Today’s song of the day comes from David Bowie and it’s about Bowie’s fascination with Andy Warhol. Warhol himself apparently didn’t care for this song but Bowie meant it as a tribute.
This song came out in 1971. 25 years later, Bowie would play Andy Warhol in Basquiat.
Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network! It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.
This week, TC goes surfing!
Episode 4.9 “Cutting Edge”
(Dir by Terence H. Winkless, originally aired on October 18th, 1998)
When an up-and-coming surfer named Kenny Slaughter (Reed Ferichs) is pressured by a corrupt surf board salesman named Rip Cutter (Matt Battaglia), TC befriends Kenny. He and Kenny go surfing. They discuss the philosophy of catching a great wave. “Are you sure you’re a cop?” Kenny asks.
Uhmm, Kenny …. are you kidding? TC is the most uptight guy on the beach. Everything about him screams “cop.”
This episode is an example of something that happened quite frequently with Pacific Blue. One of the bike cops would befriend someone and the viewer would be left to wonder how that could have possibly happened. Friendship usually requires a modicum of likability and that’s something that no one on this show seems to have. Whether it’s Chris saying, “Just doing my job,” after nearly running someone down with her bicycle or Cory rolling her eyes every time that she has to deal with anyone younger than her, there are literally no likable bike cops. Even this episode features Cory complaining about the attitude that Kenny gave her when she arrested him while he and Rip were having a fight on the beach. It’s hard not to notice that almost every episode features Cory complaining about someone’s attitude. It’s a bit of a cliche but it’s true. If everyone you meet is a jerk, that means that you’re the jerk.
TC assigns Monica to work undercover in Rip’s surf shop. This means that Monica has to frequently come over to TC’s apartment to give him updates. Because TC can’t tell anyone that Monica is working undercover, Chris gets suspicious about why Monica is always coming over. Chris and Cory being paranoid about Monica has been going on for nine episodes now and I think that, narratively, it might be a good idea to just move on from it. It wasn’t that interesting to begin with and, at this point, Chris and Cory are just coming across as being overage mean girls.
Anyway, this episode actually felt like an abandoned Baywatch storyline. TC’s no surfer.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell: The New Class, which ran on NBC from 1993 to 2o00. The show is currently on Prime.
This week, Rachel’s boyfriend returns.
Episode 2.8 “Rachel’s Choice”
(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on October 1st, 1994)
Oh, Hell, we’re back at the country club.
Rachel and Brian are now dating but Rachel still hasn’t told her long-distance boyfriend, football star David Conrad (Kevin Bell). In this episode, it’s mentioned that Rachel has been dating David for two years (so why was she going on out on a date with Scott during season one?) and that David is the “local boy made good.” Mr. Belding acts as if David is the only good football player that Bayside ever had, which is definitely A.C. Slater erasure.
(It’s weird how Bayside went from being the most exclusive school in Los Angeles during the first series to apparently just some throw-away slum school in the New Class.)
David told Rachel that he would be spending the summer in Europe but — surprise! — he comes home early for Rachel’s birthday. (David immediately recognizes Screech as someone he went to school with so David is at least 20. Rachel appeared in the first 4 seasons of The New Class and, when she left, it was because she transferred to another school. So, Rachel is around 14 or 15 here and has been dating David for two years, which means that David should probably be in jail.) Rachel has to make a choice between David and Brian. Now, that could make for some serious drama if both Brian and David were portrayed as being two nice guys who both liked Rachel. Instead, David is portrayed as being such a soulless snob that there’s absolutely no doubt who Rachel will eventually pick. Indeed, the whole episode makes Rachel seem shallow and stupid for going out with David in the first place.
Meanwhile, Mr. Belding is concerned that some of the members are joining a different country clubs. Why does Belding care? This is just a summer job for him. Belding assigns Screech to make a video about the club. Shouldn’t Belding have run that past the actual owner of the club?
