Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 4.14 “Inferno”

Posted on August 11, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network! It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

This week, Bobby goes undercover!

Episode 4.14 “Inferno”

(Dir by Sara Rose, originally aired on January 17th, 1999)

TC is on vacation but, before he leaves, he tasks Cory with discovering who is selling heroin at a trendy nightclub. To be honest, that sounds like a job for the Narcotics Squad but whatever. Cory tasks Bobby and Monica with going undercover. Monica starts to hang out at the club. Bobby gets a job as a bouncer. It’s amazing how the same two cops can somehow both patrol the same small stretch of land and also continually work undercover without anyone ever recognizing them. Their presence at the club still doesn’t prevent a rock star from overdosing or an actor from later shooting himself in front of Monica.

Meanwhile, Cory and Amy ride their stupid bikes around Santa Monica and harass drug addicts. Amy catches one addict and says that he hasn’t been looking too good lately. Amy has only been a member of the bike patrol for a few months so why is she acting like she’s been on this show for years? As silly as the undercover work is, Pacific Blue is still at its most ludicrous when it tries to make the bike cops look like a bunch of badasses,

Bobby’s ex-girlfriend, Rita (Heather Marie Marsden), turns up singing at the club. Despite Monica warning that Bobby is making a mistake, he allows himself to fall for Rita again despite the fact that Rita is now dating club owner Gary Fein (Scott Paetty), the man who is suspected of being Santa Monica’s biggest heroin dealer. Of course, it turns out that Rita is the drug dealer. Eventually, Bobby has to kill his ex-girlfriend to keep her from shooting his fellow bike cops. Bobby is almost as upset about that as Slater was over losing his salamander.

The episode ends with a Cory/Bobby conversation. Cory asks if Bobby was in love with Rita and Bobby admits that he had feelings for her. The scene suggests that Cory and Bobby are secretly a couple. If I was Cory, I would be hesitant about dating someone who killed his last girlfriend.

TC returns and tells Cory that she did a good job running the department. Cory thanks him and then looks sad as the episode ends. If she really felt that way about Bobby, why did she send him undercover in the first place? Why not send in Granger? Actually, is Granger still a character on this show? I haven’t seen him in a while.

This is a dumb show. You already knew that. This episode served as a reminder that, along with being dumb, no one on this show is particularly good at their job. Bobby goes undercover and allows his emotions to get the better of him …. again! Monica goes undercover and actually does a good job but Cory won’t acknowledge it because she hates Monica …. still! Amy rides around on her bicycle and harasses people like a corrupt deputy in a drive-in movie. The fact that everyone is on bicycles just makes everything all the more ridiculous.

Santa Monica, you deserve better!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Saved By The Bell 2.13 “From Nurse To Worse”

Posted on August 8, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell, which ran on NBC from 1989 to 1993. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

Kelly wants to go steady but Zack’s fallen in love with the new school nurse.

Episode 2.13 “From Nurse To Worse”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on December 15th, 1990)

Zack has asked Kelly to go steady but, when Kelly finally tells him that the answer is yes, Zack smiles stupidly and says, “That’s great, what was the question?” before wandering off. Zack has met the new school nurse, Nurse Jennifer (Nancy Valen), and is so busy imagining a future with her that he’s totally forgotten about the fact that he’s supposedly been in love with Kelly for years.

When people talk about Zack Morris being “trash,” this is the type of episode that they’re thinking about. Zack treats Kelly horribly, all because he’s convinced that new school nurse is going to risk her job by dating a 10th grader. Of course, Nurse Jennifer doesn’t help by telling him that he’s cute. When Jennifer finds out about Zack and Kelly, she helps Kelly out by pretending to be crazy. It perhaps would have been simpler for Jennifer to just tell Zack that it would have been illegal for her to have dated him but then we wouldn’t have gotten the sight of Jennifer pretending to be terrible at her job.

As was typical of Saved By The Bell, Slater’s B-story was actually more interesting than all of Zack’s nonsense. It’s time for everyone’s flu shot and Slater is scared of needles. Mario Lopez always did a good job of portraying Slater’s insecurities and there’s something rather endearing about the look of terror on his face when he’s called to the nurse’s office for his shot.

For those of us who are into continuity, this episode was a weird one. Not only did the new nurse do a lot of stuff that didn’t make sense but the episode itself seems to ignore everything that has happened in Zack and Kelly’s relationship over the past few episodes. Suddenly, Kelly and Zack are back to dating whether or not to be an exclusive couple. I thought that had been settled a while ago. Judging by the episode’s production code, this episode was originally meant to be the second of the season and would have aired right after The Prom episodes. For whatever reason reason, NBC didn’t air it until late in the season, when it no longer made sense.

