Late Night Retro Television Review: Saved By The Bell 3.9 “Pipe Dreams”

Posted on October 10, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell, which ran on NBC from 1989 to 1993. The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

This week, Zack loses his favorite duck.

Episode 3.9 “Pipe Dreams”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on October 26th, 1991)

Oil’s been discovered on Bayside’s football field! Smarmy Dan Grayson (Gary Lahti) offers Bayside a lot of money for the right to drill on the field. Almost all of the students fantasize about going to rich school despite the fact that, with the exception of Kelly, it’s been established that they’re all already rich and that Bayside has been a rich school for a while. I’m not sure why the students think that they would be getting any of the money. And why is it up to the principal to decide whether or not to allow drilling. It seems like that should be up to the county supervisors.

But what about the never before mentioned pond behind the football field!? When the inevitable oil spill happens, Zack’s favorite duck Becky is killed. “She’s where the oil can’t hurt her anymore,” Screech says. It looks like it’s time for Zack to crash Mr. Grayson’s presentation and spray oil on him. “I’m covered in oil!” Mr. Grayson shouts. It’s easy to make your point when your opponent is cartoonishly evil.

You probably already guessed that this is not my favorite episode. It’s just so cartoonishly heavy-handed and the idea that Zack’s simplistic presentation was enough to convince everyone not to drill for oil was borderline insulting. If there’s oil underneath the football field and money to be made by drilling for it, someone’s going to do it. No one is going to care whether Zack approves or not.

My favorite moment is when Slater calls out Jessie for wearing clothing and accessories that aren’t environmentally-friendly. Seriously, Jessie is always a little bit too self-righteous for me. Personally, I would have agreed to let the company drill for the oil but only after they found a new pond for all of the turtles and ducks.

Poor Becky.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 4.22 “The Right Thing”

Posted on October 6, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network! It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

This week, the fourth season comes to a close.

Episode 4.22 “The Right Thing”

(Dir by John B. Moranville, originally aired on April 25th, 1999)

Businessman John Patrone (Fred Saldone) has negotiated a peace treaty between two gangs, one black and one Latino. Finally, there will be peace in Santa Monica! However, at a rally to celebrate the treaty, a sniper shoots Patrone dead. At first, I was amazed that the police didn’t have anyone on those rooftops to prevent something like this from happening. Then I realized that security for the rally was being provided solely by Pacific Blue. Of course, the bicycle cops would screw this up.

Despite the fact that John Patrone was a major figure in Santa Monica, we never see any Homicide detectives working the case. Instead, it somehow falls to the bicycle cops to investigate. What they discover is that, despite his altruistic image, Patrone was actually a monster who sold weapons and drugs to the gangs and who raped and impregnated the daughter of Bruce Best (Kevin McClatchey). Bruce’s daughter killed herself and that’s why Bruce assassinated Patrone.

Bruce doesn’t make any effort to disguise the fact that he killed Patrone. He admits it to Bobby, Granger, Jamie, and Monica. However, the four rookie cops are convinced that Patrone deserved to die and that Bruce did “the right thing” by shooting him. In a move that is totally out-of-character for him, Bobby decides to throw all of the evidence implicating Bruce into harbor. Unfortunately, Bobby is being watched by Susan Jessup (Holly Gagnier) of Internal Affairs. Susan goes to TC and offers to let Bobby off the hook in exchange for sex. (As ludicrous a character as Susan may be, Holly Gagnier’s wonderfully unhinged performance was the highlight of the episode.) TC replies that he will arrest Bobby and Bruce personally. This episode ends with a cliffhanger as all four of our rookies pose for their mugshots.

Meanwhile, Chris and Cory deal with a teenager who wants to shoot himself out of a cannon. It’s a bit odd that the bike patrol’s two most experienced cops aren’t working the Patrone murder but whatever. I’ve given up on trying to follow Pacific Blue logic.

We’ll find out the fates of Bobby, Jamie, Granger, and Monica next week, when we start the final season of Pacific Blue. I really can’t wait for all this to be over with!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Saved By The Bell 3.8 “Fake IDs”

Posted on October 3, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, someone gets caught cheating!

