Tag Archives: review

Song of the Day: We Are One By Lydia

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

When the infamous epic Caligula was first released back in 1979, a disco version of Caligula’s love theme — We Are One — was also released as a promotional gimmick.

This song is so over-the-top, so blatantly exploitive, so insidiously catchy, and so totally inappropriate for so many reasons that become clear after you watch the film it was written for that it simply cannot be ignored.  To me, this song represents everything that makes the Grindhouse great.

(As well, I hope whoever was playing bass got paid extra…)

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 8.8 “Aerobic April/The Wager/Story of the Century”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, a familiar passenger returns.

Episode 8.8 “Aerobic April/The Wager/Story of the Century”

(Dir by Ted Lange, originally aired on November 3rd, 1984)

April Lopez (Charo) is back!

After appearing at least once during each of the The Love Boat‘s first six seasons, Charo was absent during the seventh season.  She finally returns in this week’s episode, which sees April being hired as the ship’s aerobics instructor.

And that’s fine, I guess.  Charo brings a lot of energy to the role, as she did in her previous appearances on The Love Boat.  That said, it feels a bit like everyone is just going through the motions this time.  Previous April stories featured her looking for love, trying to make it as a performer, or helping to raise a family.  This episode basically just features her chasing around the members of the crew and demanding that they exercise.  She does leave the ship with a passenger (played by Gordon Jump) but it’s hard not to feel that the relationship won’t last.  We’ve seen April fall in love many times but she’s always single whenever she returns to the ship.

While April is forcing the crew to exercise, wastrel Brandon Summerville (Ben Murphy) bets his wealthy brother, Clayborn (Charles Siebert), a million dollars that Clayborn will fall in love during the cruise.  And Clayborn does fall in love!  But it turns out that Brandon actually hired Anne Loring (Mary Kate McGeehan) to seduce his brother so that Brandon could win the bet.  Anne really does fall in love with Clayborn and she confesses everything to him.  Clayborn doesn’t care.  He thinks that Anne showed good business sense and now he’s more in love with her than ever.

Finally, journalist Harold Fleming (Ralph Bellamy) is convinced that passenger Sarah Webster (Dorothy McGuire) is actually the long-missing Amelia Earhart.  Sarah insists that she’s not.  Eventually, Harold and Sarah fall in love and agree to disagree.

This was a bit of a silly episode.  None of the stories carried much weight but Ralph Bellamy and Dorothy McGuire were both charming, two old pros giving it their best.  Otherwise, this was a pleasant but fairly forgettable cruise.  Not even Charo could liven things up.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 4.16 “Juvies”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network!  It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

This week, Pacific Blue embraces the melodrama.

Episode 4.16 “Juvies”

(Dir by Jim Davidson, originally aired on February 28th, 1999)

Crazed narcotics officer Perry Marcus (Roger Floyd) is back!

This time, he’s forcing a group of juvenile delinquents to set up the most dangerous drug dealers on the beach. After Adrian (David Scott Lago) and Maurice (a very young Aldis Hodge) convince a dealer to step out of his limo, Marcus guns the man down and then has Maurice plant a gun. Marcus loves to kill drug dealers, but he’s also willing to kill cops who object to his methods.

Jamie is shocked to see her little sister, Jennie (Crystal Celeste Grant), running with Adrian’s gang. Jennie hasn’t seen Jamie since they were in the foster care system together and Jamie shot their abusive stepfather. Jamie wants to save Jennie from the gang life, but she also has to deal with Internal Affairs officer Susan Jessup (Holly Gagnier). Jessup, an insane nymphomaniac who used to date T.C., threatens to reveal that Jamie shot her stepfather unless Jamie helps her build a corruption case against Chris Kelly. Jessup is still in love with T.C. and wants to get his wife in trouble. Jessup is also sleeping with Perry Marcus and warns him that Jamie is threatening to expose all of his extralegal methods.

Got all that?

This episode of Pacific Blue made even less sense than usual, but it was entertaining because Roger Floyd and Holly Gagnier both went totally over the top in their performances. They understood the assignment and left not a single piece of scenery unchewed. While the regular cast is busy trying to look tough while wearing bicycle shorts, Floyd and Gagnier are totally embracing the melodrama, and it’s exactly the approach that this silly episode needed. The end of the episode suggests that Marcus and Susan are going to be recurring villains. I certainly hope so!

