Horror Film Review: Dogs (dir by Burt Brinckerhoff)


I’ll admit it right now.  I’ve never really been a dog person.

That’s the way it’s been my entire life.  According to my sisters, I was bitten by a dog when I was two years old.  Needless to say, I don’t remember that happening but that still might explain why, when I was growing up, I was scared to death of dogs.  Seriously, if I was outside and I heard a dog barking or if I saw a dog running around loose (or even on a leash), I would immediately start shaking.  It didn’t help that, for some reason, I always seemed to run into the big dogs that wanted to jump and slobber all over me.  (“Don’t be scared,” one dog owner shouted at me, “that’ll just make him more wild,” as if it was somehow my responsibility to keep his dog under control.)

Then there was that time when was I was ten and I was visiting Lake Texoma with my family.  There was another family there and they had a big black dog with them.  When I first saw him, the dog was very friendly.  He ran up to me and, tentatively and with my sisters standing beside me for moral support, I even patted his head,.  He seemed so nice!  Finally, I had met a dog that didn’t scare me.  My family was really happy.  We went down to the lake and everyone told me how proud they were that I had managed to face a dog without running away.  As we came back from the lake, I saw the dog laying down next to his family’s van.  I smiled at the sight of him.  He raised his head, looked at me, and started to growl.  He wasn’t growling at my sisters or my parents.  He was growling at me.  Terrified, I went over to my family’s car and I ducked down behind it.  I could hear my Dad telling the dog to stop and then I heard the loudest barking and saw the dog running towards me.  I jumped in the car and locked the doors.  The dog’s owners eventually grabbed their dog and took him back to their van.  They said that I probably looked like someone who had been mean to it a few weeks earlier.  One thing that they did not really do was apologize.  Instead, they just made me feel like it was somehow my fault.  They didn’t seem sympathetic when my Mom explained that I was terrified of dogs.  When they realized my Dad was on the verge of punching someone, they retreated to their van and quickly left.  At that time, I decided that 1) I would never trust another dog and that 2) dog owners are the most selfish people on the planet.  I know that sounds harsh but seriously, I was traumatized!

As I grew up, I mellowed a bit.  I met nice dog owners who actually made the effort to control their pets.  I even met some friendly dogs and slowly realized that not all of them were going to try to kill me.  I became less scared of dogs but they still definitely make me nervous.  I still cringe when listening to the barking and I still reflexively step back whenever I see a big dog anywhere near me.  Now that I know more about dogs, I have to admit that I feel a little bit guilty about not liking them more.  Knowing that dogs actually blame themselves for me not liking them is kind of heart-breaking and I have been making more of an effort to be, if nothing else, at least polite to the canines who lives in the neighborhood.  That said, I’m a cat person and I’ll always be cat person.  Cats don’t care if you like them or not nor do they blame themselves if you’re in a bad mood, which is lot less of an emotional responsibility to deal with.

1977’s Dogs is a film that seems like it was especially made to give people like me nightmares.  It’s a pretty simple movie.  At a college in Southern California, the students and the faculty find themselves under siege from a bunch of dogs that have been driven mad by pheromones being sprayed into the atmosphere by a nearby, top secret government experiment.  Two professors (David McCallum and George Wyner) attempt to convince everyone to evacuate the college and the town but, in typical Jaws fashion, no one wants to admit the truth about what’s happening.  By the end, nearly everyone is dead (and the final scene of all the dead bodies spread across campus is genuinely haunting) and the cats are starting to hiss at humans.

Dogs is a low-budget drive-in flick but it’s still a frightening film, largely because the dogs are relentless and the victims may be largely stupid but they’re all stupid in realistic ways.  A group of college students is told to wait inside until George Wyner comes back for them but Wyner takes so long in returning that the terrified students decide to make a run for it themselves.  It doesn’t end well but it’s the sort of thing that I can actually imagine happening.  No one likes being told to wait and, with no idea of what’s actually going on, making a run for it might actually seem like as good an idea as any.  Even when the movie recreates the Psycho shower scene (with dogs instead of Norman Bates), it’s far more effective than it perhaps has any right to be.

Would this film be as effective from the point of view of someone who doesn’t have a history of being scared of dogs?  It’s a legitimate question.  Dogs aren’t like sharks.  Most people like dogs.  But when they’re barking and growling and determined to bite your throat, they can be pretty scary!  I’ll just say that Dogs is a film that seemed to be uniquely designed to give me nightmares.

