Nell Cox – Through the Shattered Lens

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, it’s love and fraud all aroud.

Episode 8.17 “Ace Takes the Test/The Counterfeit Couple/The Odd Triple”

(Dir by Nell Cox, originally aired on January 12th, 1985)

Ace’s friend Donna (Teresa Ganzel) boards the ship with her macho husband, Gus (Christopher Mayer). Gus owns a moving company. The first thing he does is crush Ace’s hand while shaking it. Gus then beats Ace in an arm-wrestling contest. He then asks Ace to solve a riddle, requests that Ace read the bottom line on a menu, and he asks about Ace’s hearing. Is Gus jealous?

Actually, Gus is testing Ace because he and Donna want to have a baby but Gus appears to be shooting blanks. Gus explains that all of his brothers have at least six kids. Gus just wants to have one. Would Ace consider donating his sperm?

Ace does consider it but ultimately, he decides that he can’t. Fortunately, Donna later faints and, when Doc Bricker examines her, he discovers that she’s pregnant. Gus’s boys can swim after all!

Meanwhile, Susie Epshaw (Crystal Bernard) has a crush on Gopher but Gopher falls in love with Susie’s mom, Annette (Mary Ann Mobley). Susie is okay with it and good for her. Gopher was a little bit old for her. That said, Gopher falls in love several times a season so neither Susie nor her mother should get too excited.

Two strangers (Richard Gilliand and Erin Moran) both buy tickets from scalpers, just to find themselves booked in the Honeymoon Suite together. (Apparently, the couple that originally bought the tickets broke up before the marriage.) “Barbara” and “Lyle” pretend to be married and then they fall in love for real. They admit the truth to the crew and everyone is just fine with the fraud. As long as the tickets were paid for, the Captain doesn’t really care who stays in the Honeymoon Suite. That’s a good attitude. I was a little surprised to discover that the Honeymoon Suite was just a normal cabin.

This cruise was another example of the eighth season’s tendency to be, in general, pleasant but predictable. I laughed a few times at Ace being tested by Donna and Gus, just because of the contrast between super smooth Ted McGinley and the rough-hewn Christopher Mayer. Otherwise, this was a cruise that wasn’t bad but also wasn’t particularly memorable.

What’s an Insomnia File? You know how some times you just can’t get any sleep and, at about three in the morning, you’ll find yourself watching whatever you can find on cable or streaming? This feature is all about those insomnia-inspired discoveries!

If you were having trouble getting to sleep last night, you could have gone over to YouTube and watched 1978’s Once Upon A Midnight Scary.

Made for CBS and featuring Vincent Price as the sardonic, cape-wearing host, Once Upon A Midnight Scary was a special designed to encourage young viewers to pick up a book and read. Price introduced three different stories, each centering around ghosts and each based on a book. In the first story, based on the book The Ghost Belonged To Me, a young farmboy discovers a ghost hiding in a barn and becomes a hero when the ghost warns him about an impending disaster. The second story is an adaptation of The Legend of Sleepy Hollow and it features Rene Auberjonois as a rather neurotic Ichabod Crane, who finds himself being pursued by the headless horsemen. The third and longest story is an adaptation of The House With A Clock In Its Walls, featuring Severn Darden and a rather annoying child actor.

One thing you immediately notice about this show is that the special doesn’t actually reveal how any of the stories end. Instead, each story is basically a recreation of the most exciting or interesting parts of the larger story but, whenever it appears that we’re heading for a conclusion, Vincent Price suddenly appears and says, “What happened next, you ask? Read the book!” This special basically casts Vincent Price as the world’s most devilish book salesman and while that might be annoying if you’re watching the special because you want to see how the stories turn out, it’s a lot of fun if you’re just watching the show to watch Vincent Price act like Vincent Price. Vincent is not in the special as much as you might want but he still shows off his unique charm. It’s impossible to be in a bad mood while watching Vincent Price.

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