Technically, this is the end of season 2. Whether or not that means anything is debatable because apparently, way back in 1990, season 3 started the very next week. With Saved By The Bell, one gets the feeling that these things were decided at random. Well, no matter! Next week, we’ve got season 3 and The Fabolous Belding Boys!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 4.13 “Saving Serenity”

Posted on August 4, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Del Toro returns!

Episode 4.13 “Saving Serenity”

(Dir by Michael Levine, originally aired on January 10th, 1999)

When last we saw former series regular Victor Del Toro (played by Marcos A. Ferraez), he was quitting the force after nearly being indicted for killing the man who killed his fiancée. In this episode, Victor finally returns to Santa Monica.

Victor has spent the last five months wandering. He now has bleached blonde hair and a serious drinking problem. When a robber attempts to hold up the bar where Victor is getting drunk, Victor struggles with him. The thief ends up getting shot. Victor grabs the thief’s gun and runs from the bar.

Victor is on the verge of shooting himself on the pier when he sees a woman named Carmen Rios (Angela Alvarado). Carmen reveals that she’s searching for her daughter, Serenity. Serenity was taken away by her biological father. Carmen wants to find her daughter and escape to Mexico with her. Victor agrees to help.

Victor shows up at the Pacific Blue headquarters and announces that he wants to rejoin the force. But, in reality, he just wants to steal the files concerning Serenity’s whereabouts. Later, Victor fakes a bomb threat at the main police station so that he can steal another casefile. TC, Chris, and Cory all reuses to believe that Victor could be involved in anything illegal. Bobby Cruz is convinced that Victor is the one who shot the robber at the bar.

And really, Bobby has reason to be concerned about Victor’s desire to return to Pacific Blue. Victor is a young, handsome Latino who overcame a rough childhood to become a respected bike cop and he’s extremely protective of his younger sister. Bobby, who was introduced after Victor left the show, is also a young, handsome Latino who overcame a rough childhood to become a respected bike cop and he’s also extremely protective of his younger sister. Because the show’s writers were too lazy to actually come up with a new character, Bobby basically is Victor. If Victor returns, the show won’t need Bobby around anymore.

Fortunately, for Bobby, Victor is dead by the end of this episode. He reunites Carmen and Serenity and then drags Serenity’s father out to the pier. Holding a gun to the father’s head, Victor forces the man to repeat the serenity prayer. Cory, TC, and Chris all have their guns drawn. “No!” they all shout in slow motion before opening fire. Victor plunges off the pier and hits the sand below.

OH MY GOD, THEY KILLED VICTOR!

Well, it depends on how you look at it. It turns out that none of them could actually bring themselves to shoot Victor. They just shot up in the air. And then Victor …. well, who knows? The show implies that Victor jumped but, from what I saw, it looks like he was startled and fell backwards. In other words, his friends may not have shot Victor but he might still be alive if they hadn’t fired.

Victor does indeed die at the end of this episode. Wow, Pacific Blue got dark! And I do have to admit that this is actually the best episode of Pacific Blue that I’ve watched so far. Admittedly, it’s a low bar to clear but the whole episode was just so melodramatic and over-the-top that it actually managed to hold my attention in a way that this show usually doesn’t. Those three slow motion shots of people shouting, “Noooooo!” in a row really were worth the price of admission.

So, Victor’s dead. But at least Bobby’s place on the team is secure.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Saved By The Bell 2.12 “Running Zack”

Posted on August 1, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This episode, Zack does some research on his family tree. Things are about to get supercringey.

Episode 2.12 “Running Zack”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on November 24th, 1990)

Ms. Wentworth (Carol Lawrence), who is a slightly less sociopathic version of Ms. Bliss, has assigned everyone to do a report on their family tree. She hands out grades based on what people discover about their family’s past. I’m not sure if that’s really a good idea. What if someone comes from a family that doesn’t have any dark secrets? And really, if your family did have a dark secret, what business is it of Ms. Wentworth’s?

Lisa reveals that her family escaped slavery and then helped over slaves escape as well. “My family calls the Underground Railroad the original Soul Train,” she says.

