Today’s music video of the day comes to us from Hrdza, a band from Slovakia. It’s an adaptation of an old folk song and it’s a nicely energetic and fun little video. I have to admit that as I was watching it, I saw a lot that reminded me of my own family. It’s kind of nice that I can relate a song and a music video from Slovakia to my own big American-Italian-Spanish-Irish family. Some things are universal!
Enjoy!
Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi and several other services!
This week’s episode is a strange one.
Episode 5.12 “It’s A Dog’s Life”
(Dir by Michael Landon, originally aired on July 28th, 1989)
One night, after Jonathan foils a mugging by using “the stuff” to turn the mugger’s gun into a water pistol, Mark sits down on a curb, lies down in the grass, and bemoans that he never gets to do anything on his own. He never gets “the stuff.” He has to worry about his health while Jonathan, already being dead, cannot be hurt again. Why, he wonders aloud, does he always have to be “Jonathan’s dog?”
When Mark opens his eyes, Jonathan is gone. However, there is a dog sitting next to him. Convinced that the Boss has 1) turned Jonathan into a dog and 2) given Mark “the stuff,” Mark proceeds to reunite a runaway with his family and he also thwarts a convenience store robbery. When the dog indicates that it wants to live with the runaway and his family, Mark sadly returns to the shabby hotel where he and Jonathan were staying. He sees a man standing out on a ledge, threatening to jump.
“My first solo assignment!” Mark says.
Mark runs upstairs and climbs out onto the ledge. He tells the suicidal man that he has no fear of falling because he has the stuff. Suddenly, Jonathan appears and tells Mark to get back inside before he falls. Jonathan reveals that Mark never had the stuff and that Jonathan was never a dog. Instead, Jonathan was just off on another assignment.
Mark falls off the ledge.
Oh no, Mark’s dead!
No, actually Mark is dreaming. Mark wakes up in his hotel room and realizes that Jonathan is gone. But the dog is taking a bath….
And the episode ends!
The second-to-last episode of Highway to Heaven is an odd one. With Jonathan gone for the majority of the episode, Victor French gets the opportunity to carry a story on his own. Sadly, French himself would die before this episode aired. Unfortunately, while French is fine in this episode, the story itself is presented in the rather cartoonish style that Highway to Heaven always used whenever it featured a comedic episode. The runaway’s mother is portrayed as being such a loon that’s hard not to think that the kid would be better off on his own. As well — is Jonathan a dog or not!? The episode’s refusal to answer this question is a bit annoying.
Next week, we will finish up Highway to Heaven with the show’s final episode.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Decoy, which aired in Syndication in 1957 and 1958. The show can be viewed on Tubi!
This week, Casey investigates an elderly crime lord.
Episode 1.25 “High Swing”
(Dir by David Alexander, originally aired on March 31st, 1958)
Casey rides to the hospital with a young woman named Anne (Zohra Lampert). Anne has overdosed on heroin. Before she dies, Anne tells that Casey that she was poisoned by an old man named Otto Flagler (Albert Dekker). After learning that Anne was a pickpocket, Casey goes undercover as a thief until Otto Flagler approaches her and invites her to come live and work with him and his wife, Lily (Edith Atwater).
Casey is shocked to discover that Lily is in a wheelchair, the result of an accident that occurred when Lily was a trapeze artist. Otto is a mugger because he needs the money to take care of his wife. Casey even starts to feel sorry for Oto and Lily. That said, Casey is still a cop and she has a job to do. When Otto realizes that he and his wife are about to be arrested, he slips heroin into their coffee. By the time the police arrive, both Otto and Lily are dead.
Casey is upset. One of the other cops offers to buy her a cup of coffee. Casey says that she won’t be drinking coffee for a while.
This was a sad episode. Casey didn’t really have to do much to solve the mystery. The whole point of the episode was that Otto and Lily were not master criminals. They were two people who loved each other and found themselves in a desperate situation. That said, Otto did murder Anne so let’s not feel too sorry for him.
Albert Dekker and Edith Atwater both gave good performances and, as always, Beverly Garland was excellent in the role of Casey. This was a good episode.
