Freddy’s Nightmares Late Night Retro Television Review: Freddy’s Nightmares 1.5 “Judy Miller, Come on Down”


GUEST REVIEWER ALERT!!! Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Freddy’s Nightmares, a horror anthology show which ran in syndication from 1988 to 1990. The entire series can be found on Plex! 

Judy (Siobhan McCafferty) is living a very terrible life. Tom (John DeMita), Judy’s husband, is a spoiled manchild hiding out in school to avoid working. Tom’s parents live with Judy and Tom and they treat Judy like an indentured servant. Judy’s only escape for a better life is to buy lottery tickets and apply to appear on gameshows. Like all Freddy’s I’ve seen, the initial story was not bad and should have remained 22 minutes. However, I will say that in NO WAY was this a horror script at all. It was meant to be a mediocre Twilight Zone script or that should’ve been where it was pitched. In fact, the only real blood was at the very end of the episode where Freddy squeezed a fake heart with blood in it. Really, that was it!

Back to the show, Judy gets called to be contestant on a gameshow, but it gets…weird. Not scary weird, but weird. The game show became a “Pit and the Pendulum” knock off where the host asked Judy personal questions and every answer led to her family members being NOT KILLED, but scratched. They could’ve had the deaths off screen. The show goes on and she wins the gameshow, but instead of the show allowing her to evolve and leave her abusive husband and in-laws, the story continues into ….. time travel. For real, the story took a turn into time travel, which is impossible. Look, I’m an applied physicist- let time travel go because It does not work. Let it go! You can’t save Kennedy! LET IT GO!

Once again, the story ached to end at the 22 minute mark, but had to keep going and where did it go? Time travel. Judy gets the money, stays married, and spends a lot. Then, her older -self time travels by “I went a long way”… so like Trader Joe’s and back because that is difficult with the small-ass parking spaces! Anyway, the older Judy warns her that her husband will cheat on her and she’ll stab him to death. Her older self advises her to give the money away and she’ll be happy. THIS IS STUPID! She was poor at the beginning of the story and miserable! Hey writers, weren’t you there?!!! Simple solution: just get a divorce – California is a no-fault state- Move on!

The problem with this show is that instead of doing re-writes, they took 22 minute stories and doubled them in the stupidest ways possible.

Live Tweet Alert: Watch End of the World With #ScarySocial!


As some of our regular readers undoubtedly know, I am involved in a few weekly live tweets on twitter.  I host #FridayNightFlix every Friday, I co-host #ScarySocial on Saturday, and I am one of the five hosts of #MondayActionMovie!  Every week, we get together.  We watch a movie.  We tweet our way through it.

Tonight, for #ScarySocial, I will be hosting 1977‘s End of the World, starring Christopher Lee!

If you want to join us on Saturday night, just hop onto twitter, start the film at 9 pm et, and use the #ScarySocial hashtag!  The film is available on Prime and Tubi!  I’ll be there co-hosting and I imagine some other members of the TSL Crew will be there as well.  It’s a friendly group and welcoming of newcomers so don’t be shy!

 

Live Tweet Alert: Join #ScarySocial for Earth vs The spider!


As some of our regular readers undoubtedly know, I am involved in a few weekly live tweets on twitter.  I host #FridayNightFlix every Friday, I co-host #ScarySocial on Saturday, and I am one of the five hosts of #MondayActionMovie!  Every week, we get together.  We watch a movie.  We tweet our way through it.

Tonight, at 9 pm et, Deanna Dawn will be hosting #ScarySocial!  The movie?  Earth vs the Spider!  

If you want to join us this Friday, just hop onto twitter, start the movie at 9 pm et, and use the #ScarySocial hashtag!  It’s a friendly group and welcoming of newcomers so don’t be shy.

The film is available on Prime!

Freddy’s Nightmares Late Night Retro Television Review: Freddy’s Nightmares 1.3 “Killer Instinct”, Case Wright


GUEST REVIEWER ALERT!!! Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Freddy’s Nightmares, a horror anthology show which ran in syndication from 1988 to 1990. The entire series can be found on Plex!

