Late Night Retro Television Review: Good Morning Miss Bliss 1.8 “The Boy Who Cried Rat”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Good Morning, Miss Bliss, which ran on the Disney Channel from 1988 to 1989 before then moving to NBC and being renamed Saved By The Bell.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

This week, Zach takes up terrorism.

Episode 1.8 “The Boy Who Cried Rat”

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on February 11th, 1989)

Miss Bliss has been nominated for Indiana Teacher Of The Year because of course she has.  Mr. Belding is super-excited.  He is convinced that Miss Bliss’s Battle of the Eighth Grade Stars will put her over the top!  What is the Battle of the Eighth Grade Stars?  Miss Bliss wears silly costumes and asks historical questions.  Miss Bliss can’t wait to be named Teacher of the Year.

Uh-oh, Zach Morris needs an extra week to study for his midterm so he can get the B that his father is requiring before he’ll take Zach on a ski vacation.  Zach convinces Screech to set his two pet rats free in the school.  As a result, the school is shut down for a week and the Best Teacher judge will not get to see  Miss Bliss’s Battle of the Eighth Grade Stars.  But when Zach hears that Miss Bliss is going to miss her chance to be Teacher of the Year, he feels guilty and confesses.  Somehow, this leads to the school not being closed for a week.  I mean, Screech was able to find one of his rats but the other one is still loose in the school.  Zach confessing doesn’t change the fact that there’s still a rat infestation.  Mr. Belding offers Zach and Screech a deal.  If they act really enthusiastic during Miss Bliss’s Battle of the Eighth Grade Stars and they help Miss Bliss win the title of Teacher of the Year, Belding won’t give them detention.  Zach agrees.

(Personally, I think it can be argued that Zach should have been expelled and that his behavior is evidence of a sociopathic personality but whatever.  Miss Bliss is what matters here!)

Unfortunately, Zach and the class get too enthusiastic about the Battle of the Eighth Grade Stars.  They’re so busy praising Miss Bliss that Miss Bliss fears that they’ve become distracted from studying for their midterms.  Miss Bliss tells the judge that her number one concern has to be getting the kids ready for their test, not competing for a title.

So, of course, Miss Bliss wins the title.

More than any previous episode of Good Morning Miss Bliss, this episode felt like a typical installment of Saved By The Bell.  Zach came up with a wacky scheme.  Screech somehow got roped into it.  And, in the end, no one faced any real consequences for their behavior.  That said, this is also a typical Good Morning Miss Bliss episode in that Miss Bliss is again portrayed as being too good to be true and the entire school was portrayed as revolving around keeping her happy.

Personally, I don’t think Miss Bliss’s Battle of the Eighth Grade Stars was all that impressive.  Teacher of the Year?  STOP THE COUNT!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Good Morning, Miss Bliss 1.7 “Save The Last Dance For Me”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Good Morning, Miss Bliss, which ran on the Disney Channel from 1988 to 1989 before then moving to NBC and being renamed Saved By The Bell.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

This week, the Eighth Grade Dance nearly turns violent!

Episode 1.7 “Save The Last Dance For Me”

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on January 25th, 1989)

Mikey (Max Battimo) wants to go to the Eighth Grade Dance with Shana (Alexondra Lee) but Shana wants to go with Mikey’s evil best friend, Zach Morris.  Zach agrees to go to the dance with Shana before he finds out that she’s the girl that Mikey was planning on asking.  But, once Zach does find out, he refuses to cancel his date with her.  Mikey gets upset.  Mikey, I should add, is totally in the wrong here.  Shana wants to go with Zach.  Deal with it, Mikey.

Mr. Belding is worried about a fight breaking out at the dance.  Fortunately, when Mikey tells Zach to meet him outside so they can fight, Zach apologizes and refuses to fight his friend.  All the students go, “Awwww!”  (That would not have been the reaction of the students at any school that I ever went to.)  Mr. Belding is relieved that the fight is cancelled.  Miss Bliss and her date Sherman (Lonnie Burr) bust out some disco moves.

This was a thoroughly predictable episode.  I will say that Max Battimo, who retired from acting after Good Morning Miss Bliss, gave a pretty good performance as Mikey.  Mikey may have been in the wrong as far as Shana was concerned but he was absolutely right to wonder why Zach always gets everything that he wants.  Mark-Paul Gosselaar almost sold the scene where he apologized to Mikey.  That’s not something that would ever happen in a real middle school but whatever.  It is something that used to happen pretty frequently on shows like Good Morning Miss Bliss.