One final note: keep an eye out for Greg Grunberg, who shows up as the lawyer who gets the juvie gang out of jail.

Retro Television Review: Saved By The Bell: The New Class 2.15 “A Perfect Lindsay”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell: The New Class, which ran on NBC from 1993 to 2o00.  The show is currently on Prime.

This week, while everyone is dancing, Lindsay is starving.

Episode 2.15 “A Perfect Lindsay”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on October 29th, 1994)

TV’s “hottest show,” Club Jam, will be holding a dance contest at the school!

Brian asks Rachel to be his partner and is overjoyed when she says yes.  (As I watched this episode, I had to remind myself that it was supposed to be taking place before the country club episodes, which explained why Rachel and Brian were not dating.)  However, when Rachel sees that Megan is going to be dancing with some guy named Kent (Adam Bonfiant), she says that she and Brian don’t have a hope of winning.

Oh, don’t worry, Rachel.  Brian has a plan!  Brian tells Kent that the way to win the contest is to offer Belding a bribe.  Because Kent is apparently an idiot, he does just that.  Mr. Belding gives Kent detention and Megan dumps Kent as her dance partner.  Fortunately, Bobby needs a partner.  Unfortunately, shortly after asking him to be her partner, Megan discovers that Bobby can’t dance.

Meanwhile, Screech shows up at the Max and demonstrates his dance moves.  It’s extremely cringey but the audience goes nuts.  Dustin Diamond is so spastic and uncoordinated that the whole thing just feels cruel.  I really wanted to step into time machine so I could travel to 1994 and shout, “They’re not laughing with you!”

Lindsay, meanwhile, fears that she’s fat.  When Megan and Rachel mention that the camera adds 40 pounds, Lindsay has a fantasy where she dances with Tommy while wearing a fat suit.  The audience laughs but Lindsay not amused.  She skips a meal, which leads to both Tommy and Rachel theorizing that she has anorexia.  When Tommy says that the dance contest isn’t worth risking her health, Linday dumps Tommy as her partner and instead teams up with Kent.

During the dance contest, Lindsay suddenly starts to feel faint.  She has to go to classroom to rest her head on a desk.  Brian gives up his chance to dance with Rachel and goes with Tommy D to help out Lindsay.  Lindsay says she’s fine and then she faints.

With everyone else in the classroom, Megan and Bobby win the dance contest!  It turns out that Megan only needed a week to teach Bobby how to dance like a pro.  After the contest, a smiling Lindsay apologizes to everyone.  Bobby nods and says, “Go eat something.”  Lindsay happily trots off to do just that….

,,,,which is actually not how anorexia works at all.  I mean, I appreciate the fact that the show was trying to warn its viewers about eating disorders but suggesting that anorexia can be cured by simply telling someone to go eat is really kind of irresponsible.  This episode focuses on Lindsay not eating while ignoring why she stopped in the first place.  Including a fantasy sequence where the audience laughs at Lindsay wearing a fat suit probably did more to promote anorexia than Bobby saying, “Go eat something” did to prevent it.

Oh well.  At least Lindsay didn’t sing I’m So Excited.

Song of the Day: Diamonds Are Forever, performed by Shirley Bassey

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Today, on Sean Connery’s birthday, our song of the day is the theme for one of my favorite Bond films.  I know that some people claim that Diamonds are Forever is a lesser Bond film but personally, I think it’s just silly enough to be effective.  James Bond and Las Vegas are a match made in heaven.

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 6.5 “Speedway Fever”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

This week, we meet the future of the Highway Patrol.

Episode 6.5 “Speedway Fever”

(Dir by Chuck Bail, originally aired on November 7th, 1982)

This week, we meet Bobby’s younger brother, Bruce Nelson (Bruce Penhall). Bruce is both a world motorcycle speedway champion and a student at the Highway Patrol Academy. He hopes soon to be riding a motorcycle in the name of the law, just like Bobby and Ponch.

Unfortunately, Bruce has a hard time following orders. He likes to show off when he’s riding his motorcycle. He’s a good driver and a good shooter, but he’s struggling at the Academy. And when things start to get too tough for him, he decides to walk away from it. It’s an impulsive decision that he regrets. Can Ponch and Bobby talk the head of the Academy into giving Bruce a second chance? Of course they can! Ponch and Bobby can do anything.