I am your guest reviewer for the next few “Freddy’s Nightmares”. I have watched three of them and can tell you without a doubt that this show was never really meant to be. At this time, there were two other similar and better shows that were in production or getting greenlit: “The Twilight Zone (reboot)” and “Tales from the Crypt”. This show likely wanted to be “Tales from the Crypt” and I guarantee that the Boomers who wrote “Freddy’s Nightmares” were fans of “Tales”. This story and the other two I watched were likely failed pitches for “Tales” and “Zone”.

The show struggled because network television was not ready for a blood and guts story and certainly not one where Freddy Kreuger, a child murderer pedo, is heavily in the stories. Therefore, he had the role of Crypt Keeper. I’m sure that this was frustrating for Miramax and Wes Craven because Nightmare had amassed nearly 500 Million Dollars. Also, this show was 16 years before Supernatural premiered where audiences craved and demanded gore. The Freddy stories themselves didn’t really lend to horror as much as they were morality play Outer Limits episodes with a story McGuffin to push the clumsy narrative forward.

However, the show could have been saved, IF it were a 30 minute show. In every episode that I watched, the stories ached to roll credits at the 30 minute mark, but the show had an hour slot and the writers tacked on 3 additional act breaks that were always a big oogey mess. Twilight Zone was an hour, but broken into two stories. Tales was 30 minutes and got to do all the gore and nudity it wanted because it was on HBO. Freddy’s overlong padded stories and the FCC restrictions killed what could have been an aggressively mediocre show.

This episode: “Killer Instinct” had a good beginning. Chris Ketchum (Lori Petty) just lost her mother and she wants to honor her by winning track meets even it means losing her soul. BOOM- That is a story- A 30 minute story. At the 30 minute mark, I had seen enough, but I kept going. Chris has heart, but she is losing out to the faster and cuter Nickie (Yvette Nipar) who always beats her in every race and unbeknownst to Chris, Nickie also want to knock boots with Chris’ boyfriend. Chris’ track coach doesn’t help because she is written inconsistently- one moment she’s booting Chris from the team for not trying hard enough and the next she’s giving her evil costume jewelry…. that can kill!!!

Chris gives the evil McGuffin a try and she: runs blurry-fast (which would likely blow out her joints), kills a teacher by choking him with cotton (Yes, that happened), and causes Nickie’s treadmill to go a little faster- it doesn’t hurt Nickie, but Nickie’s workout was slightly more difficult. Wes Craven really needed to give this story another pass. Before Chris can eliminate Nickie (Yvette Nipar) permanently, Nickie strikes first and steals the costume jewelry of doom TCJOD! Nickie uses TCJOD to kill Chris by causing the finish line tape to either decapitate her or break Chris’ neck. It’s unclear how Chris dies, but she does.

The story devolves into a quasi-ghost-zombie-hallucination story. Chris wants revenge and so she sleeps with her boyfriend all gnarly with rotting flesh and she demands that her boyfriend tries to kill Nickie. He doesn’t though- I guess sleeping with a dead person just isn’t what it’s all cracked up to be. Chris starts showing up everywhere in Nickie’s life to drive her insane – including dinner parties and it works really quickly- very quickly. Before the end of the week, Nickie is bludgeoning her boyfriend to death with a…. track trophy, but in her defense she thought it was Chris’ boyfriend! Confused? Yeah, it’s that kind of show. I guess Nickie came in first place in murder!

See you soon!

Live Tweet Alert: Watch Apollo 18 With #ScarySocial!


As some of our regular readers undoubtedly know, I am involved in a few weekly live tweets on twitter.  I host #FridayNightFlix every Friday, I co-host #ScarySocial on Saturday, and I am one of the five hosts of #MondayActionMovie!  Every week, we get together.  We watch a movie.  We tweet our way through it.

Tonight, for #ScarySocial, I will be hosting Apollo 18!

If you want to join us on Saturday night, just hop onto twitter, start the film at 9 pm et, and use the #ScarySocial hashtag!  The film is available on Prime!  I’ll be there co-hosting and I imagine some other members of the TSL Crew will be there as well.  It’s a friendly group and welcoming of newcomers so don’t be shy!

 

Scenes I Love: Nancy’s School Dream From A Nightmare On Elm Street


Today’s scene that I love comes from 1984’s A Nightmare on Elm Street.  Directed by the great Wes Craven, A Nightmare on Elm Street remains a frightening and creepy masterpiece.  It’s ability to scare its audience has not been diminished by countless sequels and rip-offs.

