He didn’t make a title card; so, I don’t have to either! Take that, Ethan! This is your run of the mill interstellar space craft crashes on an unknown alien planet and they wander around and get eaten.
Have none of these people ever gone hiking? There is dangerous stuff right here on planet Earth that should make you wary!
If you are ever on a space craft that crashes and you see bizarre abandoned stuff everywhere, don’t investigate like you’re in an 80s horror movie.
Category Archives: AI
“They Awakened An Ancient Being in the Sea”, Review by Case Wright
Well, at least, Cthulhu wasn’t woken up by Antarctic explorers. I went to Antarctica, but when you’ve seen one abandoned city of madness, you’ve seen them all!
This short has dumbass explorers too, but they are scuba divers; so, that’s new. I wouldn’t describe this short as good, but it something that was made.
The divers discover elder gods and the residents of a coastal town head into the sea to be its food. If you’re looking for more of a plot, you won’t get it. I just wish that this film didn’t take itself so seriously; it even had some black and white shots. UGHHHH. Check it out or don’t…I’m not a cop.
“They Have Awakened”, AI Short, Review by Case Wright
Last year, I reviewed A LOT of AI horror films and yes…most were terrible. It is sad that these films exist and someone spend time making them. However, there are some that are not the worst.
“They Have Awakened” by Ethan is a super short film on Antarctic explorers who find a cave that is just chock full of Cthulhu…Cthulhus(?)…Cthulhossiers(?). Cthulhossiers are like other Cthulhus, but they’re mostly into college hoops.
The explorer team finding Cthulhus is essentially a sub-genre; the stories are always the same, BUT some times the rendering is slightly better. I am actually tired of explorers continuing to unleash Cthulhus- can’t they be like the other Antarctic scientists that I’ve met and just turn to alcoholism and amphetamines?
The film is aggressively mediocre, but it’s only 4 minutes and change; so, have an oat-forward pancake and spend four minutes watching.
Did You Remember the Cat, Short Film Review by Case Wright
Happy Halloween! I see A LOT of terrible movies for your pleasure. It’s a really weird relationship we have. However, I am glad to do it because there are some gems, not from AI because that’s pretty much the worst. “The Mountains of Madness” AI short wasn’t terrible, but maybe I have trouble seeing it now because I have been so mentally hurt….for you. I have seen so many ham-fisted AI slops this month that you’d think that I worked in a deli! Unlike the usual dreck I watch for you, this short is a treasure and I am almost thinking I won’t review any other shorts because I want to end on a high note or maybe I’ll go all in and end on a very low note.
A couple escaped their home where a demon they summoned called “The Choir” has killed all of their friends. One problem: they forgot the cat- Mr Whiskers; so, they have to re-enter the house of horrors to save their pet. There is a recurring song the couple wrote to get the cat to play: “Littlest Man” … it’s cute. As they struggle to rescue their cat, we learn that they are an unhappy couple.
The unhappy duo must fight “The Choir” demon to get the cat. The demon’s only weakness is loud noises and being stabbed. The couple’s relationship is like The Choir demon because they have endless awkward silences, which has destroyed their relationship. The cat was used by the couple to avoid their awkward silences; in fact, the cat was the only glue in their relationship.
By fighting the demon and rescuing their cat, they healed their relationship… a little. I still think that they will break up, but it is ok because the cat is safe and I got to review something good! It’s weird to be able to look a film up on IMDB again because AI films are excluded as far as I am able to ascertain. I recommend this short and I really do believe that you will like it! Enjoy the rest of Halloween!
The Book Chose Him, AI Short Film Review by Case Wright
Happy Halloween! This is the end to an awesome horrorthon! I will have some more posts today. I will try to find at least one good thing to review for Halloween. It’s not easy and will likely NOT be done by AI because they’re terrible.
The Book Chose Him answers the question: What if Harry Potter sucked and was ninety seconds long?
The film opens with a realistic teenager in a library and magical glowing book starts to open in front of him. I suppose this is the whole “choosing him thing.” Why though? Why stick around to look at a radioactive book? Then, the main character becomes a cartoon, but race swaps from Indian teenager to a eight year old white kid. Why couldn’t he have been Indian the time? It’s confusing and unnecessary.
