Late Night Retro Television Review: Monsters 2.20 “Micro Minds”

Posted on October 30, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on YouTube.

In this episode, a new lifeform is discovered.

Episode 2.20 “Micro Minds”

(Dir by Anthony Santa Croce, originally aired on March 4, 1990)

In a college science lab, astronomy student Paula (Belle Avery) is convinced that her personal computer is picking up communications being sent to her from an extra-terrestrial civilization. When Dr. Thomas Becker (Troy Donahue) comes by the lab to find out why Paula hasn’t been coming to class, he is at first dismissive of her theory. But then he hears the voice of Grok (David Parmenter) coming through the computer and he realizes the truth of what has happened.

Paula has made contact with another lifeform.

But it’s not an lifeform from another planet. Instead, it’s a microscopic protozoa that has evolved in the laboratory’s cooling tank. Grok can speak but it doesn’t know much about the world outside of the tank. When Becker shines a light over the tank, Grok thinks that Becker is God. Becker, to Paula’s alarm, rather likes the idea of being God.

Soon, Becker is pouring salt and sugar into the cooling tank, all in an attempt to speed up Grok’s evolution. Paula thinks that Becker is moving too quickly. Eventually, a giant version of Grok (imagine a slimy version of the killer carpet from The Creeping Terror) materializes in the lab and attacks Paula. Paula destroys it and Becker, realizing the Paula also means to destroy the rest of Grok, responds by killing her. Becker, thinking that he has saved Grok, does not realize that Grok is planning on using him to destroy the human race.

I had a bit of a hard time following the plot of this episode, as you may have guessed from the somewhat jumbled synopsis above. This episode of Monsters is an homage to the B-science fiction films of the 50s and 60s and, as such, there’s a lot of technobabble which doesn’t make much sense but which is there so the viewer can at least pretend like the story is rooted in some sort of reality. In this case, the incoherence is the point.

The casting of former teen idol Troy Donahue as the professor is another call back to the 50s. After Donahue’s star faded, he appeared in his share of low-budget horror and sci-fi films. Donahue gives a good performance here, doing a nice job of portraying Dr. Becker’s growing megalomania. (That said, whenever anyone referred to him as “Becker,” I was reminded of that terrible Ted Danson show where he played the doctor who was always pissed off whenever he got off the subway.)

As for the episode’s monster, it looked awful and fake but again, one gets the feeling that was deliberate. To be honest, it didn’t look any worse than some of the monsters that showed up in Roger Corman’s alien invasion films.

This was an okay episode. Even if I couldn’t always follow the plot, the story held my attention. It was a well-done homage to cheap sci-fi, even if it never was quite as much fun as Plan 9 From Outer Space.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 5.3 “Two Grapes On The Vine/Aunt Sylvia/Deductible Divorce”

Posted on October 30, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, The Love Boat hosts a special event!

Episode 5.3 “Two Grapes On The Vine/Aunt Sylvia/Deductible Divorce”

(Dir by Bob Sweeney, originally aired on October 17th, 1981)

This week, the Love Boat is hosting a wine tasting competition!

Basically, the contestants sit in the ballroom. They take a sip of wine. They then write down what type of wine they think they just tasted. All of the members of the crew and the majority of the passengers watch them. Seriously, it looks like the most boring thing ever. I mean, I get why the competitors are into it. The winner gets a lot of money. But why would you want to watch people drink? I mean, if you’re crazy into wine, it seems like you’d want to drink it yourself. What fun is there in watching other people drink something? I’ll just say that, if I was on a cruise, I would want to do other things. I would want lay out by the pool or look at the ocean or maybe solve a murder. What I would not want to do would be to spend hours watching other people drink and then spit.

