Legion (1998, directed by John Hess)

Posted on October 2, 2026 by Jedadiah Leland

The year is 2036 and the world is at war. Col. Flemming (Troy Donahue) assigns his protégé, Major Agatha Doyle (Terry Farrell), to infiltrate a facility with a group of specially selected soldiers. All of the soldiers were previously on death row and will be given a full pardon if they complete their mission. Siegal (Corey Feldman) is the neurotic hacker who was convicted of desertion. Cutter (Trevor Goddard) is a straight-up psycho. Ryan (Rick Springfield) wishes he had Jessie’s Girl… no wait, he’s a demolitions expert. Sorry, my mistake. Dr. Jones (Audie England) is a doctor who is also a religious fanatic. Koosman (Richmond Arquette) is probably on death row for having an embarrassing name. Captain Aldrich (Parker Stevenson) is the most competent officer on death row and also the only one of the soldiers who isn’t a complete lunatic. Poe (Elston Ridgle) is the soldier who initially gets blamed when members of the team start dying inside the facility. It’s actually not Poe’s fault. There’s something in the facility and it’s not human.

Though the movie starts out as a rip-off of Aliens, with its collection of cocky soldiers coming up against an enemy that’s greater than all of them, it soon settles into being an Alien rip-off, with plenty of scenes of people being stalked while walking down dark, pipe-lined hallways. Not surprisingly, it fails to capture both the kinetic energy of Aliens and the heart-pounding suspense of Alien. The entire film feels very familiar, and the decision not to show the monster until the final few minutes feels cheap.

The cast is probably the most interesting thing about the movie, with Audie England, Rick Springfield, and Trevor Goddard actually committing to their roles. Parker Stevenson looks embarrassed, and Terry Farrell is one of the least convincing military officers that I’ve ever seen. (Her dialogue largely consists of shouting “MOVE!” whenever one of the convicts tries to get out of being sent to their death.) Corey Feldman overacts as Siegal, making him so nervous that you wonder why he was selected for the mission.

Legion steals the plots of Alien and Aliens but not the quality.

Brad’s reflections on STAND BY ME (1986), directed by Rob Reiner!

Posted on December 15, 2025 by Bradley Crain

“I was twelve going on thirteen the first time I saw a dead human being.”

These are the first words spoken in director Rob Reiner’s classic coming of age film, STAND BY ME, which received its widespread theatrical release in the United States on August 22nd, 1986. Actor Richard Dreyfuss spoke words that gave an exact description of my own age in the summer of 1986 when the film was released, and I certainly felt a connection to the characters in Reiner’s film. I watched STAND BY ME many times as a teenager, and with a humble and hurting heart, I decided to watch it again last night. On its surface, it’s a pretty simple story…

After accidentally learning of the location of the body of a local boy who’s been missing for several days, four boys (played by Wil Wheaton, River Phoenix, Corey Feldman, and Jerry O’Connell) set off on a weekend adventure to find the body in hopes of becoming local heroes. Along the way, they dodge trains, get sucked on by leeches, tell gross-out stories around a campfire, tackle traumatic personal issues, and eventually stand up to a group of older bullies (led by Kiefer Sutherland)! When the weekend is over, they move on with their own lives, lives that are never quite the same again.

The main reason I have a real personal connection to STAND BY ME is the fact that I recognize myself and some of my friends in its young characters. I grew up in a very small rural community in Arkansas called Toad Suck. It wasn’t even a town; it was more of just a spot in the road where a few homes built up near a dam and bridge on the Arkansas River. Often when I’d spend the night with my best friend, we’d go walking down the railroad track that ran through our community, carrying our BB guns and hanging out on the railroad bridges where we could take aim at rocks, sticks, turtles, and, at times, the dreaded water mocassin! Like the boys in the movie, we’d always have to be on the lookout for the oncoming trains. As a very naïve and sheltered kid of the mid-80’s who was raised in a strict religious household, I tended to be somewhat judgmental. STAND BY ME forced me to think deeper thoughts and try to find a more mature empathy for those kids I hung out with and saw at school every day. While none of the characters in the film are an exact replica of me or my friends, we knew of people who were probably experiencing abuse, who were looked down upon as “less than,” and who were neglected by their parents. And I think we have all experienced times when we felt insecure, lacked confidence, or were afraid and didn’t have the maturity to handle it in a positive manner. I felt compassion for these characters, which in turn helped me feel more understanding towards those around me in my real life! As a filmmaker in complete control of his craft, Rob Reiner made a movie that even affected someone like me, and I’ve never forgotten those feelings.

