depressing episode but it’s not an episode without hope.  Auschlander does wake up.  Morrison does pursue a tentative relationship with Clancy.  Even with the hospital temporarily shut down, life goes on.  Unlike Wendy Armstrong, nobody gives up.  It’s sad but at least there’s a chance that things could get better.

Both this episode and the second season overall were a roller coaster, deftly mixing drama and comedy and giving the show’s ensemble cast a chance to shine.  Next week, we start season three!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Highway to Heaven 4.20 “Aloha”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi and several other services!

This week, Mark is a disappointed again.

Episode 4.20 “Aloha”

(Dir by Michael Landon, originally aired on March 2nd, 1988)

Jonathan gets Mark all excited by saying that their next assignment is a Hawaiian mission.  Mark says, “We’re going to Hawaii!”  He’s looking forward to it and who can blame him?  After a countless number of assignments that found him working in crummy jobs and depressing neighborhoods, Mark thinks that he’s going to be most beautiful place on Earth.

Nope, sorry, Mark.  You’re going to a rundown apartment complex called the Hawaiian Sands.  The complex is managed by Aulani (Mokihana), a singer who found fame in Hawaii but not in Los Angeles.  Instead, in L.A., she was hit by a truck and left in a wheelchair.  Now, she spends her days bitter, constantly yelling at her handyman and former partner, Alvin (Danny Ing).  Alvin loves Aulani and Aulani loves Alvin but she’s too angry and scared of opening up emotionally to admit it.  When Alvin learns that he doesn’t have much longer to live, he plans to return to Hawaii.  Aulani refuses to admit that she cares.  Luckily, her new tenant Jonathan is there to set her straight.

As I’ve often said, the main strength of this show was its nonstop earnestness.  Even at its most sentimental, it still worked because the show was just so dang sincere.  That’s ultimately the case here.  Danny Ing gives a very touching performance as Alvin.  Your heart breaks for him.  Mokihana overacts in the role Aulani, to the extent that she actually becomes pretty annoying.  But, despite that, the show itself was so sincere and well-intentioned that it was impossible not be touched by the end of this episode.

Add to that, Hawaii — there’s no place more beautiful to visit.  I wonder what Halloween is like in Hawaii.  Maybe I’ll find out next year!

Retro Television Review: Decoy 1.10 “The Scapegoat”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Decoy, which aired in Syndication in 1957 and 1958.  The show can be viewed on Tubi!

This week, Casey makes the mistake of being nice.

Episode 1.10 “The Scapegoat”

(Dir by Teddy Sills, originally aired on December 16th, 1957)

Call this one “Casey Screws Up …. Again.”

Casey and Detective Hank Hopkins (John Connell) are escorting embezzler Dorothy Boyer (Lenka Peterson) to jail.  As they wait at an airport, Casey cannot help but feel sorry for Dorothy.  Everyone who sees Dorothy recoils from the sight of her handcuffs.  (“She’s a crook!” one little girl yells.)  Casey agrees to take off the handcuffs as long as Dorothy doesn’t try to run away.  Of course, as soon as Casey is distracted, Dorothy runs.

Casey and Hank try to track down Dorothy.  They discover that Dorothy was embezzling the money so that she could afford a special school for her son, who is repeatedly described as being “retarded” but whose noncommunicative behavior suggests that he would probably, today, be diagnosed as having some form of autism.  Casey and Hank fear that Dorothy is going to murder her child, to spare him from being sent to a “public institution” while she’s serving time in prison.

They’re right.  Dorothy is on the verge of throwing her son off a bridge when Casey, Hank, and the cops track her down.  Casey says that she understand why Dorothy is scared.  “You think your son will be sent to a public institution and people will be cruel to him!” Casey says.  “What about me?  I work for a public institution!  Was I cruel to you?”

“Who’s going to give love to a backward child!?” Dorothy cries.

Casey then taunts, “Go ahead, throw him over!”

This causes Dorothy to realize that she loves her son too much to toss him over the bridge.  The episode ends with Casey speaking directly to the camera.  Dorothy will only have to serve six months in prison.  As for Casey and Hank, they’re put on official probation for three months for letting Dorothy escape.  “You live and you learn,” Casey says.

This episode was a real time capsule.  Yes, it was weird to hear the term “retarded” tossed around so casually, though I found the term “backward child” to be far more offensive.  But, let’s be realistic here.  This show aired 1957 and it’s a bit silly to expect a 68 year-old television program to sound like it was written in 2025.  To me, what was really upsetting was how everyone that Casey talked to seemed to feel it was perfectly understandable that the father of Dorothy’s child abandoned Dorothy because of their son.  Everyone, except for Casey and Hank, acted as if Dorothy should be ashamed of her child.  To make clear, the show did not endorse that attitude but still, the callousness of almost everyone in Dorothy’s life was hard to take.  I was glad that Casey cared.