In this scene, Nancy (Heather Langenkamp) discovers that she’s not even safe from Freddy (Robert Englund) at school.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Freddy’s Nightmares 1.2 “It’s A Miserable Life”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Freddy’s Nightmares, a horror anthology show which ran in syndication from 1988 to 1990. The entire series can be found on Plex!

Let’s see what’s happening in Springwood!

Episode 1.2 “It’s A Miserable Life”

(Dir by Tom McLoughlin, originally aired on October 16th, 1988)

Bryan Ross (a young John Cameron Mitchell, giving a performance that really can’t be described as being anything less than lousy) is the son of the owner of the Beefy Boy hamburger joint in Springwood, Ohio.  Bryan wants to go to college.  His dad (Peter Iacangelo) and his mom (Annie O’Donnell) want him to take over the family business and join them in singing “Chew me, eat me, you can’t beat me.”

Bryan is working the overnight shift alone when a scruffy man (Michael Melvin) pulls up to the drive-through on his motorcycle and threatens to kill him.  Bryan passes out but, when he wakes up, he’s got a throbbing headache and he keeps seeing blood dripping on the floor.  Bryan’s girlfriend, Karyn (Lar Park Lincoln, giving a good performance), takes Bryan home.  At his house, Bryan discovers his mom and dad are acting weird.  Bryan tries to convince his parents to let him leave home.  Dad tries to stick his head in the oven.  Mom tries to seduce her son and then climbs into the refrigerator.  On the radio, there’s a news story about “another” drive-by shooting.  What could it all mean!?

Oh, you know what it all means.  Even if you haven’t watched the episode, you know that the motorcycle man obviously shot Bryan in the head and everything that happens after Bryan leaves Beefy Boy is just his dying vision.  It’s not a bad idea but it’s ineffectively executed.  We don’t really know enough about Bryan or his parents for Bryan’s hallucination to carry any impact and, from what we do see, they all appear to be broadly-drawn caricatures.   This episode also commits the sin of introducing a memorable character — the man on the motorcycle — and then not exploring just who or what he was meant to be.

Bryan’s story was wrapped up in 20 minutes.  The second half of the episode dealt with Karyn.  Shot in the same drive-by attack that killed Bryan, Karyn ended up at the hospital and …. well, I guess her story was another collection of hallucinations that really didn’t add up to much.  The story was effective because hospitals are scary and Lar Park Lincoln gave a better performance than John Cameron Mitchell did in his story.  That said, the entire story was basically Karyn getting upset because everyone kept saying that her parents were on their way.  Finally, Karyn finally revealed that — you guessed it! — her parents were dead and that they died at the same hospital where she was taken after getting shot.  As the episode ended, Karyn saw her parents standing in the doorway and screamed and thrashed around in bed while the doctor and nurse tried to calm her.  And …. that was it.  I mean, is Karyn dead?  Is that why her parents showed up?  Is Karyn hallucinating again?  Much like a drunk frat boy, this story didn’t reach a climax as much as it just stopped.

As for Freddy, he showed up to introduce each story.  There was a cool moment where he emerged from the restaurant’s fry cooker.  For the hospital scene, he put on scrubs.  He didn’t actually interact with either Bryan or Karyn but he still took credit for their suffering.  I think Freddy was just bragging on himself.

This episode was pretty uneven.  For the most part, I’m just glad I don’t live in Springwood.

Live Tweet Alert: Join #ScarySocial for You’re Next!


As some of our regular readers undoubtedly know, I am involved in a few weekly live tweets on twitter.  I host #FridayNightFlix every Friday, I co-host #ScarySocial on Saturday, and I am one of the five hosts of #MondayActionMovie!  Every week, we get together.  We watch a movie.  We tweet our way through it.

Tonight, at 9 pm et, Deanna Dawn will be hosting #ScarySocial!  The movie?  2013’s You’re Next!  

If you want to join us this Friday, just hop onto twitter, start the movie at 9 pm et, and use the #ScarySocial hashtag!  It’s a friendly group and welcoming of newcomers so don’t be shy.

The film is available on Prime!

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Freddy’s Nightmares 1.1 “No More Mr. Nice Guy”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Freddy’s Nightmares, a horror anthology show which ran in syndication from 1988 to 1990. The entire series can be found on Plex!

