Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 4.12 “The Heroine/The Warrior”

Posted on February 6, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986. Almost the entire show is currently streaming on Daily Motion.

Today, I discovered that the YouTube account that was home to every episode of Fantasy Island has been taken down. This frustrated me. Fantasy Island is no longer on Tubi or Prime. In both cases, the original has been pushed to the side to make room for the reboot. So now, Daily Motion appears to be the only platform to have every episode. Bleh! Daily Motion includes so many commercials that it takes forever to get through one hour-long show.

*Sigh*

That said, I’m dedicated to this show. If I have to watch it on Daily Motion, I’ll shudder and do it.

Episode 4.12 “The Heroine/The Warrior”

(Dir by George McCowan, originally aired on January 24th, 1981)

This week, two more guests come to Fantasy Island with a desire to discover and prove who they really are.

For instance, Bob Graham (James MacArthur, who I just previously saw on The Love Boat) may seem like a rather mild-mannered fellow but he’s actually obsessed with the martial arts and his fantasy is to challenge and defeat the world’s greatest martial artist, Kwong Soo Luke (played by Mako). Bob wants to impress his wife, Linda (Shelley Fabares). Personally, I think it’s kind of sad that Bob thinks that beating someone up is the only way that he can impress his wife, especially since Linda seems to be pretty impressed with her husband already. Mr. Roarke also explains to Bob that Kwong Soo Luke traditionally kills his opponents after he defeats them. Again, you have to wonder why anyone would volunteer to go up against Kwong Soo Luke.

Anyway, this fantasy suffers from the fact that we know, from the start, that there’s no way that Bob is going to die on Fantasy Island. But again, there’s no way that, after all of the build-up, Bob isn’t going to get his fight. As a result, Bob’s survival and his victory are pretty much guaranteed. It brings Bob and Linda closer together but I get the feeling that divorce is still waiting for them in the future. “Remember that time you took me to an island and then spent the whole time fighting some guy I didn’t even know?” Bob better get used to hearing that.

Meanwhile, when Florence Richmond (Mary Ann Mobley) steps off the plane, Tattoo immediately guesses that she must be a teacher. Roarke explains that Florence is actually a writer, one who has had a good deal of success with a series of trashy romance novels. However, the prim and proper Florence feels that she’s never experienced a grand romance of her own so her fantasy is to be the heroine of one of her own books. Roarke grants her fantasy and soon, Florence is falling in love with the enigmatic and possibly duplicitous Brent Hampton (Cesare Danova) and nearly getting raped by the vile Porter Brockhill (Robert Loggia). Florence is shocked to discover that her novels take place in a world where lust is more important than love and true romance does not exist. Suddenly, Florence understands why her latest books were so uninspired and she leaves Fantasy Island determined to write about true romance.

This storyline featured nice performances from Mary Ann Mobley, Cesare Danova, and Robert Loggia. For me, it was mostly interesting as an examination of a fantasy that I’m sure every writer has, the fantasy of living inside of one of their own stories.

Next week …. hopefully, someone will have been kind enough to upload the show back onto YouTube!

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 4.3 “The Skater’s Edge/Concerto of Death/The Last Great Race”

Posted on December 5, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Fantasy Island loses a fantasy. Read on to find out the details and remember, “Smiles, everyone! Smiles!”

Episode 4.3 “The Skater’s Edge/Concerto of Death/The Last Great Race”

(Dir by Cliff Bole and Vince Edwards, originally aired on November 8th, 1980)

When this episode originally aired, it was a special two-hour episode of Fantasy Island, one that featured three fantasies as opposed to the usual two.