The protagonist is walking around a fancy library library with glowing candles that are an obvious fire hazard and he switches nationalities 6 more times from white to Indian and back again. It’s super weird. Was there another kid in the library? The protagonist goes to another world where gravity is just not “in” anymore. This is just horrible in every way. This creator should go to the sharks!
This is the worst. Don’t even bother.
Cave, AI Short Film Review by Case Wright
The intro looks terrible. It’s bad even for anything I have seen up to this point. We open with a meteor heading towards earth.
A bear watches the impact and goes to investigate because why not? The meteor was hiding a spaceship. Later, there is a cute couple taking a selfie during their camping trip. I wonder what will happen?
They enter a cave and hear growling. They are confronted by a MONSTER BEAR. A huge huge bear. I’m guessing the bear is part alien now. The monster bear attacks and kills the husband, but the wife escapes and has PTSD hallucinations.
The ending was not great. I would have ended in the cave rather than tack on this boring segment. So, when the angry mobs come to feed the AI creators to sharks, I would just let the sharks gnaw on this creator, but nothing terrible. It was bad though; so, know that and if the creator reads this, please stop doing this.
Alone in the Bathroom, AI Short Film Review by Case Wright
No title card; so, I used this as the title card. *sigh*
This AI short gave me a little jump. It did have some suspense; so, I won’t feed the creator to the sharks. Sorry Sharks.
Woman alone brushing her teeth, but there is a malevolent force in there with her. The bathroom is by definition private and you’re almost always vulnerable. The film has some suspense and payoff.
It is worth watching.
Whisper in the Woods, AI Short Review by Case Wright
There’s the Summer of the Shark; so, this is the Horrorthon of the Terrible AI shorts. Technically, I don’t need to review these things, BUT I feel like we at the beginning of a new way to tell stories and if the technology gets better and it will, maybe it will attract some people who are good at things? Maybe?
I’m not saying that the people who create these films should be parachuted into an actively shark-infested section of the ocean wearing a meat-based wetsuit and slathered in a blood-based suntan oil, but if you’ve already left with these people and you had parachutes, the suits, and lotion ready; then, I’m not getting in your way. Who knows? Maybe stopping bad AI art could bring us together? Also, the market share for meat wetsuits is wide open for the taking!
So, let’s determine if “Whisper in the Woods” is cause for shark-time!
There is a car driving in a haunted forest. A woman sees a spooky woman standing in the road. The driver investigates. Then, a hooded figures presumably kill her. Technically, it had a beginning, middle, and an end. So, it’s as good as anything Alex Magana ever made, but I’m Team Shark!
No Title (how cute), AI short film review by Case Wright
Ok, no title, but in the description it is In The Mountains of Madness. We are going to see some Cthulhu? Some revelations? Some Necronomicon? I’m not hopeful, but I’m also usually right.
Is it a trailer?
There is a British Person telling us about the expedition to Antarctica. They uncover the structures of the Old Ones. The crew finds a laboratory of weird creatures and then they become one with the gross things. As a trailer, it would’ve been excellent. The imagery is quite good and it does capture what these creatures might look like and how they possess the expedition crew.
Is it a short? There is a beginning a middle, but there is not really a clear ending. It could just be that I’m so used to seeing the absolute worst garbage AI films that I’m unable to tell what is good or bad anymore because nothing matters. However, I think this short might be – ok. Not great, but it is ok and I suppose that you could do worse things with 90 seconds of your life.
I Heard It Too, AI Short Film Review by Case Wright
I’m not surprised that there are AI short films, but why so many? Every hack with a computer and no imagination just decided to make something awful. They don’t get a lot of views and the creator knows he or she made this steaming pile of bleh.
We open to 1970s America and some really bad big band jazz (shouldn’t it be The Allman Brothers?!). We are inside a suburban home. The mom is cooking and the daughter goes to look for her mom, but there’s some sort of fart demon sound. Again, I have no idea what actually happened in this story. This is a theme with AI shorts- they are terrible and stupid. I need to find something better to watch. Life is short and I am a fairly good person.