In 2022’s The Wrong High School Sweetheart, Mea Wilkerson plays Danielle, a real estate agent who dated Danny (Alex Trumble) in high school. (Dani and Danny! How cute!) Danielle and Danny broke up when Danny went off to college on a baseball scholarship. Now, Danny has returned home and he’s eager to start things up again with Danielle. Danielle’s wimpy fiancé, Tod (Doug Rogers), isn’t happy about that.
“You just had the wrong high school sweetheart,” Vivica A. Fox says once it’s become obvious that Danny is psychotic. Vivica plays the high school principal. For some reason, she is best friends with her former student, Danielle. Vivica A. Fox appears in all of the “Wrong” films and she’s usually cast as an authority figure. It almost always falls on her to say the film’s title. Sometimes, she’s a bit judgmental. If she says you “picked,” the wrong person, you know everything is your fault. In this once, she makes it clear that Danielle is not to blame because she “just had” the wrong person in her life. It’s always a fun to see Vivica in these films.
The “Wrong” films are almost always entertaining. The Wrong High School Sweetheart certainly is. David DeCoteau’s campy sensibility is uniquely suited to these films. The Wrong High School Sweetheart features Danny chanting, “Stronger than steel/Hotter than the sun/Danny Brooks won’t stop/Til he gets the job done!” while exercising in his underwear. Alex Trumble throws himself into the role of Danny and good for him.
As always with the “Wrong” films, some familiar faces show up in small roles. Tracy Nelson plays a therapist. And, of course, Eric Roberts shows up as a detective. Hopefully, we’ll get a sequel called The Wrong Detective.
Previous Eric Roberts Films That We Have Reviewed:
Yesterday’s song of the day came from Ben-Hur so it only seems appropriate that today’s song of the day should come from Elmer Bernstein’s classic score of 1956’s The Ten Commandments.
Chag Sameach!
Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing 1st and Ten, which aired in syndication from 1984 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on Tubi.
This week, OJ has some wisdom to share.
Episode 3.8 “The Brink of Death”
(Dir by Bruce Seth Green, originally aired on November 4th, 1987)
There’s a lot happening in this week’s episode.
For instance, Bubba and Jethro now own the bar where all of the Bulls hang out. To be honest, I thought they always owned the bar but apparently, they didn’t. As I’ve said a few times in the past, the way these episodes were edited for syndication occasionally makes it a bit difficult to actually follow the storyline.
Wide receiver Billy Cooper (Michael Toland) was kidnapped by Stuart (Richard Tanner), the nerdy guy whose girlfriend Billy stole. Stuart wrapped up Billy in a straight jacket, forced him to wear a “Dumb Jock” label on his forehead, and then filmed him screaming in fear of a bunch of fire ants. Billy’s girlfriend dumped him because Stuart was “more interesting.”
But the main plotline dealt with Dr. Death, the defensive player who was played by Donald Gibbs. While playing against Oakland, many of the Bulls were tackled by Joe “The Terminator” Morgan (Andre Newman), a notoriously dirty player. Dr. Death decided to get revenge by tackling Joe Morgan during a kick return, even though Joe had signaled for something called a fair catch. (I guess that meant that no one was supposed to touch Joe.) Joe Morgan ended up in the hospital. The owner of the Oakland team pressured Joe to press assault charges against Dr. Death, who was already feeling guilty about injuring Joe as severely as he did.
It was up to O.J. Simpson to talk some sense into Joe Morgan. O.J. went to the hospital and told Joe that football was all about getting injured. O.J. asked Joe if this was the way he wanted to go out.
By appealing to Joe’s desire to be remembered as a killer football player, OJ is able to convince Joe to drop the charges.
(I should mention that OJ himself was an early contender for the role of the actual Terminator.)
O.J. Simpsons saved the day again!
What’s an Insomnia File? You know how some times you just can’t get any sleep and, at about three in the morning, you’ll find yourself watching whatever you can find on cable or streaming? This feature is all about those insomnia-inspired discoveries!