Episode 3.8 “Fake IDs”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on October 19th, 1991)

Having finally reached the point where he’s ready to move on from Kelly, Zack Morris resorts to lying to get a new girlfriend. He tells USC freshman Danielle (Julie St. Claire) that he’s a fellow Trojan. He claims to be a photojournalism major who spends all of his time in his darkroom. That’s why she never sees him on campus. Wink wink.

When Danielle invites him to the Attic, an 18-and-up club, Zack instructs Screech to use the skills he’s learned in photography class to make fake IDs. Zack, Slater, and Screech sneak out of Zack’s house and hit the Attic. Screech gets chased by an older woman named Reggie. Slater spends the whole night talking about how much he misses Jessie. Zack dances with Danielle. It’s a great night until they spot Kelly’s new boyfriend, Jeff, dancing with a girl who isn’t Kelly.

“Whoa!” Zack, Slater, and Screech all say at the same time.

When Jessie and Lisa hear that the guys went to an over-18 club, they decide they want fake IDs as well. Meanwhile, when Zack tells Kelly about seeing Jeff, Kelly accuses Zack of being jealous. But when Jeff gives a half-hearted excuse for why he can’t go out with her that night, Kelly asks Screech to make her a fake ID as well.

The next night, Zack’s parents are at a Peter, Paul and Mary concert. Zack goes to the Attic with Slater, Screech, Lisa, and Jessie and is shocked when he can’t find Danielle. What Zack doesn’t know is that Danielle called the house to tell him she would be arriving late, and the phone was answered by Mrs. Morris (Melody Rogers). Mrs. Morris stops singing “Puff the Magic Dragon” just long enough to ask, “What’s the Attic?”

At the Attic, Kelly arrives just in time to spot Jeff dancing with his other girlfriend. She yells, “I broke up with a great guy for you!” “It’s not like we’re going steady,” Jeff replies. “We’re through!” Kelly says, and I can only assume that Kelly is also going to quit the job she so desperately needed just a few episodes ago.

Kelly, Jessie, and Lisa go off together so that Kelly can spend a few minutes “yelling in the ladies’ room.” Danielle and Mrs. Morris show up at the same time. Zack introduces his mom as his “young-looking older sister.” Mrs. Morris orders Zack, Slater, and Screech out to the car. They leave, and we’re left to wonder how Kelly, Jessie, and Lisa are going to get home.

To be honest, I kind of hate this episode. Jeff cheating on Kelly comes out of nowhere, and it’s totally against everything we’ve already learned about the character. Previously, the whole point of Jeff’s character was that he was a nice guy who didn’t intentionally set out to break up Zack and Kelly. In this episode, he’s suddenly a jerk.

That said, there are actually a few funny moments to be found, like Lisa trying to shove Zack away while he’s looking for Danielle. Slater’s loyalty to Jessie was actually pretty sweet, and even Screech was a bit less annoying than usual. It’s a well-done episode, even if it only exists to reset the Kelly/Zack relationship.

I just hope Kelly, Jessie, and Lisa were able to find a way home.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 4.21 “Lucky 13”

Posted on September 29, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Pacific Blue explores the dark side!

Episode 4.21 “Lucky 13”

(Dir by Emily Skopov, originally aired on April 18th, 1999)

A murder at an occult shop leaves two witches dead. Another witch is found barely alive on the beach, her body branded with alchemical signs. The bike cops are dumbfounded. I’m confused as to why there aren’t any Homicide detectives around. And Granger …. well, Granger’s freaking out because he’s been having nightmares about his dead friend, Tim.

In this episode, Granger reveals that he knows a lot about occult symbols. When TC demands to know why Granger knows so much (as if it’s any of TC’s business), Granger explains that he used to be into Satanism. Obviously, this means that Granger can’t go undercover in this case. As Cory puts it, it would be like sending a junkie into a drug den. So, Jamie is the one who gets a job working at the occult shop and pretending to be into Satanism.

How bad is Jamie at working undercover? Well, let’s ignore the fact that there’s no way in Hell anyone would ever believe that bland, boring, mild-mannered Jamie is into the occult. Instead, let’s talk about the fact that, at one point, Jamie stands in the middle of an aisle of the occult store, where anyone could hear her, and she calls Granger to tell him everything that she’s overheard. Seriously, she couldn’t step outside to do that? Later, when Granger unexpectedly show’s up at the Witch’s Brew coffeehouse, Jamie confront him by loudly asking, “Are you trying to take my case!?” despite the fact that they’re surrounded by the people that Jamie is supposed to be secretly investigating.

