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Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 3.21 “Till Death Do Us Part”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network!  It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

This week, a loved one dies.

Episode 3.21 “Till Death Do Us Part”

(Dir by Michael Levine, originally aired on April 12th, 1998)

When two robbers invade a high-end clothing store and shoot a security guard, they also accidentally shoot and kill Linda, Victor’s fiancée.  In fact, Linda was trying on a wedding dress when she was shot.  She was accompanied by Chris.  In typical Pacific Blue style, even though Victor is the one who has just lost his fiancée, Chris also gets a chance to tell everyone that it’s also something that she’ll never recover from because she was the one who was actually there when it happened.  Chris is so upset that she initially refuses to even change her clothes, even though they’ve been splattered with Linda’s blood.  The show seems to think that this makes Chris into a strong character.  Personally, I think it makes her someone who is so self-centered that she even has to make the death of someone else’s fiancée all about her.  I can only imagine how Victor feels seeing Linda’s blood all over Chris’s shirt.

As for Victor, he goes on a rampage, tearing up Santa Monica until he finds the man who shot Linda.  Victor ignores regulations.  He breaks rules.  He nearly shoots the killer in a parking lot and his partner Cory promises to back him up if he pulls the trigger.  In the end, Victor is not a cold-blooded murderer.  He allows the killer to be arrested.  He tells the killer that he can’t wait to witness his execution.  (Good luck, Victor.  You’re in California!)  But, as the episode ends, it’s mentioned that Internal Affairs is going to want his badge.

(Apparently, that will be dealt with in next week’s episode, which is also the season three finale.)

Watching this episode, I can found myself asking myself if all the other cops in Santa Monica have been fired.  I didn’t see anyone other than the bicycle cops investigating the robberies or the shootings.  I didn’t see anyone from Homicide looking into Linda’s murder.  Instead, the entire episode was full of people trying to look tough while wearing bicycle shorts.

It just can’t be done!

Retro Television Review: Saved By The Bell: The Class 1.11 “Weasel Love”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell: The New Class, which ran on NBC from 1993 to 2o00.  The show is currently on Prime.

This week, Weasel’s found love again.  Or has he?

Episode 1.11 “Weasel Love”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on November 20th, 1993)

Weasel’s online girlfriend, Natalie (Stephanie Dicker), moves to California and enrolls at Bayside.  At first, she looks and acts just like Tori Spelling during Tori’s time on the original Saved By The Bell.  However, Megan, Vicki, and Lindsay give her a makeover that …. actually, makes her look significantly worse.  But everyone at Bayside insists that it makes her look better so Weasel starts to feel insecure.  Tommy D, Scott, and Mr. Belding (really?) give Weasel a makeover to team him how to be cool.  That coolness goes to Weasel’s head and soon, he and Natalie aren’t speaking.

Uh-oh!  Natalie and Weasel are both in the school band!  Natalie plays piano.  Weasel plays saxophone.  (Needless to say, we never actually see Natalie’s hands when she’s playing piano.)  How is the band going to win that trip to New York if Natalie and Weasel aren’t capable of performing a duet together?

Well, maybe Tommy can hop on the computer and send Natalie a message “from Weasel” apologizing.  Natalie is touched but later, Weasel reveals that he didn’t write the message.  But Weasel and Natalie still talk through their differences and the band wins that New York trip!

As for this episode’s B-plot, Tommy D and Scott trick two of the nerd characters into leaving the band so that they can replace them.  As I watched Scott and Tommy trick the nerds into thinking that they were losing their hearing, it occurred to me that it takes a lot of charisma to make a schemer likable.  Mark-Paul Gosselaar and Mario Lopez had that charisma, which is why the first Saved By The Bell worked despite Zack being a sociopath.  Robert Sutherland Telfer and Jonathan Angel on the other hand….

(Actually, in all honesty, Jonathan Angel was likable as Tommy.  He had the goofy dumb guy thing down.  Telfer, however, didn’t have Gosselaar’s cocky charm.  As a result, Scott usually comes across as being more desperate than confident.)

Anyway, this was another dumb episode.  There’s no consistency when it comes to how characters like Weasel are portrayed so it’s really had to care about their lives one way or another.  This episode, Weasel got a girlfriend.  Even though I haven’t seen the remaining season one episodes yet, I can guarantee that she will never be mentioned again.