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 7.10 “Goin’ On Home/Ambitious Lady”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984.  Unfortunately, the show has been removed from most streaming sites.  Fortunately, I’ve got nearly every episode on my DVR.

This week is another trip to the Island that feel a bit too familiar.

Episode 7.10 “Goin’ On Home/Ambitious Lady”

(Dir by Don Ingalls, originally aired on January 7th, 1984)

Nope.  I’m just not going to do it.  I refuse to spend too much time on this episode.  This episode felt like a rehash of several earlier episodes, all of which worked considerably better and didn’t feature Lawrence hovering in the background.

Billy Joe Pine (Mickey Gilley) is a country-western star who comes to the Island because he wants to be reunited with the family that he left behind when he traveled from the farm to …. Nashville, I guess.  His father (Leif Erickson) forgives him but his younger brother (John Dennis Johnston) is less inclined.  Mickey Gilley was a real-life country western singer and the only reason I know this is because he appeared previously on Fantasy Island as himself.  That episode wasn’t great but it was a masterpiece compared to this one.  “They don’t let you swim in your long johns!” is a line that is uttered at one point and I cringed like I’ve never cringed before.  This whole thing just felt rehashed and tired.

The second fantasy featured fashion designer Bryana Spencer (Mary Ann Mobley) and her husband, Fred Nelson (Ron Ely).  Fred gave up a promising entertainment career so that he could work as the exclusive emcee for Bryana’s fashion shows.  Bryana’s fantasy is for Fred to find the success that he gave up while Fred’s fantasy is for Bryana and him to experience that type of love that they felt for each other before Bryana became successful.  In other words, it’s time for another Fantasy Island fashion show!

Character actor George Wyner (you would recognize him) made me smile as the fashion show’s choreographer but otherwise, this was a pretty boring fantasy.  Mobley and Ely didn’t have much chemistry.  Then again, neither did Roarke and Lawrence.  The entire time I watched this episode, I kept thinking to myself, “Tattoo liked country western music.  Tattoo liked fashion shows.  This could have been a great Tattoo episode!”

This was not a great trip to the Island.

Spaceballs (1987, directed by Mel Brooks)


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A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away…

President Skroob (Mel Brooks), the evil and incompetent leader of Planet Spaceball, has squandered all of the air on his planet and is planning on stealing the atmosphere of the planet Druida.  To pull this off, he arranges for the idiotic Prince Valium (Jim J. Bullock) to marry Vespa (Daphne Zuniga), the princess of Druida.  (All together now: “She doesn’t look Druish.”)  Vespa and her droid, Dot Matrix (voice by Joan Rivers), flee Druida with Lord Dark Helmet (Rick Moranis) and Colonel Sandurz (George Wyner) in pursuit.

In debt to the intergalactic gangster, Pizza the Hut (voiced by Dom DeLuise), a mercenary named Lone Star (Bill Pullman) and his associate, the man-dog hypbrid Barf (John Candy), accept a contract from Vespa’s father (Dick Van Patten) to track down his daughter.  They take off in their space Winnebago to bring Vespa home.  Though they start only interested in money, Lone Star and Barf come to learn about love, freedom, and a mystical power known as the Schwartz.  (“No, the Schwartz!”)

Back when I was growing up and just being able to have HBO made you the coolest guy on the block, Spaceballs was one of my favorite movies.  I watched it every time that it came on cable.  As usual with Mel Brooks, there were a lot of double entendres that went over my young head but there was also enough goofy humor that I could laugh at what was going on.  I could quote all the lines.  I laughed whenever Rick Moranis showed up in his Darth Vader-costume.  I laughed at John Candy’s facial expressions.  I laughed when Mel Brooks showed up as Yogurt, the Spaceballs version of Yoda.  Pizza the Hut?  That’s hilarious when you’re a kid!

I recently rewatched the film.  Revisiting it was a lesson in how your memory can trick you.  I could still quote most of the lines with reasonable accuracy but nothing was quite the way I remembered it.  Rick Moranis and John Candy were still hilarious and, being older, I could better appreciated the frustration felt by George Wyner’s Colonel Sandurz.  I also realized what a good performance Bill Pullman gave as Lone Star.  While everyone else mugged for the camera, Pullman played his role straight.