Also, I have to wonder about the wisdom of hosting a wine tasting competition on a ship that’s captained by a recovering alcoholic. Did the show forget this key part of the captain’s character? Merrill Stubing is a recovering alcoholic and he lives his life with the rigorous discipline of someone who is trying to avoid falling back into old habits. It would seem like Captain Stubing would at least mention his alcoholic past in this episode, especially after Vicki says that she wishes she could take part in the contest. Wouldn’t this be a good time for Stubing to explain that an addictive personality can be hereditary?

I know, I know. I’m overthinking. It’s just because I found this episode to be remarkably dull. I mean, I love The Love Boat but this episode was just boring. The whole wine tasting thing just put me to sleep.

It didn’t help that the three stories weren’t particularly interesting.

Robert Guillaume and Leslie Uggams played the two finalists in the wine tasting competition. They each lied to the other about why they needed the money. Then they fell in love and they each threw the competition so the other could win the money. But since they both got the last wine wrong, no one won and no money was awarded. Wow, wine tasting is a harsh sport!

Tanya Tucker and Michael Goodwin played a married couple who got divorced every year so that they could get a tax break. This time, they sailed to Mexico for a quickie divorce. Tucker’s ex-boyfriend, Robert Walden, was on the cruise and Tucker was tempted to stay divorced. However, she and Goodwin eventually decided to get married a sixth time and to never get divorced again. I liked this story solely because it was about screwing over the IRS.

Finally, Betty White wanted to marry Douglas Fairbanks, Jr. but he instead fell for Betty White’s friend, Carol Channing. No worries though! Fairbanks gave Betty White a job so that she would no longer have to marry for money.

It was all pretty boring. As I said, I love this show but this episode tasted as flat as a French wine from 1178.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Baywatch Nights 2.16 “Zargtha”

Posted on October 29, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch Nights, a detective show that ran in Syndication from 1995 to 1997. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, it’s werewolf time!

Episode 2.16 “Zargtha”

(Dir by Rick Jacobson, originally aired on April 5th, 1997)

The discovery of a murdered teenage runaway on the beach leads to Mitch investigating a series of killings involving homeless teens. The police think that the murders must be the result of a wild animal, a wolf of some sort. Daimont Teague shows up to tell Mitch that he thinks the killer is a Zargtha, a type of Eastern European werewolf that has found its way to California.

Mitch declares that he’s seen a lot of things over the past few months but there’s no way that he’s going to buy into the idea of a werewolf from Eastern Europe.

Okay, let’s consider this. Over the past few months, Mitch has

encountered numerous sea monsters,
been sucked into the past and hunted by an axe-wielding frontierman
gone to the future and been hunted by cannibal mutants
watched multiple animals explode after getting exposed to space dust
watched two 900 year-old Vikings come back to life and pick up their blood feud right where they left off,
discovered that the world is secretly controlled by the Knights Templar and,
fought an actual vampire!

That’s just some of what Mitch has seen since the start of the second season of Baywatch Nights. And yet, after all that, a werewolf is just too out there!? I know that Mitch is supposed to be a skeptic and I respect that. I’m a skeptic myself. But there’s a point where skepticism becomes stupidity. I may not believe in vampires but that’s going to quickly change if I ever meet one.

After learning that there’s a group of homeless teenagers living in abandoned building, Mitch and the head of the local shelter, Cindy (Pamela Bach-Hasselhoff), try to find and warn them before the killer reaches them. Complicating this matter is that a recent earthquake is threatening to make the building come crashing down and also, the killer is already in the building. And yes, the killer is a werewolf from Eastern Europe.

This was actually a pretty good episode. Though the werewolf makeup wasn’t that great, the creature’s ferocious growls and the relentless way that it would attack still made it far more effective than the usual Baywatch Nights monster. As well, the abandoned building turned out to be a wonderfully atmospheric and creepy location. For once, all the Dutch angles felt appropriate. This episode played out like a nightmare and I imagine, back in 1997, it was probably quite scary to watch with the lights out and maybe a storm raging outside.