In Skater’s Edge, Charlie Johnson (Charlene Tilton) is a farm girl from Missouri who dreams of being a world class figure skater. She comes to the Island to compete in the Fantasy Island Skating Competition. Mr. Roarke gives Charlie a pair of magic skates that he claims belonged to figure skater Sonja Henie. As long as Charlie is wearing the skates, she is the greatest skater in the world. She takes the competition by storm and she also wins the heart of coach Mike O’Brien (Dack Rambo). Unfortunately, in doing so, Charlie upsets Mike’s protégé, Laura Henderson (Peggy Fleming). Laura steals Charlie’s skates but, after Mr. Roarke talks to her about the importance of friendship and fair play, Laura returns the skates to Charlie. Charlie gets a perfect score from the judges but, even more importantly, she learns a lesson in humility and she’s happy when Laura is named the winner of the competition. Laura has the Fantasy Island championship but Charlie has got Mike.

In Concerto of Death, Dennis Cole plays Jeremy Hale, who comes to the island with his wife (Mary Ann Mobley). Jeremy’s brother was a talented concert pianist who was murdered. Jeremy wants to play as well as his brother but he also wants to solve his murder. Roarke gives Jeremy an emerald ring that glows a deep green when Jeremy plays his piano. Roarke warns Jeremy that his brother’s ghost might try to possess him and seek violent revenge against those who he blames for his death. The scenes involving Jeremy being possessed feature Jeremy being suffused by a green glow and yes, it’s kind of silly but it’s still fun in the way that cheap special effects often are. Eventually, Jeremy realizes that his brother was killed by Carla Marco (Erin Gray) and it ends with the police taking away Carla and Jeremy’s guest cabin burning to the ground. That cabin burned down to the ground at least once per season.

Finally, in The Last Great Race, Dick Shawn and Juliet Mills play a couple who are divorcing. They go on a race with the winner getting the majority of their possessions.

You may notice that I don’t have much to say about The Last Great Race. This is because the Race fantasy was edited out of this episode when it went into syndication. Unfortunately, all of the versions that I’ve found of this episode online are of the syndicated version. So, I guess The Last Great Race is just going to be the lost fantasy of Fantasy Island.

It’s hard to judge this episode because, in the syndicated version, it’s very obvious that a lot has been removed. It makes things feel a bit disjointed with the scene transitions often coming abruptly. Charlie and Mike seem to fall in love in record time and Laura declaring herself to be Charlie’s friend seems odd because we haven’t really seen them interact before Laura steals her skates. Meanwhile, the story with Jeremy also feels rushed with the final confrontation between Jeremy and the murderer seeming to come out of nowhere.

That said, it’s kind of a fun episode. The skating scenes feature an obvious stunt double for Charlene Tilton and it’s hard not to be kind of charmed by how obvious it all is. (You can get dizzy as the scene cuts from close-ups of Tilton’s face and close-ups of the stunt double’s legs.) The supernatural story makes no sense but the silly special effects made me smile. The episode ends with Mr. Roarke causing snow to fall on Fantasy Island but, in typical Roarke fashion, he makes sure that it only falls on Tattoo. Roarke has a good laugh while Tattoo screams in terror. Seriously, those two hate each other so much.

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 3.11 “The Mermaid/The Victim”

Posted on August 22, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986. Almost entire show is currently streaming is on Youtube!

Smiles!

Episode 3.11 “The Mermaid/The Victim”

(Dir by Earl Bellamy, originally aired on December 1st, 1979)

This week, Fantasy Island suddenly becomes the most dangerous place on Earth.

Julie Bett (Joan Prather) comes to the island with a simple fantasy. She wants a date — just one date — with a man that she met briefly four years ago. Mr. Roarke asks Julie if perhaps she has overidealized her memories of Michael Duvall (James Darren). Julie says no and that Michael is the ideal man. Roarke reveals that Duvall lives on a nearby island where Roarke has no legal authority. Julie says that fine, since the date will be on Fantasy Island. Roarke reveals that Duvall is usually not allowed to step foot on Fantasy Island because of his shady reputation. Julie replies that there’s nothing shady about Michael Duvall. Roarke finally allows Duvall to come to Fantasy Island for the date.

Of course, within minutes of arriving, Duvall has drugged Julie’s drink and then whisked her back to his own island. It turns out that Michael Duvall is a Jeffrey Epstein-style human trafficker and his estate doubles as a prison for the women that he had abducted. His evil assistant, Madame Jeannot (Yvonne DeCarlo), announces that there is no way that Julie can escape and, to prove her point, she introduces Julie to Annie (Cathryn O’Neil), who tried to escape and was severely beaten as a result.