I also discovered that a lot of the scenes that I remembered as being hilarious were actually just mildly amusing.  Mel Brooks was always hit-and-miss as a director, the type who would toss everything and the kitchen sink into his films.  Spaceballs has a lot of hilarious scenes but it’s obvious that Brooks didn’t have the same affection for the source material as he did with Young Frankenstein or Blazing Saddles or even High Anxiety.  Brooks is poking fun at Star Wars because it’s popular but he doesn’t seem to have any strong feelings, one way or the other, about George Lucas’s space epic.

I still laughed, though.  Even if Spaceballs wasn’t the masterpiece that I remembered it being, I still enjoyed rewatching it.  The jokes that hit were funny enough to make up for the ones that missed.  Even with his weaker films, Mel Brooks is a national treasure.

Retro Television Reviews: Half Nelson Episodes 1 & 2 “The Pilot”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Half Nelson, which ran on NBC from March to May of 1985. Almost all nine of the show’s episodes can be found on YouTube!

The year was 1985 and actor/singer Joe Pesci was at an interesting place in his film career.

In 1980, Joe Pesci was nominated for Best Supporting Actor for his performance as Robert De Niro’s brother in Raging BullRaging Bull was Pesci’s second film and he earned critical acclaim for his performance as the second most angry member of the LaMotta family.  In the years immediately following his first Oscar nomination, Pesci went on to play character roles in a handful of other films, including Dear Mr. Wonderful, Easy Money, Once Upon A Time In America, and Eureka.  While no one could deny Pesci’s talent or his unique screen presence, it was also obvious that Hollywood wasn’t quite sure what to do with him.  While Pesci was apparently high on everyone’s list when it came to playing gangsters with hair-trigger tempers, no one was willing to give Pesci a starring role.

Fortunately, television always has room for an Oscar nominee and, in 1985, Half Nelson came calling.  Created by veteran television producers Glen A. Larson and Lou Shaw, Half Nelson was a detective show.  Joe Pesci starred as Rocky Nelson, a tough New York cop who relocated to Los Angeles to pursue his acting career.  While waiting for his big break, Rocky worked for Beverly Hills Security and lived in Dean Martin’s guest room.  And when I say that Rocky was living in Dean Martin’s guest house, what I mean is that Dean Martin actually appeared on the show, playing himself.

NBC liked the idea enough to air the pilot film and then schedule the show as a mid-season replacement.  Audiences were a bit less interested in the show and Half Nelson was canceled after only 8 weeks.  Pesci went on to win an Oscar for Goodfellas and he never starred in another television show.  Half Nelson would probably be forgotten if not for the fact that someone recently came across the opening credits on YouTube.  When shared on Twitter, this video went viral as “the most 80s thing” ever created.

After I watched that video, I knew I simply had to review Half Nelson as soon as I finished up The Brady Bunch Hour.  Fortunately, almost all of the episodes have been uploaded to YouTube so, for the next few weeks, I’ll be taking a look at Half Nelson, starring Joe Pesci!

Episodes 1 & 2 “The Pilot”

(Dir by Bruce Bilson, originally aired on March 24th, 1985)

Half Nelson begins in New York City, with NYPD’s finest, Detective Rocky Nelson (Joe Pesci), disguising himself as a waiter and sneaking into a mafia-owned restaurant.  After punching out two guards, Rocky enters a backroom and discovers a group of guys with a lot of heroin.  Rocky arrests them and becomes a hero.  As Rocky explains in a voice-over, it’s the biggest drug bust in history.  When Hollywood asks for the rights to the story, Rocky insists that he be allowed to audition for the lead role.  Rocky quits the NYPD and heads out to Los Angeles.  Rocky’s going to be a star!

And, at first, it seems like Rocky’s dream might actually come true.  The film’s director (played by the veteran TV character actor, George Wyner) watches Rocky’s audition and announces that Rocky has the screen presence and talent of Al Pacino.  Unfortunately, Rocky is also only 5’3.  “You’re too short to play Rocky Nelson,” the director explains.

“But I am Rocky Nelson!” Rocky exclaims.

