Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell, which ran on NBC from 1989 to 1993. The entire show is currently streaming on Prime and Tubi!
This week, we finish up the first season.
Episode 1.19 “Slater’s Friend”
(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on November 28th, 1992)
Who killed Artie?
That’s the question that Zack, Kelly, Jessie, Lisa, and Screech are left to consider when Slater’s pet chameleon Artie dies. Slater specifically asked them to take care of Artie while he was out of town. When Slater returns to Bayside, both Zack and the girls attempt to fool him with a duplicate chameleon because no one on this show ever just tells the truth. When Slater figures out that Artie is dead, he’s bitter and he’s angry and he even disrupts Coach Rizzo’s (Frankie Como) speech class. Belding, of all people, emerges as the hero, telling Slater that it’s okay to be sad. In the end, Artie is given a funeral and the cast sings Artie Boy.
This episode has long had a reputation for being the worst episode of Saved By The Bell. NBC was so embarrassed by it that they actually didn’t air it until four years after it was filmed. In his highly-suspect autobiography, Dustin Diamond claimed that everyone was trying not to laugh during the funeral scene.
Well, you know what? This episode — as silly as it is — kind of works. If you’ve ever lost a pet, you can relate to Slater’s grief. And really, Slater having a pet chameleon makes sense when you consider the fact that he spent his entire childhood traveling from one military base to another. It’s not like he could really own a cat or even a dog under those circumstances. A lizard on the other hand….
This episode is actually a good example of how good Mario Lopez actually was in the role of A.C. Slater. When Slater says, “It’s just a dead lizard,” your heart breaks for him. When he hugs Mr. Belding, you feel Slater’s pain. Even in an episode that ends with everyone singing a song about a chameleon, Mario Lopez gave it his all.
Worst episode ever? Not hardly! We’ve still got the Tori episodes to review, after all. In fact, my only complaint about this episode is that Coach Rizzo was never brought back. He was my favorite teacher at Bayside!
Another week, another special about boy bands. I watched this 3-hour, two-part documentary on Wednesday and Thursday. Joey Fatone was one of the producers so it’s not a surprise that a major theme of the documentary was that Joey Fatone was a pretty cool guy. This show hit all the usual points — hey, there’s Lou Pealman! — without adding much new insight.
Crime Story (Tubi)
My review will drop this upcoming Monday.
Degrassi: The Next Generation (Tubi)
My review will drop tomorrow night.
Hollywood Demons (HBOMax)
I watched two episodes. The first one was about Stephen Collins (yikes!). The second was about Jerry Springer. Now that Jerry is dead and his show is definitely never coming back, all of his producers are trying to cash in by letting you know that they were anti-Jerry the whole time. It all feels a bit self-serving.
Homicide: Life on the Street (Peacock)
My review will drop tomorrow.
Saved By The Bell (Tubi)
Along with this week’s review episode (which will be dropping shortly), I also watched three Patrick Muldoon episodes on Friday. RIP.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell: The New Class, which ran on NBC from 1993 to 2o00. The show is currently on Prime.
It’s midterms!
Episode 1.12 “Tommy A”
(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on November 27th,1993)
Tommy D has got his driver’s license!
Everyone’s excited because Tommy’s father has promised to buy him a car and that means Tommy will be able to drive them everywhere. Keep in mind, no one is excited for Tommy. Instead, they’re just excited that they’re going to get a chauffeur who is too dumb to realize that he’s being taken advantage of. Consider this your reminder that the first season of Saved By The Bell: The New Class featured some of the least likable character to ever appear on a dopey teenage sitcom.
Uh-oh, Tommy’s father is concerned about Tommy’s terrible grades. He informs Tommy (and, for some reason, Mr. Belding) that, unless Tommy gets at least one A on his midterms, he won’t get his car.
The gang tries to come up with a class that Tommy could do well in. This is kind of dumb as it’s already been established that Tommy is an amazing mechanic and that he takes autoshop. He’s also a jock and therefore, he should do well in his physical education class. The gang, however, decides to get Tommy an A in his science class. Because the teacher grades on a curve, the gang tells the nerds in the class that they have the answers to the midterm and that they’ll signal which answer is correct by coughing. By giving the nerds the wrong answers, they’ll help Tommy get an A….