The main problem with this episode was that it was overlit.  Zach’s hair was glowing so brightly that it actually hurt my eyes.  This was actually a frequent problem on Saved By The Bell.  The lighting was always way too harsh.  The whole school looked like it was about to burst into flames.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Good Morning Miss Bliss 1.6 “Showdown”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Good Morning, Miss Bliss, which ran on the Disney Channel from 1988 to 1989 before then moving to NBC and being renamed Saved By The Bell.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

This week, a bully can’t read.  Can Miss Bliss reach him?  Or will he just beat up Screech?  Why not both?

Episode 1.6 “Showdown”

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on January 4th, 1989)

“I can’t read!” Deke (Andras Jones) snaps at Screech towards the end of this episode.  Deke is the new student at JFK Junior High, a troublemaker who has continually been transferred to school after school.  Deke was going to beat up Screech but, when Screech didn’t laugh at Deke’s illiteracy, it changed Deke’s life.  That little act of kindness was all Deke needed to approach Miss Bliss and ask for help.

Way to go, Screech!

This is actually one of the better episodes of Good Morning Miss Bliss, as the emphasis is put more on the students and less on Miss Bliss being a sanctimonious nag.  Andras Jones was 21 years old when this episode aired and he really did look too old and too tall to be playing a 9th grader.  (He towers over Hayley Mills.)  But, when you think about, it makes sense.  Deke is probably someone who has gotten held back a few times.  If he looks older, it’s because he is older.  While everyone he knows who is his own age has moved on to high school, he’s still stuck in middle school.  No wonder the kid is pissed off at the world!

To give credit where credit is due, young Dustin Diamond gave a pretty good performance in this episode.  Considering how Saved By The Bell would later transform Screech (and Diamond himself) into the epitome of an annoying sidekick, it’s actually interesting to see how good he actually was on Good Morning, Miss Bliss.  On Miss Bliss, Diamond was allowed to play Screech as just being a nerd as opposed to full-on weirdo.  Seen today, this is actually a very sad episode.  Diamond has no idea what’s waiting for him in the future.

Oh well.  At least Deke might finally make it to the tenth grade….

Late Night Retro Television Review: Good Morning, Miss Bliss 1.5 “Parents and Teachers”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Good Morning, Miss Bliss, which ran on the Disney Channel from 1988 to 1989 before then moving to NBC and being renamed Saved By The Bell.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

This week, Miss Bliss almost becomes Zach’s stepmother.

Episode 1.5 “Parents and Teachers”

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on December 28th, 1988)

It’s parent-teacher week!  Lisa worries that her parents are going to find out that she wears makeup to school.  Miss Bliss promises not to tell them.  Mr. Belding worries that the parents are going to start telling principal jokes so, when he hears a few, he apparently tells a ribald joke about Gumby.  (We don’t get the full details.  Milo says that it involved a side of Pokey that he’d rather not think about …. GOOD GOD, WHAT THE HELL DID BELDING SAY!?)

Miss Bliss is shocked when one of the parents turns out to be Peter (Robert Pine, the sergeant from CHiPs and Chris’s father), a charming man that she met during a singles retreat.  It turns out that Peter is Zach’s father….

Wait, what?  Anyone who has ever watched Saved By The Bell knows that Zach’s parents are not divorced and that his father is Derek Morris, a bearded computer salesman who played baseball in college and who grounded Zach for drinking too much at a senior party.  Who the Hell is this Peter Morris character?  I guess, when Zach moved to California, he got a new father as well.  Maybe Derek Morris was actually his stepfather and the whole reason he moved to California was because his mother remarried.  But why would he bring Lisa. Screech, and Belding with him?

I don’t know.   It’s questions like this that haunt me about the Miss Bliss episodes of Saved By The Bell.  Maybe I’m overthinking this.  Afterall, the only reason why the Good Morning Miss Bliss episodes are considered canon is because they were later added to the Saved By The Bell syndication package with newly shot scenes of Zach saying, “I remember when I was in junior high….”  Really, the simplest answer to all of my questions is that the producers of Saved By The Bell just didn’t care.  They didn’t care about continuity or anything else.  In those pre-Internet days, they thought they could get away with forcing the Miss Bliss episodes into the SBTB universe.  That’s the solution that makes the most sense but I’m a continuity person.  This is going to bother me for the rest of my life, I can tell already.