These country club episodes are stupid. By running them concurrently with the high school episodes, NBC created a situation where one episode would feature Brian and Rachel as a couple and the next episode would feature Brian still trying to work up the courage to ask her out. It’s as if no one at NBC cared. That’s a shame because the late Christian Oliver was a likable actor and Brian and Rachel were a cute couple. (In real life, when this episode aired, 22 year-old Christian Oliver was about 8 years older than Sarah Lancaster but let’s try not to think about that.)
Anyway, the country club sucks. I hope everyone gets a better job next summer.
We can drive it home with one headlight….
Some songs just get stuck in your head and I think this is definitely one of them. This is also a song that always used to play in the background at one of my favorite used bookstores. I associate One Headlight with searching through old books and learning about history.
Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983. The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!
This week, the computer goes down and Erik Estrada asks, “What’s a computer?”
Episode 5.25 “Overload”
(Dir by Robert Pine, originally aired on May 2nd, 1982)
Reni Santoni and Michael Anderson, Jr. play two thieves who hijack a truck that is delivering computer chips. When the truck is involved in an accident, an old woman named Nettie (Helen Kleeb) spots Anderson hiding in the trailer. She panics and flees from the scene.
Why do the criminals need the computer chips? Reni Santoni’s cousin (Denis Mandel) is a genius who has built a device that allows him to hack into other computers. As a test, he hacks into the Highway Patrol’s computer and rewrites their code. Suddenly, the computers at HPHQ can no longer be used to look up addresses. Bonnie is shorted on her paycheck. Getraer, meanwhile, gets paid a thousand more than usual. Ponch worries because he entered all the numbers in his little black book into the computer and now, he can’t get them out. Listening to him deliver his lines, one gets the feeling that Erik Estrada didn’t have the slightest idea what Ponch was talking about and, to be honest, I get the feeling that whoever wrote this episode was equally as confused. Myself, I’m wondering about the logic of using a work computer for that. I mean, what if he wants to call someone from his swinging bachelor pad?
Eventually, the Highway Patrol does track down Nettie. Nettie turns out to be one of the most annoying old biddies to ever appear on this show. Strangely, everyone at the station is charmed by her, despite the fact that she fled from the scene of a serious accident that was largely caused by her bad driving. Nettie should be going to prison!
This wasn’t much of an episode. Larry Wilcox looked miserable and annoyed from beginning to end and it’s easy to understand why he decided not come back after the fifth season. There are times when it really does appear as if he’s considering pushing Estrada off of his motorcycle. Sorry, Larry, but we all know what show this is!
Only two more episodes to go before we complete this season!
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing Crime Story, which ran on NBC from 1986 to 1988. The entire show can be found on Tubi!
Torello is going to snap….
Episode 1.9 “Justice Hits The Skids”
(Dir by Mario DiLeo, originally aired on November 11th, 1986)
Torello is losing it.
Well, that’s not really a surprise. Torello has been losing it since the pilot. However, this episode finds him acting even more intense than usual. He’s getting divorced. His best friend Ted Kehoe has been murdered and the federal prosecutor seems to be more interested in trying to prove that Torello is corrupt than in going after Bartoli and Luca. Torello doesn’t even go to Ted Kehoe’s funeral, leading to everyone thinking that Torello is losing what little grip on sanity he has left. Even his soon-to-be ex-wife checks in on him.
While Torello stews over Luca, Suzanne Terry attempts to investigate the growing use of drugs in some of Chicago’s poorest neighbors and she gets attacked and put into the hospital as a result. David Abrams tries to investigate on his own, leading to Suzanne telling him that she needs some time apart from him. (Before she’s attacked, David takes her out to dinner. When a racist diner complains and the head waiter asks them to move to a different table, Suzanne wants to leave the restaurant. David insists that they stay and finish their meal. David may see himself as being a righteous crusader but, at the same time, he also comes across as being rather controlling. It doesn’t seem to occur to him that Suzanne might not want to give any business to a racist restaurant.) Torello and the Major Crimes Unit then take up the case, even though his superiors tell him not to waste any time on it.
