What Lisa Watched Last Night #171: Ten: Murder Island (dir by Chris Robert)

Posted on September 17, 2017 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last night, Drink Slay Love was not the only Lifetime premiere that I watched. I also watched Ten Murder Island!

Why Was I Watching It?

The obvious answer, of course, is that it was on Lifetime and, whenever I review a Lifetime film, this site gets an upsurge in clicks.

But, beyond that, I liked the commercials for Ten: Murder Island. They looked moody and atmospheric. When I read that the movie was about ten people being stalked and murdered on an island, I immediately was reminded of Harper Island, a.k.a. the scariest TV show ever. How could I not watch, right?

What Was It About?

Ten teenagers have gathered at a house that’s located on an isolated island. They’re throwing a weekend party but a storm not only knocks out all the power but also everyone’s phone signal. Add to that, someone on the island is killing everyone, one by one. Uh-oh!

Why are they being targeted? Does it have anything to do with Claire Hicks, an unpopular student who committed suicide shortly after homecoming? Considering that pages ripped from her journal keep appearing at every murder scene, that would seem to be a safe bet. Will the smart and studious (and kinda boring) Meg (China Anne McClain) be able to figure out what’s happening before everyone’s dead? And will her pseudo-boyfriend TJ (Rome Flynn) ever come clean about what happened at homecoming?

What Worked?

Both the house and the island were well-chosen locations and, visually, the film had a memorably spooky atmosphere. If nothing else, while you were watching Ten, you were convinced that anyone could die at any moment. No one seemed to be safe. The deaths themselves were, for a Lifetime film, surprisingly graphic and rather mean-spirited. This killer wasn’t missing around.

I especially liked the flashback scenes that accompanied the reading of Claire’s journals. They were well-handled, with everyone’s face literally scratched out and obscured, keeping you guessing as to who Claire was writing about.

What Did Not Work?

As I watched Ten: Murder Island, I couldn’t help but be bothered by the fact that no one on the island really seemed to be that upset by the fact that all of their friends were being brutally and gruesomely murderer. Meg and TJ would get upset whenever they stumbled across a body but, in the very next scene, they would be laughing and flirting and teasing each other about homecoming.

This movie also featured a truly cringeworthy line that was uttered right after Meg learned the terrible truth about what happened at homecoming. After learning about a truly terrible thing that happened, Meg turns to TJ and exclaims, in all sincerity, “I didn’t realize I meant that much to you!” Now, I can’t say too much without spoiling the movie but, just to indicate how inappropriate this response felt, this is what I tweeted as soon as I heard the line:

"I didn't know I meant that much to you." WAIT — that's your reaction to that story!? #TenMurderIsland

— Lisa Marie Bowman (@LisaMarieBowman) September 17, 2017

I mean, it’s generally accepted that the majority of characters in a movie like this are going to be douchebags but Ten: Murder Island really abused the privilege.

“Oh my God! Just like me!” Moments

I totally related to Kumiko (Annie Q), who was the sarcastic girl who had no hesitation about accusing Meg of being a murderer and who seemed to be more annoyed than terrified by the all the lethal drama going on around her.

Lessons Learned

There’s only one Harper’s Island.

What Lisa Watched Last Night #170: Drink Slay Love (dir by Vanessa Parise)

Posted on September 17, 2017 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last night, I watched a new Lifetime film, Drink Slay Love!

Why Was I Watching It?

Because it was on Lifetime, of course!

Plus, it was a Canadian film about vampires. I love Canada and I love vampires! Ever since that episode of Degrassi where Emma got a “social disease” while playing Mina in a school production of Dracula, Canada and vampires have mixed well.

(Now, I should admit, that, while watching Drink Slay Love, I was also watching a film called The Dead Don’t Die on YouTube. I’m a big believer in multitasking.)

What Was It About?

Pearl (Cierra Ramirez) has a life that most of us can only have erotically-themed nightmares about. She’s a sixteen year-old vampire princess. She’s headstrong. She’s a little bit bratty. She’s convinced that nothing can hurt her. Even after she’s the victim of an attempted staking, she still insists on going out in the middle of the night by herself. On the plus side, Pearl doesn’t attack animals. She only attacks humans, especially Brad, the poor guy who works at a 24 hour ice cream parlor and who never remembers Pearl’s nightly visits, in which she always gets a scoop of mint ice cream and a pint of blood.

However, everything changes when it’s discovered that Pearl is immune to sunlight! She is a rare vampire who can actually walk around in the daylight. This leads to her parents getting the brilliant idea of sending Pearl to high school. There’s a big feast coming up and apparently, teenage blood is in high demand. However, once Pearl arrives at the school, she starts to make friends, almost despite herself. She starts to do the type of things that teenagers in Lifetime movies always do. How can she set her new friends up to be the main course?

Of course, some of her new friends have secrets of their own. You know how that goes…

What Worked?

This was a nice change of pace for Lifetime. After endless movies about obsessive stalkers and stolen babies and bad celebrity lookalikes, it was nice to see something different on Lifetime. I’m going to guess that Drink Slay Love was made with October in mind and really, this is a good movie for people who want celebrate Halloween without getting traumatized. It’s not particularly scary but it’s got vampires and it’s enjoyably silly.

Cierra Ramirez did a good job as Pearl. Pearl is a very sardonic vampire, which is the best type of vampire to be. Ramirez delivered her sarcastic dialogue with just the right amount of bite. (Heh heh, see what I did there?)

If the director’s name seems familiar, that’s because Vanessa Parise has directed several Lifetime movies. She does a good job with Drink Slay Love, keeping the story moving at a good pace and getting good performances from the entire cast.

What Did Not Work?

To be honest, I liked the whole film. Even the occasionally sketchy CGI added to the film’s charm.

“Oh my God! Just like me moments!”

I related to Pearl. Well, I didn’t necessarily relate to the blood sucking. But I was really sarcastic when I was sixteen, too. Plus, I always used to dress in black and then dare anyone to make a comment about it… (Actually, not that much has changed since then…)

Lessons Learned

Canada and Vampires are a good combination!

Film Review: The Wall (dir by Doug Liman)

Posted on September 13, 2017 by Lisa Marie Bowman

The Wall tells a very simple story.

Opening with a title card that informs us that “President Bush has declared victory,” The Wall takes place in Iraq in 2007. Two soldiers — a sniper named Matthews (John Cena) and a spotter named Isaac (Aaron Taylor-Johnson) — have responded to a call for help that came from a pipeline construction site. When they arrive, they see only dead contractors. Matthews and Isaac spend a day watching the site, finally determining that it is safe to investigate.

Of course, as soon as Matthews approaches the site, shots ring out as a sniper opens fire on him. Matthews falls while Isaac finds himself trapped behind a crumbling wall, shot in the right knee and slowly bleeding out. As Isaac tends to his wound and tries to determine whether Matthews is alive or dead, his radio comes to life. The voice, on the other end, initially claims to be an American soldier but Isaac eventually figures out that the voice actually belongs to the man who just shot him. The sniper is an Iraqi who calls himself Juba. He may or may not be a legendary and feared sniper that Matthews and Isaac were discussing mere minutes before being attacked.

And that’s pretty much the entire film right there. For 81 minutes, Isaac tries not to die while Juba alternates between taunting him and demanding to know why he and the American forces have yet to leave Iraq. Isaac claims that America is rebuilding Iraq. Juba claims that the wall that Isaac is hiding behind used to be a part of a school. Isaac tells Juba to fuck off. Juba replies, “We are not so different, you and me,” revealing that, if nothing else, Al Qaeda snipers apparently appreciate a good cliché. If anything, it reminded me a bit of The Shallows, except Blake Lively was now a soldier and the shark refused to stop talking.

I have to admit that I have mixed feelings about The Wall.

On the one hand, it’s a very well-made film. Visually, the film captures the deadly heat of the desert and it makes good use of its limited setting. It’s far more watchable than any movie that exclusively takes place behind a crumbling wall has any right to be. From what I’ve read, it appears that The Wall‘s depiction of both combat and dying is fairly accurate and the film does a good job of putting you in Isaac’s boots, forcing you to try to desperately figure out where Juba could be hiding.

Also, Aaron Taylor-Johnson actually gives a good performance. Since, with a few notable exceptions, Aaron Taylor-Johnon usually bores me to tears, I was shocked to see how good of a performance he gave as the country-accented Isaac. It’s especially impressive since he’s on screen for almost the entire film. It was hard for me to believe that the same actor who was so unbearably dull in Savages was suddenly so watchable in The Wall. However, he definitely was.

And yet, The Wall is also one of the most thoroughly unpleasant films that I’ve ever sat through. Admittedly, that’s probably the way it should be. War films shouldn’t be pleasant and I don’t think anyone could ever accuse The Wall of romanticizing combat. At the same time, the film itself doesn’t seem to be quite sure what it wants to say about war. Juba and Isaac do briefly debate America’s role in the Middle East but their discussion has all the depth of a twitter fight between Bernie Sanders supporter and a Donald Trump voter. Neither Isaac nor Juba are particularly deep thinkers. They’re both fighting and potentially dying for the benefit of others. Maybe that’s the point. The problem is that the film itself doesn’t seem to be quite sure.

The Wall is one of those films where I respect the craftsmanship behind it while, at the same time, having no desire to ever sit through it again.

What Lisa Watched Last Night #169: My Baby Is Gone! (dir by Steve Bacic)

Posted on September 10, 2017 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last Monday, I watched the Lifetime premiere movie, My Baby Is Gone! I should have reviewed it on Tuesday but, to be honest, I spent all of last week trying to figure out if Carrie was actually Laura Palmer and if Dale Cooper ever actually escaped the Black Lodge or not. So, this review is a week late and for that, I apologize even though I think anyone who would require an apology is kind of a jerk.

Why Was I Watching It?

Seriously, what’s been going on with Lifetime lately? It used to be that every Saturday night saw the premiere of a new Lifetime film. Live tweeters across the country would look forward to every new Lifetime film. We transformed several of those films into trending topics. We did our part.

But, for some reason, this year has seen a different Lifetime. More often than not, Lifetime airs an old movie on Saturday and saves the premiere for Sunday. Sorry, Lifetime. I love you but if I have to choose between a new movie and Twin Peaks, Game of Thrones, The Walking Dead, The Deuce, Big Brother, and almost everything else that I can watch on Sunday night, anything that Lifetime premieres on Sunday is probably going to end up sitting on my DVR for a while before I actually watch it.

However, My Baby is Gone! did not premiere on Sunday. It premiered on Labor Day, so, for the first time in what seemed like forever, I was actually able to watch and live tweet the movie as it aired. Seriously, Lifetime, get it together. Nobody wants to watch a Lifetime premiere on Sunday.

What Was It About?

Emily (Elisabeth Harnois) is 8 months pregnant. Her husband (Ryan S Williams) seems to be a good guy but he works too hard and sometimes, he misses Emily’s checkups. Her best friend (Nicole LaPlaca) is supportive but she also works with Emily’s husband so, of course, it’s reasonable to assume that they’re probably sleeping together. This is a Lifetime movie, after all. After you’ve seen enough Lifetime movies, you know there’s no way that men and women can ever just be co-workers.

(Unless, of course, they’re cops. In that case, they’re just ineffectual and inevitably end up arresting the wrong person.)

Luckily, someone new has moved in across the street! Kelly (Anna van Hooft) is super-friendly and helpful and — oh my God! — she’s eight months pregnant too! Kelly says that she’s just staying in the house until her aunt returns. What no one knows, of course, is that Kelly’s actually got her aunt tied up in the basement.

Oh, and it turns out that Kelly isn’t really pregnant, either. She’s just wearing a fake belly. It’s actually kind of obvious but, at first, everyone just takes Kelly at her word.

Soon, Kelly is drawing Emily away from her husband and her best friend. She even convinces Emily to decorate the nursery with flamingos instead of butterflies!

What could Kelly’s nefarious plan be?

What Worked?

Uhmm… I’m thinking about it…

Actually, I had a lot of fun live tweeting this film. My Baby is Gone! is one of those movies that literally brings out the best in a snarky audience. There’s just so many implausible developments and none of the characters are likely to be mistaken for a member of Mensa. It’s a fun movie to watch if you’re looking for an excuse to spend two hours wondering how people can be so stupid.

Anna Van Hooft did a great job as Kelly. If you’re going to play a character who is batshit crazy in a Lifetime film, you might as well go all out. When you’re in a movie with a title like My Baby is Gone!, the time for subtlety is over.

What Did Not Work?

Even by the standards of Lifetime, the plot was just too implausible to work. I mean, the whole fake belly thing was a lot more convincing when it used in A Deadly Adoption.