Jessie discovers that her family was made up of slave traders. Jessie proceeds to have a breakdown, even though Lisa says that Jessie shouldn’t feel responsible for anything that her ancestors did. To a lot of people, that probably sounds like common sense but it’s also the type of sentiment that now gets you cancelled on Bluesky.

Screech reveals that he’s Italian and his ancestors were all great lovers. “What is mi grade?” Screech asks. “A!” Ms. Wentworth says with a dramatic flourish.

We never learn about Slater’s family tree, despite the fact that, along with Lisa, he’s one of the few characters who is obviously not a generic white person. However, we do learn about Zack’s family background. Looking through the family records, he finds one picture of an Indian. Zack promptly declares himself to be a Native American. However, when Zack can’t even answer a few basic questions about his family’s background, Ms. Wentworth threatens to flunk him. But if Zack flunks, how will he compete at the track meet!? Bayside has never beat Valley …. in track, at least.

Ms. Wentworth sends Zack to meet Chief Henry (Dehl Berti, who, unlike Mark-Paul Gosselaar, actually was of Native American ancestry), an American Indian who apparently lives in a cluttered shack. Chief Henry takes one look at the picture and is able to identify Zack’s ancestor by name. He also gives Zack the name “Running Zack.” He helps Zack to appreciate his Native heritage. And then Chief Henry promptly dies offscreen.

Zack isn’t sure that he can run in the track meet. He’s feeling pretty depressed about the death of the old man he met twice. Chief Henry’s ghost appears to Zack and tells him to run because beating Valley is obviously the most important thing. Zack agrees to go to the track meet and Henry vanishes. Zack’s Native American ancestry is never mentioned again.

This episode is the equivalent of those old DNA test commercials where an extremely white person would say that their DNA test revealed that they were 2% Native American and that it had changed their entire life. As I rewatched it for this review, I couldn’t help but think about Elizabeth Warren, whose claims of Native American ancestry were even flimsier than Zack’s. I found myself thinking about the fact that there’s actually a name — Pretendian — for generic white people who try to be more interesting by falsely claiming Native heritage. What’s funny is that Mark-Paul Gosselaar’s actual heritage — Dutch and Jewish on his father’s side, Indonesian on his mother’s side — is actually pretty interesting. But, in this episode, it’s revealed that Zack is Nez Perce. (Though the tribe isn’t named, Zack’s ancestor is described as being one of Chief Joseph’s main warriors.)

Gosselaar used to refer to this as being his favorite episode of Saved By The Bell. In 2016, he changed his tune and said that the episode actually was insensitive to Native Americans. Gosselaar’s correct about that. Even after Ms. Wentworth tells Zack that his original presentation was disrespectful to the memory of his ancestor, she still calls him “kimosabe.” At no point does Zack show any curiosity as to why he had never heard much about his Native ancestry to begin with. And, needless to say, it’s never mentioned again. Like, ever. Seriously, I had a friend who, in 2007, discovered that she was 98% European and 2% North African and she hasn’t shut up about it in nearly 20 years.

The main problem with this episode is that Chief Henry conveniently dies off-screen, despite there not being any indication that he was in any way unhealthy. We never learn what Henry died of. Instead, he shows up long enough to teach Zack a lesson and then he dies so that the show doesn’t have to worry about bringing him back in the future. Zack declares that he might not run the track meet. Ms. Wentworth sobs. Well, at least Ms. Wentworth actually knew Chief Henry. Zack really seems like he’s just being performative about it.

Myself, I’m Irish on my father’s side and Italian/Spanish on my mother’s side. I would have definitely gotten an A in Ms. Wentworth’s class.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 4.12 “Cruz Control”

Posted on July 28, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, almost everyone’s got a secret.

Episode 4.12 “Cruz Control”

(Dir by Michael Levine, originally aired on December 13th, 1988)

I guess someone in the Pacific Blue writers’ room finally remembered that Amy Hunter joined the cast at the start of season 4 because her character, Jamie Stickland, actually gets to do something in this episode. In fact, we ever see the odd loft that she is apparently still sharing with Russ Granger.

This episode opens with Jamie gunning down a Korean smuggler. Even though it’s a “good” shooting, it’s still Jamie’s second killing in just a handful of months. Lt. Susan Jessup (Holly Gagnier, who previously played Parker Stevenson’s little-seen wife on the first season of Baywatch) uses the shooting as leverage to try to force Jamie to become a mole for Internal Affairs. When Jamie refuses, Susan threatens to reveal that Jamie lied on her police application when she said she had never been convicted of a felony. It turns out that, when Jamie was 15, she was convicted of manslaughter after she shot her abusive foster father. When Jamie continues to resist the pressure to spy on her fellow cops, Susan suddenly talks about “Internal Affairs is very erotic.” By the end of the episode, it appears that Jamie is ready to become an IA informant so I guess the erotic line worked.