If you were having trouble getting to sleep last night, you could have watched 1981’s 300 Miles For Stephanie.
Tony Orlando — yes, the singer — plays Alberto Rodriguez. When the movie begins, Alberto is a rambunctious military veteran who is notorious for drinking too much and getting into fights. After his latest arrest, he is ordered to turn his life around. With the help of his cousin (Edward James Olmos), he gets a job as a cop in San Antonio. Eventually, he gets married and he becomes a father to Stephanie.
When Stephanie is born, Alberto is told that his daughter probably won’t make it to her fifth birthday. The struggle of raising a handicapped daughter becomes too much for Alberto’s wife and soon, Alberto is a single father. When Stephanie makes it to her fifth birthday, Alberto rides a bicycle 300 miles to a chapel so he can give thanks to God. Later, after his story is picked up the San Antonio media, Alberto resolves to run to the chapel, covering 300 miles on foot in just five days.
300 Miles For Stephanie is clearly a made-for-TV movie from the early 80s. It’s the type of movie where every dramatic beat leads to the inevitable fade-out for commercials. The budget is low and there’s not a single subtle moment to be found in the film but the story itself is so touching that it doesn’t matter. Maybe it’s because it’s Holy Week. Maybe it’s because I’ve recently had to say goodbye to people that I loved. Maybe I’m just as sucker for these type of stories. It doesn’t matter. I cried.
As an actor, Tony Orlando was a little stiff but he still brought a likable earnestness to the role and he got good support from Edward James Olmos, Pepe Serna, Gregory Sierra, and Peter Graves. Graves’s role is small but, as Alberto’s captain, he’s exactly the type of fair-minded authority figure who we could use more of nowadays.
It’s a touching film. In real life, Stephanie, who no one expected to see her second birthday, lived to be 26 years old.
Previous Insomnia Files:
1979’s The Teheran Incident opens with a daring theft. A cruise missile with a nuclear warhead is stolen from a Russian military demonstration and somehow transported to pre-Islamic Revolution Iran. (I say somehow because I’m not really sure how one moves a cruise missile from one country to another without anyone noticing.) The plot was masterminded by the Baron (Curd Jurgens), an international criminal who lives on a yacht. With the help of Professor Nikolaeff (John Carradine, making no effort to sound Russian), the Baron plans to use the missile to blow up a conference that’s being held in Iran.
When an American diplomat is murdered after discovering the Baron’s plan, American spy Alec Franklin (Peter Graves) is sent to Teheran to investigate. Alec teams up with KGB agent Konstantine Senyonov (Michael Dante, who makes even less effort than John Carradine to sound or even come remotely across as being Russian). Together, they investigate the Baron’s operations, which means spending a lot of time wandering around Tehran while a “wacka wacka” beat plays in the background. They also spend a lot of time in a casino because all international criminals own a casino. The Baron, I might add, is such a diabolical villain that he actually hides a cruise missile underneath his casino.
The Teheran Incident is an example of what I like to call “James Bond On A Budget.” In the 60s, 70s, and 80s, the Bond films were a big deal and they inspired a slew of imitators. Most of these imitation Bond films were made by people who really couldn’t afford to spend the millions of dollars that went into the Bond films. What’s important though is that they still tried. It’s hard not to appreciate the effort that goes into trying to recreate a luxurious casino without going bankrupt. The film has the ambitions of Las Vegas and the look of Reno and it’s hard not to look at it and say, “Well, at least they tried. They didn’t give up, even if maybe they should have.” Also, as was the case with many of the budget Bonds, the producers were able to get at least Bond veteran to appear in the film. In The Spy Who Loved Me, Curd Jurgens stole a nuclear missile and got shot in the crotch for his trouble. In The Teheran Incident, Curd Jurgens steals a nuclear missile and gets to hang out on a yacht with his mistress and collection of pinch-faced henchmen. Along with both films featuring Jurgens as their main villain, both films also feature a villainous plot that doesn’t really make much sense. But only The Teheran Incident has John Carradine!
