Mind My Wife”

Posted on May 22, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week’s cruise proves that you never knew who you would see on The Love Boat as both Jill St. John and Ron “Horshack” Pallilo set sail for adventure.

Episode 4.17 “Lose One, Win One/The $10,000 Lover/Mind My Wife”

(Dir by Jack Arnold, originally aired on January 31st, 1981)

I have often said that the least believable thing about The Love Boat has been its portrayal of Doc Bricker (played, in likable but mild-mannered fashion, by Bernie Kopell) as being a legendary seducer. This week’s episode, however, features something that is even less believable. Ron Pallilo (yes, Horshack from Welcome Back, Kotter) plays Casper Martin, the world’s most successful lover.

Yes, seriously.

Now, in the show’s defense, everyone points out that Casper is a bit on the …. nerdy side. Gopher even calls him a nerd and if there’s anything that Gopher knows about, it’s being a nerd. But apparently, women are supposed to find Casper to be irresistible. (Speaking for myself …. uhmm, no.) Though Casper himself doesn’t know it, he boards the ship just five sexual encounters away from setting the world record. On the first day of the cruise, he takes it down to just being two encounters away. (SERIOUSLY — WHO TAKES A CRUISE AND HAS SEX WITH HORSHACK!?) Casper’s friend, Tony Streeter (James Darren), works for The Encyclopedia of World Records and is keeping track.

But then Casper meets the equally quirky Norma Kittredge (Gina Hecht) and falls in love and decides that he’s ready to settle down. Will the record never be broken!?

Meanwhile, another passenger — Nick Rondo (Steve Marachuk) — is convinced that rich Priscilla Hensley (Dorian Lopinto) is actually Penny, a girl that he went to high school with. It turns out that he’s right but Priscilla is lying about her background so that she can marry a rich snob named Buckstone Cooper (Sam Chew, Jr.). Who will Penny pick? Blue collar Nick or snobbish Buckstone? Do you really have to ask?

Finally, Doc is excited because his old friend, Dr. Charlie Wilson (James MacKrell) has booked a cruise with his wife, Sandy (Jill St. John). Unfortunately, Dr. Wilson has to back out of the cruise to perform surgery so Sandy sails alone. Charlie asks Doc to look after his wife and Doc agrees. However, Doc soon comes to fear that Sandy is interested in more than just friendship. (Yes, this is the cruise where Horshack gets laid while Doc — for the first time ever — tries to resist temptation.) No worries, Doc! Sandy is more interested in Captain Stubing than her husband’s best friend.

This episode was a bit on the dull side. Perhaps if Barbarino or even Epstein has taken the cruise instead of Horshack, things would have been a bit more entertaining but, as it was, this cruise didn’t make much of an impression. Even the usually reliable Jill St. John seemed to be a bit bored by the whole thing. Hopefully, next week’s episode will have something for everyone.

Retro Television Review: Welcome Back, Kotter 3.22 “What Goes Up”

Posted on May 18, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC from 1975 to 1979. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, Freddie gets hooked on pills!

Episode 3.22 “What Goes Up”

(Dir by Jeff Bleckner, originally aired on February 9th, 1978)

At the new, big, how-does-he-afford-that-on-a-teacher’s-salary apartment, Gabe tries to avoid taking out the trash by telling Julie a joke about his Uncle George. Julia tells Gabe to shut up and take out the damn trash.

Meanwhile, at school, Freddie has a problem. After injuring his knee while playing basketball, Freddie is given a prescription for pain killers. But the pain killers leave him feeling groggy so he also starts taking pills to give him energy. The other Sweathogs are concerned. Freddie insists that he’s just taking vitamins. Horshack insists that Freddie would never lie to him. If Freddie says that the pills that he’s buying in the bathroom and carrying around in his shoe are harmless vitamins than Freddie is telling the truth!

Woodman, however, is concerned. He tells Kotter that Freddie entered the cafeteria, took off his shoes, and said, “Ho ho ho, I’m the Jolly Black Giant.” “Is he on the dope!?” Woodman demands to know.