Having finished up Friday the 13th, I’m not going to take a look at another syndicated horror show that aired around the same time.  Freddy’s Nightmares was an anthology show hosted by Robert Englund, in character as Freddy Krueger.  Each story would take place in Freddy’s hometown of Springwood, Ohio.  Would the show be a dream or a nightmare?  Let’s find out!

Episode 1.1 “No More Mr. Nice Guy”

(Dir by Tobe Hooper, originally aired on October 9th, 1988)

Freddy Krueger has become such a familiar and popular figure that I think it’s sometimes forgotten that, when he first appeared, he was truly a horrifying character.  He was a child molester and a serial killer, one who escaped legal justice only because someone forgot to read him his rights when he was arrested.  He was killed by the citizens of Springwood, Ohio, set on fire in the same boiler room where he killed his victims.  Yes, he was brutally murdered and yes, the respectable people who murdered him covered up their crime.  At the same time, what would you do if a monster like Freddy was loose in your town and stalking your children?  “I’m burning in Hell,” Freddy says and that’s exactly what he deserved.

How did Freddy Krueger then become an oddly beloved pop cultural icon?  Some of that was undoubtedly due to his one-liners, which tended to be a slightly better than the typical slasher film banter.  If Freddy was pure evil in the first three Nightmare on Elm Street films, he became more a homicidal prankster as the series continued.  I think another reason why Freddy became popular is because the actor who first played him, Robert Englund, himself always comes across as being such a nice guy.  Unlike the personable but physically intimidating Kane Hodder, who looked like he could kill you even when he wasn’t playing Jason Voorhees, Englund always comes across as being slightly nerdy and very friendly.  He’s the neighbor who you would trust to get your mail while you’re on vacation.  If Englund hadn’t been cast as Freddy Krueger in 1984, he probably would have spent the 90s playing quirky programmers and hackers in tech thrillers.  The thing with Robert Englund is that seems to have a good sense of humor, he’s at peace with his place in pop culture, and he always seem to be having fun.  (In his autobiography, he even jokes about something that fans had been laughing about for years, the fact that the female lead in A Nightmare In Elm Street 2 looked almost exactly like Meryl Street.)  Those are qualities that bled over into Freddy.

As a result, Freddy became popular enough to host his own horror anthology.  The premiere episode of Freddy’s Nightmares open with Englund, in full Freddy makeup, telling us that we’re not about to see one of our nightmares.  Instead, we’re going to see his nightmare.  The episode gives us Freddy’s origin story, starting with Freddy getting off on a murder charge on a technicality and ending with Freddy getting bloody revenge of the police chief (played by Ian Patrick Williams) who set him on fire.

By almost any standard, it’s a disturbing story.  We open with Freddy on trial and we hear details about an 8 year-old boy that he left in a dumpster.  After the charges against Freddy are dismissed (damn those Carter judges!), Freddy happily gets into an ice cream truck and later, the police chief has a vision of the same truck coming straight at him.  After getting set on fire, Freddy doesn’t waste any time coming back and using his razor-blade gloves to slash his way to vengeance.  I think what’s particularly disturbing about this episode is that the police chief is not a bad guy.  He arrested Freddy as Freddy was trying to attack his twin daughters.  Throughout the episode, Freddy — in both life and death — makes it clear that he’s coming for the man’s daughters.  And in the end, Freddy will probably get them because their father fell asleep in a dentist’s chair and got his mouth drilled by Dr. Krueger.

Agck!  That’s disturbing stuff.  Of course, it would be even more disturbing if the show’s special effects and gore were anywhere close to being a realistic as what was present in the movies.  The show itself looks remarkably cheap.  I would say it almost looks like a community theater production of A Nightmare on Elm Street.  Director Tobe Hooper (of Texas Chainsaw Massacre fame) manages to wring a few jump scares out of the material and a scene where we see one of Freddy’s courtroom fantasies is genuinely horrifying but, for the most part, the budget is low enough that the viewer can safely say, “It’s only a TV show, it’s only a TV show….”  In the end, it’s very much an 80s TV show, right down to the oddly gratuitous scene where the police chief suddenly imagines the dental hygienist in her underwear.

Where will Freddy’s Nightmares lead us?  We’ll find out.  I’m sure it will be bloody, wherever it is!