This really is a terrible episode for Jamie. When Granger is feeling guilty over the death of Tim (who died shortly after Granger convinced him to give his soul to the Devil), Jamie tells him to stop it with the “self-pity.” Uhmm, Jamie …. didn’t we just spend two episodes listening to you going on and on about growing up in the foster system? Jamie’s not in a position to talk. Jamie then ends up sleeping with Granger, though the show suggests that Jamie’s actions were largely due to the influence of being around magic.

Anyway, it turns out the Satanists are planning on sacrificing a virgin witch on “Lucifer’s birthday.” Granger knows that he has to stop this sacrifice on his own so he gives his superiors a fake address to go to. Then Granger goes to the real sacrifice. Fortunately, Bobby Cruz follows him and shows up in time to help Granger shoot the bad Satanists and save the virgin’s life.

(For all the slut-shaming that goes on in this country, it’s not the sluts who end up getting sacrificed in stupid occult rituals. Promiscuity can save your life.)

With Bobby’s encouragement, Granger goes to Confession. “It’s been seven years since my last confession….” Uh-oh, this could take a while!

This episode deserves some credit for finally giving Granger a backstory. That said, this episode featured some of the least convincing occultists that I’ve ever seen and some of the lamest metaphysical dialogue this side of Baywatch Nights. Actually, if this had been an episode of Baywatch Nights, it would have been a lot more fun. As it is, it’s hard to buy into the idea that the forces of darkness could be defeated by a bunch of bicycle cops.

At one point, Bobby says that too many people have died because of pentagrams. Monica points at his crucifix and asks, “What about the Crusades?” I always find it funny how people seem to think that bringing up something that happened during the Middle Ages is some sort of flex. Bobby could have just as easily replied, “What about Baal worship, you heathen!?” I’m a little upset that he didn’t. That would have been fun.

Oh well. At least this episode had a horror theme. October is just a day away!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Saved By The Bell 3.7 “Check Your Mate”

Posted on September 26, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Screech is actually good at something!

Episode 3.7 “Check Your Mate”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on October 5th, 1991)

Bayside has got chess fever! Screech Powers has advanced to the all-city chess finals, where he will be facing off against Valley High’s Russian exchange student Peter Breschnev (Matt Kaminsky), the grandson of a legendary player. Screech fears that he won’t have a chance but then he remembers that he never seems to lose as long as he’s wearing the lucky red beret that Violet purchased for him.

Around the same time that Zack and Slater place a bet on the outcome of chess match, Allison (Hillary Hayes) shows up. She says that she’s from a chess magazine and she wants to do a profile of Screech. She even invites Screech to the magazine’s mansion so that he can swim in the pawn-shaped pool. However, it turns out that Allison is actually a spy from Valley High and she’s been sent to sabotage Screech’s game. Allison steals his lucky beret. How can Screech win now!?

Usually, I can’t stand any episode that revolves around Screech and Violet but I have to admit that I do like this one. Yes, Dustin Diamond and Tori Spelling are just as bad as usual (and Diamond really goes overboard with the goofy faces in this one) but, luckily, Mark-Paul Gosselaar and Mario Lopez are also present and they do some of their best work in this episode. Zack and Slater, for instance, kidnap the Russian and tie him up in a broom closet. Zack then pretends to be the Russian and forfeits the match after making one move. Meanwhile, Slater reports on the match for Bayside’s radio station and he does so with just the right amount of earnest enthusiasm. (Jessie: “And now the Russian is hopping out onstage in his underwear!?” Slater: “What an exciting match so far!”) Slater knows nothing about chess but he does know that he wants to see “that commie” defeated. Amongst the guest stars, Hilary Hayes and Matt Kaminsky are perfectly cast and score some laughs of their own. (“I’ll see ya …. at the Galleria.”)

In this episode, Screech nearly loses Violet when he lets his chess fame go to his head. Violet forgives him but this would still be her final episode. I guess dating a chess jock wasn’t all it was cracked up to be.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 4.20 “Trust”

Posted on September 22, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Cory makes another stupid mistake.

