Justin Gocke – Through the Shattered Lens

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

Merry Christmas!

Episode 8.15 “Santa, Santa, Santa/Another Dog Gone Christmas/Noel’s Christmas Carol”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on December 15th, 1984)

It’s time for the Christmas voyage!

Assigned to hire a Santa Claus for the trip, Judy McCoy has finally managed to find one in the surprisingly thin form of Max Phelps (Ray Waltson). Uh-oh! Apparently, Gopher didn’t get the memo and he hired a Santa Claus of his own, Patrick Turney (Avery Schreiber). Well, this is awkward but surely …. wait a minute, who is that with Isaac? Isaac also hired a Santa Claus, in this case Shakespearean actor Malcolm (Scatman Crothers)!

How did this happen and I mean that sincerely. I guess I can understand Gopher having the power to hire a Santa Claus because he is the ship’s pursuer. But why is Isaac hiring people? How does the Captain not know who is and who isn’t being hired for his ship? And why didn’t either Gopher or Isaac tell Judy that they hired a Santa Claus?

These are legitimate questions but they really don’t matter. The three Santa Clauses are all wonderful in their roles and watching them try to outdo each other is actually pretty entertaining. This is a storyline that worked better than it had any right to, largely because there wasn’t a hint of cynicism to be found on The Love Boat. Most modern sitcoms would have made the Santa Clauses angry or bitter. But, on The Love Boat, three Santas are always better than one!

As for the other stories, Carol Kelsey (Kim Lankford) lies to her mother (Anne Francis) and tells her that Ace is her fiancé. Carol is just trying to get her mother off of her back. But when Carol falls for Ace’s friend, Noel Kane (Shea Farrell), Carol’s mother fears that her daughter is cheating on Ace. No worries! What can go wrong when you fall in love with someone named Noel on Christmas? Again, this is another episode that worked specifically because of The Love Boat’s utter and complete earnestness. It was goofy and it was perfect for a Christmas voyage.

Finally, Vicki is sailing with her dog, Tundra (played by the adorable Tundra The Wonder Dog). Because Vicki’s aunt and uncle can no longer look after Tundra and a boat is no place for a dog to live, she gives Tundra to a down-on-his luck stand-up comedian (Howard Morris). This was such a sweet story that it brought tears to my eyes. Tundra was adorable and he brought a lot of cheer to the entire boat.

Wow, Christmas in October! Happy holidays everyone!

Nine years after The Terror of Mechagodzilla, Godzilla finally returned to Japanese movie screens in The Return of Godzilla!

One year later, Raymond Burr joined him when The Return of Godzilla was released in the United States as Godzilla 1985.

The film’s plot is a simple one, though it does have an interesting subtext. Godzilla is once again roaming the planet and, after spending the last few years as humanity’s champion, he is once again destroying everything in his path. (This is a rare later Godzilla film that features only Godzilla. Mothra, Rodan, Ghidorah, and that weird armadillo that always used to follow Godzilla around, none of them are present. The son of Godzilla is not mentioned, to the regret of no one.) Looking to prevent a mass panic, the Prime Minister of Japan tries to cover up the news of Godzilla’s return. But when a Russian submarine is destroyed by Godzilla and the Russians blame the Americans and bring the world to the verge of atomic war, the Prime Minister is forced to reveal the truth. The Super X, an experimental new airplane, is deployed to take Godzilla out but it turns out that Godzilla is not that easy to get rid of.

Now, as I said, there is an interesting subtext here. If the first Godzilla films were all about the trauma of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, this version of Godzilla is all about being trapped between the whims of two super powers. For the most part, Godzilla only attacks Japan. At the time this movie came out, he had been attacking Japan for nearly 30 years and the rest of the world was content to allow Japan to deal with the consequences alone. However, when Godzilla sinks that Russian sub, both the Russians and the Americans blame each other and bring the world to the brink of annihilation. Japan, like the rest of the world, finds itself caught in the middle. In the end, it’s up to Japan to not only defeat Godzilla but to keep the Americans and Russians from blowing up the rest of the world. Godzilla may be bad, this movie tells us, but he’s nowhere near as bad as the idiots with all of the atomic missiles.

Of course, when The Return of Godzilla came to America, extra scenes were shot to make it clear that America had Japan’s back. For that reason, Raymond Burr returns as journalist Steve Martin. Martin is called in to share his first-hand knowledge of what Godzilla is capable of. One has to wonder who thought that was a good idea as Martin basically comes across as being a grouchy crank who just wants to tell everyone to get off his lawn. As opposed to the first Americanized Godzilla film, which was edited to make it appear as if Burr was actually talking to characters from Gojira, Godzilla 1985 just features a lot of scenes of Burr staring at a screen in the Pentagon and making ominous comments about what Godzilla is capable of doing. It’s a wasted cameo but I guess the film’s American distributors didn’t have faith that Godzilla could pull in the audiences on his own.

Fortunately, Raymond Burr’s time-consuming cameo can’t keep this film from being a lot of fun. It’s a Godzilla film, after all. Godzilla stomps on a lot of buildings and breathes a lot of fire and wisely, the film doesn’t wait too long before allowing him to go on his rampage. After spending several films as an almost comic character, this film reminds audiences that Godzilla was always meant to be frightening. Of course, lest anyone take this film too seriously, the size of the Super X changes from scene to scene, depending on which miniature was being used. Godzilla loses his temper and falls into a volcano but there’s never any doubt that he’ll be back. You can’t stop Godzilla!

Previous Godzilla Reviews: