Buzz Belmondo | Through the Shattered Lens

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch, which ran on NBC and then in syndication from 1989 to 2001. The entire show can be viewed on Tubi.

This week, some people stand in the darkness, afraid to move into the light.

Episode 2.14 “War of Nerves”

(Dir by Douglas Schwartz, originally aired on February 3rd, 1992)

Drug lord Mason Sato (Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa) has just gotten out of prison and he wants revenge of Mitch. For reasons that aren’t really explained beyond a shot of a newspaper headline that reads, “Hero Lifeguard Helps Police Take Down Drug Lord,” Mason blames Mitch for his arrest, Do lifeguards make arrests?

Mason stalks Mitch, Hobie, and Mitch’s girlfriend, Kaye (Pamela Bach). At first, Mitch doesn’t tell either Hobie or Kaye what’s going on. But when Mason asks Hobie to teach him how to use a boogie board, Mitch loses it and punches Mason out. Mason later kidnaps both Hobie and Kaye. This leads to a fight in an abandoned warehouse. Once the fight moves into the ocean, Mason nearly drowns but Mitch saves his life so he can go back to prison.

Meanwhile, Shauni asks Ben to teacher her how to surf. We never actually see Ben teaching her anything but we do get a lengthy montage as Ben remembers his days as a surfing lifeguard. Myself, I’m wondering how Ben, who we’ve been told can no longer swim because of a leg injury, suddenly stops limping in this episode.

Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa was a magnetic villain but otherwise, this was Baywatch at its cheapest. The plot was by-the-book and it mostly seemed to exist so that Hasselhoff could play the action hero. This episode felt like a dry run for the first, non-supernatural season of Baywatch Nights. How many lifelong enemies has Mitch managed to make?

The life of the lifeguard is a dangerous one.

This week, we meet Mitch’s brother.

Episode 2.5 “The Fabulous Buchanan Boys”

(Dir by Gus Trikonis, originally aired on October 14th, 1991)

Mitch’s brother, Buzz (Tim Thomerson), shows up with his 12 year-old son, Kyle (Chance Michael Corbitt)! Mitch is reunited with Buzz and they both realize that they’re two old beach bums who are not getting any younger. That’s especially true in the case of Buzz. The show makes it clear that Buzz is Mitch’s older brother but we’re still left wondering just how much older. With his gray hair and his weathered features, Tim Thomerson looks like he’s nearly 70 while Hasselhoff appears to be in his late 30s.

And that’s pretty much it.

Okay, in all fairness to the show, there is a bit more of a plot than just Buzz showing up but none of it adds up to much. Mitch’s girlfriend, reporter Kaye Morgan (Pamela Bach), is pressured by her father to kill a story about a dangerous pier. Kyle has a bad attitude and has an accident while surfing at that pier. Luckily, the lifeguards are able to save him. Eduardo (Buzz Belmondo) sells bikinis on the beach but — ha ha — the bikinis dissolve when soaked in salt water. Eddie and Shauni have to help a lot of suddenly naked people get out of the water. “We’re in syndication!” the show loudly announces. Meanwhile, I’m left to wonder why you would buy a bikini from a stranger with a pencil-thin mustache.

For the most part, though, this was a montage episode. The plot was secondary to the music playing behind slickly edited montages of Buzz and Mitch bonding. Buzz and Kyle leave town at the end of the episode but, given how close Buzz and Mitch are, I’m sure that Buzz will return frequently in the future.

(Buzz will never be seen again.)