October On Lifetime: A Deadly Grudge (dir by Nigel Thomas)


Yes, the movie has multiple titles.

In 2021’s A Deadly Grudge, Lindsey (Annika Foster) owns a restaurant with her fiancé Gavin (Jonathan Stoddard). (It’s a Lifetime film and, in the world of Lifetime, there’s nothing easier than owning your own restaurant or opening your own art gallery.) Her father, Jim (Patrick M.J. Finerty), is internet-famous for his cooking videos. And her mother… well, she’s dead. She dies while she’s out jogging and a car runs her over. What’s odd is that she doesn’t bother to get out of the way of the car despite having several minutes in which to do so. It’s always strange to me how people in Lifetime films always seem to end up jogging in the middle of the road. I start nearly every morning with a jog and I usually manage to stay on the sidewalk. It’s just safer that way.

At her mother’s funeral, Lindsey is shocked to see Jim hugging a younger woman. Lindsey immediately assumes that Jim is having an affair, because why else would you hug someone at a funeral? Jim explains that the younger woman is actually Sarah (Aubrey Reynolds). Sarah is not his mistress. Sarah is his daughter. It turns out that Lindsey never learned that she had a half-sister. Lindsey also didn’t know that her parents never actually got married. Instead, Jim was legally married to Sarah’s mother because Sarah’s family would have disowned her if she had a child out of wedlock. To be honest, not a single part of Jim’s story makes any sense, but somehow Lindsey accepts it.

To continue being honest, it’s pretty obvious that Sarah was the one who ran over Lindsey’s mother. If you’ve ever seen a Lifetime film, you know that Sarah’s guilty, because long-lost siblings are always guilty. In typical Lifetime fashion, Lindsey is immediately suspicious of Sarah, but everyone else loves her. Jim is especially happy when he discovers that Sarah knows how to bake. Whoops — Sarah put some cinnamon in one of her recipes! Lindsey is deathly allergic to cinnamon! It never ceases to amaze me how every Lifetime film seems to feature at least one person with a deadly food allergy. I always get the feeling that Lifetime studios must be full of discarded EpiPens.

The title refers to Sarah, who definitely does have a grudge against Lindsey. However, it could also refer to Lindsey, who takes an immediate dislike to her half-sister and who spends the entire movie getting mad about the fact that not everyone else seems to hate her as much as she does. More like Two Sisters’ Grudges, to be honest. (The film was also released as A Sister’s Grudge, which is closer, but still only counts one of them.) It actually gets kind of amusing after a little while. Every time someone says anything nice about Sarah, Lindsey scowls and dramatically rolls her eyes. Occasionally, she gasps in disbelief. She’s so vocal about her dislike of Sarah that you actually end up feeling a little bit sorry for Sarah. I mean, Sarah is the one who grew up with an unstable mom and the knowledge that her father had another family that he loved more than her.

Anyway, this is pretty much a standard Lifetime melodrama. Unfortunately, no one in the film is particularly sympathetic. Lindsey comes across like someone who would talk about you behind your back. Sarah comes across like she would try to poison you with cinnamon. I’ll let you decide which is worse.

Lifetime For October: Nightmare PTA Moms (dir by Dave Thomas)


At the start of 2022’s Nightmare PTA Moms, Gayle (Brianna Cohen) and Rick (Jonathan Stoddard) have just relocated to Florida.  Rick is the new regional manager for everyone’s favorite chic retail outfit, Jackie Z.  Gayle is looking forward to reopening her bakery, Gayle’s Goodies.  (If there’s anything that I’ve learned from watching Lifetime movies, it’s that there’s apparently nothing easier than opening up a bakery in a new town.)  Gayle and Rick’s teenage daughter, Chloe (Madison Paige), will soon be starting at her new high school.  When Gayle meets PTA president Vanessa VanDeBerg (Alison Filoramo), she’s invited to join.  Gayle accepts.

Gayle has no idea what she’s getting into.

Under the velvet glove of Vanessa, the PTA has become a cult.  No husbands are allowed at the after-meeting parties.  They would ruin the mood as Vanessa hands out tequila shots and invites a male stripper into the house.  Don’t tell, Vanessa orders, largely so she can seek revenge against anyone who does tell.  Vanessa enjoys being PTA president and she’s not going to let anyone take that joy away from her.  Of course, the only reason that Vanessa is president is because the woman who actually won the election, Lexie Wilson, supposedly committed suicide a month after his victory.  And then Vanessa’s husband mysteriously fell to his death.  “Vanessa doesn’t like to talk about that,” another member of the PTA warns Gayle.

Meanwhile, Chloe has befriended Vanessa’s daughter, Serena (Gracie Silva).  Yay!  Whenever you’re starting a new chapter in your life — whether it’s a new school or a new job — you should always befriend the most popular people around.  However, Serena is soon taking advantage of Chloe’s friendship.  Serena insists that Chloe use her Jackie Z discount card to pay for Serena’s purchases.  Serena also steals a pair of sunglasses.  I don’t really blame Serena.  Those sunglasses were pretty cute.

Soon, Gayle is asking questions about all of the deaths surrounding the PTA and Vanessa is vamping it up whenever she stops by Jackie Z.  Gayle worries that Rick is going to cheat.  Rick worries that Gayle is going to get hurt if she doesn’t stop poking around the PTA.  Chloe worries that she’s going to be friendless.  The only person who doesn’t seem to be all that worried is Vanessa.  That’s what makes her a great character.  As played by Alison Filoramo, Vanessa is an unapologetic manipulator.  She’s the epitome of the mean girl grown up, delivering every passive aggressive line with just the right amount of snarky menace.  It’s not just that Vanessa’s bad.  It’s that she has so much fun being bad.  Gayle may be the hero but Vanessa is the character that most viewers are going to enjoy watching.

