Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!
Welcome aboard! We’re expecting you….
Episode 8.13 “Paying the Piper/Baby Sister/Help Wanted”
(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on December 1st, 1984)
Cheryl Enicker (Rue McClanahan) is sick of her husband, button manufacturer Harold (Donald O’Connor), taking her for granted. When she gives him a watch that cost $1,200, Harold points out that, since she gets all of her money from him, he basically bought the watch himself. Cheryl gets upset and hands Harold an invoice, listing everything that she’s done as a wife and mother for 25 years and demanding that Harold pay her half a million dollars. That’ll show him! After the episode, I was kind of of curious as to why the invoice was only for half a million dollars. It seems like it should have been more. I did some calculations and discovered that $520,00 in 1980 was the equivalent of $2,000,000 today. Wow!
Recent high school graduate Patty Springer (Dana Plato) can’t understand why her much older sister, Eleanor (Jaime Lynn Bauer), is freaking out about Patty hanging out with Peter Barkan (Christopher Knight). Eleanor goes as far as to kiss Peter in order to make Patty think that Peter is cheating on her. Patty’s mother, Eve (Vera Miles), suggests that Eleanor should tell Patty the truth. Eleanor isn’t actually Patty’s sister. Eleanor is …. Patty’s mother! And Eve is actually Patty’s grandmother. Needless to say, Patty is shaken by this news but she accepts it by the time the cruise ends. The Love Boat was only an hour show so most cases of generational trauma had to be resolved fairly quickly.
Kim Carlisle (Michelle Johnson) is the niece of a friend of Captain Stubing’s. Kim shows up, saying that her uncle said Stubing would find something for her to do on the ship. Kim goes from department-to-department, screwing things up. She removes all of the labels from the wine bottles so she can wash them. She snaps a picture of a man cheating on his wife. However, when she starts doing aerobics, several passengers join her. Kim is hired to be the new recreation director and — WAIT A MINUTE! I thought that was Charo’s job! Well, apparently, Charo is out and Kim is in.
This cruise was pleasant but forgettable, which seems to be becoming the norm for season 8. It didn’t take me long to guess the big twist about Eleanor being Patty’s mother. Poor Dana Plato. Knowing what I now know about her life and what the future had in store for her adds a definite melancholy feel to this episode.