Epstein and Barbarino decide that the best way to handle this problem is to act like they’re on drugs as well so that Freddie can see how dumb he looks. Epstein tries to act spacey. Vinnie walks around hunched over and repeating, “Give me drugs …. give me drugs …. give me drugs….” Freddie doesn’t buy it for a second but then …. what’s going on with Horshack!? Horshack explains that he took some of Freddie’s special vitamins and then he tries to jump out of the classroom window!

(What the Hell was in those pills? I pretty much take the same thing for my ADHD and I have never been tempted to jump out a window.)

That’s all it takes for Freddie to realize that it’s time to stop taking the pills. Gabe encourages him to flush them down the school’s toilet and Freddie agrees to do while the studio audience watches in reverent silence.

Back at the apartment, Gabe tells Julie a joke about his Uncle Luther. Julie does not care.

It’s hard to know where to begin with this episode. On the one hand, Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs was often underused by the show so it’s always nice when he gets a chance to show off the fact that he was one of the better actors on the show. That said, the show’s portrayal of drug use was so cartoonish that it ultimately kind of made being a speed freak look kind of fun. If nothing else, this show left me wondering how a bunch of teenagers in the late 70s could be so naive about drugs.

Of course, if Barbarino had been the one who nearly died, I imagine the audience would have been more upset. If Epstein had gotten hooked due to Freddie’s lies, it could have led to some drama. But Horshack? Eh, who cares? When the show first started, Ron Pallilo was often given an opportunity to show that there was some hidden depths underneath Horshack’s eccentricity. But, by the time the third season rolled around, Horshack had become such a cartoonish character that it’s impossible to take anything involving him seriously.

To give credit where credit is due, John Travolta made me laugh with his delivery of “Give me drugs …. give me drugs….” Travolta appeared to be having a lot of fun in this episode, perhaps because he knew he wouldn’t be on the show much longer.

Anyway, for someone who couldn’t go an hour without popping a pill, Freddie got over his addiction pretty quickly. That’s good because next week, Vinnie is going to have to deal with the death of one of his teachers and Freddie’s going to have to be there for him. As for Horshack, this episode ends with him being taken to the school nurse but I assume he’ll eventually make a full recovery as as well. It takes more than pills to keep the Sweathogs down.

Retro Television Review: Welcome Back, Kotter 3.21 “There’s No Business: Part 2”

Posted on May 11, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Gabe is finally happy so, of course, Julie is pissed off about it.

Episode 3.21 “There’s No Business: Part 2”

(Dir by Bob Claver, originally aired on February 2nd, 1978)

This week, Gabe’s comedy career continues!

The Sweathogs are hurt when Gabe doesn’t even come by the school to say goodbye to them before their substitute teacher is brought in. Julie is upset that Gabe agrees to do a muti-week tour without even asking her about it first. (Then again, one gets the feeling that if Gabe had turned down the tour, Julie would find an excuse to get mad about that as well. At this point, I’m just waiting for Julie to run off with Epstein but Marcia Strassman had more chemistry with Robert Hegyes than she ever did with Gabe Kaplan.)

At first, the only person who is happy about any of this is Mr. Woodman. Without Gabe around, the Sweathogs are running wild and Woodman finally has a reason to give everyone detention. “It’s Woodman’s Golden Reign of Terror!” Woodman declares. But then the Sweathogs, due to being sad over being abandoned by Gabe, become listless and Woodman is left with nothing to do.

“We need you back, Kotter!” Woodman tells Gabe just before Gabe goes out on stage to perform.

Gabe agrees. Gabe bombs on stage so badly that his show business career comes to an end. Gabe returns to teaching. “Did you bomb on purpose?” Woodman asks when he sees Gabe in the school. Gabe doesn’t reply but we all know the answer.

The problem is that Gabe “bombing,” occurs off-screen and we only hear about it second-hand. It’s hard not to feel a bit cheated because the idea of Gabe giving an intentionally bad performance sounds like it would have been a lot more fun to watch than sitting through yet another scene of Julie giving Gabe the death glare while Gabe looks like a deer in the headlights.

