Retro Television Review: Baywatch: Panic At Malibu Pier

Posted on October 4, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch, which ran on NBC and then in syndication from 1989 to 2001. The entire show can be purchased on Tubi.

Today, I start a new series of reviews. Since I already did Baywatch Nights, it just made sense to go ahead and do Baywatch. All together, this show ran for 11 and a movie so it should only take 241 weeks to finish up the series….

“Baywatch: Panic At Malibu Pier”

(Dir by Richard Compton, originally aired on April 29th, 1989)

It’s not easy being a lifeguard.

That would seem to be the main theme running through Panic at Malibu Pier, the two-hour movie that also served as a pilot for Baywatch. Consider the drama:

Mitch Buchanan (David Hasselhoff) loves the beach and he loves getting in the water but it’s cost him his marriage and now, his ex-wife (Wendie Malick) is suing for sole custody of their young son, Hobie (Brandon Call). Hobie doesn’t like going to school. He doesn’t understand why he can’t just spend all day on the beach like his father. Mitch, meanwhile, has been promoted to lieutenant of Baywatch and he’s now no longer supposed to do rescues. He’s just supposed to supervise the other lifeguard. His boss, Captain Thorpe (Monte Markham), is very insistent on that. Mitch explains that he doesn’t even like wearing socks. Ewwww. You have to wear socks, Mitch!

Eddie Kramer (Billy Warlock) is a rookie lifeguard. He finished at the top of his class but he’s also a tough kid from Philadelphia who grew up in the foster system. Shauni (Erika Eleniak) is another rookie lifeguard who freezes up when she has to provide CPR to a drowned girl. Her mentor, Jill (Shawn Weatherly), tells Shauni that it happens to every lifeguard. I bet it’s never happened to Mitch. Shauni seems to have a crush on Eddie and Eddie seems to be driven to prove himself. Eddie has guts because he wears a Philadelphia t-shirt in California.

Al Gibson (Richard Jaeckel) is the veteran lifeguard who is reaching retirement age and who dies at the end of the episode and gets a big lifeguard funeral on the beach.

Trevor (Peter Phelps) is the Australian lifeguard who calls everyone “mate.”

Finally, Craig Pomeroy (Parker Stevenson) is the attorney who prefers to spend his time in his lifeguard tower. Even when he should be at the office and working for his clients, Craig just hangs out at his tower. He saves the life of a disturbed teenager named Laurie (Madchen Amick). Laurie subsequently becomes obsessed with him. When the married Craig tells her to stay out of his lifeguard tower and stop taking off all of her clothes, she accuses Craig of assaulting her. Later, she tries to murder Craig’s wife (Gina Hecht). This all could have been avoided if Craig had just gone to his office like he was supposed to.

This pilot film for Baywatch has everything that the show would make famous — stiff line deliveries from the supporting cast, red swimsuits, David Hasselhoff’s earnestly goofy sincerity, slow motion, and plenty of musical montages. Amongst the guest cast, Madchen Amick stands out at the obsessive Laurie, showing an ability for handling melodrama that would be put to good use on Twin Peaks. Take a drink every time Mitch says, “Rescue can,” and see how long you can go before passing out. Unlike a lot of pilots that don’t really resemble the eventual show, Panic at Malibu Pier is unmistakably Baywatch.

And, watching it, you can see why the show eventually became a success. The beach scenery is nice. The men are athletic, the women are pretty, and the slow motion is cool the first time you see it. Of course, the most important thing about the pilot — and the show itself — is that it doesn’t require a good deal of attention. It’s one of those things where you can step away from the screen for a few minutes and then come back without having worry about having missed anything important.

Panic at Malibu Pier was a ratings hit. Baywatch followed. We’ll get into that next week.

October Positivity: The Wager (dir by Judson Pearce Morgan)

Posted on October 1, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

In 2007’s The Wager, Randy Travis plays Michael Steele, an Oscar-nominated actor who….

Stop laughing, that’s not nice.

Okay, I’ll be the first to admit that Randy Travis is not exactly the first person that I would cast as an Oscar-nominated actor. And, I’ll also be the first to admit that having Randy Travis act in this film makes it even harder to believe him as someone who could someday be nominated for an Oscar. A lot of country music stars have tried their hand at acting and most of them have been able to survive on the basis of their own authenticity. But there’s nothing authentic about Travis’s performance here. Even when he picks up a guitar and sings a song about the difficulties that he’s facing, he’s not convincing. In this, it’s not so much that Travis is a stiff actor as he just seems to evaporate whenever he’s on screen.

