Mark Clayman | Through the Shattered Lens

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell, which ran on NBC from 1989 to 1993. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, Zack becomes Nitro!

Episode 2.11 “1-800 Crushed”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on November 17th, 1990)

“Hello, mate. It’s me, Nitro!”

Uhmm …. hi, Nitro. Why do you sound like Zack Morris?

Because Zack is Nitro!

In this episode, Zack decides that the best way to become a millionaire would be to wait for his parents to die so he can inherit their money…. no, actually, he decides to start a teen advice line and charge everyone $2.00 per call. He recruits Lisa to provide advice and Screech to …. hang out. I don’t know what Screech is doing there, to be honest.

Lisa takes most of the calls but, whenever she gets wrapped up (“Not now, Zack, I’m talking to a girl who hates shopping!”), Zack mans the lines. Because he doesn’t want anyone to know that he came up with the stupid idea of starting the Teenline, he calls himself Nitro and speaks with what I guess is meant to be an Australian accent.

Unfortunately, Lisa solves everyone’s problems and the phones strop ringing. Zack fires her and then he and Screech proceed to give everyone bad advice. Soon, the entire school is on edge. Even worse, Zack tells Kelly’s never-before seen little sister Nikki (Laura Mooney-Hubbert) that she should do whatever it takes to win the man of her dreams.

“Mrs. Zack Morris,” Nikki dreamingly responds.

Later, when both Kelly and Nikki call the Teenline at the same time, Zack gets confused as to who is on which line and he tells Kelly to dump her boyfriend and he tells Nikki that she’s the only girl for him.

Bayside is in chaos and only Mr. Belding can fix things. After an art class descends into chaos, Belding tells Zack, “My school will be a happy school or else.” Bye bye, Teenline!

But what about Nikki? Zack dresses up like a nerd and meets her at the Max. He says that he likes insects. Nikki likes them too! Finally, Zack confesses that he likes Kelly. Nikki tells Zack that he’s a loser for not being honest to begin with and she has a point. Kelly, wearing a blonde wig, overhears the whole conversation and takes Zack back. Nothing’s more romantic than dating a pathological liar, I guess.

This episode …. actually, I like this episode. It’s a good example of what Saved By The Bell occasionally got right. It’s a silly story that focuses on the chemistry between Zack & Kelly and Slater & Jessie and it does so without getting too preachy. This episode is lightweight and cheerfully shallow and exactly what you want from Saved By The Bell.

This week, it’s prank war time!

Episode 1.17 “Save That Tiger”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on December 16th, 1989)

Historically, this is an important episode.

This is the episode that establishes that Valley is Bayside’s rival. It also introduces us to the annual prank war. It’s the episode in which Jessie (reluctantly) becomes a cheerleader. This episode establishes that Screech is the dork in the Bayside tiger costume. This is also the episode in which we first learn that Mr. Belding was a wild man in high school. His nickname? Mad Dog!

That said, what most people remember about this episode is “Stinky” Stingwell, the principal of Valley. Played by veteran comic Ronnie Schell, Mr. Stingwell is a prank war veteran who encourages his students to kidnap Screech and who greets Mr. Belding with a joy buzzer. Stinky Stingwell is a great character and it’s a shame that he only appeared in one episode.

This episode ends with a cheer competition between Valley, Bayside, and an unnamed school. Valley attempts to ruin the Bayside cheer by kidnapping Screech and putting a Valley student in the tiger costume. When Slater and Zack find out, they pour a bunch of fire ants into the costume and this leads to the Bayside Tiger having what appears to be a seizure. (It’s a good thing that the guy in the costume wasn’t allergic to fire ants because he could have died. Is that the legacy they want for their prank war?) Somehow, this leads to Bayside winning the competition. Even though Mr. Belding said he didn’t want any more pranks, he seems to be okay with them as long as it leads to Bayside winning a trophy.

I decided to get an expert opinion when it came to judging the cheer competition so I forced my sister to watch it with me. She said Valley should have won and I have to agree. Their cheer was good without requiring any gimmicks like a spastic tiger.

“We won the prank war,” Zack tells us.

Eh. Sorry, Zack. Stinky Stingwell won this round. TPing the school? Abducting Screech? Stealing the costume? Wrapping up the school’s students in 2-ply toilet paper? Somehow setting bobby traps in Zack, Slater, and Screech’s lockers?

Valley rules!