Anyway, Zach is not happy that Miss Bliss is dating his father.  Quite frankly, I’m not happy about it either.  As a condescending know-it-all, Miss Bliss is already annoying enough without having an active social life.  Fortunately, the relationship doesn’t last.  Zach skips school and, when Miss Bliss catches him, she realizes that it’s simply unethical to date the father of one of her students.

“What if I send Zach to Switzerland?” Peter asks.

Gee, Peter, what if we call Child Protective Services on your ass?  How would you like that?  Seriously, the main message of this episode seems to be that Zach has a terrible father and Miss Bliss has terrible judgment.

Zach is really lucky he got out of Indiana.

Retro Television Review: Malibu CA 2.26 “Three Dudes And A Baby”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Malibu CA, which aired in Syndication in 1998 and 1999.  Almost the entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

Yes, this is from the first season. I don’t care. I refuse to waste my time looking for a second season advertisement.

All good things must end.

And so must all bad things.

Episode 2.26 “Three Dudes And A Baby”

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on May 20th, 2000)

It’s over!

After two seasons and over 50 episodes, Malibu, CA is over!

As opposed to the other Peter Engel shows that I’ve reviewed on this site, Malibu CA doesn’t get a real finale.  Instead, the final episode is just another stupid 22 minutes that signify nothing.  When waitress Stacie (Kristen Miller) goes out of town, Murray, Jason, and Peter take care of her baby.  Awwwww …. wait a minute.  Why would anyone leave their baby with those idiots?

When the three men find out that Stacie is getting divorced from her husband, all three try to step up.  Murray asks Stacie to marry him.  So does Jason.  Peter offers to adopt her.  Stacie reveals that she and her husband have decided to stay together.  Are you sure, Stacie?  Murray is like really rich.

Meanwhile, Lisa (the character, not me!) gets upset because her little sister is a fan of Traycee’s television show and is thinking of quitting college so she can become an actress.  Lisa blames all of this on Traycee which is weird because 1) Traycee didn’t force Lisa’s sister to do anything and 2) Traycee has found a lot of success as an actress and if Traycee can do it, why can’t Lisa’s sister do it?

This is a typical Lisa story.  Lisa (the character, not me!) acts like a total bitch, whines nonstop, and blames everything on Traycee, even though none of it is really Traycee’s fault.  Adding the character of Lisa was one of the biggest mistakes that was Malibu CA made during its second season.  The first season was pretty dire but, in the end, it was actually better than the second season and that’s entirely because the first season did not feature Lisa (the character, not me).  I don’t want to be too hard on the actress who played her because it’s not exactly as if she was being given great material to work with.  That said, Lisa was a poorly-written character who basically was portrayed as always being annoyed with something.  The fact that the finale of the show focuses on her as opposed to wrapping up the stories of Jason and Scott says a lot about why this show was the most forgettable of all of the Peter Engel-produced sitcoms.

And so, Malibu CA comes to a close and there’s really not much to say about it.  Peter Engel tried to work his Saved By The Bell/California Dreams/Hang Time magic but the show never really found a consistent tone and neither of the Collins brothers were particularly likable protagonists.  It’s really not a shock that neither Jason Hayes nor Trevor Merszei went on to have acting careers after this show ended.

On a positive note, Brandon Brooks and Priscilla Inga Taylor were consistently amusing, if just because they were smart enough to embrace the oddness of their characters.  And Ed Blatchford had his moments as the father figure.  Otherwise, this was a forgettable sitcom that signified the end of an era.

Next week, something new will be coming to TSL in this timeslot.  What will it be?  We’ll find out next Thursday!

Retro Television Review: Malibu CA 2.25 “Big Daddy”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Malibu CA, which aired in Syndication in 1998 and 1999.  Almost the entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

Yes, this is from the first season. I don’t care. I refuse to waste my time looking for a second season advertisement.

This week sounds pretty bad.  On the plus side, I’m nearly done with this show.

Episode 2.25 “Big Daddy”

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on May 13th, 2000)

This episode of Malibu CA is the last episode to not be available on YouTube.  Here’s the plot summary from the imdb:

Lisa tells Jason and Traycee about the good feeling she gets from volunteering at the local Community Center and encourages them to do likewise. Traycee is ready to volunteer but Jason isn’t interested until he sees some of the pretty girls from the center, especially Diana. Jason hopes to get some one-on-one time with Diana at the Center but she assigns him to be a “Big Buddy” for a local boy, Kenny. At first the two don’t get along very well, with Kenny insulting Jason every chance he gets. But eventually they warm up to each other and Jason lets Kenny borrow his old guitar, on which he plans to teach the youngster to play.