Bruce Penhall was a real-life speedway champion. The footage of Bruce Nelson winning his race is actually taken from one of Penhall’s actual races. Judging from this episode, Penhall was a likable, if somewhat stiff, actor. In fact, watching this episode, I couldn’t help but notice that Bruce Penhall had better chemistry with Erik Estrada than Tom Reilly did. One gets the feeling that the purpose of this episode was to introduce Penhall as a potential replacement for Reilly. If nothing else, Penhall brought a good deal of earnest energy to his performance and provided quite a contrast to Tom Reilly’s rather spacey acting style.

This episode wasn’t entirely taken up with scenes of Penhall racing. There were two storylines. The more annoying one featured three 16-year-old girls (one of whom was played by Moon Unit Zappa) who would hitchhike and then use a water pistol to rob whoever picked them up. The girls introduced themselves as being from the Valley and spent the entire episode saying stuff like “For sure!” and “Gag me with a spoon!” (I’m not kidding; they said that more than once.) Frank Zappa’s “Valley Girl” played on the soundtrack whenever the girls showed up. It was kind of embarrassing all around. Between this episode, the Moloch episode, and the UFO episode, this season appears to have found CHiPs desperately struggling to stay culturally relevant.

As for the other storyline, it featured two motorcycle-riding thieves who were robbing couriers on the highway. One of the thieves was Bruce’s best friend, Ray (Robert Romanus). What a coincidence! Romanus, of course, played Mike Damone in Fast Times at Ridgemont High, which was probably still in theaters when this episode aired. He gives pretty much the same performance here that he gave in Amy Heckerling’s film. In the end, this episode left you wondering just how Mike Damone eventually ended up going so bad.

The episode ends with Bruce not only winning the world speedway championship but also returning to the Academy. It looks like the Highway Patrol is getting some new blood, and not a minute too soon!

Retro Television Review: Crime Story 1.16 “The Kingdom of Money”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Crime Story, which ran on NBC from 1986 to 1988.  The entire show can be found on Tubi!

This week, the show changes locations.  We’re going to Vegas and we’re getting new opening credits!

Episode 1.16 “The Kingdom of Money”

(Dir by James A. Contner, originally aired on January 30th, 1987)

Welcome to Las Vegas!

Ray Luca is very happy to be in Vegas. Along with Max Goldman, Pauli, and Steve Kordo (Jay O. Sanders), Ray has taken over a casino and is pushing his way into the local rackets. He gives a speech to the casino’s employees, telling them that from now on everything in the casino will be run honestly and that anyone who steals any money will be fired. He then has a meeting with Max in which they discuss all the ways to skim the profits.

Luca’s wife, Cori (Johann Carlo), isn’t happy about the move. She misses Chicago, so instead of hanging out around the house, Luca goes out and hires a prostitute named Jackie (Debra Feuer). Luca tells Jackie that she will be working exclusively for him from now on. Jackie points out that she already has a “manager.” Luca smirks.

The only problem for Luca is that Mike Torello is in Vegas, and now he’s working for the Justice Department. Luca and his team are headquartered in a small Vegas motel. When David Abrams sees that someone has brought a bowl of Justice Department matchbooks into the motel, he tells Torello’s men to throw them out. “We’re not a recruiting station,” Abrams says.

Torello decides that the best way to get Luca is to go after one of Luca’s Vegas associates, a loan shark named Al (Mike Starr). They visit a diner owner (Graham Beckel) who owes Al money. They convince him to call Al and say that he has Al’s money. When Al comes to collect, Torello will arrest him. Sound like a good plan, right?

Unfortunately, someone is dumb enough to leave behind the bowl of Justice Department matchbooks in the diner. Additionally, it doesn’t occur to Torello to have someone watching the diner 24/7. When Al shows up early and discovers the matchbooks, he guns down not only the owner of the diner but also his wife and 5-year-old son.