Despite the fact that Rocky’s telling the truth, it doesn’t matter.  A tall British actor is cast in the film.  As a dejected Rocky leaves the audition, he’s approached by a security guard who offers Rocky a job with Beverly Hills Patrol, a private security firm.  Rocky’s skeptical until the security guard mentions that Rocky will get to live in Dean Martin’s guest house.

We jump forward six months.  Rocky is now a trusted employee of Beverly Hills Patrol.  When he’s not working as a bodyguard, he’s auditioning for roles.  At the office, his boss is Chester (Fred Williamson) and the office manager is Annie O’Hara (Victoria Jackson).  Chester is cool and all-business.  Annie is flighty and has an obvious crush on Rocky.  She also gives Rocky a pit bull named Hunk.  Hunk is very loyal but also very quick to attack anyone who isn’t Rocky.  I don’t know if a show could get away with a comic relief pit bull today but whatever.  Hunk is a cute dog with a ferocious bark.

In just six months, Rocky has become surprisingly well-known in L.A.  Some of that might be because he lives with Dean Martin.  Martin appears in three scenes of the pilot and, to be honest, he definitely looks and sounds a bit worse for wear.  Half Nelson was Dean’s final acting role.  (He died ten years after the show was canceled.)  But even though Dean was clearly not in the best shape when he appeared in the pilot, his natural charisma still shines through and there’s a lot of pleasure to be found in his scenes with Joe Pesci.  For one thing, Pesci himself seems to be genuinely excited about acting opposite Martin.

Along with becoming friends with Dean Martin, Rocky has also befriended Parsons (George Kennedy), a Los Angeles police chief who is eager for Rocky to quit the Beverly Hills Patrol and to join the LAPD.  Rocky turns down the offer, however.  Rocky is done with police work.  He’s going to be a star!

Of course, he’ll also find time to solve some crimes along the way.

For instance, in the pilot, Rocky investigates the death of his best friend and co-worker, Jerry (Nicholas Surovy).  Parsons insists that all the evidence shows that Jerry murdered his girlfriend, Monika (Morgan Brittany), and then shot himself.  However, Rocky doesn’t think Jerry would do something like that.  When Jerry’s father (veteran screen actor Rory Calhoun) asks Rocky to find the people who killed his son, Rocky doesn’t have to be asked twice.

It turns out that Jerry and Monika were taking money from a tabloid magazine publisher (Terry Kiser).  They had a video tape that would have been very embarrassing to some prominent Angelinos, including a businessman (Rod Taylor), a restauranter (Tony Curtis), a general (Mills Watson), an astronaut (Gary Lockwood), and a television executive (Bernie Kopell).  Rocky assumes that the people on the tape ordered the murders but then he learns that, while the general did send two government agents to find the tape, he also made clear that no one was supposed to be killed.  Instead, someone else who wanted the tapes committed the murders on his own.

Searching for the killer means that Rocky will have to assume many disguises and show off his acting skills.  As an actor, he’s able to wander into the local movie studio and not only raid their wardrobe department but also borrow their cars.  Over the course of the film, Rocky disguses himself as both a cowboy and a traffic cop.  He also drives a Ferrari, a Cadillac, a jeep, a motorcycle, and KITT, the talking car from Knight Rider.  (KITT, unfortunately, does not talk in Half Nelson.)  On the one hand, the use of disguises is a little bit silly because Joe Pesci is always going to be Joe Pesci regardless of what costume he is wearing.  The pilot’s silliest scene involves Rocky dressed up like a cop to confront two men who have been following him.  Somehow, they fail to pick up on the fact that the 5’3 cop with the New York accent is the same 5’3 New Yorker who they’ve been tailing for the last few days.  And yet, it’s one of those things that’s so ludicrous that you can’t help but think that the show was showing a bit of self-awareness and commenting on just how ludicrous most television shows tend to be.

Eventually, Rocky figures out that the killer is …. SPOILER ALERT …. Parsons!  That’s right.  The same police chief who kept offering Rocky a job with the LAPD turned out to be the murderer for whom Rocky was looking.  What’s interesting is that, after realizing that Parsons is the killers, Rocky doesn’t arrest Parsons or attack him or do any of the other things that a typical TV detective might.  And Parsons doesn’t try to flee or fight.  Instead, the two men take a leisurely drive and talk about life, morality, and regret.  Parsons talks about how he was once an honest cop but Los Angeles corrupted him.  Rocky expresses some sympathy and says that he hates that he discovered that Parsons was the murderer.  It’s a well-acted and surprisingly well-written scene.  When Rocky asks Parsons about the murders, Parsons replies, “I had to empty my gun, just to drown out their screams.”  (Yikes!)  Parsons lets Rocky out of the car and tells him, “Don’t let them get to you, kid.”  Parsons then drives the car over a cliff as Roberta and Chester (who have been tailing Parsons) run up to Rocky.