Meanwhile, Bobby Cruz goes AWOL for two days so that he can track down Lee Kwan (Karen Kim), a model who, years earlier, accidentally ran over Bobby’s parents while driving too fast. Lee was acquitted in court and Bobby has been dreaming of revenge ever since. When it becomes apparent that Lee has become involved with a smuggling operation, Bobby goes rogue to try to get her sent to prison.

Meanwhile, Monica goes undercover as a model because, on this show, all bicycle cops can go undercover at a moment’s notice. The undercover storyline doesn’t really go anywhere but it does give Monica an excuse to show TC her portfolio. Cory sighs dramatically and rolls her eyes, which is pretty much her standard response to Monica doing anything that would indicate that she’s still alive.

This was a busy episode. All of the regular characters, with the exception of Darlene Vogel’s Chris Kelly, made an appearance. That said, busy does not necessarily equal good or even interesting. Bobby’s decision to go AWOL never made much sense but then again, Pacific Blue itself has never made much sense. A bunch of people barking out orders while wearing bicycle shorts will never make sense. At the very least, though, we did get to see Mario Lopez doing the “big” acting. There was never an episode of Saved By The Bell in which Slater got hooked on rage-inducing drugs but Pacific Blue gives us an idea of what that would have been like.

By the end of the episode, Lee Kwan is dead, Bobby is back on his bike, and Jamie’s a rat. Hopefully, this will somehow lead to TC getting sent to prison for embezzlement or something. That’s my hope!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Saved By The Bell 2.11 “1-800-Crushed”

Posted on July 25, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Zack becomes Nitro!

Episode 2.11 “1-800 Crushed”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on November 17th, 1990)

“Hello, mate. It’s me, Nitro!”

Uhmm …. hi, Nitro. Why do you sound like Zack Morris?

Because Zack is Nitro!

In this episode, Zack decides that the best way to become a millionaire would be to wait for his parents to die so he can inherit their money…. no, actually, he decides to start a teen advice line and charge everyone $2.00 per call. He recruits Lisa to provide advice and Screech to …. hang out. I don’t know what Screech is doing there, to be honest.

Lisa takes most of the calls but, whenever she gets wrapped up (“Not now, Zack, I’m talking to a girl who hates shopping!”), Zack mans the lines. Because he doesn’t want anyone to know that he came up with the stupid idea of starting the Teenline, he calls himself Nitro and speaks with what I guess is meant to be an Australian accent.

Unfortunately, Lisa solves everyone’s problems and the phones strop ringing. Zack fires her and then he and Screech proceed to give everyone bad advice. Soon, the entire school is on edge. Even worse, Zack tells Kelly’s never-before seen little sister Nikki (Laura Mooney-Hubbert) that she should do whatever it takes to win the man of her dreams.

“Mrs. Zack Morris,” Nikki dreamingly responds.

Later, when both Kelly and Nikki call the Teenline at the same time, Zack gets confused as to who is on which line and he tells Kelly to dump her boyfriend and he tells Nikki that she’s the only girl for him.

Bayside is in chaos and only Mr. Belding can fix things. After an art class descends into chaos, Belding tells Zack, “My school will be a happy school or else.” Bye bye, Teenline!

But what about Nikki? Zack dresses up like a nerd and meets her at the Max. He says that he likes insects. Nikki likes them too! Finally, Zack confesses that he likes Kelly. Nikki tells Zack that he’s a loser for not being honest to begin with and she has a point. Kelly, wearing a blonde wig, overhears the whole conversation and takes Zack back. Nothing’s more romantic than dating a pathological liar, I guess.

This episode …. actually, I like this episode. It’s a good example of what Saved By The Bell occasionally got right. It’s a silly story that focuses on the chemistry between Zack & Kelly and Slater & Jessie and it does so without getting too preachy. This episode is lightweight and cheerfully shallow and exactly what you want from Saved By The Bell.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 4.11 “Broken Dreams”

Posted on July 21, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, the entire police force is worthless.