Pamela Bach-Hasselhoff was married to David Hasselhoff when this episode was filmed. That may explain why Ryan is barely in this episode and, for the first time in a long time, there’s no scenes of Ryan and Mitch flirting. Instead, Mitch spends this episode protecting Cindy and the kids. That’s kind of sweet. Good for the Hoff!

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 5.15 “The Case Against Mr. Roarke/Save Sherlock Holmes”

Posted on October 29, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984. Unfortunately, the show has been removed from most streaming sites. Fortunately, I’ve got nearly every episode on my DVR.

This week, Mr. Roarke might be a father!

Episode 5.15 “The Case Against Mr. Roarke/Save Sherlock Holmes”

(Dir by Don Weis, originally aired on February 6th, 1982)

After last week’s episode with Julie, Tattoo returns this week and Julie is nowhere to be seen. When Mr. Roarke asks where Julie is, Tattoo mentions that Julie is helping with the Custer’s Last Stand fantasy. At this point, I can only assume that a life insurance policy has been taking out on Julie and Roarke or Tattoo, or maybe both are trying to get her killed so they can collect.

Julie not being present means that she misses out on one of the biggest scandals in Fantasy Island history. A former guest, Fran Warner (Laraine Stephens), returns to the Island after seven years. Accompanying her is her six year-old daughter, Nancy (Nicole Eggert). Fran loudly declares that Mr. Roarke is Nancy’s father and that he now has an obligation to take care of her. Fran even has a birth certificate where, under the father’s name, someone has written — and I kid you not — “Mr. Roarke.”

Is Mr. Roarke the kid’s father? As is his habit, he refuses to answer the question directly when Tattoo asks it. But it soon turns out that no, Mr. Roarke is not Nancy’s father. Instead, Fran is sick and may be dying and she wants to make sure that Nancy is cared for. When Nancy learns the truth, she runs away and Tattoo leads a search party across the Island. Fear not, of course. Nancy is found and a very forgiving Mr. Roarke allows Nancy and Fran to stay on the Island. And Fran’s terminal disease suddenly becomes less terminal!

While this is going on, security guard Kevin Lansing (Ron Ely) gets to live his fantasy of helping a great detective. Kevin doesn’t care which detective he gets to help so Roarke sends him back to Victorian-era London so that Kevin can work with Dr. Watson (a charming Donald O’Connor) to save Sherlock Holmes (Peter Lawford, not looking well in one of his final performances) from the clutches of Moriarty (Mel Ferrer, being as sinister here as he was in countless giallo films). Kevin also falls for Nurse Heavenly (RIta Jenrette, the wife of a corrupt Democrat member of Congress) and is pleased to discover that she’s not really Moriarty’s assistant. Instead, she was just another guest on the Island having a fantasy.

The Sherlock Holmes story was silly but fun, in the way that Fantasy Island often is. It’s always interesting when this show goes into the past and we get to see how the show’s crew dressed up the show’s sets to try to make them look historically accurate. The same street appears in every episode but sometimes, that street is in 1890s London and sometimes, it’s in 1690s Salem and sometimes, it’s just in modern day Fantasy Island! As for the Mr. Roarke’s a father storyline, it was predictable but still, it was a good showcase for Ricardo Montalban’s enigmatic interpretation of Mr. Roarke.

This was a pleasant trip to the Island!

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 2.18 “Rally ‘Round The Bank”

Posted on October 28, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983. The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee!

This week, Ponch’s mom comes to visit! Will she get on a motorcycle? Uhmm …. no. She doesn’t. It probably would have been cool if she had. She could have helped chase down this week’s set of bad guys. This seems like a missed opportunity. It’s still a good episode, though.

Episode 2.18 “Rally ‘Round The Bank”

(Dir by Barry Crane, originally aired February 3rd, 1979)

Ponch is nervous because his mom, who is deathly afraid of flying, has boarded an airplane and flown from Chicago to Los Angeles to visit him. (In this episode, we discover that Ponch’s family apparently got rich and moved to Chicago sometime between the end of the first and the start of the second season.) Why is Ponch’s mother visiting? Ponch isn’t sure. He spends a lot of time worrying but, in the end, it turns out that his mother (well-played by Anna Navarro, no relation to that annoying woman on The View) came to town because Baker and Getraer called to tell her that Ponch would be receiving a special safety citation from Getraer.