Finally, the band sounded terrible.  Leave them in New York.

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 5.15 “Bright Flashes”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

This week, it’s lasers and horses in Los Angeles!

Episode 5.15 “Bright Flashes”

(Dir by Leslie H. Martinson, originally aired on January 17th, 1982)

Two dorky university science students — Scotty (Mark L. Taylor) and Richard (Jerry Houser) — have invented a laser that they use to temporarily blind people before robbing them.  They blind Ponch in the middle of a race.  They blind a group of people in front of a bank.  The only person they don’t blind is old cowboy actor Wayne Cato (George Lindsay) but, when Wayne doesn’t chase after them, everyone except for Baker treats him like he’s a coward.

Uhmm, excuse me …. the man is in his sixties!  It’s not his responsibility to go chasing after every crook in Los Angeles.  Maybe the Highway Patrol should do their job!

Wayne feels so guilty that he does chase the robber when they show up to rob yet another bank that he’s standing in front of.  Baker joins in and gets to live his fantasy of ditching his motorcycle for a horse.

This episode was a rare case of Baker getting to the be the main character even though Erik Estrada was healthy and present as Ponch.  It was a bit of a silly episode.  Why everyone got so angry with Wayne Cato was never really explained.  (What was a 60-something retired cowboy to do?)  The funniest thing was the ultra cheap laser special effects, none of which seemed to land anywhere near anyone’s eyes.

Again, it was a silly episode.  But at least Baker got to ride a horse.

Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 5.21 “Too Much, Too Late”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

This week, Miami Vice comes to a close.

Episode 5.21 “Too Much, Too Late”

(Dir by Richard Compton, originally aired on January 25th, 1990)

Tough NYPD detective Valerie Gordon (Pam Grier) returns to Miami after she learns that her friend Yvonne (CCH Pounder) has become addicted to crack cocaine and has been using her teenage daughter, Lynette (Malinda Williams), to pay her dealer, Swayne (John Toles-Bey).  Returning to Miami also allows Valerie to meet up with her former lover, Tubbs.  Tubbs is happy to see her again and even starts to think about marriage.  When Yvonne turns up dead, Valerie insists that Swayne killed her.  However, Crockett isn’t so sure.  Eventually, it turns out that Lynette murdered her own mother and that Valerie has been trying to frame Swayne for the crime.  Both Swayne and Lynette are arrested.  Valerie returns to New York where, she tells Tubbs, she is going to turn in her badge and retire from the police force.

Meanwhile, Switek tries to resist the temptation to start gambling again.  He even goes to meetings of Gamblers Anonymous but, when he’s stuck alone in his apartment and dealing with the guilt that he still feels over Zito’s death, Switek finds himself overwhelmed.  Soon, he is again placing bets.

This was not intended to be the final episode of Miami Vice.  Switek giving into his gambling addiction and Tubbs growing increasingly burned out were all plot points that were obviously designed to lead straight into Freefall.  Even Tubbs’s decision to return to New York makes a lot more sense once we know that Valerie is there.  However, NBC did not air this episode during the show’s original run because of its subject matter.  Yvonne selling her daughter for crack was considered to be too controversial.  As such, it didn’t air until the show went into syndication.  That’s a shame.  This was a strong episode, one that featured the melancholy atmosphere that made Miami Vice so memorable in the first place.

Well, that’s it for Miami Vice.  It’s a show that started out strong.  The first two seasons were consistently outstanding.  The third season was entertaining, even if it was obvious that the show was starting to run on autopilot.  The fourth season is where the show lost itself.  As for the fifth season, it had its flaws but it was a definite improvement over the fourth season.  While it was obvious that Don Johnson was eager to move on, the fifth season still provided enough good episodes that the show managed to redeem itself before it finally ended.

I’m going to miss Miami Vice.  Even at its worse, it had style to burn.

(I should mention that the whole reason I started reviewing Miami Vice back in 2023 was because I assumed Ron DeSantis would be elected President in 2024 and that people would naturally be curious about a show set in Florida.  Whoops.)

Next week, something new will premiere in this time slot.  What will it be?  I’ll let you know as soon as I know.  For now, let’s just take a moment to remember Crockett, Tubbs, and Elvis.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Degrassi: The Next Generation 2.11 “Don’t Believe The Hype”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sunday, I will be reviewing the Canadian series, Degrassi: The Next Generation, which aired from 2001 to 2015!  The series can be streamed on YouTube and Tubi.