Julie tries to rally the other prisoners (including Dorothy Stratten, who would be murdered 8 months after this episode aired) to fight back against Duvall, Jeannot, and their servant. If her rebellion fails, Julie knows that she’ll never be seen again….

Meanwhile, oceanographer Harold DeHaven (John Saxon) has come to Fantasy Island with his wife, Amanda (Mary Ann Mobley). Harold and Amanda have a troubled marriage, largely because Harold is too obsessed with his work and his desire to make a major discovery of some sort. No sooner has Harold started walking along the beach then he comes across a mermaid! Princess Nyah (Michelle Phillips) is apparently a well-known figure on Fantasy Island and, at one point, Roarke even confronts Nyah about her history of trying to lure the guests to their deaths. Can Amanda prevent her husband from drowning in his attempt to be with Princess Nyah?

(This episodes leaves us to wonder just what exactly Fantasy Island’s legal liability would be if someone died as a result of their fantasy. Seriously, it seems like Mr. Roarke has really left himself vulnerable to a lawsuit.)

Anyway, Julie and the other kidnapped women manage to escape from Duvall’s estate, just to find Mr. Roarke and a bunch of policemen waiting for them. Roarke explains that he knew what Duvall was doing but he needed proof before he could contact that authorities. Julie provided the proof. Essentially, Roarke is saying that he put Julie’s life at risk to take down Duvall but Julie and the other women seem to be amused by the whole thing. Everyone smiles as Mr. Roarke says that he’ll take them back to Fantasy Island. I guess PTSD doesn’t exist on the islands.

Meanwhile, Amanda’s efforts to keep Harold from swimming off with Nyah nearly leads to Amanda drowning. Seeing his wife risk her life for him, Harold realizes that he really does love Amanda and both he and Amanda return to dry land. Disappointed, Nyah swims off.

Yay! Everyone lived! As they all left the Island, no one seemed to be the least bit traumatized by nearly dying. At the plane flies away, Roarke suggest that Nyah’s new target might be Tattoo. “Be serious, boss,” Tattoo, “I can’t even swim.” The thought of his assistant dying a terrible death from drowning cause Roarke to laugh out loud as the end credits roll.

There was a weird episode and compulsively watchable as a result. Seriously, how do you not love John Saxon following Michelle Phillips into water? That said, Fantasy Island seems like a very dangerous place.

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 2.23 “Cornelius and Alphonse/The Choice”

Posted on May 23, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Smiles, everyone, smiles! This week, we visit the other side of the Island.

Episode 2.23 “Cornelius and Alphonse/The Choice”

(Dir by Earl Bellamy, originally aired on May 6th, 1979)

This was a bit of an odd episode.

First off, the official title of the show, for this episode, was Fantasy Island Sunday Special. Usually, Fantasy Island aired on Saturdays. This episode, as you can guess by the title, aired on a Sunday. Secondly, this episode does away with both the plane and Tattoo’s signature cry of “Da Plane Da Plane,” and instead has the guests arrive on the island in a hot air balloon. Tattoo (who is once again seen driving his little car, so I guess he finally recovered it after it was stolen earlier in the season) and Mr. Roarke are joined by a second assistant, Cindy (Kimberly Beck, who readers of this site will probably recognize as the likable lead in films like Massacre at Central High and Friday The 13th: The Final Chapter). At one point, Roarke says that “Cindy helps me on this side of the Island.” If nothing else, this episode confirms that Roarke has multiple assistants and the Island is really, really big.

Actually, it’s a good thing that Cindy is there because Cornelius (Red Buttons) and Alphonse (Billy Barty) have kidnapped Tattoo! Cornelius is a former employee of the Island but he was fired for stealing. When he returns to the Island, he says that his fantasy is to just have a pleasant holiday with his friend Alphonse. However, Cornelius’s real fantasy is to get revenge on Mr. Roarke by abducting Tattoo and holding him for ransom!