On the plus side, this episode did feature some good Sweathog moments. John Travolta, who hasn’t really gotten a lot to do in the latter half of the third season, explains that the best way to deal with someone leaving is to pretend that they’re dead so you don’t have to worry about them anymore. All of the Sweatogs dress up to visit Gabe before he performs and all of the cheap suits provide a nice visual moment. The Sweatogs may not have the money for expensive suits but they still want to look their best when they see Gabe. They respect their teacher, even if he is thinking of abandoning them,

In the end, this entire two-part episode was a bit of an anti-climax. Because the show would cease to exist if Gabe actually did go on tour and we’re not even done with the third season yet, we all know that Gabe is going to eventually return to the Sweathogs. And considering that Gabe seemed a lot happier as a comedian than as a teacher, it’s kind of hard not to feel bad for the guy. He’s stuck with Arnold Horshack! Your dreams were your ticket out but now your dreams are your prison. Welcome back indeed.

Retro Television Review: Welcome Back, Kotter 3.20 “There’s No Business: Part One”

Posted on May 4, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Gabe finally realizes that there’s more to life than teaching!

Episode 3.20 “There’s No Business: Part One”

(Dir by Bob Claver, originally aired on January 26th, 1978)

After Vinnie attempts and fails to be a hit at the Comedy Connection’s open mic night, the Sweathogs decide that Gabe should give it a shot. According to the Sweathogs, the audience at the Comedy Connection loves it when people get on stage and tell really old jokes. Gabe admits that he’s thought about doing stand-up before. He decides to give it a shot.

And you know who is really happy about that? Mr. Woodman. Mr. Woodman can’t wait to heckle Gabe. Woodman explains that he’s a master heckler. He’s been heckling people his entire life. “Ever hear of Shecky Rubinstein?” Woodman asks. No, Gabe replies. That’s because Woodman heckled him until he quit show business.

The first night that Gabe performs, Woodman gets many opportunities to heckle. While Woodman, the Sweathogs, and Julie sit in the audience, Gabe struggles through a routine about his aunts and uncles. The audience is not amused. Woodman laughs but only at the fact that no one likes Gabe. As dispirited Gabe retreats to his dressing room, where he tells Julie that he’s going to give up on comedy.

That’s when agent Peter Charnoff (Sam Weisman) enters the room and tells Gabe that he’s funny. It doesn’t matter that Gabe bombed because “there’s some crazy old man out there heckling anyone.” Peter tells Gabe that he should talk about his students in his act.

The Sweathogs are surprisingly cool with the idea of Gabe making fun of them. The next week, Gabe again takes the stage and the audience loves his jokes, especially the ones about how Freddie always says “Hi there,” and Epstein forges his own notes. Gabe is a hit! And, with Peter’s encouragement, he announces that he’s stepping away from teaching so that he can be a stand-up comedian. The Sweathogs and Julie are stunned!

And run the end credits!

Hey, Gabe quit and apparently, he’s abandoning his wife and children. I guess the show’s over now. Thanks for reading, everyone! I wasn’t expecting things to end this abruptly but overall, I enjoyed….

Oh wait. This is a two-parter and this is just the end of part one. So, maybe the series isn’t over. We’ll find out next week, I guess!

As for this episode, it made sense that Gabe would eventually become a stand-up comedian. I’m a bit surprised it took him this long. I’m not really sure that audiences would actually go crazy over the rather anodyne jokes that Gabe told about his students but whatever. It’s television. (In Gabe Kaplan’s actual stand-up act, Arnold Horshack was named Arnold Horseshit. Obviously, that wasn’t going to happen on network television in 1978.) The highlight, as usual, was Woodman’s unhinged delight in being a jerk. Mr. Woodman is a true treasure.

We’ll see how Gabe’s new career progresses next week!

Retro Television Review: Welcome Back, Kotter 3.18 “Angie”

Posted on April 20, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Gabe gets a new student.