Degrassi goes there!

Episode 2.11 “Don’t Believe The Hype”

(Dir by Anais Granofsky, originally aired on December 23rd, 2002)

“A hate crime has been committed here,” Snake declares in this episode.  He declares it very seriously.  In fact, he’s a little bit too serious.  His voice and his expression are so grim that the line actually has the opposite effect of what it intended.  The same can be said of this episode itself.  Degrassi was always political but, up until its final seasons, it was usually smart enough to understand that encouraging audiences to look between the lines was preferable to hitting them over the head.  Occasionally, though, this show did give us an episode like this one.

As for the hate crime, it’s the vandalization of a display about Iraq.  It’s International Day and Fareeza (Jessica Rose) made the display to inform people about her home country.  Fareeza is sure that her display was vandalized by Hazel because, earlier, Hazel give Fareeza a fashion ticket because her hijab was judged to be “terrorist chic.”  Hazel also said that Fareeza needed to back off before “Jamaica declared war on Iraq.”

Fareeza replies that Hazel’s last name — Aden — doesn’t sound Jamaican.  (It doesn’t?  Really?)  “You look Somalian,” Fareeza says.

Anyway, it turns out that the displays was vandalized by two unnamed students.  But Mr. Raditch still tells Hazel that she committed a hate crime by joking about declaring war on Iraq.  At first, Hazel is defensive but then she becomes so overwhelmed with guilt that she admits that she isn’t Jamaican.  She actually is Somalian!  Of course, I think one could argue that Fareeza committed a hate crime with her “You look Somalian” comment.  I mean, talk about stereotyping!  It’s like telling me I look Irish just because I have red hair and I’m half-Irish.

(At this point, I should mention that Andea Lewis, who played Hazel, was not Somalian.  In fact, in real life, she’s half-Jamaican.  But then again, Jessica Rose, who played Fareeza, was not from Iraq.)

Now, needless to say, Hazel being a Somalian refugee is one of those plot points that will hardly ever be mentioned again.  And Fareeza will never appear in another episode of Degrassi.  Fareeza showed up.  She taught everyone a lesson.  Having fulfilled her plot obligations, her character is never seen again.

Hazel later gives a presentation about her Somalian heritage and the school loves her.  (We don’t see the presentation that Fareeza gave about Iraq.  Sorry, Fareeza, this is Hazel’s episode.)  Meanwhile, JT’s friends discover that he’s good at sewing and everyone, except for Liberty, makes fun of him.  It’s easy to roll one’s eyes at Liberty’s crush on JT until you remember that JT is destined to end dying on Liberty’s birthday.  But that’s far in the future.  For now, JT is an adorable scamp who has no idea that he’s going to be literally stabbed in the back.

There’s nothing subtle about this episode and the end result is that it feels almost more like a parody of Degrassi than anything else.

 

Retro Television Review: Homicide: Life On The Street 5.5. “ME, Myself, and I”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sundays, I will be reviewing Homicide: Life On The Street, which aired from 1993 to 1999, on NBC!  It  can be viewed on Peacock.

This week, the show gets a new co-star.

Episode 5.5 “M.E., Myself, and I”

(Dir by Michael Fields, originally aired on November 1st, 1996)

There’s a new medical examiner in town!  Julianna Cox (Michelle Forbes) drinks too much, smokes too much, and she takes her job personally!  She drives too fast!  She speaks her mind!  She fires the incompetent and the corrupt!  She shows up at crime scenes!  Lewis moves a body before Dr. Cox arrives.  She tells him to never do it again!

She’s a new regular and this entire episode is essentially dedicated to hitting us over the head with the fact that she’s awesome.  And she is awesome and she’s also played by Michelle Forbes so I’m sure she will be a worthwhile addition to the show’s ensemble.  That said, this episode sometimes seem to be so desperate to convince us that we’re going to love Dr. Cox that it forgets to craft a compelling story.  She helps Bayliss to solve a case.  Bayliss likes her.  Well, Bayliss like everyone.  Indeed, Bayliss gets so excited whenever an attractive woman appears that he sometimes seems like a cartoon wolf, with his eyes popping out of his head.