Of course, anyone who has been paying attention to the show up to this point knows that Cornelius and Alphonse have made a mistake. Mr. Roarke and Tattoo obviously loathe each other. When Mr. Roarke finds out that Tattoo is being held captive in a conveniently deserted castle, he doesn’t really seem that concerned about it. And Tattoo turns out to be such a disruptive presence that Cornelius is soon begging Roarke to take him back. In the end, Roarke demands money to take Tattoo off of their hands and Cornelius and Alphone end up paying off their debt by working in Fantasy Island’s kitchen. Tattoo is amused by the whole thing, despite the fact that Mr, Roarke was essentially willing to let him die.

Meanwhile, two orphans (Kyle Richards and Michael Anderson, Jr.) are given a chance to pick their new parents. They spend time with two sets of prospective parents. (One of the potential fathers is a magician played by a youngish Regis Philbin.) From the start of the fantasy, it’s pretty obvious that they’re going to ask to be adopted by Ruth (Juliet Mills), the head of the adoption agency. And that’s exactly what happens. The episode ends with Ruth and the children boarding a hot air balloon and flying all the way back to America.

As I said, this was a bit of a weird episode, with a new assistant and a hot air balloon. “The other side of the Island” looks a like a theme park. This episode was obviously designed to appeal to children and, for what it’s worth, the IMDb trivia section states that this episode was meant to be a “backdoor pilot” for a version of Fantasy Island that would appeal to children. (I assume Cindy would have been the main character.) Unfortunately, the kidnapping humor is a bit too broad and the adoption storyline is a bit too predictable. Hopefully, next week’s episode will take place on the adult side of the Island.

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 2.7 “Ship of Ghouls”

Posted on March 29, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, Vincent Price comes aboard for a special Halloween episode!

This is actually, the second time that I’ve reviewed this episode. I also watched and reviewed it back in 2021. I enjoyed it the first time that I watched it and my opinion remained the same the second time I watched it. Still, I’m glad that I rewatched the episode as opposed to trying to write a second review from memory. There were a few details that I had forgotten.

Anyway, it’s time for…. SHIP OF GHOULS!

Episode 2.7 “Ship of Ghouls”

(Originally aired on October 28th, 1978, dir by Roger Duchowny)

It’s time for the annual Halloween cruise and Captain Stubing is super excited because he has hired The Amazing Alonzo (Vincent Price) to provide the cruise’s entertainment. Alonzo is a master illusionist and hypnotist, who can trick people into seeing just about anything. The episode really doesn’t explain just how exactly Alonzo is able to hypnotize people by just saying a few words to them but no matter. This is The Love Boat and Vincent Price is …. well, he’s Vincent Price. Vincent comes across like he’s having the time of his life in this episode and, as such, we accept that Alonzo can cause a bunch of people to think that Gopher and Doc have been turned into two donkeys. We accept that he can fool the Captain into thinking that the ship’s pool has been turned into a giant ice cream sundae. We even accept that he can make Isaac’s head appear in a glass of beer. We accept all of it because it just feels wrong to get hung up on logic when Vincent Price is involved.

The Amazing Alonzo is having so much fun flirting with his elderly groupies and casting spells that his long-suffering fiancé, Ramona (Joan Blondell), dumps him and instead moves into the Captain’s quarters. At first, Alonzo is jealous of the Captain but he soon comes to realize that the Captain is not romantically interested in Ramona and is just letting her stay in his quarters because she needs some place to stay. Alonzo also discovers that he can no longer hypnotize people without Ramona’s support. At the big Halloween party, Alonzo freezes time and apologizes to Ramona. He also confesses to her that his real name is Wendell. They walk out of the ship’s ballroom, hand-in-hand. Yay!

Needless to say, Vincent Price was the highlight of this episode. However, as was always the case with The Love Boat, there were other passengers on the cruise.