Episode 4.11 “Broken Dreams”

(Dir by Scott Lautanen, originally aired on December 6th, 1988)

While pursuing a pure snatcher, Cory accidentally runs over the victim on her bicycle. I know that probably sounds like a joke but that’s actually how this episode begins. It turns out that the victim is deaf and couldn’t hear Cory screeching at her to get out of the way. It turns out that Monica knows sign language. When Cory demands to know why Monica knows how to sign, Monica refuses to tell her.

(And really, it’s none of Cory’s business.)

Cory and a reluctant Monica investigate a series of robberies that have targeted deaf beggars on the pier. Cory learns that there is an entire deaf community that simply wants the hearing world to leave them alone. (Cory apparently doesn’t get out much.) Monica eventually admits that her mother is deaf and Cory eventually admits that Monica can be a good cop when she tries. That’s nice of Cory to finally since that was already established during Monica’s first episode. One gets the feeling that the show’s writers weren’t really sure what to do with Monica as a character. She started out as a badass undercover cop and then was quickly transformed into an emotionally unstable, selfish bicycle cop.

While Cory and Monica learn to work together, Bobby finds himself temporarily transferred to the horse patrol. (A member of the horse patrol is also reassigned to ride a bicycle.) Why exactly anyone thought this was a good idea, I don’t know. It turns out that Bobby can’t ride a horse to save his life. His supervisor thinks that’s hilarious but you have to wonder how many crimes are being committed while all the cops are standing around and laughing at Bobby?

Bobby and TC spend most of this episode trying to catch two kids who keep shooting off a potato cannon. They never really catch them, largely because Bobby can’t control his horses. Instead, the kids knock themselves out when they blow up a watermelon. Their reign of terror is ended but it’s not really because of anything done by the members of Pacific Blue. The kids themselves just go too ambitious.

The theme of this episode was that every cop was extremely incompetent. I’ve never been a “defund the police” person but, in this case, I doubt it would make much difference. Defund Pacific Blue!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Saved By The Bell 2.10 “Model Students”

Posted on July 18, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Kelly’s make a life-changing decision …. or does she?

Episode 2.10 “Model Students”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on November 10th, 1990)

Zack and the Gang take over the school store from the group of “Bayside Nerds” who were running it. Zack decides that a swimsuit calendar — made up of pictures taken by a wetsuit wearing Screech — is the way to build up business. Actually, considering that no one actually gave consent to being photographed, it seems like an even better way to get sued and maybe jailed for stalking.

Anyway, fashion photographer Adam Trask (Greg Keen) somehow sees the calendar and, before anyone can say, “Hey, why were you looking at a calendar full of underage girls?,” he’s offered Kelly a modeling contract. She just has to go to Paris for a few months.

It’s a great opportunity but Zack is scared that he’ll loser her so he conspires to trick her into staying. It doesn’t work but Kelly promises that she’ll be back before he knows it.

And, indeed, she was back in the very next episode.

This episode is a reminder that nothing that happens on Saved By The Bell matters. Kelly goes to Paris to be a model. That sounds like a big deal. It will never be mentioned again. Kelly’s family will continue to struggle financially, despite the fact that the main reason Kelly took the modeling gig was to help her family. As for the student store, don’t ever expect to see that place again. The Gang took it over but I’m going to assume they abandoned it in much the same way they abandoned their radio station.

Saved By The Bell was so silly.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 4.10 “Thrill Week”

Posted on July 14, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, the local college fraternity is out of control and somehow, it’s up to the bicycle patrol to restore order to the campus.

Episode 4.10 “Thrill Week”

(Dir by Sara Rose, originally aired on November 29th, 1998)

It’s rush week, which means that the beach is full of drunk college students. Fortunately, the bike patrol is there to keep the peace. Bobby Cruz is upset when he discovers that his teenager sister, Teresa (Susan Enriquez), is hanging out at the rush events, drinking beer, smoking, and hooking up with frat boys.

So, let’s see. Bobby is a Latino bicycle cop who grew up in a poor neighborhood. He flirts with Cory. He’s fiercely overprotective of his teenage sister. So, basically, he’s exactly like Victor del Toro, except for the fact that he’s played by Mario Lopez. It wouldn’t surprise me if, when Lopez was handed this script, someone had just gone through and crossed-out Victor’s name and written in Bobby’s name instead.

Anyway, the frat hazing is getting out-of-hand so TC decides to send Granger in undercover. (I know I ask this every week but, seriously, why are bicycle cops doing undercover work?) TC is a former member of the fraternity so he introduces Granger as being his nephew and arranges for Granger to be accepted into the frat as a legacy. At first, Granger has no interest in being a member of a frat but then he sees all the beer and changes his mind.