As for our heroes, Peter Graves does his job with his usual stoic professionalism while Michael Dante comes across like he’s never even picked up War and Peace, much lest read it. The true star of the film is the disco soundtrack, which is entertainingly out-of-place and impossible to get out of our head.. This is a bad film that you can dance to!
Apparently, the pre-Mullah Iranian government enthusiastically helped with the production of The Teheran Incident, hoping for a popular film that would bring tourists to Iran. Unfortunately, before the film was released, the Iranian government fell to the Islamic Revolution. (I guess it’s a good thing we took care of that cruise missile.) Needless to say, when it was finally released, The Teheran Incident did not do much to help Iranian tourism.
Previous Icarus Files:
In 1977’s SST: Death Flight, we follow a supersonic jet as it makes it’s maiden flight, going from New York to Paris in just three hours. Not surprisingly, there’s an “all-star” cast waiting for the plane to take off.
Regis Philbin appears as the reporter who breathlessly covers the excitement at the airport. Lorne Greene plays the owner of the jet who is staying behind in New York. Burgess Meredith is the plane’s designer. Robert Reed is the hard-driving pilot. Peter Graves is a businessman who is surprised to see that his former secretary (Season Hubley) has boarded the plane with her stick-in-the-mud fiancé (John De Lancie). Doug McClure is a disgraced pilot who will also be on the flight. Billy Crystal is a bowtie-wearing flight attendant. Bert Convy is the PR man who is traveling with his pregnant mistress (Misty Rowe). Martin Milner, Tina Louise, Susan Strasberg, they’re all on the flight! Finally, there’s a epidemiologist (Brock Peters) who is transporting a box that contains a sample of the Senegal Flu. Now, you might question why anyone would transfer a sample of a highly infectious disease that has a 30% fatality rate on a commercial flight and that’s a good question.
Unfortunately, a disgruntled executive (George Maharis) tries to sabotage the plane, which leads to an explosive decompression that causes the Flu box to burst open. Uh-oh, people are getting sick! And now, Paris refuses to let the plane land in their city because they don’t have time to set up a quarantine. London, however, is willing to let the plane land at one of their airports. However, London hasn’t finalized their quarantine plans so there’s a chance that landing there could lead to British people getting sick.
Brock Peters suggests that they land in Senegal, which already has a quarantine going on. When it is reasonably pointed out that the plane might not have enough fuel to make it to Senegal and that everyone, including those who are not sick, might die in the resulting crash, Martin Milner gives a speech about morality and demands that all of the passengers agree to further risk their lives by going to Senegal. John de Lancie argues for London.
And you know what?
Watching the film, I agreed with John de Lancie. De Lancie points out, quite correctly, the no one on the airplane knew that they were going to be traveling with a deadly disease, that London is preparing a quarantine even while the plane is in flight, and that it’s unfair to demand that everyone on the plane agree to possibly die in a horrific crash. We’re supposed to really hate de Lancie’s character but he makes sense!
The passengers and crew vote 3 to 1 to go to Senegal.
And, of course, the plane crashes.
“Did we do the right thing?” Susan Strasberg asks.
Well, the plane crashed. I think that kind of answers your question.
Some survive and some don’t. The epidemiologist survives without a scratch on him and somehow, no one in the film ever gets mad at him. Seriously, though, what was he thinking bringing his deadly disease samples on a commercial fight!?
Why is this a guilty pleasure? Well, first off, it’s a terrible movie but the cast is full of so many familiar faces that it’s hard to look away. Just the casting of Peter Graves in a “serious” disaster film about an airplane makes this a guilty pleasure. Secondly, the film is the epitome of both the 70s and the disaster genre. The supersonic jet can break the sound barrier but it still looks incredibly tacky. I’m surprised it didn’t have shag carpeting.
Finally, there’s a moment where Bert Convy tells his pregnant girlfriend, “Don’t worry.”
She replies, “That’s what you said last time and look what happened!”
Convy looks straight a the camera and shrugs.
Best guilty pleasure ever!
Previous Guilty Pleasures
Through the Shattered Lens 