According to Wikipedia, Scott Whyte (of City Guys “fame”) appears in this episode as Alex’s new boyfriend, who Scott suspects is a thief.

Both plotlines sound pretty dire.  It’s interesting that the second season featured guest appearances from people who previously appeared on Hang Time and City Guys.  I guess the thinking was that it would help the show’s rating.  It must not have worked because there was never a third season.

Next week, we have the series finale and that episode has been uploaded to YouTube so I’ll get to see how this all ended.  Even better, I’ll be done with Malibu CA and not a minute to soon, to be honest.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Good Morning Miss Bliss 1.3 “Wall Street”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Good Morning, Miss Bliss, which ran on the Disney Channel from 1988 to 1989 before then moving to NBC and being renamed Saved By The Bell.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

This week, Miss Bliss makes the mistake of trusting her students.  Zach Morris also learns a lesson about the Stock Market.  Mr. Belding learns better than to try to be nice to Miss Bliss.  It’s quite an episode!

Episode 1.3 “Wall Street”

(Dir by Burt Brinckerhoff, originally aired on December 14th, 1988)

Mr. Belding is concerned.  Miss Bliss is teaching her class a lesson about Wall Street.  Each of her students has donated $2 and the money has been used to buy a safe and dependable stock.  Belding doesn’t think that it’s good for the students to invest real money but, as usual, Miss Bliss just smirks away his worries.

However, Zach needs $300 to pay for a video camera that he damaged.  With the help of his friend Mickey (Max Battimo), Zach breaks into the classroom, gets on the computer, and invests the class’s money in potatoes.  He buys the stock on margin.  So, of course, when the stock tanks, Miss Bliss ends up owing $1,500.

“You just cost me my new car!” Miss Bliss angrily exclaims.

What car was Miss Bliss going to buy for $1,500?  It sounds like maybe they did Miss Bliss a favor, to be honest.

Miss Bliss gets angry and storms out of her classroom.  Mr. Belding comforts her and tells her that she’s a good teacher.  He jokes that something even worse will probably happen in the future.  Miss Bliss snaps that he should have just said, “I told you so.”

This exchange between Mr. Belding and Miss Bliss gets right to the heart of why I can’t stand Miss Bliss.  Mr. Belding is trying to help.  He compliments her.  He tells her that this sort of thing happen to every teacher.  He attempts to lighten the mood with a joke.  And Miss Bliss snaps at him.  Miss Bliss is someone who has no problem dismissing everyone else’s problems but, once something goes wrong for her, the entire world is supposed to stop.  Mr. Belding didn’t say “I told you so,” because Mr. Belding isn’t a condescending know-it-all, unlike a certain teacher who no longer afford a new car.

I liked this episode.  The overwhelming smugness of Miss Bliss meets the overwhelming self-absorption of Zach Morris.  The end result is Miss Bliss doesn’t get a car but she does get a bag of potatoes.  Miss Bliss even forgives her students for stealing from her.  To be honest, Zach is in the 8th Grade and most 8th Graders know better.  Add to that, Zach sneaks into the school to buy those potatoes.  Again, this is not typical 8th Grade behavior.  It might be time to get this kid some professional help because God knows what he’s going to be like when he reaches high school….

Late Night Retro Television Review: Good Morning, Miss Bliss 1.2 “Love Letters”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Good Morning, Miss Bliss, which ran on the Disney Channel from 1988 to 1989 before then moving to NBC and being renamed Saved By The Bell.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

This week …. well, it’s all really stupid.

Episode 1.2 “Love Letters”

(Dir by Burt Brinkerhoff, originally aired on December 7th, 1988)

Miss Bliss thinks that Mr. Belding has sent her a love letter!  Mr. Belding thinks Miss Bliss had sent him a love letter!  Much awkwardness follows.  Of course, the truth is that they both have a love letter that Zach wrote to Lisa (the character, not me) on behalf of Screech.  Screech, meanwhile, writes Zach’s term paper on the War of 1812, which is probably the easiest war to write a paper on.  I mean, if Zach can’t handle the War of 1812 on his own, he really is doomed.