In other news, Kellerman is still under investigation and he’s not taking it well.  The great Edward Herrmann played the officious FBI agent who took over the Box and spent the episode asking the other Homicide detectives if Kellerman seemed to be corrupt.  “How did Detective Kellerman afford a new boat?”  Actually, how did Detective Kellerman afford a new boat?

Pembleton went off his blood pressure meds so he could make love to his wife on his anniversary.  Pembleton — how are you going to recover from this stroke if you keep finding excuses not to take your medication?

Finally, Brodie got kicked out of Bayliss’s apartment so he moved in with Lewis.  Brodie praised a black velvet painting of Teddy Pendergrass, leading to a fight between Lewis and his wife.  It was an amusing scene.  Brodie, you stand accused of murdering a marriage!  The jury finds you guilty!

It was an okay episode.  Homicide is one of those shows that is enjoyable watch because of the ensemble and Michelle Forbes seems like she’ll be a good addition.  When you’ve got a cast this good, you can get away with an episode where not that much really happens.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Saved By The Bell 1.17 “Close Encounters of the Nerd Kind”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell, which ran on NBC from 1989 to 1993.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime and Tubi!

This week, we have perhaps the dumbest 30 minutes of television ever.

Episode 1.17 “Close Encounters of the Nerd Kind”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on November 23rd, 1990)

After breaking the school’s video camera, Zack and the gang need to come up with some money and they need to do it quickly!  They see that a tabloid will pay money for pictures of an alien so they send in a picture of Screech.  Thompson (Sean Masterson) turns up at the school to investigate the claim.  Screech pretends to be an alien.  Uh-oh, Thompson’s from the government and he wants to dissect Screech!

This is without a doubt the stupidest episode of Saved By The Bell that I’ve ever seen and that’s saying something.  Everyone in the school — including freaking Mr. Belding — puts on a mask to show Thompson that he’s been fooled.

That’s not very nice, Thompson says.

Neither is telling a bunch of kids you’re from a magazine, Belding replies.

What does that even mean, Belding?

Seriously, I try to cut this show some slack but even when I was an occasionally stoned college student watching Saved By The Bell so I’d have something other to do other than study, I still groaned whenever this episode came on.

Did they ever fix the video camera?  They should have let the government have Screech.

Retro Television Review: Baywatch 1.19 “The Big Race”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch, which ran on NBC and then in syndication from 1989 to 2001.  The entire show can be viewed on Tubi.

Cort needs money!

Episode 1.19 “The Big Race”

(Dir by Kevin Inch, originally aired on March 16th, 1990)

This episode opens with Cort trying to impress a woman who is convinced that he’s rich.  He and Eddie illegally break into someone else’s yacht and Eddie dressed up in a tuxedo so he can pretend to be Cort’s butler.  The meeting goes well into the woman asks Cort to donate $10,000 to a retirement home and Cort impulsively says yes.

Now, he has to come up with $10,000!

Luckily, there’s a water ski race coming up and the grand prize is $15,000.  Cort, Mitch, and Craig enter and …. well, do you need me to tell you that they win despite the efforts of a bunch of snobby vandals?

Meanwhile, Shauni is scared to get in the water.  She’s haunted by slow motion flashbacks of Jill getting attacked by that shark.  (This is the rare episode of Baywatch that actually acknowledges that something that happened in another episode.)  I guess Shauni’s going to have to quit being a lifeguard now.  Oh wait — luckily, someone almost drowns and Shauni’s instincts overpower her fear.  With the help of Michael Newman — NEWMIE! — Shauni finds the courage to do her job.

At least Shauni is still mourning Jill.  No one else seems to care.  Seriously, if you think about it — two lifeguards have died in the line of duty over the past two weeks and no one really seems that upset about it.

No wonder some people stand in the darkness.

Late Night Retro Television Reviev: Freddy’s Nightmares 2.8 “Bloodlines”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Freddy’s Nightmares, a horror anthology show which ran in syndication from 1988 to 1990. The entire series can be found on Tubi!

Leave the pets alone.

Episode 2.8 “Bloodlines”

(Dir by James Quinn, originally aired on November 26th, 1989)

Woody Burton (Marc Alaimo) breaks out of prison and heads home to try to retrieve some money he stole.  The house is occupied by his bitter son, Jack (Chris Nash) and his delusional wife, Joyce (Sheree North).  Woody tries to bury his son alive but fortunately, Jack has his gun with him and shoots his father dead.