My feeling of kinship with the actors who played in STAND BY ME didn’t end when the movie ended either. Wil Wheaton, River Phoenix, Corey Feldman and Jerry O’Connell were all very close to my age when they filmed the movie, and I’ve followed each of their careers fairly closely my entire life. My two favorites were River Phoenix and Corey Feldman. It was painful to me when River Phoenix died in 1993 at just 23 years of age. I remember all the issues Corey Feldman had with drug addiction. I’m so glad that he’s been able to overcome that addiction and achieve sobriety for multiple decades. I’m not a Star Trek completist, but I always got a kick out of seeing Wil Wheaton on THE BIG BANG THEORY. And then Jerry O’Connell definitely lost his baby fat and has gone on to a solid acting career! The common thread, of course, is the fact that Reiner got great performances from each of these young actors in STAND BY ME. Combine those performances with the quality of the film and the time in my own life when the film came out, and you can start to get the idea of why the film has a position of reverence in my life. You can also see why I have such respect for Rob Reiner as a filmmaker.

Overall, STAND BY ME is simply one of my favorite films of all time. It has some of the most memorable on-screen moments of my childhood. The pie eating barf-o-rama and the crotch leeches are scenes that are burned into my psyche. Along with the great cast of boys, Kiefer Sutherland gives one of his solid, bully performances in an 80’s film. Sutherland would go on later in his career and play one of my all-time favorite TV characters, Jack Bauer, in 24. More important than all of that, though, is the fact that the coming-of-age film STAND BY ME helped 12-13 year-old me grow up a little bit myself by making me feel something. I guess the greatest compliment you can give any director is to tell them that their film made you think about things more important than yourself and made a difference in your own life. Today, I pay you that great compliment and say Rest in Peace, Mr. Reiner!

Guilty Horror Pleasure #87: The ‘Burbs (dir by Joe Dante)

Posted on October 20, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

1989’s The ‘Burbs takes place in …. well, it’s right there in the title.

Welcome to the suburbs! It’s place with big houses, green lawns, and neighbors who often don’t have much to do other than watch each other and gossip. Ray Peterson (Tom Hanks) lives with his wife, Carol (Carrie Fisher), and is friends with Art Weingartner (Rick Ducommun) and Mark Rumsfield (Bruce Dern). Ricky Butler (Corey Feldman) is the local teenager. It’s a nice neighborhood …. at least, until the Klopeks move in.

The Klopeks are viewed with suspicion from the minute they show up. They’re from a different country, they always seem to be burying something in their backyard, and Dr. Werner Klopek (Henry Gibson) is oddly stand-offish. When Walter Seznick (Gale Gordon) disappears and the the Klopeks are seen around Walter’s house and with Walter’s dog, Ray and his friends start to suspect that their new neighbors might be ritualistic murderers!

Oh, how I love The ‘Burbs. The film’s portrait of the suburbs as being a hotbed of paranoia may be a familiar one but it doesn’t matter when you’ve got actors like Tom Hanks and Bruce Dern throwing themselves into their roles. As always, Hanks is the glue that holds the film and its disparate parts together, giving a likable performance as a man who goes from being the voice of reason to being convinced that his neighbors are cannibals. Bruce Dern gleefully sends up his own image as a paranoid Vietnam vet but there’s also a sweetness to Dern’s performance that really makes it stand out. Dern’s character might be a little crazy but he does truly care about his neighbors.

Just as he did with Piranha and The Howling, Dante balances humor with suspense. He does such a good job of telling the story and getting good performances from his cast, that even the film’s big twist works far better than one might expect. It’s an 80s film so, of course, a few things explode towards the end of it. The film’s character-based humor is replaced with some broader jokes but no matter. The Burbs is an entertaining trip to the heart of suburban paranoia.

As the saying goes, just because you’re paranoid, that doesn’t mean that they aren’t out to get you.

Previous Guilty Pleasures

Brad’s Scene of the Day – “Teddy versus the Train” in STAND BY ME (1986)!

Posted on July 16, 2025 by Bradley Crain

When I was a kid, I loved Corey Feldman. This love was mainly based on three movies, THE GOONIES (1985), STAND BY ME (1986), and THE LOST BOYS (1987). Corey is only two years older than me, so it always felt a little bit like he could have been a friend of mine when I watched his movies. I also thought he was so funny! One of my favorite things about Corey in STAND BY ME is the fact that he’s funny, but he also gives a solid dramatic performance in the film. His character Teddy isn’t scared of anything either, and for a kid who was maybe five feet tall and scrawny when he first watched this movie, that meant something to me! I just love STAND BY ME, and Corey is a big reason for that.

Join me in wishing Corey Feldman a happy 54th birthday, and while you’re at it, check out this scene:

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 5.16 “Green, But Not Jolly/Past Perfect Love/Instant Family”

Posted on February 5, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, Julie wears a wig!

Episode 5.16 “Green, But Not Jolly/Past Perfect Love/Instant Family”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on January 30th, 1982)

“Where’s Julie?” Captain Stubing demands and he’s got good reason. The Love Boat is only a few minutes away from setting sail. The passengers are checking in and being given directions to their cabins. And yet, Julie McCoy — the cruise director — is nowhere to be seen!

Fire him, Captain! Seriously, she’s been erratic this entire season and she seems to have a permanent cold so it’s time to get a new cruise director.

Julie shows up at the last minute. She reveals that she’s late because she went to see her hair dresser. And now, she’s a platinum blonde! She says that she’s proud of her new look. The rest of the crew pretends to like it. As for those of us watching, it’s hard not to notice that Julie is actually just wearing a very obvious wig.

Watching this episode, I couldn’t help but think about the fact that, according to a documentary about the show that I recently watched on Tubi, Lauren Tewes was dealing with a fairly serious cocaine problem during the fifth season. I don’t say that suggest anything bad about Lauren Tewes. From what I’ve read, cocaine was everywhere in the 80s and she’s hardly the only performer from the time to get into trouble with it. (Tewes, it should be noted, went to rehab and cleaned herself up.) Instead, I point that out because a lot of Julie’s actions during the fifth season seem as if they’re best explained by Julie being under the influence. The moodiness, the impulsivity, the fact that she suddenly doesn’t seem to be all that focused on her job, I think Julie had a problem! Her hair isn’t platinum blonde. It’s cocaine white!

Gopher eventually works up the courage to tell her that her new hair color is not flattering. (And, to be honest, he’s right.) Gopher gives her some hair dye that he picked up — uh oh! — and Julie uses it — JULIE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING!? — and she wakes up the next morning with green hair. Julie spends the rest of the cruise in her cabin while the rest of the crew feels guilty. Even Vicki has a hard time talking to Julie with her green hair. Then the rest of the cruse decides to die their hair green in solidarity with Julie, just to discover hat Julie’s hair has gone back to its natural color….

Yeah, it’s silly but I kind of enjoyed the storyline. I like stories about the crew and the members of the cast had enough chemistry that they could even carry a story as silly as this one. They’re a fun group to watch.

As for the other two stories, Lynda Day George boards the ship with her hyperactive son (a young Corey Feldman). She meets a high school coach (John Philip Law) who is not scared by her son. This was a predictable story but I’m a horror fan and an Italian movie fan so seeing George, Feldman, and Law interacting made up for any narrative flaws.