Awwwww!

Apparently, Ponch has gone a whole year without crashing his motorcycle. I’m pretty sure I saw Ponch crash his motorcycle just a few episodes ago but whatever. The important thing is that this is actually a good Ponch episode. For once, Erik Estrada’s tendency to overact is not a distraction and his relationship with his mom is actually really sweet. When I watched this episode, my first thought was that Navarro looked way too young to be Estrada’s mother. If anything, she actually looked like she might be a few years younger than him. Then I checked with imdb and discovered that Navarro actually was sixteen years older than Estrada.

(I will admit that Anna Navarro — again, the actress and not that annoying woman who hosted a day of the Democratic National Convention — reminded me a lot of my own mom, which is maybe one reason why I liked this episode more than I thought I would.)

Ponch and Baker also find time to chase after two bank robbers, played by Frank Ashmore and Ron Hajak. Because the robbers are a part of a nation-wide rally race that is passing through Los Angeles, Ponch and Baker get to know some of the other racers. Two women invite Ponch and Baker to a square dance. Baker has to decline so Ponch brings Getraer instead. Getraer turns out to be a surprisingly good dancer. Ponch’s mom comes to the square dance as well and, for a few minutes, I thought maybe she and Getraer were going to announce to the world that they were in love. That would have been a great CHiPs moment but it didn’t happen. That’s another missed opportunity.

Missed opportunities aside, this was a good episode. It was fun and it was sweet and it made me smile.

Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 3.5 “The Good Collar”

Posted on October 28, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989. The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

This week, even more innocent lives are destroyed by an unwinnable war on drugs.

Episode 3.5 “The Good Collar”

(Dir by Mario DiLeo, originally aired on October 24th, 1986)

This week’s episode of Miami Vice tells the story of several wars playing out on the streets of Miami.

One of the wars is the skirmish between two street gangs, made up exclusively of teenagers. Led by Count Walker (Samuel Graham), the Regular Fellas are pushing drugs and even forcing a promising football star named Archie Ellis (Keith Diamond) to deliver a package of black tar heroin for them. The Regular Fellas are at war with The Apostles. Among the members of the Apostles is Ramirez (Jsu Garcia), an undercover cop who is actually 23 but who is pretending to be seventeen.

When Crockett and Tubbs bust Archie, all three of them find themselves dragged into the National War On Drugs. Assistant State Attorney William Pepin (Terry Kinney) wants to take Count Walker down, if just so he can claim a rare victory. When Archie helps Crockett and Tubbs make a bust and also saves them from getting shot in a back alley, Pepin agrees to drop all the charges against Archie. But after Ramirez is blown up by the Regular Fellas, Pepin decides that he’s going to go ahead and charge Archie unless Archie wears a wire and gets Count Walker to confess to his crimes.

Crockett, the former football star, is outraged by Pepin’s decision to put Archie in danger. Crockett even offers to doctor the records so that Archie’s arrest will be dismissed by the courts. However, Archie refuses. Archie says that he’s responsible for his own mistakes and he’ll deal with the consequences. Unfortunately, in this case, the consequences involve Archie being shot and killed by Count Walker, though not before getting Walker to confess on tape. Walker is arrested and his gang is destroyed but at the cost of Archie’s life. Pepin is happy. Ramierz’s supervisor, Lt. Lee Atkins (John Spencer), is happy. But social worker Ed McCain (Charles S. Dutton) blames Crockett for Archie’s death. And Archie’s grandmother slams the door in Crockett’s face when he attempts to come by to pay his final respects.

