The TSL Horror Grindhouse: Demonwarp (dir by Emmett Alston)


George Kennedy vs. Bigfoot!

I think for most people, that will be the main appeal of 1988’s Demonwarp. Bill (George Kennedy) lives in a cabin in the woods with his daughter. After a Bigfoot-like creature kills his daughter, Bill grabs a shotgun and starts wandering around the woods, looking for revenge. And while I’m calling the character Bill, I should make clear that George Kennedy comes across as if he’s playing George Kennedy. If you’ve watched enough TCM, you know George Kennedy as the big, burly guy who might be in his 50s but still looks like he could beat up an army of young punks if he had to. He’s gruff and plainspoken and he doesn’t have much patience for people who aren’t willing to man up and work hard. And so, when Bill declares that he’s going to kill Bigfoot, it’s the equivalent of George Kennedy declaring it. It’s nice to see that, even after winning an Oscar for Cool Hand Luke, George Kennedy still had what it took to keep the woods safe.

Unfortunately, George Kennedy is only a supporting player here. The main characters are a group of teenagers who end up hanging out at a cabin of their own and who soon fall victim to Bigfoot themselves. It takes them a while to accept the help of George Kennedy and, for that, they have only themselves to blame. Obviously, they hadn’t watched Cool Hand Luke or they would have known that George Kennedy is exactly the guy you want to listen to in an extreme situation. If only they had binged the Airport films, as I do every time before I go on any type of vacation, things would have worked out much better for them. Let Joe Patroni in the cockpit and he’ll land that plane right on top of that monster. Problem solved.

Demonwarp is an extremely silly film that I happen to like. Some of that is because I don’t really like camping but I do enjoy going to my family’s lakehouse and every stupid mistake that the teenagers make in Demonwarp is one that I’ve made in real life. Reacting to a scary sound by running outside half-naked or just in a towel? I have lost track of the number of times I’ve done that. Usually, it was because I thought I heard a catfight going on outside. When you hear two cats yelling at each other, you don’t have time to worry about getting fully dressed. Modesty can be the difference between scaring off the other cat or having to take your cat to the vet. I imagine the same is true when it comes to Bigfoot intrusions. Yes, the characters in Demonwarp did some foolish things but they’re all pretty much the same things that I would do.

The other good thing about Demonwarp is that the final 20 minutes features a twist that is so out there and downright weird that it simply has to be seen to be believed. Demonwarp is a thoroughly ludicrous horror film and that’s the main reason to watch it.

Retro Television Review: Crime Story 1.19 “The Pinnacle”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Crime Story, which ran on NBC from 1986 to 1988.  The entire show can be found on Tubi!

This week, things get dark.

Episode 1.19 “The Pinncale”

(Dir by John Nicolella, originally aired on February 27th, 1987)

When an earnest businessman named Pete Bauer (Bob Stupak) decides to open up a casino with Luca’s help, he has no idea what he’s getting himself into. Pete’s vision is a fun tourist destination where a chicken plays tic-tac-toe and the biggest loser at a table is still given $5,000 for being a good sport. Luca’s vision is to drive Pete out of business by skimming all of his profits, fixing his slot machines so that they always pay off, and sending Pauli, Holman, and Jack Claymore over to make sure everything goes off as planned.

As we learned last week, Jack is an FBI agent working undercover. Being sent over to Pete’s casino gives Jack a chance to see how Luca and his people rip off others. One night, when Pauli has a date with a showgirl, Jack is the one who gets to take the envelope containing the cash over to Luca. Jack hands it over. Luca gives him a $500 tip, little realizing that he’s also given Jack enough evidence to take back to Torello and Abrams.

Unfortunately, Pete is forced to sell his casino to Luca before Jack’s next meeting with Torello and Abrams. Pauli and Holman decide to celebrate. They stop off at Jack’s apartment complex to pick him up. Unfortunately, they arrive just in time to catch Jack in a phone booth leaving a message for Torello. They beat up Jack and then drag him off to a deserted construction site, where he’s tied crucifixion-style to a casino sign.

When Luca finds out, he leaves a meeting with Manny Weisbord so that he can personally shoot Jack in the back of the head. As Luca explains to Steve Kordo, there are some things that he simply has to do himself. Even though Luca may be recreating himself as a businessman in Las Vegas, he’s still a Chicago gangster at heart.

When Abrams and Torello find Jack’s body, Abrams says that whatever chance they had to arrest Luca was just blown out of Jack’s head. Yikes! That’s a graphic way to put it, but Abrams isn’t wrong.

This episode was a case of tonal whiplash, starting out as a comedy but ending in tragedy. For the first 30 minutes, it was hard not to be amused by how efficiently Luca and his men ruined Pete’s business. (Holman even convinced Pete to book a polka band.) However, the final few minutes reminded us that Luca, Holman, and even Pauli are all ruthless murderers. It doesn’t matter if you were a likable character like Jack Claymore. If you betray Luca, you’ll regret it.

As for Torello, this is the second cop he’s lost in his pursuit of Luca. His entire obsession with taking down Luca started with the murder of Detective Wes Connelly in the pilot. How will he react now that he’s seeking justice not just for Wes but for Jack as well?