For instance, nine year-old Bobby Diller (Charlie Aikman) is a habitual liar and prankster. His behavior may be bratty but that’s largely due to the fact that his parents (Gary Collins and Mary Ann Mobley) are getting back together after previously getting a divorce and he’s worried that they’re going to split up again. Fortunately, Bobby’s lying comes in handy when he spots Karen (Barbara Anderson) preparing to throw herself overboard. Bobby tells Karen that his mother committed suicide and that he’s never gotten over it. Karen changes her mind about committing suicide. Once Karen is safely back on deck, Bobby admits that he lied but then adds, “It’s the last lie I’ll ever tell!”

Why was Karen suicidal? Karen was a model until a car accident left her with a scar on her face. Karen is convinced that no one will ever find her to be beautiful again. Of course, Gopher and Doc both find her to be beautiful and they spend the entire cruise hitting on her and arguing over which one of them has the right to dance with her and have dinner with her. (As I’ve said in the past, The Love Boat really was a floating HR nightmare.) Karen, unfortunately, thinks that they’re just doing this as a favor to Karen’s best friend, cruise director Julie. Fortunately, Bobby’s lie convinces Karen that people can sincerely care about one another. Also, Karen realizes that she’s too good for either Gopher or Doc. Good for her!

This was a good episode. Vincent Price was a delight as always and Barbara Anderson was sympathetic Karen. All Halloween cruises should be as entertaining as The Love Boat‘s!

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 2.7 “Let the Good Times Roll/Nightmare/The Tiger”

Posted on January 31, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, we’ve got a special, 90-minute episode of Fantasy Island!

Episode 2.7 “Let the Good Times Roll/Nightmare/The Tiger”

(Dir by George McCowan, originally aired on November 4th, 1978)

This week’s supersized episode of Fantasy Island begins with Tattoo revealing that he’s come up with a new way to annoy Mr. Roarke.

Mr, Roarke rolls his eyes and dramatically sighs, especially when Tattoo makes the mistake of assuming that Roarke is a Pisces. (“I am a Sagittarius!” Roarke snaps.) For once, Mr. Roarke is right to be annoyed. There’s no time for this foolishness this week! We’ve got three fantasies to deal with!

For instance, Duke Manducci (Paul Sand) and Ernie “Smooth” Kowalski (Peter Isacksen) want to go back to the 1960s and relive their youth. Duke was once known as the King of the Strip because he could outrace anyone. Now, years later, Duke is just a guy working in a garage. Roarke leads them to an exact recreation of the Strip. The Strip is so perfectly recreated that even Donny Bonaduce shows up to make trouble.

Uh-oh, it turns out that Mr. Roarke has also invited all of Duke’s old friends to come take part in Duke’s fantasy. Except, of course, none of them know that Duke is still working at the same gas station that he worked at as a teenager. Duke ends up telling a lot of lies in order to convince them that he’s made a success of himself. But when he falls for Sheila Crane (Mary Ann Mobley), he realizes that it’s time to be honest. And when Bonaduce challenges him to a race, Duke eventually realizes that his racing days are over and it’s time for him to be a grown-up. Duke not only learns an important lesson but he’s also offered a job working on a NASCAR pit crew. Yay!

Meanwhile, Janine Sanford (Pamela Franklin) is haunted by a recurring nightmare. She always has the dream at midnight and she’s never made it to the end of the dream without waking up. She travels to Fantasy Island with her husband (Brett Halsey, who later starred in Fulci’s Touch of Death) and her father (Ray Milland). Her fantasy is see how her nightmare ends. Mr. Roarke takes her to what he calls the Nightmare House.

And, oh my God, this nightmare is seriously freaky! We see it twice. It involves Janine watching as all of her childhood toys catch on fire. There’s even a clown that comes to life and go crazy at one point.

Janine’s father is convinced that the dream is linked to some sort of past trauma and he fears that Janine will be hurt if she relives it.

It turns out the joke’s on him! Janine’s nightmare is not about the past but the future. It turns out that it was warning her that her father was going to be trapped in a fire. When her father is indeed trapped in a fire, Janine is able to rescue him. Yay! What a great fantasy and I love a happy ending. This fantasy is handled so well that it takes a while to realize that the show just kind of dropped the whole idea of Janine suffering from past trauma, despite the fact that her father seemed really worried about what she might end up remembering.