Episode 3.18 “Angie”

(Dir by Alan Myerson, originally aired on January 12th, 1978)

Gabe tells Julie a joke about his Uncle Zoltan. It’s not really that good of a joke but Julie fake laughs as if it’s the funniest thing that she’s ever heard. I notice that this has been happening a lot over the course of Welcome Back, Kotter‘s third season. By most reports, Gabe Kaplan and Marcia Strassman could not stand each other off-camera. That’s especially obvious whenever Strassman deliberately overreacts to one of Kaplan’s jokes. It’s easy to imagine that Strassman was secretly thinking of throwing something at Kaplan whenever she laughed.

At school, Mr. Woodman interrupts Gabe’s class to introduce everyone to a new student, Angie Grabowski (Melonie Haller). Epstein, Washington, Horshack, and Barbarino are very excited to see their new classmate, leading to Woodman ordering them to shut up.

Angie announces that she is thrilled to be in Gabe’s class because her dream has always been to become a Sweathog. Really? I mean, Barbarino’s cute but would anyone really dream of hanging out with Horshack? Of course, it doesn’t matter what Angie wants. Washington and Epstein explain that women are not allowed to become Sweathogs. That kind of contradicts everything that we’ve previously learned about the Sweathogs but whatever.

Determined to prove that she can be a Sweathog, Angie riggs the spinklers in Woodman’s office. Woodman ends up soaked but he also announces that he’s going to expel all of the Sweathogs. Angie demands that he expel her as well. (Angie seems to be a little self-destructive.)

Well, so much for the Sweathogs. I guess the show is over. Thanks for reading these reviews and….

Oh wait! Angie figures out that the fire alarm is broken because it didn’t go off when the sprinklers started up. The fire alarm is Woodman’s responsibility! The Sweathogs — including Angie — dress up as firemen and demonstrate to Woodman that the alarm doesn’t work. Somehow, this leads to Woodman not expelling the Sweathogs and apparently just forgetting about the prank with the sprinklers. It also leads to Angie becoming a Sweathog.

Later, Gabe tells Woodman a joke about Ebenezer Kotter, the cheapest of all his uncles. It takes Woodman a while to figure out the joke but then he laughs in his wonderfully unhinges way. Gabe Kaplan actually had more chemistry with John Sylvester White than he did with Marica Strassman.

This episode attempted to rejuvenate the show by introducing a new Sweathog. That makes sense. A lot of shows have tried to reverse declining ratings by introducing a new character. The problem is that the show doesn’t need a new Sweathog as much as it just needs for the old Sweathogs to return to being the realistic (if flamboyant) troublemakers that they were during the first season. In her first appearance, Melonie Haller delivers her lines in a flat and emotionless manner, which adds to the feeling that Angie might not be quite sane. Seriously, I’m worried about Horshack. It’s obvious that he has a crush on Angie but Angie seems likely to turn into a stalker.

Run, Horshack, run!

Retro Television Review: Welcome Back, Kotter 3.15 “A Sweathog Christmas Special”

Posted on March 30, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Merry Christmas from the Kotters!

Episode 3.15 “A Sweathog Christmas Special”

(Dir by Mel Stuart, originally aired on December 15th, 1977)

The Kotters are trimming the tree and getting ready to celebrate Christmas. (Before anyone points out the obvious, it’s mentioned that they also celebrated Hannukah.) Suddenly, the Sweathogs show up. Shouldn’t the Sweathogs be with their own families? Vinnie’s mother is a saint. Epstein has dozens of sisters. Horshack’s family needs him! Freddie …. well, we’ve never really met Freddie’s family but still, he has one. Then suddenly, Woodman shows up, dressed as Santa Claus! Doesn’t Woodman have a family? Actually, he probably doesn’t.

Anyway, all of this leads to everyone sharing their favorite memories and …. IT’S A FLASHBACK EPISODE!

Hey, who am I to complain? Flashback episodes are very easy to review, because nothing happens. And the clips are from episodes that have already been reviewed. It’s Easter weekend. I’m happy to have something easy to deal with.