I Watched Perry Mason: The Case Of The Telltale Talk Show Host (1993, Dir. by Christian I. Nyby II)


 

At the end of this movie… PERRY KISSED DELLA!

On the lips!

I knew they were in love!  Obviously, Della (Barbara Hale) was also in love with Paul Drake, Sr. but with Paul gone and Paul Drake, Jr. doing his own thing, she and Perry (Raymond Burr) can finally be together.  It was about time, too.  Even though Perry comes across like he would be too work-obsessed to really be a good husband or even boyfriend, it has also been obvious that Perry and Della were in love ever since Perry Mason Returns.

As for the mystery itself, it’s a really simple one and I was able to guess who the killer was from the start.  I know that Raymond Burr was terminally ill when he shot this film (and it was the last time Perry Mason movie to ai during his life time) and maybe that’s why the plot isn’t as complicated as usual.  The guest cast is really good, though.  Regis Philbin plays the owner of a talk radio station who is murdered by one of his hosts.  Every host is a suspect and they’re all strange enough to be fun to watch.  Both Montel Williams and G. Gordon Liddy are in this thing!

Knowing this was the last of the films to air during Burr’s lifetime made watching The Case of the Telltale Talk Show Host feel a little sad.  As sick as he was, Raymond Burr still dominated the courtroom.  That was one reason why the kiss made me so happy.  Perry (and Burr) didn’t have much time left but he made sure we all knew how he felt about Della.

 

Film Review: And The Band Played On (dir by Roger Spottiswoode)


I live in a very cynical time.

That was one of my main thoughts as I watched 1993’s And The Band Played On.

Directed by Roger Spottiswoode and featuring an all-star cast, And The Band Played On deals with the early days of the AIDS epidemic.  It’s a film that features many different characters and storylines but holding it all together is the character of Dr. Don Francis (Matthew Modine), an epidemiologist who is haunted by what he witnessed during the Ebola epidemic in Africa and who fears that the same thing is going to happen in America unless the government gets serious about the mysterious ailment that is initially called “gay cancer” before then being known as “GRID” before finally being named AIDS.  Dr. Francis is outspoken and passionate about fighting disease.  He’s the type who has no fear of yelling if he feels that people aren’t taking his words seriously enough.  In his office, he keeps a track of the number of HIV infections on a whiteboard.  “Butchers’ Bill” is written across the top of the board.

Throughout the film, quite a few people are dismissive of Dr. Francis and his warnings.  But we, the audience, know that he’s right.  We know this because we know about AIDS and but the film also expects us to trust Dr. Francis because it’s specifically stated that he worked for the World Health Organization before joining the Center For Disease Control in Atlanta, Georgia.  As far as the film is concerned, that’s enough to establish his credentials.  Of course, today, after living through the excesses of the COVID pandemic and the attempts to censor anyone who suggested that it may have begun due to a lab leak as opposed to some random guy eating a bat, many people tend to view both the WHO and the CDC with a lot more distrust than they did when this film was made.  As I said, we live in a cynical time and people are now a lot less inclined to “trust” the experts.  To a large extent, the experts have only themselves to blame for that.  I consider myself to be a fairly pragmatic person but even I now find myself rolling my eyes whenever a new health advisory is issued.

This new sense of automatic distrust is, in many ways, unfortunate.  Because, as And The Band Played On demonstrates, the experts occasionally know what they’re talking about.  Throughout the film, people refuse to listen to the warnings coming from the experts and, as a result, many lives are lost.  The government refuses to take action while the search for a possible cure is hindered by a rivalry between international researchers.  Alan Alda gives one of the best performances in the film, playing a biomedical researcher who throws a fit when he discovers that Dr. Francis has been sharing information with French scientists.

It’s a big, sprawling film.  While Dr. Francis and his fellow researchers (played by Saul Rubinek, Glenne Headly, Richard Masur, Charles Martin Smith, Lily Tomlin, and Christian Clemenson) try to determine how exactly the disease is spread, gay activists like Bobbi Campbell (Donal Logue) and Bill Kraus (Ian McKellen) struggle to get the government and the media to take AIDS seriously.  Famous faces pop up in small rolls, occasionally to the film’s detriment.  Richard Gere, Steve Martin, Anjelica Huston, and even Phil Collins all give good performances but their fame also distracts the viewer from the film’s story.  There’s a sense of noblesse oblige to the celebrity cameos that detracts from their effectiveness.  All of them are out-acted by actor Lawrence Monoson, who may not have been a huge star (his two best-known films are The Last American Virgin and Friday the 13 — The Final Chapter) but who is still heart-breakingly effective as a young man who is dying of AIDS.

Based on a 600-page, non-fiction book by Randy Shilts, And The Band Played On is a flawed film but still undeniably effective and a valuable piece of history.  Director Roger Spottiswoode does a good job of bringing and holding the many different elements of the narrative together and Carter Burwell’s haunting score is appropriately mournful.  The film ends on a somber but touching note.  At its best, it’s a moving portrait of the end of one era and the beginning of another.