The third story starred Bert Convy and Tanya Roberts and it was about reincarnation. I don’t believe reincarnation, mostly because people who claim to remember their past lives never remember anything boring. Instead, they always remember being members of French royalty or the mistress of a Spanish pirate. As for this story, Convy lies and tries to convince Roberts that they were lovers in a past life. But then he has black-and-white visions of a chandelier falling on Roberts. Maybe they were once lovers at another time! Honestly, who cares?

This was an above average cruise. I’m glad Julie finally took off that wig.

Evil Obsession (1996, directed by Richard W. Munchkin)

Posted on October 24, 2023 by Jedadiah Leland

11 models have been murdered in Los Angeles and Margo (Kimberly Stevens) fears that she could be next. She’s been receiving threatening notes and feels as if someone is watching her and her boyfriend, Bill (Michael Phenicie). She hires a private detective (Mark Derwin) to protect her but it might be too late because Homer (Corey Feldman), the man who has been sending her the notes, has already enrolled in the same acting class of Margo. After Bill turns up dead, Homer is assigned to be Margo’s new scene partner. Is Homer moving in for the kill or is someone else responsible for the murders?

This mix of erotic thriller and horror was one of those movies that used to show up on a late night Cinemax in the 90s, where it could be watched by teenagers who kept one eye on the screen and one eye looking out for their parents. Corey Feldman starred in a lot of these films and in this one, he gives a twitchy and occasionally funny performance as the nerdy Homer. Homer is the most obvious stalker imaginable and it’s hard to believe that Margo, who is so concerned about being stalked that she’s hired a private detective, would not look at Homer and immediately realize that he was the culprit. Feldman overacts but he at least provides the film with the energy that is missing from the performances of Kimberly Stevens and Mark Derwin. Even better is the performance of Brion James as the autocratic and pretentious acting teacher. Watching him, I got the feeling that James probably could have based his performance on any number of Hollywood acting coaches.

Corbin Nash (2018, directed by Ben Jagger)

Posted on October 13, 2023 by Jedadiah Leland

Corbin Nash (Dean S. Jagger) is a New York cop who has been suspended for shooting a rapist. While he and his stepfather (Bruce Davison, making a cameo appearance) sit in a bar and talk about how much the world sucks, they are approached by a mysterious man (Rutger Hauer, also making a cameo appearance) who explains that Corbin’s father was not just a minor league baseball player but he was also a demon hunter who was murdered by his enemies in Los Angeles. Jack confirms that what the stranger says is true.

Corbin does what anyone would do. He moves to Los Angeles, joins the LAPD, and starts to investigate cases of missing children. This leads to Corbin being captured and held prisoner by two vampires, a drag queen named Queeny (Corey Feldman, camping it up to a cringe-worthy degree) and Queeny’s lover, Vince (Richard Wagner). Queeny and Vince force their prisoners to participate in cage matches until finally feeding on them. Corbin escapes but, as the Blind Prophet (Malcolm McDowell, collecting a paycheck) reveals, Corbin is now a vampire. Like a less memorable version of Blade, vampire Corbin sets out to battle evil.

The film’s overall tone is grim and serious, which makes Corey Feldman’s mincing performance as Queeny feel all the more out-of-place. Watching him in films like this, it can be easy to forget that Feldman was actually a fairly good actor before his career went off the rails in the 90s. As a child, he appeared in some classic films and, as a teenager, he often redeemed otherwise subpar material. But he never made the transition into adult roles. Being one of “The Two Coreys” didn’t help and he had the misfortune of struggling with drugs before Robert Downey, Jr. made rehab cool. Well into his 20s, he was still playing high school students and, even today when he’s in his 50s, Corey Feldman still comes across as being the world’s oldest teenager. That’s certainly the impression that I got from Corbin Nash, where Feldman seems like a high school theater student who is more interested in showing off than actually acting.

Of course, Feldman’s self-indulgence is still more interesting than the rest of the film, which feels like an origin story for a super hero who never really took off. There are a few interesting idea to be found in the film but mostly, it just feels like a cut-rate version of Blade and a dozen other recent vampire films. Corbin Nash never creates an identity of its own.

Zombex (2013, directed by Jesse Dayton)

Posted on October 6, 2023 by Jedadiah Leland

In the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, the residents of New Orleans are suffering from PTSD. Chandler Pharmaceuticals introduces a new pill called Zombex that they claim can conquer the symptoms of PTSD. Because of the crisis, the pill is given rushed approval by the government and introduced to the citizens of Louisiana.

Zombex has one unfortunate side effect. If you take too many of them, you turn into a zombie and start eating all of the people around you. With New Orleans besieged by zombie drug addicts, the government closes the airspace. Even though there are reports of a cure that has been developed in Austin, no one can catch a plane. A group of people, including an annoying talk show host named Aldous Huxley (Lew Temple), get in their cars and head off for Austin.

Zombex is a zombie film with a message. Don’t trust big pharma. Don’t trust mood-altering drugs. Don’t trust the government. They’re all good messages but the film’s execution is lacking, with thinly drawn characters and action that moves slowly. The character of Aldous Huxley is especially hard to take, as he never stops talking, even though all of his talking often seems to slow down the effort to get to Austin. Since the only cure for the zombie apocalypse is in Austin, it seems like our heroes should be in more of a hurry to get there. Instead, they stop ever chance they get. Even though they always seem to get attacked by zombies whenever they stop off somewhere, they still keep doing it. It doesn’t make much sense.

As is typical of films like this, there are plenty of familiar actors in small roles. Malcolm McDowell plays the man who developed the drug. His name is Prof. Soulis, which is pronounced “soul-less.” (Tell us how you really feel, movie.) Corey Feldman shows up for a minute as one of Soulis’s co-workers. Sid Haig plays a big bad army man. Kinky Friedman plays a guard. Even Slayer’s Tom Araya gets a blink and you’ll miss it appearance.

Zombex takes on Big Pharma, which it should, but the film doesn’t live up to its intentions.

The Zombie King (2013, directed by Aidan Belizaire)

Posted on October 1, 2023 by Jedadiah Leland

Embittered by the death of his wife, Samuel Peters (Edward Furlong) turns to voodoo in an attempt to bring her back to life. Kalfu (Corey Feldman), the lord of the underworld, agrees to close the gates of Hell and allow the dead to roam the Earth with Peters as the immortal zombie king.

Edward Furlong selling his soul to Corey Feldman might sound like the premise of an entertainingly bad movie but, unfortunately, nether Furlong nor Feldman have much screen time. As hard as it is believe, The Zombie King may be one of the first recent films that would have benefitted from more Corey Feldman and Edward Furlong. Instead, the two of them are basically just special guest stars with limited screen time.

Instead, the majority of the movie is about a group of humans trying to survive in a village that’s been invaded by zombies and quarantined by the government. The movie tries to balance horror with British humor in a style that tries way too hard to duplicate Simon Pegg’s success with Shaun of the Dead, right down to casting a Nick Frost look-alike as a quirky milkman named Munch.

Much ends up in a group led by a stoic mailman named Ed Wallace (George McCluskey), who says that delivering the mail in Northgate was just as dangerous as being a member of the SAS. The movie mixes scenes of zombie mayhem with scenes of Ed, Mulch, and the other survivors having very British arguments about how best to deal with the situation and whether it’s safer to head to a church or a pub. There are some amusing moments but there’s even more jokes that fall flat and Munch is never as funny as a character as the film seems to think he is.

Even with Edward Furlong welcoming the recently dead to “Hell on Earth” and Corey Feldman giving a surprisingly energetic performance as the lord of the underworld, The Zombie King never escapes the shadow of all the zombie comedies that came before it.

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 2.26 “April’s Return/Super Mom/I’ll See You Again”

Posted on August 2, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week’s cruise features Cyd Charisse!

Episode 2.26 “April’s Return/Super Mom/I’ll See You Again”

(Dir by George Tyne, originally aired on May 5th, 1979)

This episode’s writers would want us to believe that the most important thing that happens during this cruise is that April Lopez (played by Charo) returns to the ship. During the first season, April was introduced as a stowaway who managed to charm the entire crew despite traveling illegally. With the help of Captain Stubing, April has gone on to become the cruise line’s most popular entertainer and this week, she’s returns to the Love Boat!

The crew is super-excited because April is such a vivacious force of energy. Or, at least, she was. When she shows up on the boat, she seems to be feeling a bit down. As she explains it to Julie, April has discovered that show business is not all that it’s cracked up to be and that it’s full of lecherous men. (Shocker!) April has decided that she would rather be a cruise director. Julie agrees to show April what the job entails and …. well, it turns out that Julie actually has a pretty easy job. She just goes to Acapulco Lounge at night, spots people who are alone or shy, and offers to dance with them. I do that on a regular basis. I should be a cruise director.

Anyway, April eventually realizes that she makes people happy by performing. Charo was a popular guest star on The Love Boat and, unlike a lot of other actors who appeared in multiple episodes, she always played April. (In this episode, she sings the show’s theme song.) In many ways, Charo was the epitome of The Love Boat, in that her act was meant to be both sexy and old-fashioned at the same time. The Love Boat was a show where everyone on the boat was constantly looking to get laid but the camera still cut away as soon as the cabin door closed and it was understood that sex on the boat would always lead to marriage on dry land. It was a show with the customs of the 70s and the morals of the 50s.

The episode spends a lot of time on April’s search for happiness. Personally, I was more excited by the fact that Cyd Charisse was on the boat. Cyd Charisse is one of my favorite dancers of all time and was one of my personal role models when I was younger. From the minute that Charisse boards the boat, the cameras are focused on her legs, which were just as spectacular as they were 20 years earlier in Singin’ In The Rain and Silk Stockings. Charisse plays Eve Mills, a former USO entertainer who, by an amazing coincidence, happens to be on the same cruise as the man that she fell in love with during World War II, Frank Pearse (Craig Stevens). By another amazing coincidence, Frank just happens to be an old friend of Captain Stubing’s!

Anyway, Frank and Eve recognize each other and they eventually work up the courage to approach each other. Eve thought Frank was killed in the war. Frank thought that Eve ignored all the letters that he sent her while he was recovering from being wounded in action. (It turns out the letters were never mailed because Frank’s nurse was in love with him.) Frank is still in love with Eve but he sees that she’s accompanied by a handsome young Frenchman named Francois (Stephen Schnetzer). Eve reveals to Frank that Francois is not her boyfriend. Instead, Francois is her son! And guess who Francois’s father is? (Really, the fact that he was named Francois should have given it away.)

Finally, Bud (Jerry Stiller) and Margaret (Anne Meara) are on their second honeymoon but, unfortunately, they’ve had to bring along their four bratty kids (one whom is played by a very young Corey Feldman). Bud wants to have a good time. Margaret keeps worrying about the kids. Bud gets a dance lesson from April, which leads to Margaret getting jealous. Don’t worry, they work it out. Jerry Stiller and Anne Meara were adorable together but this story was stressful for me to watch, just because the kids were so hyperactive and never stopped running around. Still, the image of Charo teaching Jerry Stiller how to dance feels like it should be enshrined in a museum devoted to the 1970s.

This episode seemed to exist because the show’s producers really liked Charo and it’s hard not to feel that the rest of episode’s storylines were just treated as being afterthoughts. That said, I enjoyed the Cyd Charisse/Craig Stevens story. Stevens was stiff and dull but Cyd Charisse was Cyd Charisse and that’s all that really matters!