What’s the plot here? Good question. Tanner Sexton (Thomas Caron) attempts to drug and rape his ex-girlfriend at a fraternity party but, fortunately, Bobby and Cory show up in time to stop him. (Granger helps Teressa escape being caught at the party by punching Bobby.) Despite the fact that he’s dating his son’s ex, Tanner’s father (Clint Carmichael) pulls some strings and gets Tanner released from jail.

Later, Bobby, Cory, and TC confront Tanner at the frat house and Tanner pulls a gun. Bobby shoots Tanner in the shoulder. “You’ll be okay,” TC tells Tanner. Uhmm, the dude just get shot in the shoulder. That’s not a minor wound!

Eh. Who cares? This episode was dumber than usual. I’m less concerned about the frat and more curious as to why new cast members Shanna Moakler and Amy Hunter always seem to be absent (or, in Hunter’s case, mostly absent) from any episode involving Granger. For that matter, Darlene Vogel was missing from this episode as well. One gets the feeling that show couldn’t afford to ever have the entire cast in the same episode at the same time.

Four seasons in and this show has yet to convince that a bike patrol is even necessary.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Saved By The Bell 2.9 “Jessie’s Song”

Posted on July 11, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Jessie’s so excited!

Episode 2.9 “Jessie’s Song”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on November 3rd, 1990)

This is it. This is the episode of Saved By The Bell that everyone knows.

Jessie gets hooked on caffeine pills!

“I’m so excited! I’m so excited! I’m so …. SCARED!”

Along with Running Zack, this is the episode that the show will never live down. In a 2o16 interview, Peter Engel stated that the script originally had Jessie getting hooked on amphetamines but NBC said they wouldn’t air the show if there were any references to “hard drugs.” The script was changed to have Jessie get hooked on over-the-counter caffeine pills.

I’m not sure the episode would have played any better if it had featured amphetamines. When I was younger, there were times when I accidentally took more of my ADHD meds than I should have and my behavior was nothing like Jessie’s in this episode. The scene where Jessie starts yelling in the Maxx about how she and Kelly and the show’s Lisa are going to beat out their competition for a record contract can only lead me to conclude that absolutely no one on the show had ever taken speed at any point in their life.

That’s the thing that makes this episode so memorable, though. Everyone remembers Zack waking up Jessie and Jessie screaming, “I’m so excited!” It’s a cringey moment but, honestly, the entire episode is a cringey moment. The only thing about his episode that feels in any way authentic is Mario Lopez’s performance as Slater.

(Seriously, Lopez was this show’s secret weapon. Mark-Paul Gosselaar, Tiffani Thiessen, Elizabeth Berkley, and Lark Voorhies eventually developed into good actors towards the end of the show. Out of respect for the deceased, I won’t comment on Dustin Diamond’s talents. But Mario Lopez was strong and believable from the start of the series.)

How cringey is this episode?

Screech puts on a dress and a wig and speaks with a bad Irish accent and all of the girls in the locker room believe him when he says that he’s related to Sinead O’Connor. “You taught her everything she knows!?” the show’s Lisa exclaims.

Zack is somehow able to produce, in just one day, a professional music video for Jessie, Kelly, and Lisa’s group, Hot Sundae.

That music video — oh God, the music video! It couldn’t be more 80s if it tried. The girls dance while wearing workout outfits and singing. Who wrote the song that they’re singing? Did Zack come up with it? To be honest, the video’s not that bad. It just feels extremely …. suburban. Would there have been room for Hot Sundae in 1990? Probably not. I doubt MTV was going to switch to a grunge, rap, and Hot Sundae format.

What about Jessie’s fantasy about having to go to a party school? Actually, that made me laugh. I went to a party school and I had fun. Plus, Mr. Dewey says “Cowabunga.” Still, as a general rule, any Saved By The Bell fantasy sequence automatically qualifies as cringe.

But, in the end, this will always be the “I’m so excited!” episode. Poor Elizabeth Berkley is probably so sick of people quoting that line to her. In his dubious autobiography, Dustin Diamond poked fun at his co-stars for thinking they were all giving great performances in this episode. As was often the case with Diamond, this judgment says more about his flaws than those of his co-stars. Of course the actors though they were all giving great performances. They were teenagers! They had an excuse for not knowing better. The adults, however….

In the end, Hot Sundae misses its chance for stardom because of Jessie’s freakout. It’s a good thing they’ve all got Zack Attack to fall back on.

I love this episode.