That said, I will point out one interesting thing about this episode. Even though it aired halfway through the third season, most of the flashbacks were from the first season. We revisited the Sweathogs having a rumble in the school courtyard. We once again witnessed Vinnie searching the Kotter refrigerator and complaining about the lack of food. “Hi there,” Freddie said about a dozen times. Julie tried to get Gabe to eat her “famous tuna casserole.” “Up your nose with a rubber hose,” Barbarino said several times. Woodman cheerfully predicted the end of the world several times and it was interesting to revisit his descent into madness. We spent a lot of time revisiting the first season but there were no flashbacks to Julie finding out she was pregnant or Julie giving birth while the Sweathogs sat in the hospital waiting room. Seeing as how this was the twins’s first holiday, you would think Gabe and Julie would bring them up at some point.

It’s as if the show itself was acknowledging just how much better the first season was than the seasons that followed. Watching those season one flashbacks, it was a bit jarring to be reminded of the fact that this show started out as the fairly realistic story of a dedicated teacher who refused to give up on his remedial students. The first season was full of broad comedy but it also had a lot of heart and sincerity, which are two qualities that have been missing from much of the third season. It was nice to be reminded of the fact that the show was not always as cartoonish as it later became.

Anyway, on that note — Merry Christmas!

Oh! For those keeping track, Gabe’s pre-show joke was about his Uncle Arnold. Arnold got a hearing aid. It didn’t work well.

Retro Television Review: Welcome Back, Kotter 3.14 “Epstein’s Madonna”

Posted on March 23, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Epstein is finally the center of the action. Unfortunately, the episode doesn’t really take advantage of the character and all of his possibilities.

Episode 3.14 “Epstein’s Madonna”

(Dir by Bob Claver, originally aired on December 8th, 1977)

For his art project, Epstein paints a picture of a naked woman on the outside wall of Buchanan High. (Actually, it stretches out across two walls.) The Sweathogs are impressed. The local media wants to do a story on the painting. Epstein is proud of himself. Woodman is offended, even after Gabe points out that Botticelli also painted nudes.

“Botticelli,” Woodman replies, “didn’t paint a nude with Born To Boogie tattooed on her thigh!”

Gabe is all about defending Esptein’s right to express himself …. up until he realizes why the painting looks so familiar to him. As Epstein explains it, he put Julie’s head on Debbie Del Vecchio’s body. Gabe likes the body but he’s less happy about Julie’s face staring at him from the wall. And it must be said that the painted Julie looks even more annoyed with Gabe than the real-life Julie.

Julie, surprisingly enough, is flattered. That’s not really the reaction that one would expect from Julie, who is usually a lot more uptight. But, after being married to Gabe for five years or however long they’ve been together, Julie is probably just happy to know that there are still other options out there for her. Seriously, Julie …. Epstein takes care of his family and he has that cute gap between his front teeth.

Does Gabe deface Epstein’s artwork? Though tempted, he does not. Someone else does and there’s some confusion when Gabe is caught holding the spray-paint can but that’s all forgotten when the other Sweathogs jump in to help fix the painting. Good for them! Epstein passes his class, the painting gets to say on the wall for a week, and …. well, that’s it. Wow, that wasn’t a very consequential episode.

“Lisa, what about the jokes!?”

Oh yeah! Gabe tells Julie about his Cousin Janet, who lied about being pregnant and seriously injured so that her parents would be less upset about the D she got in English. He also talks about his Uncle Willie who used his resemblance to Jimmy Cagney to get laid. Julie was amused by both jokes, which I think was a record for her.

This episode really didn’t have much going on. In the first season, Gabe would have had a semi-serious heart-to-heart talk with Epstein about his love for art and it would have been touching. But, in the third season, the show was more about catch phrases and audience applause than teaching life lessons. It’s a shame because Robert Hegyes usually did a pretty good job as the tough but secretly sensitive Juan Epstein. This episode has to be considered a bit of a missed opportunity.

Retro Television Review: Welcome Back, Kotter 3.13 “Swine and Punishment”

Posted on March 16, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, in a special Thanksgiving episode, Freddie is accused of cheating.

Episode 3.13 “Swine and Punishment”

(Dir by Bob Claver, originally aired on November 24th, 1977)

At the new apartment, Gabe tells Julie about the time his Uncle Thomas came across a man who had his ear to the ground. Uncle Thomas listened to the ground and heard nothing. The man agreed and said that it had been that way for hours. It was a bit of an odd joke but Julie laughed.

