How did Milton Berle come to appear in a music video with one of the bands that epitomized 80s hair metal? It probably had something to do with Ratt being managed by his nephew, Marshall Berle. Milton was not only helping out family but letting the 80s kids know that he knew where they coming from. In this video, he appears as both the patriarch and the matriarch of a wealthy family, a call-back to his days on Texaco Star Theater. Presumably Milton’s cameo in this video led to a better result than the Saturday Night Live hosting gig that led to Milton Berle becoming one of the first people to ever be banned from appearing on the show.
The woman who goes up to the attic is played by Lisa Dean, who later appeared in Michael Jackson’s video for Dirty Diana.
This was one of Ratt’s biggest hits. The band has broken up and re-formed many times over the years but, as of now, they appear to be on an indefinite hiatus.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!
This week, Gopher falls in love. Yes, Gopher.
Episode 3.15 “The Harder They Fall/The Spider Serenade/Next Door Wife”
(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on December 8th, 1979)
After three seasons of being goofy comedic relief, Gopher finally got his heart broken in this episode. He fell in love with a passenger named Claire Dalrymple (Jill St. John), who is on the boat by herself because she has recently separated from her husband, Nelson (Robert Sampson). And Claire eventually fell in love with Gopher, especially after he dressed up like a mariachi singer and serenaded her with a song about the time that she asked him to kill a spider that was in her cabin. This time, it was Gopher who ended up waking up in a cabin with a passenger.
(I’m sure some would say it was a bit unrealistic that Claire, upon seeing a spider in her cabin, would run out into the hallway, screaming while wearing only a towel. I’ve done the exact same thing at a hotel because spiders are scary!)
But does Claire really love Gopher or if she just looking for someone to feel the void left by her separation. When her husband shows up on the boat, he turns out to be a pretty reasonable and polite guy. He tells Gopher that, while Gopher can give Claire anything she wants at sea, Nelson can give her everything she needs on land. Is Nelson suggesting some sort of special arrangement here? Well, if he is, it totally goes over Gopher’s head. At the end of the cruise, Claire decides to leave with Nelson and Gopher can only sadly watch as she leaves.
Awwwwwww! Poor Gopher!
It’s kind of weird to see Gopher in a sad story. That’s not the fault of Fred Grandy, who always likable and did a pretty good job with the role. Instead, it’s just that Gopher is such a goofy character that it takes a bit of adjustment to suddenly see him being sincere. His storyline here worked well-enough, once you got used to the idea of Gopher being serious. If anything, Gopher was so sad by the end of it that it suddenly made sense why he’s always telling jokes and trying to avoid any sort of emotional commitment. He’s hurting inside!
The other two storylines were goofy enough to make up for Gopher’s serious turn. Chet Hanson (James McArthur) is on the cruise with his girlfriend, Kim (Susan Buckner). Chet’s wife, Carol, (Joanna Pettet) also shows up on the cruise and gives Chet the papers to sign for their divorce. Chet and Carol are fairly friendly for a divorcing couple but Chet is still upset when Carol buys a ticket for the cruise and ends up staying in the cabin across the hall from him and Kim. Soon, Carol is stopping by constantly and telling Chet about a man that she’s been flirting with. Eventually, Chet realizes that he doesn’t want to get a divorce and he and Carol get back together. That really sucks for Kim, who is surprisingly tolerant of being followed around by her boyfriend’s wife. This storyline really did leave a sour aftertaste. Chet was a jerk and Kim deserved better.
Finally, Ed “Flash” Taylor (Milton Berle) and Jack McTigue (Alan Hale, Jr.) were both boxers in their youth. They fought one legendary fight, in which they not only beat the Hell out of each other but also knocked out the referee. Now, they are both cruise line executives and they both end up on their boat at the same time. As soon as they see each other, their rivalry reignites and they prepare for a rematch on the boat. When Captain Stubing tries to stop the fight, he is accidentally knocked out by the two boxers. Somehow, this leads to peace between Ed and Jack and not to Captain Stubing suing his bosses for punching him. Seriously, the Love Boat is floating HR nightmare.
This was an okay episode, largely due to Gopher’s unexpectedly sad story. The other two stories were just goofy but, when it comes to The Love Boat, the goofiness is the point.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing The Brady Bunch Hour, which ran on ABC from 1976 to 1977. All nine episodes can be found on YouTube!
Join me as I watched episode 3 of …. *shudder* …. The Brady Bunch Hour!
Episode 1.3
(Dir by Jack Regas, originally aired on February 27th, 1977)
As always, the episode opens with pictures of the Bradys being flashed across a screen as the announcer shouts out everyone’s names. One thing I immediately notice is that Christopher Knight is now referred to as being “Chris Knight,” which sounds less like the name of the actor who played Peter Brady and more like the secret of identity of a cheesy super hero. The crowd goes crazy for each Brady but they really go nuts when the announcer reveals that tonight’s special guest star will be Milton Berle.
That’s right, Milton Berle. I honestly have to imagine that, even in the 70s, Milton Berle probably seemed like a rather quaint guest star. The Bradys were hardly on the cutting edge of …. well, anything. But, even for them, Milton Berle feels a little bit past his prime.
The Bradys come out and sing Hooray for Hollywood, which I’m sure was the song that all the kids were listening to in 1977.
Having finished singing, the Bradys banter. Everyone gets super excited when Carol says that their special guest is the “one and only Milton Berle!” And then it’s time for the family to once again sing Hooray for Hollywood. Hollywood may be a great thing but another great thing is being able to carry a tune and, unfortunately, that’s something that half of the Bradys apparently never managed to master.
(It’s okay, I can’t sing either.)
Obviously looking to punish the viewers even further, Hooray for Hollywood is followed by Mike, Carol, Greg, Marcia, and Pete singing Make ‘Em Laugh. Is tonight’s theme Broadway songs that are largely adored by people who have never actually seen a Broadway show? Alice and Rip Taylor — who I guess is still playing the Bradys landlord, Jackie Merrill — come out on stage after the performance and sing their own version of Make ‘Em Laugh. From the start of the performance, it’s pretty clear that Ann B. Davis would rather be anywhere other than sharing a stage with Rip Taylor. It’s actually painful to watch as two mismatched performers, neither one of whom appears to like the other, sing a song about making the audience laugh.
Mercifully, we then cut to Peter Brady. Because of the way the scene is lit, my first thought upon seeing Peter is that he’s going to confess to killing a bunch of co-eds.
Instead, Peter explains that it’s time for him to do a song but no one in his family wants to introduce him. Wow, Peter! Your family sucks! Fortunately, a weird little puppet shows up and duets with Peter on Sing. It’s weird, dude.
We cut to Bobby, who complains that his family doesn’t know what’s funny. “This is funny,” Bobby says, before getting hit in the face with a pie. The audience agrees. Personally, I hate the whole pie-smashing thing because I know it’s probably a mess to clean up afterwards.
We go to the Brady House, where Alice is talking on a CB radio that has been set up in the kitchen. Mr. Merrill is in the kitchen for some reason. Carol, Mike, and Bobby come into the kitchen. Bobby thinks that the show isn’t funny enough. Mike and Carol think that Bobby is being a brat. “Compared to us,” Bobby says, “Donnie and Marie are Cheech and Chong!” Mike argues that they do more than comedy but he says that he’ll consider Bobby’s suggestions. Who died and made Mike the producer of the show?
After Carol, Alice, and Mike leave, the CB radio comes to life. It’s Milton Berle looking for someone to talk to! Bobby and Mr. Merrill talk to Berle. Berle insults Bobby, saying that he sounds like he belongs on Sesame Street. Bobby tells Berle that he’s funny and asks him if he wants to be a on a TV show. “A TV show? WHERE!? WHERE!?” Berle shouts in reply and I’ll admit that I actually did kind of laugh at that.