What a dark episode! However, it does get to the truth of the matter. There was no way to win the War on Drugs. Even the victories in this episode feel hollow. Regular viewers of Miami Vice would have understood that someone else would eventually step into the vacuum left by Walker’s arrest. Meanwhile, Archie — a good kid with the athletic talent necessary to win a college scholarship and have a chance to escape from the poverty that he grew up in — is shot and killed because a state’s attorney needed to notch up at least one victory. Miami Vice was at its best when it was cynical and it doesn’t get much more cynical than this heartbreaking episode.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Degrassi Junior High 3.14 “Black & White”

Posted on October 27, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sunday, I will be reviewing the Canadian series, Degrassi Junior High, which aired on CBC and PBS from 1987 to 1989! The series can be streamed on YouTube!

With the school year coming to an end, prejudice raises its ugly head.

Episode 3.14 “Black & White”

(Dir by John Bertram, originally aired on March 5th, 1989)

The school year is nearly over. While Bart and Scooter take pictures for the yearbook, the other students prepare for the big graduation dance. BLT asks Michelle to be his date to the dance and Michelle says yes. I have to admit that I was a bit surprised that BLT and Michelle weren’t already dating at the start of this episode. Nearly every time that we’ve seen Michelle over the course of the third season, BLT has been right there with her.

Alexa says that it’s great the Michelle is going to the dance with BLT because BLT is a great dancer. “That goes without saying,” Alexa says. After an appropriately awkward silence, Alexa adds, “Because he’s black.” Okay, Alexa, thanks for sharing…. Alexa goes on to say that her parents would never allow her to date a black person because they hate anyone who isn’t Greek. That must make their lives in Toronto very interesting….

Unfortunately, it turns out that Alexa isn’t the only student with prejudiced parents. Michelle’s mother takes one look at BLT and suddenly decides that Michelle is too young to start dating. After Michelle tells BLT the news, BLT suggests that Michelle’s mom doesn’t want her to date him because he’s black. When Michelle finally works up the courage to ask her mom if BLT is correct, her mom replies that she’s not racist at all. Instead, she’s so progressive that she understands how racist everyone else is and therefore, she has a unique understanding of how difficult it would be if Michelle ended up marrying someone who wasn’t white….

AGCK! It’s like a Canadian version of the “I would have voted for Obama a third time,” line from Get Out.

Finally, Michelle works up the courage to go with BLT to the dance anyway, regardless of what her parents may think.

Meanwhile, Spike tries to get a part-time job at a deli. The owner takes one look at her hair and then claims that Spike was late to the job interview and is therefore unhirable. “That’s prejudice,” Liz says as they walk away from the deli. And it is but it’s really not the equivalent of what BLT is dealing with. Sorry, Degrassi.

For the most part, this was an effective episode. It starts out with a jarring scene in which another students bumps into BLT and uses the “n-word.” BLT and the racist student get into a fist fight, which is broken up by an assistant principal. BLT is told that he’ll be suspended if there’s another fight but, as he explains to Snake and Wheels, there’s no way he’s going to back down if he sees the student again.

“Can’t you just ignore it?” Snake asks.

“You’re not the one being called a….” BLT says, uttering the slur.

It’s an honest scene and not one that most teen shows would have the guts to include. Hearing the word used so casually in 2024 is jarring. For American audiences, it’s sometimes good to be reminded that racism is not something that is unique to only one region of our country. It’s a worldwide thing and often those who are the quickest to brag about their tolerance are actually the most prejudiced people around.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Check It Out! 2.17 “Chain Reaction”

Posted on October 26, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing the Canadian sitcom, Check it Out, which ran in syndication from 1985 to 1988. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, a wave of bad luck crashes into the store.

Episode 2.17 “Chain Reaction”

(Dir by Stan Jacobson, originally aired on February 15, 1987)

This is a bit of an odd episode.

For one thing, neither Jeff Pustil nor Gordon Clapp appear in this episode. As Pustil and Clapp were two of the more consistently funny performers on this show, their absence is definitely felt.