Sweet Haywood (John Canada Tyrell), the drug dealer who attacked Suzanne, is eventually captured. Sitting in jail, he meets his public defender, who just happens to be David Abrams. Abrams pulls out a gun and shoots Haywood in the chest. However, this turns out to just be a fantasy on David’s part. When the real Haywood demands to know if Abrams is going to keep him out of the jail, Abrams says, “Of course. That’s my job. Abrams for the defense.”
The gun-shooting fantasy scene was effective but otherwise, the ending doesn’t make much sense. Assigning Abrams to serve as the public defender for a guy who was arrested for beating up Abrams’s girlfriend is a massive conflict-of-interest. If Abrams intentionally offers up a poor defense, Haywood will automatically have grounds for an appeal. I mean, this is 1963. This the era of the Warren Court!
Even with that in mind, this wasn’t a bad episode. David Abrams and Mike Torello are both flawed heroes, which is what makes the show so watchable. Torello may be fighting on the side of the law but he really does seem like he’s one bad day away from blowing up the entire city of Chicago. Meanwhile, Abrams clearly sees himself as being the last righteous crusader but he often seems oblivious to how his actions effect other people. Neither is perfect. Indeed, each one seems to be just one step away from self-destructing.
We’ll see what happens!
In honor Sylvester Stallone’s birthday, here’s a song of the day that most of our reader probably know by heart.
Election Coverage
Tuesday’s election coverage was boring. Only Colorado voted this week and who cares?
Family Ties (Paramount Plus)
I watched an episode of this old 80s sitcom on Saturday morning. Michael J. Fox dreamt that he had to help Thomas Jefferson write the Declaration of Independence.
Full House (Disney+)
I watched four episodes of this infamous 90s sitcom on Saturday. In one episode, Jesse was fired from his band and replaced by Barry Williams. (That was actually funny.) In another episode, Stephanie was tempted to start smoking. Then, I watched an episode in which Uncle Jesse was revealed to be a high school drop out. (Loser!) And finally, I watched a truly terrible episode in which Jesse dressed his baby sons up as Elvis so that they could win a Cutest Twins contest. Seriously, this was a terrible show but I have a feeling I’m going to end up watching a few more episodes tomorrow. It’s strangely addictive.
It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia (Hulu)
I watched four episodes on Saturday. The Gang went on Family Fight. The Gang went to the water park. Wolf Cola turned into a marketing disaster. And, Mac and Dennis battled the recession by giving out totally worthless Paddy Dollars. I still crack up at the idea of Frank selling knives door-to-door.
King of the Hill (Hulu)
There aren’t many classic 4th of July episodes out there. Back in the day of traditional network schedules, most TV shows were on hiatus during the summer and, as a result, Independence Day never got as much attention in TV Land as Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. That said, there are a few good episodes out there. On Saturday, I watched the “Born Again On The 4th Of July” episode of King of the Hill. From the show’s 13th season, it featured Bobby going through a religious phase and trying to stop the Independence Day rivalry between Hank and his neighbors. It wasn’t the strongest episode of King of The Hill — for one thing, Bobby had already gone through a religious phase a few seasons earlier — but no matter. Even the weaker episodes of King of the Hill are better than the best episodes of many sitcoms.
The Office (Peacock)
The Client, an episode from the second season, is not a 4th of July episode. It’s the episode where Michael and Jan have a lunch meeting with a client that ends up going late into the night. Meanwhile, at the office, Pam discover Michael’s screenplay for Threat Level Midnight and Jim organizes a dramatic reading. Dwight announces that he has some left-over fireworks, which he and Kevin proceed to set off outside of the office. That was enough for me to justify watching it on July 3rd.
Portlandia (Netflix)
This morning, I watched the 4th of July BBQs episode of Portlandia. The Mayor had to find fireworks for the city’s celebration. A couple tried to cycle through every barbecue in town. A punk rock barbecue led to chaos. I enjoyed it! It was nice to see Kyle MacLachlan as the mayor.