We go to commercial and, when we return, Rip Taylor welcomes us to the second half of the show. We then cut to Bobby and the Brady kids waiting for Milton Berle to show up at the house. They wonder why he’s late. “Maybe he’s watching The PartridgeFamily,” says Cindy. “Maybe he saw our show!” Bobby replies. When did Bobby become the smartest member of the family?
Anyway, Milton eventually rings the doorbell and enters the house, smoking a cigar.
It quickly becomes obvious that Milton Berle doesn’t know who the Bradys are and the Brady kids aren’t sure who Milton is. Fortunately, Carol and Mike return home and Carol explains that Milton Berle is a television pioneer and “the funniest man in the world.”
“Mr. Berle,” Mike says, “why are you here?”
“Bad luck, I guess,” Berle replies and again, I will admit that I laughed because Berle obviously meant every word.
Bobby says that Milton can make the show funnier. When Mike says that they don’t need the show to be funnier, Milton gets angry and says that he’s going to write for the show just to make Mike look bad. I’m really starting to like Milton Berle. Milton agrees to take over but he says that the family has to understand that they are to do everything that he says. He’s in charge now, not Mike. It’s about time!
Milton’s first act is to try to teach Peter how to enunciate. When Peter struggles, Milton Berle SLAPS him. Then he attempts to show Greg how to walk like a television star.
We cut to commercial. When we return, the announcer tells us that we are now watching “The Milton Berle Brady Bunch Hour, created by Milton Berle, produced by Milton Berle, written by Milton Berle….” You get the idea. The Bradys, who are now all wearing silly costumes, come out and sing Hooray for Hollywood again. Mike is not happy with his outfit.
Milton comes out on stage and yells at the Bradys to “sell the comedy.” The kids tells a few old vaudeville jokes. Milton runs out on stage with a fake plant and refers to Carol as being “Mrs. Bunch.” Mike complains about having to wear makeup. “What do you do when you and your wife have a fight?” Milton asks. “We make up,” Mike says, which leads to him being attacked by a makeup artist. Realizing that things aren’t going well, Milton resigns and apologizes. Okay, I guess that’s the end of that. It’s typical of this show that the one successful skit ends on a totally random note.
We go to commercial and when we return, Greg and Peter are standing next to the pool. Greg says that Peter is nervous because this is the part of the show where he always gets shoved into the pool. Considering the fact that Peter could die if he hits the water the wrong way, he has every right to be nervous. Greg says that, this week, he’ll let Peter push him in. Peter doesn’t believe him and jumps in the pool to escape his cruel older brother.
This is followed by Tina Turner who …. wait. What? The stupid pool gag is followed by TINA TURNER!? What a weird show! Needless to say, Tina’s great but it’s still hard not to feel that the Bradys shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near her. As a general rule, if you’re a singer who can’t carry a tune and who can’t dance and who is visibly uncomfortable performing on stage, don’t put yourself in a position to be compared directly to Tina Turner.
After Tina performs, we cut to more Brady nonsense as Carol, Mike, and Bobby inform Milton Berle that he’s been fired from the show. Wait a minute? What? I thought Milton made a big deal about stepping down as producer? I guess I must have misinterpreted that previous scene but honestly, I refuse to go back and rewatch it. If the show’s writers and performers couldn’t make this stuff clear, that’s on them.
“You’re giving me the pink slip?” Milton asks.
“We’re giving you all the costumes back,” Bobby says. The audiences goes nuts.
(By the way, I’m wearing a pink slip right now.)
With Milton gone (again), Carol comes out and sings Evergreen, the theme from A Star is Born. It’s a good song for her voice and I actually enjoyed listening to her version.
It’s time for the big finale! All the songs are about stars. I can’t even begin to describe it. Just watch, if you dare.