So, to be clear here …. I mean, what the Hell? Seriously, who comes up with a plan like this? Wouldn’t the teacher notice that there are a lot of extra students in the class on the day of the midterm and that they’re all coughing in unison? As well, it’s one thing to try to help Tommy pass. It’s another thing to try to make a bunch of other students fail. Not even Zack Morris would have gone that far. (As I’ve mentioned before, the first season of Saved By The Bell: The New Class has been oddly mean-spirited.)
It doesn’t matter, though. Tommy still flunks his science midterm. Now, he only has one chance left to get an A and it’s in …. ENGLISH!
Oh my God, how difficult is the English midterm going to be? Apparently, the entire grade will be determined by each student standing in front of the class and giving a one minute speech. What? What type of class is this?
Luckily, Scott and Weasel have a scheme. Weasel dresses up like a janitor and he convinces Mr. Snavely, the strict English teacher, that it would be dangerous to enter his classroom. Mr. Belding steps in to give and grade the English midterm. Scott figures that Belding will go easy on Tommy and Scott is right. Tommy speaks for less than a minute and basically says that everyone should just be themselves. Belding gives the speech an A. TOMMY’S GETTING A CAR!
And Megan realizes that she doesn’t have to play dumb to get boys to like her. That was the episode’s B-plot. It was pretty dumb and required Megan to behave in a way that was totally out-of-character.
Anyway, Tommy D is now Tommy A. He thanks his friends for helping him. Hey, Tommy, they just want a ride!
This morning, I was saddened to read about the passing of actor Patrick Muldoon. He died of a heart attack yesterday. He was 57 years old.
Patrick Muldoon will always be remembered by many for playing Jeff, the “frat boy babe stealer” from Saved By The Bell. Personally, I thought Jeff and Kelly made for a cute couple and it always bothered me that the show’s writers suddenly changed Jeff from being a nice guy to being a cheater just so Kelly and Zack could (eventually) get back together. Supposedly, years after the show aired, Muldoon still had strangers yelling at him on the street for breaking up Kelly and Zack. I felt bad for him reading that. The man was an actor and he did a good job.
Muldoon went on to play an important supporting role in Starship Troopers, making him the second Saved By The Bell actor to appear in a Paul Verhoeven film. (Unlike Elizabeth Berkley, Muldoon at least seemed to understand that he was appearing in a satire.) He also appeared in a countless number of Lifetime films, occasionally sharing the screen with Starship Troopers co-star, Casper Van Dien. Muldoon was also the first actor to play Austin Reed on Days of Our Lives.
Here he is in Starship Troopers, getting into a memorable fight with Casper Van Dien.
Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell, which ran on NBC from 1989 to 1993. The entire show is currently streaming on Prime and Tubi!
Screech has the worst friends in the world.
Episode 1.18 “Screech’s Birthday”
(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on November 14th, 1992)
Screech is upset because all of his “friends” (and his robot, Kevin) forgot his birthday. His friends decide to make it up to him by throwing him a small party in Mr. Belding’s office. However, in order to use Belding’s office, they need control of the halls so they come up with an elaborate scheme to get hall monitor Neil (Jesse Wilson) fired so that Screech can take his place. However, Screech takes his job too seriously and sends everyone to detention, including almost everyone who is supposed to be at his party.
Oh my God, what is Zack going to do!?
Zack uses the PA system to ask that Slater, Lisa, Jessie, Kelly, and Screech come to the principal’s office.
Seriously, that’s all he does.
A few thoughts:
First off, the only reason that Zack his available to call everyone to the principal’s office is because Screech doesn’t send him to detention despite the fact that he catches Zack in the hallway without a hall pass. Now, you might think Zack has immunity because he’s Screech’s best friend but Screech previously sent Lisa — the girl he loves — to detention so why would he give Zack a break? Add to that, Screech is mad at Zack for forgetting his birthday. So, I would think Zack would especially be someone that Screech would want to punish.
Secondly, why couldn’t they just throw Screech a surprise party at Zack’s house? Or Slater’s house? Or the Maxx? Or anywhere other than Belding’s office?