Since Pustil’s assistant manager character is said to be on vacation, Murray is temporarily promoted to assistant manager and spends this episode wearing a suit and making smarmy comments that are totally out-of-character for him.

There’s a new cashier named Amy (Kathryn Rose). We’ve never seen her before but everyone on the show acts as if she’s always been there.

This episode features everyone at a store getting a chain letter, which was an annoying thing where someone would send you a letter and tell you to send a copy of the letter to ten other people for good luck. (It’s the sort of thing that was apparently popular in the years before email.) Everyone at the store takes their chain letter seriously, except for Howard. Howard sets his chain letter on fire.

Immediately after Howard destroys the letter, ominous thunder rumbles. A fire breaks out in Howard’s office and Howard uses Edna’s sweater to put it out. A terrible smell spreads through the store, chasing away the customers and forcing the health department to order the place closed until it’s gone away. An old woman gets food poisoning from can of Pears and sues the store. Finally, Marlene tells Howard that this is all his fault, Howard insults Marlene’s hair, and Marlene quits.

Marlene is later in an accident and taken to the hospital. Howard and the gang (including the mysterious Amy) rush over to the hospital to check on Marlene. Howard goes in Marlene’s hospital room and finds a patient covered in bandages. Assuming the patient is Marlene, Howard calls her the daughter he never had and promises to rehire her and give her a raise. Surprise! The patient wasn’t Marlene but Marlene was standing behind Howard and listening the whole time.

It’s sweet but it’s also a reminder that Check It Out rarely made much effort to maintain a consistent continuity. Just a few episodes ago, Howard went undercover to save Marlene from a cult. In this episode, they act as if they’ve never had a good relationship.

This episode just feels off, to the extent that I wouldn’t have been surprised if it had ended with Howard waking up and realizing it was all a dream. The absence of Pustil and Clapp is strongly felt and the remaining characters don’t seem to be acting like themselves.

On the plus side, this episode features Marlene’s best hair yet.

Retro Television Review: Welcome Back, Kotter 4.5 “The Sweatmobile”

Posted on October 26, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC from 1975 to 1979. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, the Sweathogs share a story about the time that they all tried to buy a car together.

Episode 4.5 “The Sweatmobile”

(Dir by Norman Abbott, originally aired on October 9th, 1978)

Barbarino, Washington, Epstein, and Horshack sit outside of the classroom and look at the lunches that their mothers prepared for them. Epstein has a liver burrito. Barbarino has corn flakes and he’s happy about that because his mother is saint. Horshack has peanut butter and prunes and he’s not happy about that because he hates peanut butter.

(For those trying to keep track of the fourth season’s already confusing continuity, this episode features Barbarino as a student at the school, even though the previous two episodes insinuated that he was no longer attending classes. Even though Babarino now lives in an apartment by himself, his mother apparently still makes his lunch. As for the new Sweathog, Beau is neither mentioned nor seen in this episode, which leads me to suspect that this episode was originally meant to air even earlier in the season than it did.)

Carvelli and Murray walk up to the Sweathogs and Carvelli taunts them by revealing that he was able to drive to a fast food restaurant for his lunch. Seeing how desperate the Sweathogs are for real food, Carvelli offers to sell them his used car so that they too can actually get hamburgers. However, the Sweathogs tell him that they learned their lesson the last time they tried to buy a used car.

Flashback time!

The Sweathogs all pooled their money so that they could buy a used car from Vinnie’s uncle. Vinnie insisted that he would be the one who would drive the car, as he had the most experience in cars. Everyone warned the Sweathogs about the difficulty of multiple people owning and using one car. But the Sweathogs were determined to do it. They arranged to meet with Vinnie’s uncle at the hospital where Vinnie works as an orderly. However, once they arrived at the hospital, they watched as Vinnie’s uncle was wheeled in on a gurney after having wrecked the car that he was going to sell. Vinnie’s aunt mentioned that his uncle couldn’t wait to cheat whoever was dumb enough to buy a used car from him.