To my surprise, this episode was not terrible. Milton Berle’s obvious disdain for the family generated some laughs and Tina Turner’s performance was a definite highlight. Even Florence Henderson’s musical performance was effective. It was hardly perfect and both the opening and the finale reminded me of how tone deaf most of the Bradys were but still, this episode was probably about as good as anyone could expect from The Brady Bunch Hour.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!
Welcome aboard, it’s love!
Episode 1.4 “Message for Maureen / Gotcha / Acapulco Connection”
(Directed by Stuart Margolin, Richard Kinon, and Peter Baldwin, originally aired on October 15th, 1977)
Oh no! It’s a stowaway! I guess any television show that took place on a cruise ship would have to feature at least one storyline featuring a stowaway. It’s a bit disconcerting that The Love Boat couldn’t make it for more than four episodes before using the most obvious plotline but then again, the show ended up running for 9 seasons and a movie. So, apparently, audiences didn’t mind and I have a feeling that there will probably be many more stowaway stories to come.
The stowaway in this episode is April Lopez (played by Charo). Apparently, April became a recurring character, one who appeared in almost every season. In this, her first appearance, she sneaks onto the boat in Acapulco. The captain is not happy when she’s discovered hiding in a laundry hamper but everyone else is charmed by just how loud and talkative she is. Because there’s no available rooms, April is housed with Doc Bricker until she can be dropped off at the next port. Of course, Doc falls in love because Doc fell in love with everyone who came into his exam room. Seriously, Doc was an HR nightmare waiting to happen.
Of course, April is not the only exhausting person to be on the ship. There’s also Cyril Wolfe (Milton Berle), a nonstop practical joker whose wife (Audra Lindley) is getting sick of dealing with him and really, who can blame her? Cyril greets a total stranger with a joy buzzer. He carries around a fake, detachable hand so that he can freak people out. Cyril can’t even give it a rest during their vacation! Pretty soon, not only his wife but the crew are pretty sick of him. (Most of the people watching the show will be sick of him, too.) Do they conspire to toss Cyril overboard? They could probably get away with it, seeing as how all of the ship’s nominal authority figures are busy dealing with a stowaway who loves to sing. Somehow, Cyril survives his trip and he and his wife end up more in love than ever.
Finally, Maureen Mitchell (Brenda Benet) is a former tennis player who is now in a wheelchair. All she wants is a few days of vacation before she meets with a surgeon who might be able to help her walk again. Unfortunately, she discovers that an arrogant sportswriter named John (Bill Bixby) is also on the cruise! At first, she wants nothing to do with him but when John injures his knee and has to use a wheelchair for the rest of the cruise, the two of them fall in love….
Hold on. You know what just occurred to me? Last week’s episode featured Robert Reed and Loretta Swit as two people who don’t like each other but just happen to end up on the same cruise. This episode featured Brenda Benet and Bill Bixby as two people who don’t like each other but just happen to end up on the same cruise …. how long did The Love Boat writers last before they said, “Okay, we’re out of stories. Let’s start repeating ourselves?”
Anyway, this episode was a mixed bag. Charo and Milton Berle were not particularly subtle performers and their storylines felt as if they were designed to invite them to indulge in their worst impulses as performers. But Bill Bixby and Brenda Benet had a lot of chemistry as John and Maureen and their story actually worked as a result. (Bixby and Benet were married at the time they appeared in this episode.) Plus, the ship looked lovely. So did the ocean. That’s what really matters.
A group of blind people, led by teacher Alex Swain (Barry Nelson), are flying to a convention for the blind in Seattle. When their flight is knocked off-course by an unexpected storm, the plane crashes into a remote forest. The plane’s crew and the one sighted passenger are all killed in the crash, leaving the eight blind passengers to fend for themselves. The plane is perched on the edge of a mountain, there are wolves all around, and no one can see the surrounding terrain. And one of the passengers is pregnant and could give birth at any minute! To Alex’s resentment, the group turns to Mark (Sean Garrison) to help them survive in the wilderness. Mark was blinded while serving in Viet Nam and he’s still haunted by what happened during the war. At first, he resists being thrust into a leadership role but finally, it becomes clear that he has no choice. Under Mark’s leadership and despite Alex’s protestations, the eight survivors try to find their way back to civilization.