Third, this episode does feature two of my favorite supporting characters, Neil the nasty hall monitor and Mr. Dewey (Patrick Thomas O’Brien), the burned out teacher. Sadly, this was Neil’s only appearance.
Fourth, this episode was filmed for the first season and aired in syndication as a part of the first season but, for some reason, NBC didn’t air the episode until the fourth season. It’s really not any worse than the typical Saved By The Bell episode so it’s odd that NBC held off on airing it for so long.
Fifth, always remember your friends’s birthdays. It’s not that hard!
Matthew Perry played the boyfriend of Kirk Cameron’s sister. He drank too much, he crashed his car, and he died. This is one of those very special episodes that one might roll their eyes at, if not for the fact that it guest starred Perry. Because it did guest star Perry, it was very sad to watch.
Homicide: Life On The Street (Peacock)
A review for this episode will be dropping tomorrow.
Kyōryū Sentai Zyuranger (Shout TV)
In this show, from Japan, a group of teenagers used the power of the dinosaurs to defeat a witch. I watched three episodes on Saturday. The stop-motion dinosaurs and tigers were cute.
The Right Time (YouTube)
This was a 90s music show that was hosted by singer Tom Jones. I watched two episodes on Friday. The first one was called “Pop Music” and I enjoyed it. The second one was called “Gospel Music” and it was a little dull.
Saved By The Bell (Tubi)
A review for this episode will be dropping later tonight.
Who’s The Boss (Prime)
On Friday, after Jeff and I finished up The Trip, Amazon took us straight into this Tony Danza-starring sitcom. We watched the first episode, which was pretty forgettable. (Danza is a former baseball player turned housekeeper and no one can believe it.) The theme song kind of got stuck in my head though.
WKRP In Cincinnati (DVD)
Jeff and I watched several episodes of this 70s sitcom over the week. Even if the humor was a bit dated, it was a funny show. Herb Tarlek’s suits were amazing.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell: The New Class, which ran on NBC from 1993 to 2o00. The show is currently on Prime.
This week, Weasel’s found love again. Or has he?
Episode 1.11 “Weasel Love”
(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on November 20th, 1993)
Weasel’s online girlfriend, Natalie (Stephanie Dicker), moves to California and enrolls at Bayside. At first, she looks and acts just like Tori Spelling during Tori’s time on the original Saved By The Bell. However, Megan, Vicki, and Lindsay give her a makeover that …. actually, makes her look significantly worse. But everyone at Bayside insists that it makes her look better so Weasel starts to feel insecure. Tommy D, Scott, and Mr. Belding (really?) give Weasel a makeover to team him how to be cool. That coolness goes to Weasel’s head and soon, he and Natalie aren’t speaking.
Uh-oh! Natalie and Weasel are both in the school band! Natalie plays piano. Weasel plays saxophone. (Needless to say, we never actually see Natalie’s hands when she’s playing piano.) How is the band going to win that trip to New York if Natalie and Weasel aren’t capable of performing a duet together?
Well, maybe Tommy can hop on the computer and send Natalie a message “from Weasel” apologizing. Natalie is touched but later, Weasel reveals that he didn’t write the message. But Weasel and Natalie still talk through their differences and the band wins that New York trip!
As for this episode’s B-plot, Tommy D and Scott trick two of the nerd characters into leaving the band so that they can replace them. As I watched Scott and Tommy trick the nerds into thinking that they were losing their hearing, it occurred to me that it takes a lot of charisma to make a schemer likable. Mark-Paul Gosselaar and Mario Lopez had that charisma, which is why the first Saved By The Bell worked despite Zack being a sociopath. Robert Sutherland Telfer and Jonathan Angel on the other hand….
(Actually, in all honesty, Jonathan Angel was likable as Tommy. He had the goofy dumb guy thing down. Telfer, however, didn’t have Gosselaar’s cocky charm. As a result, Scott usually comes across as being more desperate than confident.)
Anyway, this was another dumb episode. There’s no consistency when it comes to how characters like Weasel are portrayed so it’s really had to care about their lives one way or another. This episode, Weasel got a girlfriend. Even though I haven’t seen the remaining season one episodes yet, I can guarantee that she will never be mentioned again.