Nightmare PTA Moms is a delight, an unapologetically over-the-top film that is fully willing to embrace the melodrama.  That said, there’s definitely an element of truth to the film’s portrayal of self-important, self-absorbed, affluent people who have joined the PTA not because they care about their children’s education but instead because they just love to wield even the smallest amout of power.  As campy as the film may have been, it worked because there was just enough reality to make the film relatable.  After living through the COVID lockdowns, it’s not longer a shock to see a movie about an entitled sociopath who thinks that she has the right to tell other people what to do, what to think and what to say.

In the end, the nightmare becomes reality.

 

Holidays On The Lens: A Royal Christmas On Ice (dir by Fred Olen Ray)


Consider the plot of 2022’s A Royal Christmas On Ice.

He’s a prince.

She’s a former Olympic skater turned hard-as-nails coach.

They meet in a small town.

They fall in love….

AT CHRISTMAS!

Seriously, has there ever been a film more obviously made for me?  This is a cute movie and a reminder that you can find just about anything in Fred Olen Ray’s filmography.

2021 In Review: The Best of Lifetime


As chaotic as 2021 may have been, one thing remained unchanged!  Lifetime provided me with a lot of entertainment!  Below, you’ll find my picks for the best Lifetime films and performances of the past year!

(For my previous best of Lifetime picks, click on the links: 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020!)

Best Picture: Just What The Doctor Ordered

Best Director: Jeff Hare for Just What The Doctor Ordered

Best Actor: Eric Roberts in Just What The Doctor Ordered

Best Actress: Lauren Lee Smith in Doomsday Mom: The Lori Vallow Story

Best Supporting Actor: Jonathan Stoddard in The Wrong Prince Charming

Best Supporting Actress: Joely Fisher in Girl In The Basement

Best Screenplay: Just What The Doctor Ordered

Lisa Marie’s 2021 In Review:

  1. 10 Worst Films
  2. 10 Favorite Songs
  3. 10 Top Non-Fiction Books
  4. 10 Top Novels

Lifetime Film Review: The Wrong Prince Charming (dir by David DeCoteau)


“It looks like you found the wrong prince charming!” Vivica A. Fox says towards the end of The Wrong Prince Charming.

I’ll admit that I cheered a little when Vivica said the line. If you know anything about Lifetime’s “Wrong” franchise, you know that Vivica A. Fox always plays a sympathetic authority figure who, at some point, says something along the lines of “Looks like he was the Wrong Poolboy” or “He messed with The Wrong Administrative Assistant.” One of the main reasons why people like me look forward to seeing the latest “Wrong” films is to see just how exactly the title is going to be worked into Vivica’s dialogue.

Make no doubt about it, there’s been a lot of “Wrong” films. We’ve had wrong blind dates, wrong tutors, wrong cheerleader coaches, wrong teachers, wrong real estate agents, wrong motel owners, wrong boyfriends, wrong girlfriends, and wrong houseguests. It only makes sense that we would eventually have a wrong Prince Charming.

The title character would be Prince Edward (James Nitti), who claims to be royalty but who, we learn fairly early on, is actually just a con artist who works with his assistant Liam (Jonathan Stoddard) to defraud people and corporations out of their money. Edward may be a charmer but he’s also a charlatan who is not above murdering anyone who he feels might be getting too close to the truth. That’s what greed does to people. That’s bad news for Anna (Cristine Prosperi), who is Edward’s latest target. Anna is an attorney. Among her clients is Bridget (Vivica A. Fox). After watching enough of the “Wrong” films, you really do find yourself wondering if maybe Vivica A. Fox is supposed to be playing the same character in every one of them. Maybe she just changes her name frequently as she travels across Canada and gets involved in thwarting the schemes of the wrong people. It would certainly explain a lot about the Wrong Cinematic Universe.

The thing with Lifetime’s “Wrong” films is that you either get them or you don’t. On the one hand, they’re pure melodrama. On the other hand, they’re also self-aware enough to poke fun at themselves. They’re not meant to be taken seriously, Instead, they’re diverting treats that are designed to keep the audience amused while they wait to hear Vivica pronounce someone to be “the wrong whatever.” They’re designed to be fun and usually, they are. The Wrong Prince Charming, for instance, has fun with the fact that everyone in the audience knows that anyone who claims to be a member of a royal family is probably lying to you. I’ve seen enough emails from enough financially burdened royals to know better than to trust anyone who claims to be a prince. When it comes to The Wrong Prince Charming, a good deal of the fun is to be found in catching all of Edward’s mistakes, all of the little moments when he accidentally lets his cover slip and reveals that he’s just some random commoner with a nice smile.

This is Cristine Prosperi’s 3rd wrong film She was also in The Wrong Cheerleader (“He messed with the wrong cheerleader!”) and The Wrong Neighbor. She’s also appeared in a handful of other recent Lifetime films, including Killer Competition and Murdered At 17. Before that, she played Imogen, the quirky stalker, on the final few seasons of Degrassi. Prosperi always does a good job in these films and the same is true here. She’s a sympathetic lead, even though it’s obvious from the start that she’s picked the wrong prince charming.

The Wrong Prince Charming is silly and fun, the type of movie that’s pretty much made to be watched with a snarky friend. I’m definitely looking forward to the next wrong film!