This was an odd episode. It was nice to see the original Sweathogs together again but the whole flashback structure felt strange. Usually, a flashback means that the audience is about to see something that happened long ago. But, in this episode, it appears that we’re watching a flashback to something that happened maybe a day or two ago. In the flashback, Barbarino is working at the hospital, Gabe is vice principal (and away at a teacher’s conference due to the fact that Gabe Kaplan was sick of doing the show), and Julie was already Woodman’s administrative assistant. As well, Julie has her terrible new haircut in the flashbacks. This is all stuff that didn’t happen until the start of the fourth season. Again, it’s hard not to feel that this was an episode that was meant to air much earlier in this season but, for some reason, it was held back and a flashback framing device was awkwardly added.

Fortunately, the original Sweathogs, despite being clearly too old to be even remedial high school students, still have the chemistry that made this show a hit during its first season. Given everything that I’ve read about just how difficult things got behind-the-scenes on this show, it was nice to see them having fun and obviously enjoying themselves. Though the episode’s structure was weird, this episode still presents viewers with one last chance to see the chemistry and comradery that made Welcome Back, Kotter a hit in the first place.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Friday the 13th: The Series 2.15 “Better Off Dead”

Posted on October 25, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Friday the 13th: The Series, a show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The show can be found on YouTube!

This week, Micki’s in even more danger than usual as a desperate doctor uses a magic syringe to try to find a cure for his daughter. This is also our final episode of Friday the 13th for October. Can you believe Halloween is right around the corner?

Episode 2.15 “Better Off Dead”

(Dir by Armand Mastroianni, originally aired on February 13th, 1989)

John Cusack plays Lane Meyer, an artistic high school student who is stunned with he is dumped by….

Oh wait, sorry. Wrong Better Off Dead.

This Better Off Dead tells the story of Dr. Warren Voss (Neil Munro), who lives in an isolated mansion with his pre-adolescent daughter, Amanda (Tara Meyer). Amanda has a disease that makes her violent and dangerous. She attacks almost anyone who comes near her, including her own father. Dr. Voss believes that he has finally found a cure for her condition and, if he’s right, he’s convinced that he can cure all violent behavior.

Unfortunately, the cure is a bit extreme. Dr. Voss starts out by bringing prostitutes to his mansion and then using a silver syringe to extract their brain fluid, which he then injects into his daughter. This temporarily calms down his daughter but it turns Voss’s unwilling donors into violent maniacs. Voss claims that he’s doing all of this for the greater good and he’s only using donors who would be better off dead. But, as the episode unfolds, it becomes clear that Voss’s good intentions can’t hide his own sadistic streak.

The syringe once belonged to Jack the Ripper and, as you definitely already guessed, it’s a cursed object. After a friend of Micki’s becomes one of Voss’s victims, Micki is herself kidnapped and becomes Voss’s latest donor. When Jack and Ryan show up to save the day, they not only have to battle Voss. They also find themselves attacked by Micki. And Micki, due to the experiments and perhaps also due to the resentment that anyone would feel over having to put their lives on hold to search for cursed antiques, proves to be a fierce opponent.

Fear not, of course. Things are resolved. Micki is saved and, at the end of the episode, she is slowly recovering from her trauma. Voss is attacked and killed by his own daughter. Ryan wonders about whether or not Voss could have eliminated violent behavior if he had been allowed to continue his experiments. Jack says that it’s not worth wondering about. I agree. Leave Micki alone! Better the whole world suffer than one redhead be inconvenienced, say this proud redhead.

Director by Armand Mastroianni, this was a really good episode. Both Neil Munro and Tara Meyer gave good performances as the doctor and his daughter and Robey, who has often felt underused on this show so far, got a chance to show off her own dramatic abilities. As for the question at the heart of the episode, I agree with Jack. The cost outweighs the benefits. Friday the 13th deserves a lot credit, though, for seriously considering the issue. This was an episode that was both creepy and intelligent.