Saved By The Bell (Tubi)
On Saturday morning, I watched the 4th of July “Miss Liberty” episode. (There really aren’t that many good 4th of July episodes out there.) The Malibu Sands episodes are always strange to me. Why would Zack work a summer job? Zack’s rich!
What I Like About You (Tubi)
Tubi has the first two seasons of What I Like About You! The only problem is that they’ve replaced the cover of What I Like About You that originally played over the opening credits with his blandly generic, early aughts, girl group pop song. Bleh. The only reason I ever watched that show was because I liked that cover of What I Like About You. Anyway, I watched an episode where Amanda Bynes wanted to have a party at the loft and Jennie Garth didn’t want her to. All of the squeaky voices hurt my ears.
My best friend Evelyn and I have a long-standing pact. If either one of us dies mysteriously or suddenly disappears, the surviving friend will investigate the crime and bring those responsible to justice.
It’s the type of pact that you make when you realize how much your best friend actually means to you. Fortunately, I’ve never had to keep up my end of the pact because nothing has happened to my best friend. The truth of the matter is that it seems like it would actually be very difficult to independently solve a crime. I know that a lot of people thought that Michelle McNamara did that when she investigated the Golden State Killer but, if you actually read I’ll Be Gone In The Dark and then research the actual facts of the case, you can’t help but notice that all of McNamara’s theories were wrong. It’s not easy investigating a crime without a crime lab or a search warrant or the power to arrest people. There’s a reason why most crimes are solved by detectives and not by well-meaning civilians. Add to that, with my ADHD, there’s no way I’d be able to keep track of whatever clues I did find. Seriously, I fear that I would be useless in that situation.
If only life were a Lifetime movie!
In 2o24’s Danger of Party Island, Mel Dale (Lindsey Dresbach) is a lawyer who is stunned to learn that her carefree sister, Georgia (Andrea Prevatt), has apparently washed up dead on the island of Fang Key. While her anxious mother waits for word in the States, Mel heads down to Fang Key and tries to figure what could have led to her sister’s death. The local police suggests that Georgia was on drugs and trying to cliff dive. Mel says that Georgia never drank or used drugs. (Why would you go to a “party island” if you didn’t drink or use drugs?) The police say that Mel should just go home and let them handle it. Mel says that she has to discover the truth. The police mention that Georgia’s best friend is missing too. Around this time, Mel finally figures out that the police aren’t going to be much help.
Mel’s investigation leads her to darkest corners of a party island. She befriends hunky club owner Jever (James Bobo), despite everyone telling her that Jever is actually bad news. She comes to suspect that Georgia might not even be dead. This suspicion seems to be confirmed when Georgia suddenly starts posting cheerful videos to her social media accounts. Again, everyone tells Mel that she should just go home but Mel is convinced that someone is holding Georgia against her will. Meanwhile, Mel and Georgia’s mother keeps threatening to come to the island and take over the investigation herself.
The cool thing about Danger on Party Island is that all Mel really needs to launch an investigation is a lap top and a good search engine. That certainly gave me some hope because, if I ever do have to solve a crime, I know all of the best search engines. The other good thing about Danger on Party Island is that the island was really pretty. This was a film where the plot was so-so but the scenery was lovely. Director Danny J. Boyle did a good job of contrasting the beauty of the island with the darkness of some of the things going in the shadows.
I just wish that the film had been a little bit more fun. This is a film that did indeed embrace the melodrama but I still found myself wishing that it had embraced it even more. Instead, the film’s big finale felt anti-climatic and things just never got as over-the-top as they should have. Danger On Party Island had a beautiful island but it still needed to be more of a party.
In the end, this Lifetime film held my attention. It didn’t quite live up to the melodramatic promise of its name but at least it suggested that solving a crime isn’t as hard as it looks.
I can only hope!
Through the Shattered Lens 