The Babymakers”

Posted on May 27, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, it’s all about maids and bartenders!

Episode 7.22 “The Lady and the Maid/Love Is Blind/The Babymakers”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on March 3rd, 1984)

This week, it’s a busy cruise!

Dorothy Fielding (Luise Rainer) boards the boat and immediately runs into her twin sister, Maggie (also played by Rainer). Maggie is working as a maid and she resents her sister. But when Dorothy agrees to switch places with Maggie, Maggie gets to date the charming and rich Stewart Coolidge (Don Ameche). This storyline features not one but two Oscar winners. Ameche won an Oscar for his role in Cocoon, albeit after this show aired. Rainer won two Oscars, back-to-back, in the 30s and then seemingly vanished from film screens. Unfortunately, while Ameche is charming, Rainer comes across as if she would rather be anywhere than playing twins on an episode of The Love Boat. There were several scenes in which Rainer spoke with Rainer. They were obviously included to show off the show’s split-screen approach but, unfortunately, Rainer never seemed to be sure which direction either twin should be looking while interacting with the other.

Sheila (Jennilee Harrison) is desperately trying to get pregnant. Doc mentions to her husband (Kim Shriner) that most babies are conceived during makeup sex. Guess who starts a totally random argument with his wife? This was a silly story but, to be honest, the main appeal of this show has always been its silliness. Harrison and Shriner were beyond adorable.

Finally, Isaac’s blind friend, Darnell Hall (LeVar Burton), boards the ship and takes part in Isaac’s bartending school. Darnell and Isaac also compete for the attention of Terry Cook (Shari Belafonte). And before anyone says anything — yes, I know Burton played a blind guy on Star Trek: The Next Generation. I don’t care. As for who Terry picks …. well, Isaac is a regular character and Terry isn’t. It’s not that hard to guess how things are going to turn out.

That said, I know what you really want to know.

Julie doesn’t do much in this episode but she does sound rather excited about wishing everyone a happy day in Mexico. I’m going to say seven out of ten.

So, I Watched Perry Mason: The Case of the All-Star Assassin (1989, Dir. by Christian I. Nyby II)

Posted on January 12, 2026 by Dazzling Erin

Ken (William R, Moses), who is now a lawyer, is representing a hockey player (Jason Beghe) in his contract negotiation with a tyrannical team owner (Pernell Roberts). When the owner is murdered, the player is arrested and Ken turns to his mentor, Perry Mason (Raymond Burr), for help in winning his first murder case.

This was pretty forgettable. The mystery wasn’t interesting, there weren’t enough suspects to keep me guessing, and even the wrongly accused player was unlikable. Amy (Alexandra Paul) returned to help out Ken and was annoying as ever. I don’t understand the Amy/Ken relationship. They’re in love. They’re getting married. But they always act like they hate each other. Give me sex addict Paul Drake, Jr, any day! I read that this was Amy’s final appearance in the series and I hope that’s true.

This movie also features some of the worst courtroom dialogue of the series. Poor Bruce Greenwood plays Pernell Roberts’s son and gets stuck with the worst lines. Deidre Hall plays Pernell Roberts’s unfaithful wife, which is appropriate because this movie was just a bad soap opera.

Guilty Pleasure No. 79: Kate’s Secret (dir by Arthur Allan Seidelman)

Posted on April 1, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

In this 1986 melodrama, Kate (Meredith Baxter) has a secret. She may look like healthy and young and blonde. She may have a beautiful house and a handsome husband (Ben Masters). She and her fitness instructor best friend (Shari Belafonte) may spend their time making fun of how fat everyone else. But deep down, Kate is convinced that she’s overweight. She gets on the scale and that declaration of 120 pounds feels like a slap in the face.

How does Kate lose weight? She exercises frequently. And she spends a lot of time staring at herself in the mirror, as if trying to mentally burn away the pounds. Mostly, though, Kate just binges on food whenever she gets stressed and then she throws up. Kate has a lot of reasons to be stressed and they are almost entirely due to her mother (Georgann Johnson), who rarely has a nice word to say to Kate and who constantly tells Kate that she’s going to lose her husband to his assistant (Leslie Bevis).

(Who does everyone always assume that assistants are going to be homewreckers?)

Now, to be clear, eating disorders are a serious thing. I know more than a few people who have had eating disorders. During my first semester of college, I got very used to the sound of the girl in the room next to mine throwing up every morning. There’s nothing funny about the idea of someone having an eating disorder. However, there is something funny about an overwritten movie about an eating disorder that features Meredith Baxter literally attacking a chocolate cake then blaming the mess in the kitchen on the dogs. This is one of those well-intentioned programs that takes a real problem and then goes so overboard in portraying it that it’s more likely to make you snicker than feel horrified. You might not feel good about laughing but the crazed look in Meredith Baxter’s cake-filled eyes will make it difficult not to. Hence, the term guilty pleasure.

As always happens in these type of movies, Kate ends up in a treatment center where a doctor (Edward Asner) tries to reach her and the other patients are all either extremely nice or extremely rude. Kate’s roommate (Tracy Nelson) is a model with anorexia. Another patient (Mindy Seeger) harps on Kate’s “perfect life.” Meanwhile, poor Deyna (Mackenzie Phillips) freaks out when someone moves the garbage can. It’s all very well-meaning but also very over-written and overacted to the point that, once again, it’s more likely to illicit a guilty laugh than anything else.

In the end, Kate realizes that it’s all her mother’s fault. That was kind of obvious from the first time her mother told Kate that her husband was obviously planning on leaving her. “I’m getting better,” Kate says as the credits roll. Yay, Kate!

Previous Guilty Pleasures

Horror On The Lens: Time Walker (dir by Tom Kennedy)

Posted on October 4, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Today’s horror on the lens is 1982’s Time Walker!

Time Walker tells the story of what happens when a mummy that’s actually an alien awakens on a college campus. As you might guess, mayhem and bad fashion choices ensue. To be honest, Time Walker is not the best horror film ever made. In fact, it’s actually pretty bad. However, it is definitely a time capsule of the era in which it was produced and it has one of those WTF endings that you kind of have to see for yourself.

Enjoy!