Meanwhile, at the school, Mr. Woodman interrupts Gabe’s class to announce that Freddie “Boom Boom” Washington passed his English test. He got a 94!

YAY!

Mr. Woodman says that there’s no way that Freddie could have passed the test without cheating.

Boo! Hiss! Hiss!

Seriously, Mr. Woodman’s usually a great character and John Sylvester White’s unhinged performance is one of the few consistently funny things about this show (especially in the later seasons) but Woodman is the worst in this episode. One of the Sweathogs finally does well in a class that isn’t taught by Mr. Kotter and Woodman accuses him of cheating. No wonder the Sweathogs don’t have any self-esteem.

Woodman says that Freddie can prove his innocence by taking and passing a make-up exam. Freddie refuses and Gabe supports him. But when the other Sweathogs talk about how proud they are of Freddie, Freddie relents and agrees to take the makeup test.

That night, Freddie shows up at the Kotter apartment. After thanking Gabe for supporting him, Freddie reveals that he did cheat on the first test. He cheated because he knew the material (apparently, Freddie is a huge fan of Alexandre Dumas and The Three Musketeers) and he couldn’t stand the idea of getting a bad grade on material that he knew. Freddie’s self-esteem is so low that he’s convinced that he can’t pass a test without cheating.

Awwwwww! Poor Freddie!

With Gabe’s encouragement, Freddie takes the makeup exam without cheating. (The other Sweathogs attempt to write the answers on a gyro sandwich but Horshack screws it up by putting mustard on the sandwich and …. well, look, it was all really dumb, okay?) Freddie again passes the exam, this time getting an 84.

Yay!

But Gabe tells Freddie that he still needs to tell the truth about cheating on the first exam….

WHAT!? Gabe — what are you thinking!?

Freddie agrees that Gabe is right and I can only assume that he got kicked out of school as a result. Sorry, Freddie, it was nice knowing you.

Back at the Kotter apartment, Julie refuses to listen to Gabe talk about his Uncle Robert so Gabe talks to the Thanksgiving turkey instead.

This episode felt very familiar to me and eventually, I realized that it was basically just a remake of the season two episode where Freddie was accused of stealing from the Sweathog emergency fund. Of course, during the earlier seasons, there’s no way Gabe would have pressured Freddie to confess. By the time the third season rolled around, the Sweathogs and Gabe had lost a bit of their edge and were now more concerned with being good role models.

That said, this episode deserves some credit for giving Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs a showcase. Of all the Sweathogs, Freddie was often the one who was regulated to just standing in the background and looking cool. With this episode, the viewer is reminded that Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs was a good actor in his own right and capable of playing both drama and comedy.

Next week …. it’s Epstein’s turn in the spotlight!

Retro Television Review: Welcome Back, Kotter 3.12 “Kotter For Vice Principal”

Posted on March 2, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Gabe considers selling out!

Episode 3.12 “Kotter For Vice Principal”

(Dir by Bob Claver, originally aired on November 17th, 1977)

Gabe tells Julie about his uncle who tried to teach an octopus how to play the bagpipes. The octopus instead just “made love to the bagpipes” and it sounded exactly as if he knew how to play them. Julie, who has a broken arm in this episode, doubles over laughing.

Meanwhile, at the school, rumor has it that the position of vice principal will soon be open. While visiting the principal’s office, Epstein came across a memo in which it was stated that Mr. Woodman’s contract was up and the school board was thinking of replacing him. The Sweathogs immediately start to pass around a Kotter For Vice Principal petition. Freddie signs it 20 times. Epstein threatens to beat up anyone who doesn’t sign.

The only problem is that Mr. Kotter does not want to be Vice Principal. He’s happy being a teacher and he doesn’t want to abandon his Sweathogs. However, two things change his mind. First, Mr. Woodman — who has been calling himself Uncle Woody in an attempt to bond with the students — mocks the very idea of Gabe in an important position. Then, Julie mentions that they could use the extra money. Gabe decides to throw his hat in the ring.