Filmed for television and based on a novel by Leonard Bishop, Seven in Darkness is a tense and well-acted movie. It’s not easy to watch the survivors feeling around in the darkness, trying to find their way to safety. That we can see what they don’t makes things all the more suspenseful. Even more importantly, the film does a good job of presenting the survivors of being individuals. Even though they all share a disability, they still have their own personality quirks, strengths, and flaws. Surprisingly the stand-out amongst the cast is none other than Milton Berle, cast in a dramatic role and giving a nuanced performance as the angriest of the survivors. Watching Seven in Darkness, you come to care about all of the survivors and you get very wrapped up in whether or not they’re going to be able to make it to safety.
Seven in Darkness was the first film to be shown as a part of ABC Movie of the Week. It can be found on YouTube.
The 1967 film, The Happening, opens with two “young” people — Sureshot (Michael Parks) and Sandy (Faye Dunaway) — waking up on a Florida beach. The previous night, they attended a party so wild that the beach is full of passed out people, one of whom apparently fell asleep while standing on his head. (It’s a happening!) From the dialogue, we discover that, despite their impeccably clean-cut appearances, both Sureshot and Sandy are meant to be hippies.
After trying to remember whether or not they “made love” the previous night (wow, how edgy!), Sandy and Sureshot attempt to find their way off of the beach. As they walk along, they’re joined by two other partygoers. Taurus is played by George Maharis, who was 38 when this film was shot and looked about ten years older. Taurus is a tough guy who carries a gun and dreams of being a revolutionary and who says stuff like, “Bam! Et cetera!” Herbie is eccentric, thin, and neurotic and, presumably because Roddy McDowall wanted too much money, he’s played by Robert Walker, Jr.
Anyway, the four of them end up stealing a boat and talking about how life is a drag, man. Eventually, they end up breaking into a mansion and threatening the owner and his wife. Since this movie was made before the Manson murders, this is all played for laughs. The owner of the mansion is Roc Delmonico (Anthony Quinn). Roc used to be a gangster but now he’s a legitimate businessman. The “hippies” decide to kidnap Roc because they assume they’ll be able to get a lot of money for him.
The only problem is that no one is willing to pay the ransom!
Not Roc’s wife (Martha Hyer)!
Not Roc’s best friend (Milton Berle), who happens to be sleeping with Roc’s wife!
Not Roc’s former mob boss (Oscar Homolka)!
Roc gets so angry when he find out that no one wants to pay that he decides to take control of the kidnapping, He announces that he knows secrets about everyone who refused to pay any money for him and unless they do pay the ransom, he’s going to reveal them. We’ve gone from kidnapping to blackmail.
Along the way, Roc bonds with his kidnappers. He teaches them how to commit crimes and they teach him how to be anti-establishment or something. Actually, I’m not sure what they were supposed to have taught him. The Happening is a comedy that I guess was trying to say something about the divide between the young and the middle-aged but it doesn’t really have much of a message beyond that the middle-aged could stand to laugh a little more and that the young are just silly and kind of useless. Of course, the whole young/old divide would probably work better if all of the young hippies weren’t played by actors who were all either in their 30 or close enough to 30 to make their dorm room angst seem a bit silly.
It’s an odd film. The tone is all over the place and everyone seems to be acting in a different movie. Anthony Quinn actually gives a pretty good dramatic performance but his good performance only serves to highlight how miscast almost everyone else in the film is. Michael Parks comes across like he would rather be beating up hippies than hanging out with them while Faye Dunaway seems to be bored with the entire film. George Maharis, meanwhile, goes overboard on the Brando impersonation while Robert Walker, Jr. seems like he just needs someone to tell him to calm down.