This was a dumb episode, one that was later remade as an episode of Saved By The Bell during the infamous Tori season.  The remake even went as far as to have Zach write a love note to Lisa for Screech and Mr. Belding and another teacher thinking that the note was written for them.  Somehow, no one stopped and said, “Hey, hasn’t this happened before?”  The remake was just as dumb as the original.

I will say this.  Dustin Diamond is actually …. dare I say it? …. likable in this episode.  Watching this episode, I could actually understand why Diamond was at the center of so many early episodes of Saved By The Bell because it appears that, before he started doing the squeaky, cartoonish voice thing and got totally typecast as the most annoying person on the planet, Dustin Diamond actually was a good child actor.  There’s a sincere sweetness to his crush on Lisa in this episode.  It’s quite a contrast to the deranged stalker that he would later become.

I should also note, for Saved By The Bell historians, this episode is the first to establish that Screech has a crush on Lisa and that Lisa, who is kind of mean in this episode, wishes that Screech would get lost.  At the start of the episode, Lisa stuffs Screech in a locker.  That seems a bit extreme to me.  It’s always struck me as strange how the people on these shows were always getting stuffed into lockers.  I went to a lot of different schools when I was growing up and I never once saw that happen to anyone.  And yet, on Saved By The Bell and a host of other Peter Engel-produced sitcoms, it’s like a daily occurrence.  I would think that it can’t be healthy to be stuffed in a locker.  I can’t imagine the air quality is very good inside one of those metal caskets.

This episode also presents Screech and Zach as not being the childhood friends that Saved By The Bell later presented them as being.  (Indeed, Screech mentions that no one will believe that he and Zach are actually friends.)  Then again, this episode also takes place in Indiana instead of California so I guess it’s best not to worry too much about continuity.

On the How Condescending Is Miss Bliss scale, this episode score a solid 7 out of 10.  She wasn’t anywhere near as a condescending as she would be in some of her later episodes but her comment when Mr. Belding asks her for the identity of the person who actually wrote the letter — “Why should I tell you?  You just dumped me.” — pushes the score up to a 7.

Next week, Miss Bliss loses a lot of money when she stupidly allows the kids to invest it.  What a terrible teacher.  We’ll see what happens!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Good Morning, Miss Bliss 1.1 “Summer Love”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Good Morning, Miss Bliss, which ran on the Disney Channel from 1988 to 1989 before then moving to NBC and being renamed Saved By The Bell.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

With Check It Out! finished, it’s time to review a new show.  Continuing this feature’s tradition of highlighting the work of executive producer Peter Engel, it’s time for Good Morning, Miss Bliss, the show that would eventually become Saved By The Bell!

Episode 1.1 “Summer Love”

(Dir by Burt Brinckerhoff, originally aired on November 30th, 1988)

It’s the first day of school at JFK Junior High, located in beautiful Indianapolis, Indiana.

Miss Carrie Bliss (Hayley Mills), our narrator, is looking forward to a new year as a history teacher.  The school’s principal, Richard Belding (a surprisingly thin Dennis Haskins) is worried about a new year of out-of-control students and angry parents.  Miss Bliss’s best friend, Ms. Tina Palladino (Joan Ryan), worries that Mr. Belding has given her a bad schedule because of a disappointing school play she directed the previous year.

Miss Bliss has a date, the first one since her husband died.  Brian (Barry Jenner) is handsome and successful but romance will have to wait as Miss Bliss deals with the problems of her homeroom students.  Over the summer, pathological liar Zack Morris (Mark-Paul Gosselaar) told a girl named Karen (Carla Gugino, in one of her first roles) that he would soon be starting the 9th grade.  Of course, Zack is actually starting the 8th Grade but he figured that he would never see Karen again so why not…. oh my God, this kid is a terrible human being!  Anyway, Karen transfers to JFK and Zack has to pretend to be in the 9th Grade.  He does this despite the fact that all of his friends, Mickey (Max Battimo), Nikki (Heather Hopper), Lisa (Lark Voorhees), and the nerdy Screech (Dustin Diamond), are in the 8th Grade and Zack’s homeroom is in an 8th grade classroom.

Got all that?