As for the film, Michael Steele is an actor who is known for his strong faith and his refusal to do sex scenes. When a director (Bronson Pinchot) throws a fit over Steele’s refusal to shoot once such scene, Steele says that he’ll do the scene but only if it’s followed by a scene in which his co-star has to deal with being a single mother. OUCH! Michael Steele seems like he’s fun at parties….

(Apparently, it doesn’t occur to Michael that his character could wear a condom.)

Wait a minute. This guy has the same name as that jackass who is always on the news talking about how he’s a Republican who thinks everyone should vote for the Democrats. I wonder if that’s intentional. Anyway….

Michael Steele’s career has had its up and downs. His recent divorce from Annie (Nancy Stafford) has damaged his family friendly image. But his Oscar nomination and the fact that he’s expected to win has once again made the world’s most popular star. But then — scandal! A tabloid photographer snaps a picture of Michael talking to a young actress at his house. In the background, a little kid watches. Now, the kid is a part of the Big Brother program and Michael was just trying to help the younger woman with her career but it doesn’t matter. Soon, Michael finds himself being portrayed as being some sort of pervert. When he punches a photographer, he finds himself getting arrested — RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIS CHURCH!

Now, as you may have guessed, this is yet another retelling of the story of Job, with Michael having his faith tested by one disaster after another. He doesn’t lose his faith and, as a result, he wins both an Oscar and he also becomes a hero when he rescues the kid from the Big Brother program from his abusive stepfather. Anyone who thinks that God wouldn’t have a hand in who wins an Oscar obviously did not listen to Will Smith’s acceptance speech.

The Wager is a film that would probably not be made today. Today, you’re not likely to see a socially conservative, faith-based film where a successful actor is wrongly accused of being a pervert. Then again, you also probably wouldn’t see a politically liberal film in which a successful white male actor was wrong accused of being an abuser, not in today’s cultural climate. On both the Left and the Right, attitudes towards Hollywood have changed. Beyond the film’s political and cultural subtext, its portrait of the Oscars as being the most important event of the year also feels rather old-fashioned. I imagine it felt old-fashioned in 2007 as well….

Then again, this is a film in which Randy Travis plays the best actor of his generation so perhaps it’s best not to take any of it too seriously. The miscasting of Travis pretty much sabotages the movie from the start but, on the positive side, Bronon Pinchot is amusing as a bitchy director and Jude Ciccolella has a few good scenes as Michael’s supportive agent. Give those men an Oscar!

Retro Television Reviews: Miami Vice 1.19 “The Home Invaders”

Posted on January 22, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, Crockett and Castillo take down some home invaders. Yes, Crockett and Castillo. Not Crockett and Tubbs. Read on to find out why.

Episode 1.19 “The Home Invaders”

(Dir by Abel Ferrara, originally produced by March 15th, 1985)

Always do your research.

Philip Michael Thomas does not appear in this episode of Miami Vice. At the start of the episode, it’s mentioned that he’s in New York, visiting Valerie Gordon. It’s a line that sounds like it was written at the spur of the moment and, when I heard it, I assumed that there had been some sort of behind-the-scenes drama between Thomas and the producers. Fortunately, before I went with that and said something snarky, I actually looked up the reason for Thomas’s absence and I discovered that he was injured performing a stunt in the previous episode. Thomas missed this episode because he was recovering. As well, this was the only episode that he missed during the entire run of Miami Vice.

Thomas may be absent but that doesn’t mean that crime is going to take a break in Miami. A series of violent home invasions lead to Crockett and Castillo getting temporarily assigned to the robbery division. Crockett is excited to be working under his former boss and mentor, Lt. John Malone (Jack Kehoe). Castillo quickly realizes that Malone has gotten rusty and that his investigation into the robberies has been sloppy.

This is a moody episode, with the emphasis as much on Crockett’s disillusionment with his old boss as with the efforts to catch the home invaders. That said, the home invaders are a scary bunch. Led by Esai Morales and David Patrick Kelly, they are totally ruthless and willing to kill anyone who fails to move quickly enough. The scenes in which they break into various mansions and threaten the inhabitants are difficult to watch and it definitely captures the trauma of having your personal space invaded and your sense of safety destroyed.

(When I was 17, our house was broken into and, for months, I couldn’t sleep through the night. Almost every night, I was woken up by what I thought was the sound of someone breaking into my house and I would end up walking through the house in my nightclothes, carrying a golf club for protection. One night, I nearly hit my sister when she came out of the kitchen with a midnight snack. It may sound funny now but, at the time, it was terrifying.)

