Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 2.17 “The Matchmakers”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee!

This week, Jon and Ponch play matchmaker!

Episode 2.17 “The Matchmakers”

(Dir by Harvey S. Landman, originally aired on January 27th, 1979)

Cora (Jenny O’Hara) is an eccentric woman who lives in an old farmhouse with a bunch of animals.  Her landlord is evicting her and the county is planning to not only bulldoze her home but also take and possibly destroy all of her animals unless she can find a new place for them.  Twice, she tries to commit suicide by driving her truck recklessly.  Both times, she is saved by Ponch and Baker.

Dirk Hutchins (Gregory Walcott) is a crotchety old man who has served with the Highway Patrol for 30 years and is now on the verge of forced retirement.  He doesn’t know what he’s going to do with himself once he’s no longer on the job.  Hutchins spends his last work week taking outrageous risks, leading Ponch and Baker to worry that he’s trying to go out in a blaze of suicidal glory.

What solution do Ponch and Baker come up with for Cora and Dirk?  They decide to play matchmaker!  Cora ends up moving onto Dirk’s property (and brings along all of her animals) and maybe Dirk will end up falling in love with Cora.  And then, they’ll both have a reason to live!

Listen, this episode’s heart is in the right place.  I’m certainly not going to fault the intentions of any episode that features Ponch and Baker trying to help two suicidal people.  But, seriously, Cora was such an annoying character!  The show portrayed her as being so unhinged and so emotionally unstable that you couldn’t help but wonder if having her move in with grumpy old Dirk was really the best way to go about things.  Cora really did seem like she needed professional help, the type that went way beyond having a place to keep her animals.

As for Dirk, I was happy to see that he was played by Gregory Walcott.  As many of you already know, Walcott’s greatest claim to fame was starring in Ed Wood’s Plan Nine From Outer Space.  Walcott survived Plan Nine and went on to become a durable character actor, appearing in westerns and war films.  Walcott gives a believably ruggedly performance as Dirk, even if the character himself is not exactly someone you would want to get stuck on an elevator with.

There is a subplot involving a private investigator (Danny Wells) who had been hired to kidnap a kid and bring him back to his no-good father.  And there’s a fairly well-done scene where Dirk and Getraer work to keep a truck from turning over on top of a car.  There is a little action but still, this episode didn’t quite work.

Horror on TV: One Step Beyond 3.6 “Moment of Hate” (dir by John Newland)


On tonight’s episode of One Step Beyond, fashion designer Karen Wadsworth (Joanne Linville) believes that she has the power to cause people to die just by wishing death upon them.  Her psychiatrist tells her that this simply isn’t possible and then dares her to try one little test of her supposed powers.

This episode features a good performance by Joanne Linville and, if nothing else, it perhaps makes the case that we should be a little bit less quick to wish the worst upon other people.  Just imagine all of the damage that Karen could have caused if she had ever set up a twitter account.

This episode originally aired on October 25th, 1960.

Bonus Horror Song of the Day: Zombie Stomp by The Del-Aires


If you watched Horror of Party Beach earlier today, you’ll definitely remember this song, which was performed by a Patterson, New Jersey band called The Del-Aires!

Everybody’s doing the zombie stomp!

Horror On The Lens: Horror of Party Beach (dir by Del Tenney)


Everybody’s doing the zombie stomp….

For today’s horror on the lens, take a trip tot eh beach and dance to the sounds of the Del-Aires!  And definitely, be weary of the hot dog monsters!

Enjoy 1964’s The Horror of Party Beach!

Horror Song of the Day: Theme From Jaws by John Williams


I’m in a beach-y kind of mood today and today’s song of the day reflects that!  From 1975’s Jaws, here’s a piece of music that everyone should instantly recognize, whether they’ve seen the film or not.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Degrassi Junior High 3.13 “Making Whopee”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sunday, I will be reviewing the Canadian series, Degrassi Junior High, which aired on CBC and PBS from 1987 to 1989!  The series can be streamed on YouTube!

This week, it’s an Arthur episode! …. really?

Episode 3.13 “Making Whopee”

(Dir by Eleanore Lindo, originally aired on February 27th, 1989)

With all of the season three drama surrounding Wheels, Shane, Spike, Joey, and Caitlin, it can be easy to forget that Degrassi Junior High started out as a show about a nerdy but well-meaning kid named Arthur trying to navigate his way through a brand new world.  Indeed, almost the entire first season revolved around Arthur and his friend, Yick.  By the time the third season rolled around, neither character was particularly prominent in the show’s ensemble.  I think one reason why Arthur and Yick went from being the main characters just being in the background is because their storylines never presented as much potential for excitement as the stuff going on with everyone else.  While Spike dealt with being a mother at 14 and Caitlin dealt with epilepsy and Wheels struggled with depression, Arthur and Yick were just average kids with average kid problems.

That’s why its a little bit jarring — after all of last week’s drama — to suddenly be presented with an Arthur episode.  In this episode, Arthur struggles to accept the fact that his dad has a girlfriend and that he would rather hang out with her than watch Space Cadets with his son.  When Arthur wakes up one morning to discover that his father’s new girlfriend has slept over, Arthur is stunned.  Later, when Arthur’s Dad comes to the Degrassi open house with his girlfriend, Arthur loses it and says that he’s sick of her coming between him and his father.  The end result is that Arthur’s father ends up single and depressed.  Arthur begs his Dad to watch television with him.  Arthur’s Dad sobs on the couch.