“Hard to believe that a man like that would kill himself!” Roberta says.

“That’s just the funeral,” Rocky replies as Parsons car explodes, “He died a long time ago.”

Wow, that’s dark!  Fortunately, the mood is lightened during the show’s final scene, in which Rocky’s pit bull attacks boxer Larry Holmes.

The pilot for Half Nelson was nicely done.  It set up the series and it gave us an introduction to the characters, which is exactly what a pilot is supposed to do.  The cast showed off their chemistry and the final scene between Parsons and Rocky indicated that the show had the potential to be something more than just another mid-80s detective show.  The pilot’s greatest strength, not surprisingly, was Joe Pesci.  Pesci has played so many mobsters and crooked lawyers that it’s easy to forget what a likable actor he can be.  The pilot featured Pesci at his most amiable and it also gave him a chance to show off his comedic timing.  All-in-all, the pilot was a success and I could understand why NBC would have ordered more episodes after watching it.

But what about the series?  Would the series live up to the promise of the pilot or would it just become another generic detective show?  We’ll find out over the next 8 weeks!

10 Oscar Snubs From The 2000s


Welcome to the aughts. The new century started out with the terror of 9-11 and it ended with the collapse of the world’s economy. In between, a lot of films were released. Some of them were really good. A few of them were nominated for Best Picture. Most of them were not.  As always, there were snubs aplenty.

2000: Michael Douglas Is Not Nominated For Wonder Boys

I recently saw someone online bemoaning the fact that Michael Douglas appears to be fated to end his career as a supporting character in the MCU as opposed to playing the type of “mature” roles with which he made his reputation.  And I actually think that person had a good point.  Michael Douglas, whose performances once epitomized the last few decades of the 20th Century, does seem a bit out of place surrounded by CGI and responding to the overly quippy dialogue of the MCU.  If you want to see a truly good Michael Douglas performance that doesn’t involve anyone shrinking, check him out in Curtis Hanson’s Wonder Boys.  Though Wonder Boys won the Oscar for Best Original Song and picked up nominations for Editing and Adapted Screenplay, Michael Douglas’s wonderful lead performance was overlooked.

2001: Mulholland Drive Is Almost Totally Ignored

Considering the reverence with which it is now viewed, it’s interesting to note that Mulholland Drive only received one Oscar nomination, for David Lynch’s direction.  The film was not nominated for Best Picture.  Naomi Watts and Laura Harring both went unnominated.  At the time, I imagine the film was too strange for Academy voters and its origin as a television pilot probably worked against it.  Today, it is regularly cited as one of the best films ever made.

2002: Leonardo DiCaprio and Tom Hanks Are Not Nominated For Catch Me If You Can

Catch Me If You Can was that rarest of movies, an underrated Steven Spielberg production.  Christopher Walken was nominated for Best Supporting Actor and the film’s score was nominated as well.  But both Leonard DiCaprio and Tom Hanks went unnominated, despite doing some of the best work of their careers.

2002: Robin Williams Is Not Nominated For One Hour Photo

One Hour Photo featured what I consider to be Robin Williams’s best and most poignant performance.  It was also perhaps his most frightening performance, which probably explains why the Academy shied away from honoring it.

2003: Scarlet Johansson Is Not Nominated For Best Actress For Lost In Translation

Though Bill Murray got most of the awards attention, Scarlet Johansson’s performance was just as important to the success of Lost In Translation.

2004: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind Is Not Nominated For Best Picture or Best Actor

Even before he decided to present himself as being an expert on vaccines and modern art, I wasn’t a huge fan of Jim Carrey’s.  That said, even I have to admit that he deserved a nomination for Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.  The film itself was only nominated for two Oscars.  Kate Winslet was nominated for Best Actress and Charlie Kaufman won the Oscar for Original Screenplay.  The film deserved quite a bit more.

2007: Once Is Not Nominated For Best Picture

This is one snub that I haven’t quite gotten over.  Once, a beautiful independent film from Ireland, deserved far more love than it received from the Academy.  That said, it did win the Oscar for Best Original Song and Glen Hansard gave one of the best acceptance speeches in Oscar history.  So, there is a little justice.

2008: The Dark Knight Is Not Nominated For Best Picture

If ever there was a comic book movie that deserved to be nominated for Best Picture, it was this one. To me, I think the main reason why The Dark Knight is superior to so many other comic book movies is because, even with Batman and the Joker running around, it still feels as if it’s taking place in the real world.  The smartest decision that Christopher Nolan made was to use a real city for Gotham instead of constructing a phony-looking set.  The fact that The Dark Knight received 8 nominations without also receiving a nomination for Best Picture leaves little doubt that the film’s lack of a nomination was due to its origins as a comic book movie.  There was such an uproar about The Dark Knight failing to pick up a Best Picture nomination that the Academy increased the number of Best Picture nominees to ten.  (Of course, that’s didn’t do much to help anything.)

2008: Robert Downey, Jr. Is Not Nominated For Best Actor For Iron Man

The MCU is now so big that it’s easy to forget that, if Robert Downey, Jr. hadn’t been a convincing Tony Stark in 2008, the whole thing would have never happened.  Going back and watching the early MCU films, before they got bogged down in their own formula, can be an eye-opening experience.  Downey’s performance in the first Iron Man holds up extremely well.  He goes from being an irresponsible businessman to being a hero and he’s convincing at every turn.  He gave such a good performance that it convinced even those of us who weren’t comic book readers to stick around and see what was coming up next in the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

2009: George Wyner Is Not Nominated For Best Supporting Actor For A Serious Man

Not all snubs involve big stars or famous actors.  Some of them involve talented character actors like George Wyner who totally knock their one scene out of the park but who still don’t get the recognition that they deserve.  In A Serious Man, Wyner plays the rabbi who tells Larry Gopnik (Michael Stuhlbarg) the parable of the dentist who found Hebrew phrases on the teeth of one of his patients.  It’s a mesmerizing scene, thanks to George Wyner’s skill as a storyteller.

Agree?  Disagree?  Have a snub of your own that you’d like to mention?  Let us know in the comments!

Coming up next, we go from the 2010s to the present day!

The Trial of Lee Harvey Oswald (1977, directed by David Greene and Gordon Davidson)


What if, instead of being shot by Jack Ruby, Lee Harvey Oswald had survived and been put on trial for the murder of President John F. Kennedy?

That’s the question asked by this television film.  John Pleshette plays Lee Harvey Oswald while Lorne Greene plays his attorney, Matt Weldon and Ben Gazzara plays the prosecutor, Kip Roberts.  The film imagines that the trial would have been moved to a small Texas town because Oswald presumably wouldn’t have been able to get a fair trial in Dallas.  While Roberts is forced to deal with his own doubts as to whether or not Oswald actually killed the President, Weldon is frustrated by Oswald’s paranoid and self-destructive behavior.  Oswald insists that he’s a patsy and that he was framed by “them” but he refuses to tell Weldon who they are.

With a running time of four hours, The Trial of Lee Harvey Oswald is a courtroom drama that tries to be fair to both sides and which ends with a frustrating cop-out.  While Weldon presents all of the evidence that real-life conspiracy theorists frequently cite in their attempts to prove Oswald’s innocence, Roberts makes the case that was presented in the Warren Commission.  Unfortunately, the film ends up trying too hard to avoid coming down on one side or the other and just proves that it’s impossible to be even-handed when it comes to conspiracy theories around the Kennedy assassination.  It’s either buy into the idea that it was all a huge conspiracy involving mobsters and intelligence agents or accept that it was just Oswald doing the shooting as a lone assassin.  Trying to come down in the middle, as this film does, just doesn’t work.

John Pleshette does a good job as Oswald and bears a passing resemblance to him.  Because the movie refuses to take a firm stand on whether or not Oswald’s guilty, the character is written as being a cipher who claims to be innocent but who, at the same time, also refuses to take part in his defense.  Pleshette plays up Oswald’s creepy arrogance, suggesting that Oswald was capable of trying to kill someone even if he didn’t actually assassinate JFK.  Both Greene and Gazzara are convincing as the two opposing attorneys, even if neither one of them really does much more than offer up a surface characterization.