Episode 4.20 “Trust”

(Dir by Terence H. Winkless, originally aired on April 11th, 1999)

When her best friend is murdered, Cory assumes that the killer is her friend’s ex-boyfriend, Mark (Joel Gretsch). FBI profiler Jerry Beck (Eric Scott Woods) agrees. In fact, he claims that Mark is a serial killer who has been stalking and killing blondes across the country. Cory, who blames herself for her friend’s death and who has recently broken up with Bobby Cruz, works with Jerry to try to stop Mark’s reign of terror. But what if Jerry Beck isn’t who he says he is? What if the real Jerry Beck was murdered and an imposter took on his identity?

This is one of those episodes where Monica pretty much figures out what’s going on but everyone ignores her because both the characters and the show itself seem to have a bizarre hated for her. Every episode in which Monica appears seems to feature Monica doing better detective work than everyone else on the bike patrol and getting absolutely no credit for it. In this case, Cory does eventually admit that Monica was right so I guess that’s progress.

Oh, this was a stupid episode. Having an FBI profiler turn out to actually be a serial killer isn’t a bad idea but having the killer somehow steal the identity of an actual FBI agent without anyone noticing is one of those things that just asks for too much of a suspension of disbelief. Having Cory then fall for the fake FBI agent while she’s supposed to searching for the killer of her best friend was just another example of Cory basically acting like an idiot. That’s been a frequent thing with Cory this season. It’s odd because Cory used to actually be the smart member of the bike patrol.

While Cory is trying to avenge her friend’s death, Granger hooks up with a woman that he meets online. Jamie is skeptical that CyberVixen is going to be the next Mrs. Granger. It’s always funny to me to see television shows that attempted to deal with the Internet in the 90s. You can always tell that they were written by aging boomers who weren’t quite sure what the Internet was and probably expected it to just be a brief fad.

To me, the funniest moment in this episode was the members of Pacific Blue realizing that Cory was alone with a serial killer so, instead of calling a squad car, they all just hopped on their bicycles and rode over to Cory’s apartment. I mean, would it kill them to take a car for once? I imagine they would have gotten over to the apartment quicker.

This episode was pretty dumb.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Saved By The Bell 3.6 “Operation Zack”

Posted on September 19, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Zack injures his knee and has to go to the hospital! Hilarity ensues!

Episode 3.6 “Operation Zack”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on September 28th, 1991)

Along with being a track star, a radio announcer, a member of the student council, and the leader of Zack Attack, Zack Morris is also a star basketball player. Bayside’s basketball team has a big game coming up. They’re coached by a short person. That’s the joke. While rushing out of the dressing room for lay-up drills, Zack collides with Mr. Belding and somehow injures his knee. Screech rushes him to the hospital and, in a preview of what he would do to Mr. Belding on countless episodes of The New Class, Screech continually pushes the wheelchair-bound Zack into walls and desks, causing him to reinjure his knee. The show thinks it’s hilarious but I’ve injured my knee and my ankle before and I know how painful it is. Screech is a moron.

Lisa’s mother, Dr. Turtle (Susan Beaubian), says that Zack’s knee is going to require surgery. She says that it’s no big deal but everyone else acts as if Zack has been given a death sentence. “They’re going to hack Zack!” Zack says. He has a dream where he sees his own funeral. (Screech appears as his guardian angel.) Zack disguises himself as a doctor and tries to sneak out of the hospital. Dr. Turtle catches him. Lisa, who is volunteering as a candy striper, tells Zack that everything is going to be okay.

And everything is! The surgery is a success. Zack even survives Screech trying to turn on the television by using the bed’s remote control. And Mr. Belding does Zack’s homework for him. That makes no sense. How is that even allowed?

This episode was pretty dumb. That said, I did once watch it while I was actually in the hospital because I was recovering from an asthma attack and, at that time, it did cheer me up. Dumb as it is, the episode does get at a universal truth. Everyone hates going to the hospital.

Finally, this episode features one of Dustin Diamond’s worst performances. Screech is especially annoying here because, for once, his stupidity actually does hurt someone. Zack doesn’t need some doofus clumsily pushing his wheelchair while shouting, “Lady with a baby!” Whenever Screech caused Zack to bump into something, I felt shooting sympathy pains. Mark-Paul Gosselaar looked fairly annoyed whenever he had to share a scene with Dustin Diamond. In this case, I don’t blame him.