Torello’s angry. Well, Torello should be angry. He should also be feeling guilty, seeing as how he and his men basically got the diner owner killed through their own incompetence. Torello decides to go undercover as someone who needs a loan. He and his men even set up a fake strip club where Torello and Al can meet to discuss the terms of the loan. Torello’s attempt to arrest Al falls apart when one of Al’s men pulls a gun and starts firing. Danny takes a bullet in the arm before killing the gunman. As for Al, he runs through the streets of Vegas before Torello guns him down.

Abrams looks down at Al’s body and says that he doesn’t think Al is going to be testifying.

This was a good episode. If the previous Chicago-based episodes emphasized the professionalism of Torello and the impulsivity of Luca, the roles are reversed in Vegas. Luca is in his element, and Torello and his men are the ones who are now having to adjust to a new city. If the previous Chicago-based episodes tended to be cold and gray, this Vegas episode is visually defined by neon and excess. The sallow, grim-faced Torello looks out of place here. This is Luca’s world.

I’m looking forward to seeing how the rest of season one plays out.

Song of the Day: Little People Blues by Vincent & Pesci

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Today’s song of the day is an instrumental that was recorded and released in 1972.  Frank Vincent is playing the drums.  Joe Pesci is on guitar.  Even if not for the celebrity connection, I would love this song.  It’s really good!

 

Retro Television Review: Homicide: Life On The Street 5.22 “Strangers And Other Partners”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sundays, I will be reviewing Homicide: Life On The Street, which aired from 1993 to 1999, on NBC!  It  can be viewed on Peacock.

This week, season 5 comes to a close.

Episode 5.22 “Strangers And Other Partners”

(Dir by Kenneth Fink, originally aired on May 16th, 1997)

It’s all hands on deck as the Homicide squad investigates the murder of Beau Felton.  This episode opens with Giardello announcing that Pembleton will be the primary and that they will all be working with Detective Falsone (Jon Seda) of the auto squad and Detective Gharty (Peter Gerety) of Internal Affairs.

“I ain’t working with anyone from IID!” Falsone snaps.

Hey, Falsone — you’re a guest star.  Shut up and do what you’re told, you prick.

The fifth season finale is a mess.  Some of that is because Beau Felton was never a strong enough a character for his death to have the emotional kick that it’s obviously meant to have.  Felton was not Crosetti.  Felton wasn’t some sort of beloved icon.  Felton was a jerk whose storylines were usually the least interesting of the show’s first three seasons.

An even bigger problem is that the emphasis is not on the detectives who we all know and love but instead on Falsone and Gharty.  Falsone and Gharty go from being at each other’s throats to teaming up to use a shared informant to get the evidence they need to go after Felton’s murderer.  Peter Gerety does a good job as Gharty.  It helps that Gharty has a compelling storyline.  He’s a cop that many people have dismissed as being a coward.  He’s trying to prove himelf.

Falsone, on the other hand …. seriously, what is the deal with this douchebag?  He spends this episodes strutting around in his stupid leather jacket, threatening to beat up people.  I get that he’s supposed to be a tough cop but he just comes across like a jackass with anger management issues.  It doesn’t help that actor Jon Seda gives a one-note performance in the role.

This whole episode is basically an introduction for Gharty and Falsone.  The other Homicide cops are pushed to the side so that these two can grab some legitimacy before becoming regular characters during season 6.  Gharty seems like he’ll be an okay addition to the ensemble.  Falsone, on the other hand, should be allowed nowhere near a show like Homicide.

While all of that is going on, Kellerman and Cox are both struggling with their drinking.  I’m a little bit tired of Kellerman and Cox, to be honest.  Kellerman, at least, has a compelling storyline with the Luther Mahoney shooting.  Dr. Cox, on the other hand, is starting feel superfluous.  No one from the Homicide squad can step into a bar without running into Dr. Cox.

Finally, Pembleton and Mary meet and agree to give their marriage another try.  Good.

This episode (and the season) ends with Felton’s murderer still on the run.  Giardello announces that the Baltimore police department is instituting a new policy in which detectives will rotate from unit to unit.  “In three months,” he tells the detectives, “none of us may be here.”

Season 5 was pretty good so it’s unfortunate that the finale was a mess.  The strength of Homicide has always been its ensemble of quirky, flawed, and heart-breakingly human cops.  Using the final episode of the season to focus on a one-note character like Paul Falsone almost feels insulting to the rest of the cast.

Next week, we start season 6!