But even beyond the weird mix of acting style, the film’s message is a mess. On the one hand, the “hippies” are presented as being right about the establishment being full of hypocritical phonies. On the other hand, the establishment is proven to be correct about the “hippies” being a bunch of easily distracted idiots. This is one of those films that wants to have it both ways, kind of like an old episode of Saved By The Bell where Mr. Belding learns to loosen up while Zack learns to respect authority. This is an offer that you can refuse.
First things first here. Yes, that is Milton Berle in the music video both as the husband and wife. He agreed to be in the music video because his nephew Marshall Berle was the manager of the band at the time. It’s interesting to note that while Wikipedia says he is his nephew, mvdbase says that he is Milton’s grandson. Thankfully the Wikipedia article on Milton Berle also states he is his nephew, so I think we can safely say that’s the case. The Google Knowledge Graph also says that Milton Berle’s only grandchild is Tyler Roe via his son William Berle.
The second thing is about who the woman is in this that is drawn to the attic where Ratt is apparently playing for the convienent brittle floor that makes for a great guitar solo scene when guitarist Warren DeMartini crashes through it. That woman is Lisa Dean. She would go on to play Diana in the music video for Michael Jackson’s Dirty Diana. She died of colon cancer in December of 2009 at the age of 50.
I guess the last thing to bring up about this video is that it doesn’t matter how many times I watch it, the butler is still the real star of the show. The information I provided above is all over the Internet, but I can’t find who played the butler. I can find that apparently the song is about a girl who initially pushes a guy away, but ends up coming back to him. I guess that’s the reason they play in that attic a la John Cusack in Say Anything… (1989) till she turns into a rat (???), and comes to them. I can find a person that thinks this is sexist and refuses to show it to their kid, but still loves it regardless. As somebody who is transgender, I could find that it’s transphobic, but whatever, it’s Round and Round by Ratt. I don’t care. Yet, the most simple thing, like who is the awesome butler, is lost to the sands of time. This is particularly sad when he is not just the real star, but the music video is arranged like a mystery about who let the band in the house, and it of course turns out to be the butler.
Anyways, I was able to find out that Ken Barrows was the 1st assistant camera on the music video. He worked on music videos such as Hold On by Wilson Phillips and Burning Up by Madonna. It looks like he is still working in music videos today as I can find a credit as recent as 2015. Outside of music videos, he has also worked on movies such as The Master (2012) and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze (1991).
So, enjoy this ridiculous music video for a band that would have probably been long forgotten without it, and don’t take it seriously.
I stayed up way too late last night but it was totally worth it because I was watching a film from 1966, The Oscar.
Among those of us who love bad and campy movies from the 50s and 60s, The Oscar is a legendary film. It has a reputation for being one of best so bad-its-good-films ever made. The Oscar is a film that I’ve read about in several books but, until last night, I had never gotten a chance to actually see it. When I saw that the film was going to be on last night, I said “Sleep be damned!” and I stayed up and watched. What other choice did I have?
The Oscar takes place in a world where women are “dames” and men are “fellas” and everyone acts as if they’re a character in a Rat Pack-themed fanfic. One look at Frankie Fane (played by Stephen Boyd) and you know he’s the type of guy who snaps his fingers when he walks and probably uses pig Latin when he flirts. He’s one cool cat and as the film begins, he’s been nominated for an Academy Award for Best Actor.
The film begins at the Oscars. Frankie sits out in the audience, surrounded by Hollywood royalty and nervously waiting for the envelope to be opened. The camera pans over to Frankie’s personal manager, Hymie Kelley. Hymie stares bitterly at his former friend and suddenly, we hear his thoughts and do they ever let us know what type of movie we’re about to see.