Next week, Screech plays chess and loses his lucky beret. What a dummy.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 4.19 “Near Death”

Posted on September 15, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week’s episode is stupid even for Pacific Blue.

Episode 4.19 “Near Death”

(Dir by Gary Winter, originally aired on April 4th, 1999)

Before I say anything else about this episode, allow me to say this: Ugh.

Okay, so check this out. A group of home invaders, led by Claire (Monica Louwerens) and her husband Milo (Matt Borlenghi), are in a van, fleeing from their latest robbery. TC, Chris, Cory, and Bobby are all chasing after them on their bikes. The van takes a sharp turn, the passenger-side door flies open, and Claire falls out. TC swerves to avoid Claire and is thrown straight into an electrical junction box. TC gets electrocuted.

Cory, Chris, and Bobby all arrive and immediately run over to TC. TC isn’t breathing. There’s no heartbeat. Cory and Bobby perform CPR. TC, meanwhile, is having a near-death experience, which means that we get a montage of old clips. They manage to bring TC back to life, but no one bothers to check on Claire. Claire ends up in a coma and subsequently dies at the hospital. Milo blames the cops for ignoring his wife while all of them gathered around TC.

…and Milo is absolutely right. Don’t get me wrong. It makes sense that Cory, Bobby, and especially Chris would be worried about TC. But it doesn’t change the fact that they basically just left another gravely injured person on the street while they gathered around TC. This is not the first time that something like this happened on Pacific Blue, and it’s yet another example of our heroes being rather selfish people.

Later, Cory announces to all the other bicycle cops that their first priority is to track down Milo and his gang because “this one is personal.” In other words, don’t worry about any of the other crimes that might be happening in Santa Monica because those crimes don’t directly involve any of the show’s stars. As is often the case with this show, it’s never really explained why the case apparently only belongs to the bicycle patrol. We don’t see any burglary detectives investigating the home invasions or anything like that. I guess the bike patrol has jurisdiction over everything.

As for TC, he reacts to his near-death experience by becoming more philosophical. He’s determined to always tell the truth. Over the course of the episode, he insults all four of the rookies: Granger, Cruz, Jamie, and Monica. Later, once TC starts to return to normal, he apologizes to Granger, Cruz, and Jamie but smirks when Monica asks if TC has anything he wants to say to her. “Nope,” he says. It’s kind of weird how this show wants its audience to hate Monica despite the fact that Monica is usually the only one of the cops who can be depended upon to do her job.

This episode really annoyed me. There was just something really annoying about a show about bicycle cops attempting to impart some sort of philosophical message about life. Did no one consider that TC is nowhere near a deep enough character to be believable as someone who worries about the larger questions of existence? Did no one consider that Jim Davidson’s limited range made him exactly the wrong actor for this type of story? In the past, TC was always dull but reliable. In this episode, he’s condescending. Since Chris and Cory were already condescending and have been for several seasons, TC joining them pushed this episode to new heights of unearned smugness.

This was an annoying episode. At least no one went undercover.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Saved By The Bell 3.5 “The Aftermath”

Posted on September 12, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

It’s the aftermath of Zack and Kelly’s break-up! Who will survive!?

Episode 3.5 “The Aftermath”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on September 21st, 1991)

Last week, Kelly got a job at The Max and developed a crush on her boss, Jeff (Patrick Muldoon). Zack and Kelly broke up at the school dance. Kelly asked Zack if they could still be friends. “Always,” Zack said.

It turns out that Zack was lying. This episode finds him bitter and obsessed. Screech and Slater take him out to the movies but — oh no! — Kelly and Jeff walk in. Jessie, Lisa, and Screech each set Zack up on a blind date. Zack goes out with Jessie’s fat friend and she eats all of his popcorn. Lisa’s friend is more interested in talking about the books of Jackie Collins than watching the movie. And Screech’s cousin turns out to be a perfectly nice and pretty blonde. (“She’s adopted,” Screech explains.)

Zack takes Screech’s cousin to The Max and dances with her… in front of Kelly! And they’re dancing to… A12 on the jukebox! “That’s Zack and Kelly’s song!” Screech says. Apparently, it’s a song that doesn’t have a title or much of a beat. “A12 is sacred!” Kelly says. “It was sacred until you dumped me for that jerk!” Zack says.