That said, I did cringe a bit at that “I work for a public institution” line.  One nice person does not signify a change in culture.

Late Night Retro Television Review: 1st & Ten 2.3 “A Second Chance”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing 1st and Ten, which aired in syndication from 1984 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on Tubi.

Things are getting crazy at training camp!

Episode 2.3 “A Second Chance”

(Dir by Bruce Seth Green, originally aired on September 8th, 1986)

This week’s episode featured the unforgettable sight of O.J. Simpson tackling a knife-wielding Don Swayze and saving the life of Delta Burke.

Swayze was playing Clay Daniels, a tight end who was drafted by Coach Denardo, even though he apparently pulled a knife on a professor in college.  After Clay threatened Johnny Valentine after he felt Valentine wasn’t throwing him the ball enough, Denardo explained that he drafted Clay because Clay can play football.  Okay, Ernie, I guess that justifies having a knife-wielding maniac in the locker room….

After Denardo finally cut Clay from the team, Clay showed up at Diana’s house with a knife.  Fortunately, Diana was able to call Denardo and T.D. Parker for help.  Denardo showed up and promised he would give Clay a second chance.  And then T.D. tackled Clay and grabbed that knife like a pro!

Meanwhile, Yinessa returned to training camp but he was not happy that his friend and roommate, wide receiver Jamie Waldren (Jeff Kaake), had a drug problem.  This episode ended with Yinessa getting into a fight with someone who broke into their room in search of Waldren’s cocaine.  An angry Yinessa flushed all of Waldren’s cocaine.  Considering that this episode also featured Diana being named Chairperson of the League’s Anti-Drug Committee, I’m sure this won’t lead to any sort of awkwardness with the team.

Much like last week’s episode, this episode was so melodramatic and over-the-top that I couldn’t help but enjoy it.  Drugs, training camp, and knives!  Will the Bulls make it to the Championship Game a second year in a row?  It’s not looking good but, considering that they have O.J. Simpson’s razor-sharp instincts at their disposal, I wouldn’t count them out yet!

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 6.24 “So Help Me Hannah/The Maid Cleans Up/CPR IOU”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

Love …. exciting and new!

Episode 6.24 “So Help Me Hannah/The Maid Cleans Up/C.P.R, I.O.U.”

(Dir by Kim Friedman, originally aired on March 12th, 1983)

This episode features Gopher bringing a CPR dummy on board.  No one is that interested in learning how to perform CPR, at least not until one of the passengers, Dwaine Fenley (Steven Keats), has a heart attack.  Fortunately, because of his CPR training, Gopher is able to save Dwaine’s life.  Not only does this lead to Dwaine forging a stronger relationship with his father (Milton Berle) but it also leads to Gopher getting promoted to Head Purser.

(Erin doesn’t like to brag so I’ll brag for her and say that she is not only CPR-certified but she also saved someone’s life a few years ago.  CRP is a good thing to learn!)

While Gopher is trying to get everyone to learn CPR, there are other things happening on the boat and, to be honest, they’re all kind of annoying.  For instance, Hannah (Mary Martin) boards the boat and she’s immediately giving everyone advice and singing Cole Porter tunes.  I kind of knew that this story was going to be annoying from the minute Hannah first boarded the ship and the camera zoomed in for a close-up, which was usually a sign that a guest star was going to spend the entire cruise overacting.  That’s the case here, with Mary Martin delivering every line and playing every emotion as if she’s on Broadway as opposed to a television soundstage.  Hannah meets an ex-boyfriend named Jarvis (Max Showalter) and they sing It’s De-Lovely while standing against the ship’s railing and, for me, it was De-Cringey.  Maybe if I was of Mary Martin’s generation, it would have been less cringey.  But I have to admit that I listen to most of those old songs and I think to myself, “De-lovely is not a word.”  Hannah encourages Jarvis to allow his son (Timothy Patrick Murphy) to play piano instead of becoming a real estate agent.

Finally, a maid (Judy Landers) boards the boat because she knows that her employer (Caren Kaye) is cheating on her boyfriend (Ben Murphy).  It’s actually a bit of a complex storyline, at least by the typical standards of The Love Boat.  Personally, I like Judy Landers and Ben Murphy was appropriately rugged and handsome.  Unfortunately, Landers and Murphy didn’t have much chemistry.

A mixed review for this episode, I’d say.  I appreciated the CPR subplot because that was The Love Boat at its most well-intentioned.  The whole thing with Mary Martin singing old songs was cringe city.  And the maid subplot was just kind of boring.  This was not a great cruise but it wasn’t a terrible one either.  At least, after six seasons, Gopher finally got his promotion.