It ends with a shootout that’s violent even by the standards of Miami Vice. Castillo and Crockett gun down the bad guys and it’s hard not to notice that, while Crockett seems to be clearly upset by the fact that he had to kill a few men, Castillo barely shows any emotion at all. Castillo is effective because he holds back his feelings about everything. That’s also why Castillo, and not Crockett, is capable of seeing that Lt. Malone is past his prime. With the home invaders neutralized, Malone tells Crockett that he’s quitting the force. His days of being an effective detective are over. The job and all of the terrible stuff that he deals with on a daily basis has left him burned out and it’s hard not to notice that he and Crockett are the same age. Fighting crime in Miami takes a toll.

This episode was directed by Abel Ferrara, who keeps the action moving quickly and who fills the screen with ennui-drenched images of people who are not sure whether they’re making any difference at all. This is an effective episode, even without the presence of Ricardo Tubbs.

Retro Television Reviews: Miami Vice 1.16 “Rites of Passage”

Posted on January 1, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Pam Grier and John Turturro show up in Miami!

Episode 1.16 “Rites of Passage”

(Dir by David Anspaugh, originally aired on February 8th, 1985)

This week’s episode of Miami Vice opens with a 5-minute mini-movie. Before we even get to the opening credits, we have watched as young and innocent Diane Gordon (Terry Ferman) arrives in Miami from New York, takes her first walk on a Florida beach, has a “chance” meeting with a smooth-talking guy named Lile (David Thornton), and ends up at a party being held at a mansion belonging to David Traynor (a young John Turturro). Traynor tells Diane that he runs a modeling agency and that he would love to put her under contract.

It’s a stylish and rather brave opening. For five minutes, we don’t see or even hear about any of the regular characters. Instead, we’re introduced to world where image is everything, from the bodies on the beach to Traynor’s art deco mansion to the beautiful women who have been paid for by considerably less attractive men. In those five minutes, Diane wins our sympathy and we also see how she (and so many others) have fallen into the trap set by the David Traynors of the world. For those five minutes, we are reminded that this is a show about more than Sonny Crockett and Ricardo Tubbs. It’s about more than even Miami. This is a show about America.

After the opening credits, we watch as the police retrieve the body of one of Traynor’s girls from a lagoon. She committed suicide. In the crowd watching is Diane’s sister, Valerie (played by the legendary Pam Grier). Valerie is a New York cop. When she goes to the Vice Squad to ask for Castillio’s help in searching for her sister, we learn that she is also Tubbs’s former (and soon current) lover.

In many ways, the rest of this episode is traditional Miami Vice. Zito and Switek provide some comic relief when they disguise themselves as exterminators and invade one of Traynor’s parties. Crockett and Tubbs once again go undercover as Burnett and Cooper, infiltrating Traynor’s mansion so that they can rescue Diane. Diane has been so brainwashed by Traynor and Lile that, even after she’s been reunited with her sister, she still can’t bring herself to admit that Traynor was using her. She calls Traynor and tells him that she’s decided to go back to New York City. In a montage that is rather creepily scored to Foreigner’s I Want To Know What Love Is, scenes of Valerie and Tubbs making love are mixed with scenes of Lile giving Diane an intentional drug overdose.

Technically, this is a Tubbs episode. For once, of the two main detectives, Tubbs is the one who has a personal reason for wanting to take Traynor down while it falls to Crockett to deal with Castillo’s withering stare of concern. That said, Rites of Passage is Pam Grier’s show all the way. From the minute that Grier shows up, she controls every scene in which she appears. Just as in Coffy, Grier plays an avenging angel. This episode ends, as Miami Vice often did, with a shoot out but this time, it’s Grier who guns down Lile and Traynor. “Read me my rights,” Valerie says to Crockett as the episode ends.

Again, the storyline may have been typical Vice but the performance of Pam Grier and the stylish direction of David Anspaugh elevated the episode. This episode presents Miami as being beautiful but heartless, a place where innocents come to pursue the American dream but instead find themselves being used and abused by sleazy but wealthy men. (At one point, it is mentioned that Traynor specializes in finding women for diplomats, meaning that most of his clients have diplomatic immunity.) Traynor’s mansion is a brilliant combination of the sleek and the tacky and Turturro plays Traynor as being a not particularly clever man who has gotten rich because he understands that everyone ultimately driven by the same desire for power and pleasure without consequences.

Next week …. it’s another Tubbs episode! Can Tubbs defuse a hostage situation, despite not having an ex-lover around to help him? We’ll find out!