Damn, what a sad ending!  Of course, sad endings are a bit of a Degrassi trademark.  I’ve lost track of how many episodes of this show ended with someone in tears.

As for the B-plots, Luke continues to feel guilty over giving Shane that hit of LSD and the fact that everyone in school blames him for Shane’s accident certainly doesn’t help matters.  (Shane, for his part, is still in a coma.)  Meanwhile, Melanie finds herself competing for Snake’s attention with a snooty ninth-grader named Allison (Sara Holmes).  Melanie has nothing to worry about.  Allison may be older but Melanie is still the one who Snake asks to the graduation dance.  In fact, not only does Melanie get a date but she also gets her best friend back.  Kathleen forgives Melanie for reading her diary and also announces that she is now in therapy for her eating disorder!

Yay!  A happy ending for some….

And a totally tragic ending for others!

That’s Degrassi for you.

As for this episode, I’m a child of divorce so I could relate to a certain extent to what Arthur was going through.  I always hated it whenever my Mom dated anyone new and I will admit that I could be a bit of a brat about it.  That said, I never reduced her to crying on the couch.  I mean …. seriously, Arthur, what the Hell?  I preferred Melanie’s story because it had a happy ending and it was another storyline to which I could relate.  Talking to your crush and not realizing you have lipstick on your teeth?  Hey, we’ve all been there!

Horror On TV: One Step Beyond 3.5 “If You See Sally” (dir by John Newland)


On tonight’s epiosde of One Step Beyond, we visit the legend of the ghostly hitchhiker.

Will Sally ever make it home?

This episode originally aired on October 18th, 1960!

Retro Television Review: Homicide: Life on Street 1.3 “Night of the Dead Living”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sundays, I will be reviewing Homicide: Life On The Street, which aired from 1993 to 1999, on NBC!  It  can be viewed on Peacock.

This week, the Homicide Squad works the night shift on the hottest night of the year.

Episode 1.3 “Night of the Dead Living”

(Dir by Michael Lehmann, originally aired on March 31st, 1993)

On the hottest night of the year, Giardello’s homicide squad works the night shift.  Everyone comes in grumpy.  Munch has just broken up with his girlfriend.  Bolander is trying to work up the courage to call Dr. Blythe.  Bayliss is still obsessing on the Adeena Watson case and he and Pembleton are still trying to figure out how to work together.  Kay’s sister is having trouble at home.  Felton’s wife hates him.  Crosetti worries about his teenage daughter and her boyfriend.  Giardello tries to figure out why the air conditioner is only blowing out hot air on what Lewis claims is the hottest night in history.

Despite the heat and the statistics that show that most homicide occur at night, no calls come in.  Bayliss is convinced he’s cracked the Watson case when he discovers that the fingerprints on Adeena’s library book belongs to someone named James.   He sends Thorson out to arrest James.  James turns out to be a seventh grader who thinks he’s being arrested by not paying a library fine.  (James did check out the book, when he was in the fifth grade.)

A drunk man dressed as Santa Claus is brought in and later falls through the ceiling when he attempts to escape custody.  A baby is found in the station’s basement but it turns out to the cleaning lady’s baby.  She brings him to work with her to protect him from the rats that live in their apartment building.  Eventually, Bolander works up the courage to call Blythe and Bayliss and Pembleton figure out that Adeena’s body was found where it was because her killer brought the body down a fire escape.  At the end of the shift, Giardello assembles his detectives on the roof and joyfully sprays them with the water hose.

It’s an episode that feels like a play, taking place in one location and featuring a lot of monologuing.  Each member of the squad gets a their chance in the spotlight, with the episode revealing that every one of them is a bit more complex than they initially seem.  Even Munch, the misanthrope, is shown to light a candle in memory of “all those who have been killed.”  It’s one of those episodes that makes you understand why Homicide is considered to be classic while also showing you why it struggled in the ratings.  In this episode, Homicide revealed itself to be not a cop show but instead a show about people who happened to be cops.  Most shows about detectives end with an arrest.  This episode ends with Giardello showing his love for the people who work for him.  After spending an hour with everyone sweating and complaining, it’s nice to see them happy on the roof of the station house.  Yaphet Kotto’s joy in the final scene is a wonder to behold.  And yet, it’s easy to imagine how confused audiences, whose expectations had been set by more traditional crime show, would have been.

This episode was meant to be the third episode of the series.  NBC decided that it worked better as the finale of the first season and instead made it the ninth episode.  Peacock has this episode placed where it originally belonged and, with this review, that’s what I’m going with as well.

 

Bonus Horror Song of the Day: Hanging Out With My Family by Damien Carter


Whenever I watch 2010’s Birdemic, I wonder how the birds could possibly want to destroy a civilization that is capable of something like Hanging Out With My Family.

Horror on the Lens: The Lodger (dir by Alfred Hitchcock)


A serial killer known as “The Avenger” is murdering blonde women in London (which, once again, proves that its better to be a redhead).  And while nobody knows the identity of the Avenger, they do know that the enigmatic stranger  (Ivor Novello), who has just recently rented a room at boarding house, happens to fit his description.  They also know that the lodger’s landlord’s daughter happens to be a blonde…

Released in 1927, the silent The Lodger was Alfred Hitchcock’s third film but, according to the director, this was the first true “Hitchcock film.”  Certainly it shows that even at the start of his career, Hitchcock’s famous obsessions were already present — the stranger accused of a crime, the blonde victims, and the link between sex and violence.

Also of note, the credited assistant director — Alma Reville — would become Alma Hitchcock shortly before The Lodger was released.