Finally, for our third fantasy, Victor Duncan (Darren McGavin) is a Hemingwayesque writer who wants to go to India so he can hunt a legendary tiger. How do you think that works out for him?

Yep, the tiger kills him.

Fear not, though! Mr. Roarke explains to Tattoo that Victor was actually terminally ill and his fantasy was to die on Fantasy Island. So, I guess that’s a happy ending.

I actually liked this episode, if just because it was throwback to season one when all of the fantasies were linked by a common theme. Here the link is aging and growing up. Duke and Victor both have to deal with the fact that they’re no longer young men. Janine manages to put her nightmare behind her and move on. These three fantasies all seemed to belong together, so there were none of the strange tonal shifts that I’ve noticed in some of the other episodes. All in all, this was a good trip to Fantasy Island.

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 1.13 “Fool For A Client/Double Your Pleasure”

Posted on December 6, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week’s episode of Fantasy Island is …. well, let’s just say that not every fantasy can be a winner.

Episode 1.13 “Fool For A Client/Double Your Pleasure”

(Dir by Earl Bellamy, originally aired on May 13th, 1978)

This episode begins with Tattoo suffering from a toothache and Mr. Roarke giving him a hard time about it. Indeed, Mr. Roarke seems to take an almost sadistic delight in telling Tattoo that he shall have to see a dentist. The relationship of Mr. Roarke and Tattoo strikes me as being an odd one. On the one hand, Roarke allows Tattoo to handle the money and Tattoo appears to be the second-in-command. One assumes that, if Mr. Roarke ever went on vacation, Tattoo would be left in charge. At the same time, Mr. Roarke doesn’t seem to particularly like Tattoo and he seems to take a lot of pleasure from the various humiliations that Tattoo suffers on a weekly basis. From what I understand, Ricardo Montalban and Herve Villechaize were not exactly friends offscreen so perhaps, this is just a case of reality bleeding into fiction.

Anyway, Tattoo’s toothache is perhaps the most interesting thing about this episode. Both of the fantasies are kind of lame.

In the first fantasy, Ken Berry plays Larry, a blue collar guy who has spent 12 years working on the Alaskan pipeline. His fantasy is to spend the weekend with two beautiful women. No sooner has Larry arrived on Fantasy Island, then he meets Nina (Caren Kaye). She’s beautiful and Larry’s happy. Then he meets Dina, who is Nina’s twin sister and, because of the whole twin thing, she’s beautiful and Larry is happy. EXCEPT …. it turns out that there’s only one woman and her fantasy was to pretend to be a twin for the weekend. Wait …. what? I mean, it works out. Dina and Larry fall in love and they leave together but it seems like Larry didn’t really get his fantasy and, at the very least, he deserves a partial refund.

In the second fantasy, comedian Rich Little plays Herb Costigan, a paralegal who wants to be the world’s greatest lawyer. Mr. Roarke sets him up with a house on the “other side of the island,” which Roarke explains is populated by rich people who apparently have vacation homes on Fantasy Island. Roarke has told everyone that Costigan is a world-famous attorney. However, when a murder occurs, Costigan is framed for the crime and soon, he’s defending himself in court! Eventually, it turns out that there was no murder and the supposed victim just faked his death and is now wandering around the Island with a fake beard glued to his face. It really doesn’t make any sense but this fantasy does establish that the island is, at the very least, a territory of the United States as there’s a big American flag in the courtroom.

Neither one of these stories really worked for me, largely because neither Ken Berry nor Rich Little seemed to be particularly invested in their characters. It also doesn’t help that Berry and Little shared a superficial physical resemblance, to the extent that it was often a struggle to keep straight who was having which fantasy.

In the end, Tattoo’ toothache was the highlight of this show. Fortunately, it just turned out to be his wisdom teeth coming in. Take that, Mr. Roarke!