The episode then jumps forward in time.  Jack is now married to Maggie (Ruth de Sosa).  Maggie and Jack have “adopted” a daughter named Patty (Irina Cashen).  Because Jack had a criminal record, they couldn’t legally adopt so Jack paid a baby broker.  Now, Maggie worries that Patty might be possessed by the devil.  About 10 minutes into the second story, the family’s cat was killed for a cheap shock and I stopped watching.

From what I saw, this was a pretty crappy episode.  The first half was thoroughly unpleasant and didn’t even have any supernatural elements.  The second half was a dull Omen rip-off that killed a defenseless house pet.

Yes, I stopped watching when the cat died.  I had seen enough.

Retro Television Review: St. Elsewhere 3.15 “Bye, George”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing St. Elsewhere, a medical show which ran on NBC from 1982 to 1988.  The show can be found on Daily Motion.

Episode 3.15 “Bye George”

(Dir by Mark Tinker, originally aired on January 9th, 1985)

It’s another busy day at St. Eligius.

  • The then-Governor of Massachusetts, Michael Dukakis, appears as himself, entering the ER after pulling a muscle while out for his daily run.  Fiscus refuses to believe that he’s the governor.  Elliot recognizes him, of course.
  • Three years later, Governor Dukakis ran for President and lost …. big time.  Dukakis is still alive and is the earliest living unsuccessful presidential nominee.  Because he lost to the first President Bush, he used to show up on the news during the second President Bush’s term.  He always came across as being bitter and kind of whiny.
  • With Tshalla’s kidney transplant having been performed and his clinic at risk due to government corruption, Dr. Wyler finally leaves Boston and heads back to Africa.  And really, it’s not a moment too soon.  For all the time the show spent assuring us that Dr. Wyler was a modern-day saint, I found him to be a bit full-of-himself and a little annoying.  We’ve already got Dr. Westphall and Dr. Craig on this show.  We don’t need any more pompous doctors.
  • Speaking of Dr. Westphall, he’s depressed.  Well, what else is new?
  • Since revealing that he only studied for six months at a fly-by-night medical school, Dr. Morrison is no longer allowed to treat patients or go on rounds.  Joan Halloran (played by Nancy Stafford) returns to the hospital (and the show) and announces that she will be defending Morrison in front of the medical review board and that she hopes that Morrison will be able to continue on as a resident.  Morrison just kind of shrugs.  Morrison is easily depressed as Dr. Westphall.
  • Joan talks to everyone around the hospital and everyone agrees that Jack Morrison is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being they’ve ever known in their life.  When Joan tells Jack that he is universally beloved, Jack seems to cheer up a little.  Not much but a little.
  • Poor Mrs. Hufnagel.  She’s finally about to leave the hospital but, before she goes, she asks another patient, stand-up comedian Murray Robbin (Murray Rubin), to marry her.  Murray says he’ll think about it and then he promptly dies.
  • Murray was Elliot’s patient.  Depressed by his death, Elliot goes to Westphall for advice.  Westphall’s advice is as useless as usual.  Given that Westphall can’t even hear the laughter of children without spending the next eight hours obsessing on about how they’re all going to grow up and die someday, he may not be the best person to talk to while feeling down.
  • Elliot finds Hufnagel in the chapel and they both cry together.  It was a touching scene, well-played by Florence Halop and Stephen Furst.
  • Dr. Ehrlich took Dr. Craig out for dinner!  Yay!  I love it Ehrlich tries to suck up to Craig because it neve goes well.  He takes the Craigs to an incredibly tacky Hawaiian place.
  • Uh-oh, Ehrlich’s credit card has been declined!  Surely the wealthy Dr. Craig will help….
  • “Start washing dishes, Ehrlich,” Craig says.
  • As if so often the case, Ellen Craig admonishes her husband for being rude and agrees to help Victor out.

This was a great episode!  Yes, Westphall and Morrison were their usual depressing selves but Elliot and Hufnagel finally got to act like real people (as opposed to just caricatures) and the bit with Ehrlich and the Craigs was wonderfully handled.  Those who only know William Daniels as the kindly old Mr. Fenney are really missing out.  Dr. Craig’s a great character.

I enjoyed this episode.  For once, the humor and the drama were evenly balanced.  With Peter White dead and the cast clicking as an ensemble, St. Elsewhere appears to have really found its pace.