Needless to say, this episode would not be remembered today if not for the fact that it was the first appearance of Mr. Belding, Zack Morris, Lisa Turtle, and Screech Powers.  These characters were, of course, later retconned to be Californians when Saved By The Bell started.  Miss Bliss did not make the transition to California and for that, we should all be happy.  Even in this first episode, Miss Bliss comes across as being a self-righteous know-it-all who obviously feels that she’s too good for a junior high in Indiana.  In her first scene, she brags about getting a good class schedule, dismisses Tina’s concerns about her own class schedule, and then smirks as Mr. Belding talks about his anxiety.  This would pretty much be Miss Bliss’s signature style for the rest of the short life of Good Morning, Miss Bliss.

How do our regulars do in their first appearance as the characters that would make them famous?  Dennis Haskins gives a semi-realistic performance as Belding, playing him as being a harried pencil-pusher as opposed to the cartoonish figure he would become later on.  Mark-Paul Gosselaar and Lark Voorhies do well-enough as Zack and Lisa, though both of their characters are far more simpler here than they would become later.  Dustin Diamond was only 11 year old when he was cast as Screech and he looked and comes across as being several years younger.  (I recently saw an interview with Mark-Paul Gosselaar where he explained that the main reason why Diamond struggled to fit in with the rest of the cast was because he was considerably younger than everyone else on the show.  I would say that he was probably too young.  Imagine looking back on your life as an actor and realizing that you were permanently typecast by a role you first played when you were 11.)

Anyway, this was a forgettable but historically important episode.  Just imagine if it had never aired.

Retro Television Review: Malibu CA 2.22 “Doctor Freeze”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Malibu CA, which aired in Syndication in 1998 and 1999.  Almost the entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

Yes, this is from the first season. I don’t care. I refuse to waste my time looking for a second season advertisement.

This week, everyone on the show continues to be absolutely terrible.  Every day, I am thankful that there are only a handful of episodes left.

Episode 2.22 “Doctor Freeze”

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on April 22nd, 2000)

This week’s episode of Malibu, CA was perhaps the worst 22 minutes of television that I have ever watched.  Not surprisingly, the episode focused on Lisa (the character, not me).

Lisa wants to be a doctor.  She’s just received an ER internship.  But when Scott cuts his finger, she sees the blood and faints.  When she shows up at the ER, she gets overwhelmed by all the patients and runs around in a panic saying things like, “You could have flesh-eating bacteria!”  The ER doctor tells Lisa that she has no business in the medical field.

And he’s absolutely right.  If you can’t handle the sight of blood, you shouldn’t be a doctor.  If you can’t check someone into the ER without telling them that they might have flesh-eating bacteria, you shouldn’t be a doctor.  That’s just common sense.  Being a doctor is an important job.  You don’t get a second chance to not kill someone.

And yet we’re supposed to feel bad for Lisa as she worries about never becoming a doctor, even though it’s her own fault for telling a patient with sunburn that he has flesh-eating bacteria.  Lisa’s reaction to what appears to be a rather small cut on Scott’s finger is so over-the-top that it should automatically be disqualifying as far as becoming a doctor is concerned. Being a woman means dealing with blood on a regular basis and I’m talking about a lot more blood then you’re going to get from cutting a finger.  Lisa (the character, not me) is an unforgivable wimp.

And yet she is given a second chance, after someone injures themselves while surfing and Lisa tells everyone not to move his head.  The doctor at the ER theorizes that Lisa only freaked out about the blood because of how much she loves Scott.  “That why most doctors don’t treat their own family members!” he explains.  Lisa was so worried about freaking out over the blood that she got overwhelmed during her first night at the ER and …. LISTEN, I DON’T WANT A DOCTOR WHO GETS OVERWHELMED!  I don’t care what the excuse is.  I don’t want an incompetent doctor!

Let’s move on.  The B-plot was yet another plot where something good happens to Traycee and her stupid friends ruin it for her.  Traycee runs into a record promoter on the beach and he automatically gives her a recording contract.  She sings one of Jason’s songs.  The music video is filmed overnight but, when Jason, Tracyee, and Alex watch the video, Jason and Alex realize that another singer has been dubbed over Traycee’s vocals.

Jason is offended.  It’s goes against his …. his what?  Up until now, Jason has been portrayed as a compulsive liar who only cares about money.  Now, suddenly, he cares about integrity?  Anyway, after Jason tells her, Traycee is also offended and she refuses to continue working with the promoter.  I assume that means Traycee will now be sued for several million dollars.  Way to go, Jason!

God, I hate this show.