Finally, the band sounded terrible. Leave them in New York.
It wasn’t by choice! On Wednesday, I watched a movie on Tubi and then Tubi sent me to an episode of Diff’rent Strokes before I could stop it. Mr. Drummond’s friend, Larry (McClean Stevenson), visited from Oregon. Drummond got Larry a chance to audition for his own talk show. Larry’s daughter (Kim Richards) didn’t want to move and, for some reason, she blamed the whole thing on Gary Coleman.
Fridays (Prime)
This was a comedy sketch show from the early 80s. I watched the premiere episode on Saturday morning. There were a lot of familiar faces in the cast, including a dark-haired Larry David. Unfortunately, none of the skits were really that funny.
The Greatest Event In Television History (Prime)
In this Adult Swim series, Adam Scott recreated the opening credits of classic television shows and destroyed his life in the process. Jeff Probst hosted. Jon Hamm guest-starred and “died” shortly after filming his scenes. (Don’t worry, his ghost later appeared.) Paul Rudd slept with Adam’s wife. Host Jeff Probst said, “Adam’s life is now ruined.” Billy Joel played piano. I watched all four episodes on Tuesday and it was funnier than it had any right to be.
Jesus of Nazareth (Tubi)
On Easter, I binged this seven hour miniseries from 1977. Written by Anthony Burgess and directed by Franco Zeffirelli, this gorgeously produced production took the idea of having an all-star cast quite literally. Even the minor roles were played by familiar faces, everyone from Donald Pleasence to Rod Steiger to Ernest Borgnine to James Earl Jones, Ian McShane, Laurence Olivier, Stacy Keach, Christopher Plummer, and Michael York. Olivia Hussey played the Virgin Mary. Anne Bancroft played the Magdalene. It was very well-done and surprisingly moving.
The Masters (Prime and Paramount+)
I watched a bit of the Masters this week. On Saturday, when it was storming outside and I had just returned from attending a memorial service for an old friend of my father’s, it provided a nice distraction.
Nero Wolfe (A&E)
I watched the final two episodes of Nero Wolfe on Tuesday. It was a truly entertaining show, featuring great work from Maury Chaykin and Timothy Hutton. It’s a shame that it was canceled after only two seasons.
Sledgehammer (Prime)
This was an 80s sitcom, featuring David Rasche as an out-of-control cop. I watched two episodes on Friday and it was actually pretty funny. Rasche talked to his gun and made fun of liberals. I enjoyed it.
Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell, which ran on NBC from 1989 to 1993. The entire show is currently streaming on Prime and Tubi!
This week, we have perhaps the dumbest 30 minutes of television ever.
Episode 1.17 “Close Encounters of the Nerd Kind”
(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on November 23rd, 1990)
After breaking the school’s video camera, Zack and the gang need to come up with some money and they need to do it quickly! They see that a tabloid will pay money for pictures of an alien so they send in a picture of Screech. Thompson (Sean Masterson) turns up at the school to investigate the claim. Screech pretends to be an alien. Uh-oh, Thompson’s from the government and he wants to dissect Screech!
This is without a doubt the stupidest episode of Saved By The Bell that I’ve ever seen and that’s saying something. Everyone in the school — including freaking Mr. Belding — puts on a mask to show Thompson that he’s been fooled.
That’s not very nice, Thompson says.
Neither is telling a bunch of kids you’re from a magazine, Belding replies.
What does that even mean, Belding?
Seriously, I try to cut this show some slack but even when I was an occasionally stoned college student watching Saved By The Bell so I’d have something other to do other than study, I still groaned whenever this episode came on.
Did they ever fix the video camera? They should have let the government have Screech.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell: The New Class, which ran on NBC from 1993 to 2o00. The show is currently on Prime.
It’s time for the annual school swap meet!
Episode 1.10 “Swap Meet”
(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on November 13, 1993)
It’s time for the Swap Meet, the annual Bayside tradition that has never been mentioned before this week’s episode. All of the students — and Mr. Belding — go to the gym to sell the old stuff that they don’t need anymore. Does anyone in this school actually go to class?