As Hymie himself puts it:
“You finally made it, Frankie! Oscar night! And here you sit, on top of a glass mountain called “success.” You’re one of the chosen five, and the whole town’s holding its breath to see who won it. It’s been quite a climb, hasn’t it, Frankie? Down at the bottom, scuffling for dimes in those smokers, all the way to the top. Magic Hollywood! Ever think about it? I do, friend Frankie, I do…”
Hymie, incidentally, is played by the singer Tony Bennett. This was Bennett’s first dramatic film role and it was also his last. Whatever talent or magnetism Bennett may have had as a singer, it didn’t translate into screen presence. Bennett goes through the entire film looking embarrassed but who can blame him when the script calls for him to constantly tell Frankie that, “You lie down with pigs, you stand up smelling like garbage…”
As we discover through the use of flashback, Frankie has had to lay down with a lot of pigs to get his chance at winning an Oscar. After starting out his career working at sleazy clubs, Frankie, Hymie, and Frankie’s stripper girlfriend (Jill St. John) find themselves in New York. Frankie dumps his girlfriend (unaware that she’s pregnant with his child) after he meets artist Elke Sommer at a “swinging party.”
“Are you a tourist or a native?” Frankie asks her.
“Take one from column A and one from column B. You get an egg roll either way,” Sommer replies.
No wonder Frankie tells her, “You make my head hurt with all that poetry.”
Eventually, Frankie is discovered by a talent agent who takes him to see studio mogul Joseph Cotten (who went from Citizen Kane, The Magnificent Ambersons, and Third Man to this). Cotten is so impressed with Frankie that he says, “Once in a while, you bring me meat like this. It all has different names: prime rib of Gloria, shoulder cut of Johnny. MEAT!”
With the help of savvy talent agent Milton Berle, Frankie becomes a film star but he’s still a total heel who cheats on Sommer and takes advantage of Hymie’s loyalty. When Frankie gets nominated for an Oscar, he hires a sleazy private investigator (Ernest Borgnine, of course) to leak a story about Frankie’s criminal past. Frankie assumes that one of his fellow nominees will be blamed for the leak and that he’ll be able to ride a wave of sympathy to victory.
And who are Frankie’s fellow nominees? We only learn the identity of three of them – Frank Sinatra, Richard Burton, and Burt Lancaster. We never find out what movie Sinatra was nominated for but we’re told that Burton was nominated for The Grapes of Winter (which, I’m going to assume, was a film version of a Shakespeare play about Tom Joad) while Lancaster was nominated for his amazing performance in The Spanish Armada. Doesn’t that sound like an amazing film?
Oh, how to describe the delirious experience of watching The Oscar? In many ways, it is a truly terrible movie but it’s fun in the way that only a “racy” film from the mid-60s can be. Nobody plays his or her role with anything resembling subtleness. Instead, everyone spends the entire film yelling, screaming, and gritting their teeth while flaring their nostrils. Everyone, that is, except for Tony Bennett who gives a performance that has a definite community theater feel to it. Even better is the dialogue. People in this film don’t just say their lines – they exclaim them. If you’ve ever wanted to spend two hours in a world where every sentence ends with an exclamation point, watch The Oscar.
For a film that was apparently meant to be something of a love letter to the Academy, The Oscar was only nominated for two Oscars. It received nominations for Best Art Design and Best Costume Design. While I had a hard time seeing what was so impressive about the film’s art design (in the world of The Oscar, Hollywood has a definite Ikea feel to it), the costumes were fairly impressive in a tacky, 1966 type of way.
Finally, I think it’s time that somebody remake The Oscar. David Fincher can direct it, Aaron Sorkin can write the script, Jessie Eisenberg can play Frankie Fane, and Justin Timberlake would make for an adorable Hymie Kelley. For the supporting roles, I think Billy Crystal would be a natural for Milton Berle’s role and perhaps Philip Baker Hall could step into the shoes of Joseph Cotten. Perhaps veteran film blogger and self-described very important person Sasha Stone could make her film debut in Ernest Borgnine’s role.
Through the Shattered Lens 