That night, Gabe has an extended dream sequence. It’s 2050. The Sweathogs are all in their 90s and still students at Buchanan High. And Gabe is walking through the hallways with a crown on his head and basically acting like a pretty tyrant. “Call me king!” he demands. Eventually, even elderly Julie shows up and it’s hard not to notice that her arm is still in a cast. (How badly did she break it!?) Julie announces that she can’t wait until the peasants rise up and execute Gabe. YIKES!

Not surprisingly, Gabe wakes up and realizes that he’s happy not being vice principal because if he had any power, it would go to his head, he would become insufferable, and his wife (or the actress playing his wife) would call for him to be killed….

Uhmm …. yeah. Given what I’ve read about the tense set of Welcome Back, Kotter and Gabe Kaplan’s not particularly harmonious working relationship with Marcia Strassman, it’s tempting to read a lot into this episode. Were the writers venting about working with Gabe Kaplan or were they satirizing Marcia Strassman’s hatred of the show and the characters? Regardless, it makes for an odd episode. On the plus side, Mr. Woodman got some good lines and the Sweathogs were back to being their usual borderline criminal self. On the negative side, I do wish they had done more with Gabe’s dream than just put the Sweathogs in silly costumes and have them speak in exagerrated “old man” voices.

In the end, though, the important thing is that Mr. Woodman still has a job. He’s seriously the funniest character on the show.

Retro Television Review: Welcome Back, Kotter 3.9 “A Novel Idea”

Posted on February 10, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Mr. Woodman writes a book!

Episode 3.9 “A Novel Idea”

(Dir by Nick Havinga, originally aired on October 20th, 1977)

When his father has an attack of appendicitis, Gabe rushes to upstate New York to be with his mother. That’s right. Other than a brief appearance at the start and the end of this episode, Gabe Kotter is absent from this edition of Welcome Back, Kotter.

With Gabe gone, it falls to Julie to deal with the lates dispute between the Sweathogs and Mr. Woodman. Mr. Woodman has written a book, a Civil War romance called Swamp Rats Of Savannah. The book’s hero is Beauregard Ravenna, the “sliver fox” who is the headmaster of the Applegate School in Georgia. Ravenna is a dedicated educator but he has to deal with four unruly students, the Swamp Rats. Kloberino, Warpstein, Thorshack, and Baltimore are not only terrible students but they are also responsible for the start of the Civil War when they launch an attack on Ft. Sumter. Ravenna must defeat them while also dealing with a deserter-turned-teacher named Gaylord Teesdale and his love-starved wife, Julie Luh.

When the Sweathogs get their hands on a copy of the manuscript, they are so offended that they write a science fiction epic called Space Hogs of Buchania, in which the heroic Space Hogs battle a tyrant known as Demento. Woodman is as offended by their novel as they were by his. Finally, at a summit held at the Kotter apartment and with Julie overseeing, Woodman and the Sweathogs agree to tone down their depictions of each other.

I was looking forward to this episode because the idea of Mr. Woodman writing a novel about the Sweathogs seemed like a promising concept. Mr, Woodman has always been the most consistently funny character on the show and John Sylvester White’s wonderfully unhinged performance has always been a highlight of Welcome back, Kotter. And indeed, there are some funny moments in this episode and John Sylvester White is responsible for almost all of them. That said, the overall episode just fell flat. The absence of Gabe Kaplan is really felt, if just because it requires Julie to suddenly go from being annoyed with the Sweathogs to instead being their enthusiastic ally. It doesn’t feel right for Julie’s character and Marcia Strassman doesn’t seem to be totally comfortable with stepping into the role that was typically played by Gabae Kaplan. I kept waiting for Julie to kick everyone out of the apartment. Instead, she read everyone’s books. That’s not the Julie we know! As well, I was really hoping the show would go into even more detail about what was in each book, perhaps even visualizing a few of the scenes. Instead, it was just a collection of scenes of people looking at pages and then saying, “Look what he wrote here!” For an idea that has so much potential, the execution was a bit lacking.

As with so many of Welcome Back, Kotter‘s later episodes, this one that you watch and try not to think about how much better it all would have been handled during the first season.