Now, I’m a bit torn here. Zack’s definitely in the wrong here, but is A12 actually sacred? I mean, it’s not mentioned in any other episode. And while Zack is definitely trying to make Kelly feel bad, Kelly is being pretty self-righteous for someone who didn’t break up with her boyfriend until after she kissed another guy. I guess my feeling is that sacred songs pretty much went out the window as soon as Kelly and Zack broke up.

Anyway, Screech’s cousin throws her milkshake on Zack.

Lisa’s Sweet Sixteen birthday party is approaching! Zack says he won’t come if Kelly and Jeff are invited. Lisa tells him that she’ll invite whoever she wants. At first, Zack refuses to go to the party, but then Screech has a heart-to-heart talk with him. Screech basically tells Zack that he’s being a whiny loser. Imagine what it must have been like to hear that from Screech, of all people.

Kelly and Jeff show up at the party. At first, Slater shows admirable loyalty to his friend Zack by giving Jeff the cold shoulder. Then Jeff mentions that he wrestled in high school. “Won my division a few times,” Jeff says. That’s all it takes for Slater to be like, “Zack who?”

Zack does come to the party. He apologizes for being a jerk. He tells Jeff to take care of Kelly. Zack tells us that he doesn’t know if he’ll ever get over Kelly. We’re left to wonder why he doesn’t just stop time if he’s so miserable…

This episode benefits from the presence of Patrick Muldoon, who makes Jeff into a likable “frat boy babe stealer.” It’s too bad that, in his next appearance, Jeff will have had a total personality transplant, because this episode actually made a pretty good point about the importance of accepting breakups and giving people a chance.

Oh well. That’s life at Bayside.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 4.18 “Thicker Than Water”

Posted on September 8, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, the Pumpkin Man strikes! It’s even dumber than it sounds.

Episode 4.18 “Thicker Than Water”

(Dir by Scott Lautanen, originally aired on March 21st, 1999)

A mob lawyer and his wife have been murdered, and for some reason the bicycle patrol is investigating the case instead of Homicide. When it becomes apparent that the lawyer’s son, Andy Jr. (Scotty Cox), has disappeared, Cory makes it her mission to track him down. This is yet another episode where Cory is willing to do whatever it takes to solve the case. Of course, in Cory’s case, that usually means walking around and glaring at people.

Cory discovers that Andy Jr. is with his real mother, a stripper named Angela (Angela Marsden). Angela was the dead lawyer’s mistress. When Cory tracks down Angela, she learns that Andy doesn’t know his father is dead, but he does know that “the Pumpkin Man” came to the house. Meanwhile, the FBI sends over an agent who is big and bald… JUST LIKE THE LEAD SINGER OF SMASHING PUMPKINS!

You may think that I’m making this up, but no, it’s very, very true. Andy calls the killer the Pumpkin Man because he thinks the killer looks like Billy Corgan. When he sees the FBI agent, Andy shouts, “The Pumpkin Man! SMASHING PUMPKINS!”

Because Cory is currently in hiding with Angela, the bicycle patrol decides to go undercover. Monica gets a job dancing at the strip club. Well, of course she does. Whenever T.C. says that someone is going undercover, that means Monica is going to be looking for clues while undressed. One of the more annoying things about this season is that Monica always does a good job while she’s undercover, but no one ever gives her any credit for it. Instead, the other members of the bike patrol just roll their eyes and give an exasperated sigh whenever Monica says something. If they have a problem with Monica constantly flirting with all of the bad guys, they might want to talk to T.C., since he’s the one who keeps assigning her to do it.

This episode was dumb even by Pacific Blue standards. I already mentioned that it makes no sense for a bunch of uniformed bicycle cops to be investigating a high-profile murder. It also doesn’t really make any sense for a bike cop to go undercover at a strip club. I mean, isn’t that what Vice is for? There’s also a moment where T.C. tells off the FBI for trying to interfere with the investigation. I think the FBI ranks higher than the bike patrol. Finally, the kid playing young Andy was an absolutely lousy actor, and that crooked FBI agent may have been bald, but he still didn’t look that much like Billy Corgan.

Someday I’m going to run out of Pacific Blue episodes to review. It can’t come soon enough.