Weasel, Scott, and Tommy D. have their own table, where they are apparently selling random things from Weasel’s garage. Scott desperately needs some money so that he can take Rachel Meyers (Sarah Lancaster, who would become a regular starting with season 2) to the Janet Jackson concert. Scott is not happy when Weasel takes the ten dollars that Scott and Tommy D have made at the table and spends it all on comic books. Fortunately, one of those comic books turns out to be Defender Dog #59, the one with the “famous misprint!” Scott and Weasel go to call the comic book shop to find out how much the comic book is worth. “It’s worth 600 raviolis!” Weasel announces. Huh? Who talks like that?
While Scott and Weasel are dancing in the hallway, Tommy D sells the comic book for nine dollars to Marv and Harv Dorkman (played by Grant Gelt and Karl Michael Maschek).
Marv and Harv, as you guessed, are two of Saved By The Bell‘s stereotypical nerd characters. They refuse to sell the comic book back to Scott. When Scott realizes that Marv and Harv have crushes on Megan and Vicki, he convinces Megan and Vicki to go to the movies with them and to lie about loving comic books. Megan and Vicki think that, by doing this, they’ll get the Defender Dog comic book. Instead, Marv and Harv sell the comic book to Crunch Grabowski (Ryan Hurst) and then use the money that they made to buy necklaces for Megan and Vicki, which Megan and Vicki promptly reject.
“I can’t believe this,” Scott says.
“Getting that comic book back is harder than Chinese square dancing,” says Weasel.
It’s hurting my head just to recap this.
Anyway, Crunch doesn’t want to sell the comic book so Scott convinces Crunch to come to the local comic book shop, which is owned by Honolulu Harry. So, of course, Weasel puts on an old man mask and pretends to be Honolulu Harry and Tommy D. pretends to be a nerd who wants to sell a copy of Defender Dog so that Weasel (as Harry) to tell him that no one likes Defender Dog. Crunch cannot handle being seen with an unpopular super hero so he trades Defender Dog for Lou the Ant. Scott gets the comic book but then the real Honolulu Harry shows up and refuses to buy it from him because he caught Tommy D. in the back of the comic book shop. “You touched my comics!” Harry yells. What are people supposed to do in a comic book store?
Poor Scott! Well, no, not really. There’s a hundred smart things that Scott could have done during this episode and he didn’t do a single one of them. He deserves what he gets….
Oh wait, the Dorkmans spent a lot of money to get four tickets to the Janet Jackson concert. Megan tells them that she and Vicki would love to go to the concert with them. Megan says she’ll hold on to two of the tickets and that she and Vicki will meet them at the concert. The Dorkmans give the tickets to Megan and Vicki and then Megan and Vicki give them to Scott so he can take Rachel to the concert.
“You guys did this for me? You guys are the best.” Scott says.
Rachel shows up to go to the concert with Scott. She asks if the tickets were hard to get.
“No, not when you have really great friends,” Scott says.
Awwwww! the audience replies.
The audience has probably forgotten that Vicki had a huge crush on Scott just a few episodes ago and Megan and Scott were hinted to be a couple-in-the-making at the start of the season. Beyond continuity, the main message here seems to be that, if your friend is a pathological liar, it’s okay to to lie to help him out. The Dorkmans, who apparently spent a lot of money on the tickets that Megan just gave away, are already at the concert waiting on their dates. Vicki and Megan’s actions would perhaps be justified if the Dorkmans were creeps but, for the most part, they’re just two guys who wears glasses and like comic books. And while it is true that the Dorkmans bought those tickets without bothering to ask Vicki and Megan out beforehand, it’s also true that Megan flat-out lied so that she could then give the tickets to Scott.
One thing that I have noticed about Saved By The Bell: The New Class is that it seems to really hate its nerd characters. The original series had stereotypical nerds as well but they were still, more or less, likeable and the show’s characters may not have hung out with them but they weren’t intentionally cruel to them. Saved By The Bell: The New Class, on the other hand, feels as if it was written by the same people who spilled the pig’s blood on Carrie White.
Anyway, this episode was terrible. Thank goodness there’s only three more episodes of the first season to go.
Through the Shattered Lens 