The majority of the movie takes place in the courtroom, with a few flashbacks to Oswald’s past included to keep things from getting too stagnant.  When the film was made, people were still learning about the conspiracy theories surrounding the Kennedy assassination and The Trial of Lee Harvey Oswald might have had something new to tell them.  Seen today, the majority of the film’s evidence seems like old news.  The Trial of Lee Harvey Oswald never escapes the shadow of later films, like Oliver Stone’s JFK.

It’s hard not to regret that The Trial of Lee Harvey Oswald wasn’t willing to come definitively down on one side or the other.  Instead, it ends by telling us that we’re the jury and that the only verdict that matters is that one that we come up with.  They could have just told us that at the start of the movie and saved us all four hours.

A Movie A Day #26: The Taking of Beverly Hills (1991, directed by Sidney J. Furie)


After a toxic chemical spill, Beverly Hills is evacuated.  While its citizens wait in a hotel, their mansions and valuables are guarded by the police and agents of the EPA.  Or so they think.  It turns out that the chemical spill was faked and that both the police and the government agents are in on it.  While the town’s deserted, they’re going to rob everyone blind.  The scheme’s mastermind is Bat Masterson (Robert Davi), the owner of L.A. Rams.  What Masterson doesn’t realize is that one citizen of Beverly Hills stayed behind, his own quarterback, Boomer Hayes (Ken Wahl).  Teaming up with Ed Kelvin (Matt Frewer), the last honest cop in town, Boomer sets out to protect Beverly Hills.

It’s just a dumb as it sounds.  In fact, of the many Die Hard ripoffs that came out in the late 80s and the early 90s, The Taking of Beverly Hills is probably the dumbest, which also makes it one of the most entertaining.  Boomer, who has an impressive mullet, can only speak in football analogies, constantly assuring Ed that it’s only the first down and that they can turn things around after halftime.  When Boomer gets serious, he says, “It’s time to play offense.”  One of the stranger things about The Taking of Beverly Hills is that, unlike working class hero John McClane, Boomer is not an outsider.  He’s in Beverly Hills because he’s rich.  The Taking of Beverly Hills is basically about one rich guy trying to keep another rich guy from robbing a bunch of other rich people.  It’s Die Hard if Hart Bochner had been the hero instead of Bruce Willis.

Keep an eye out for Lee Ving, lead singer of Fear, playing one of the corrupt cops and an uncredited Pamela Anderson cast as a cheerleader.  And keep your ears open for songs like Epic by Faith No More because their presence on the soundtrack (and the associated rights issue) is the reason was this stupidly entertaining movie will probably never get a DVD/Blu-ray release in the United States.

It has been released in Germany, where it was retitled Boomer after the lead character.

It has been released in Germany, where it was retitled Boomer after the lead character.

 

Horror on the Lens: Deadly Messages (dir by Jack Bender)


Today’s horror on the lens is a made-for-TV movie from 1985!

In Deadly Messages, Kathleen Beller plays a woman named Laura who witnesses a murder and then becomes convinced that the murderer is after her.  She also finds a Ouija board that continually sends her the same message: “I am going to kill you.”  The police are skeptical of Laura.  Even worse, her boyfriend (Michael Brandon) is skeptical!  And, needless to say, Laura may have some secrets of her own…

Deadly Messages is a lot of fun.  Thank you to frequent TSL commenter Trevor Wells for suggesting this movie!

Enjoy!

Horror On The Lens: Dogs (dir by Burt Brinckerhoff)


dogs

Today’s horror film comes to use from 1976.  In Dogs, man’s best friend decides to terrorize an isolated college campus and the fate of the student body is in the hands of two professors (bearded David McCallum and non-bearded George Wyner).

In many ways, Dogs is a pretty basic revenge-of-nature film but it still made me nervous when I watched it on YouTube.  As our regular readers may know, I used to be terrified of dogs.  In just the past few years, I’ve managed to overcome a lot of my phobia but, on the whole, dogs still make me nervous.  And this movie definitely played on those nerves!

Interesting note: according to the trivia section over at the imdb, Dogs was originally going to be followed up by a sequel called Cats.  However, Dogs failed at the box office and, as a results, Cats was cancelled.