“Oh my God! Just like me!” Moments

My favorite character was Pam (Amelia Burstyn), who was Emily’s doctor’s administrative assistant and who showed absolutely no hesitation about sharing the details of another patient’s visit. It may not have been the best example of professional ethics but sometimes, you have to break the rules.

Lessons Learned

Butterflies are better than flamingos.

What Lisa Watched Last Night #168: A Lover Betrayed (dir by Jeff Hare)

Posted on September 10, 2017 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last night, I watched the latest Lifetime premiere movie, A Lover Betrayed!

Why Was I Watching It?

Ennui, baby!

Seriously, ennui is the best explanation that I can give you. For the past two and a half months, my weekend has been about watching the latest episode of Twin Peaks and then trying to figure out what it all meant. Well, Twin Peaks is over now. Game of Thrones is over. The Walking Dead isn’t going to be back for another week or so. Big Brother is still on but all the other TSL writers got together, took a vote, and banned me from discussing it on this site.

ENNUI!

Plus, A Lover Betrayed was on the Lifetime Movie Network and you know that i can never resist a good Lifetime film.

What Was It About?

It was about a lover who was betrayed.

Oh, you already figured that out just from reading the title?

Okay, more specifically, the lover is Tess (Jamie Luner). Tess used to be a guidance counselor but then she found out that the principal at her school was a perv. She got him fired so, of course, he showed up at her house with a gun. He committed suicide but first, he fired the gun randomly at the ceiling, which led to Tess’s son, Mason, getting killed.

Years later, Tess is an internationally renowned blogger and author, who helps grieving parents deal with the loss of their children. She is separated from Rodger, who has never emotionally recovered from the death of their son. At a reading, she meets Conall, a handsome young soldier who says that her blog helped him recover after the death of his father. Conall and Tess end up sharing one night of passion but, because this is a Lifetime movie, Rodger shows up the very next morning and says that he wants to fix their relationship.

Not surprisingly, Conall turns out to be a bit obsessive but there’s more to it than just the typical Lifetime stalking movie. There’s all sorts of twists and turns, which I won’t spoil here…

What Worked

I was so proud of myself because, last night, I figured out the movie’s big twist after watching for about 30 minutes. That doesn’t mean that it’s not a good twist. It just means that I got lucky. In fact, I thought it was actually a pretty clever twist and I appreciated the fact that the movie didn’t spring it of nowhere. The clues were there and, for once, I actually managed to pick up on them.

Lifetime regular Jamie Luner did a good job as Tess. She’s been in a lot of these movies and obviously knows how to sincerely deliver even the most melodramatic lines of dialogue.

What Did Not Work

Oh my God, this was a dark movie. For a Lifetime movie, I would actually say that it was a little bit too dark. Lifetime movies are supposed to be fun but, at times, this one was actually rather depressing. Even when the movie reached a standard Lifetime conclusion, I was still like, “Damn …. Tess is going to be messed up for a long time….”

“Oh my God! Just like me!” Moments

Tess’s sister was a gun-toting badass. My sister is a gun-toting badass. Woo hoo!

Lessons Learned

Trust no one!

Music Video of the Day: The Rat by Blanck Mass (2017, dir by John Marsden)

Posted on September 7, 2017 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Hi! Lisa here, with today’s music video of the day. The Rat is the latest video from Blanck Mass, the solo project of Fuck Buttons’s Benjamin John Power.

In this video, Benjamin John Power stares straight at the camera while riding through the It’s A Small World ride in Disneyland. He never blinks. He never betrays any emotion whatsoever. Around the 3:24 mark, there’s suddenly a brief shot of a bunch of maggots. All in all, it’s rather disconcerting but I really wouldn’t expect anything less from Blanck Mass.

I want to quote two possible interpretations that I’ve come across for this video. The first comes from Power himself. In a press release, Power stated:

“The video itself is a bit of fun and was filmed on a family vacation, but somehow I feel it represents discontent within a capitalist regime and a world full of sugar-coated shit.”

Meanwhile, on YouTube, Crimewaveddd offered up this reading of the video:

“we get it you’re attractive”

Personally, I think they both sound good!

Enjoy!

TV Review: Twin Peaks: The Return Part 18 (dir by David Lynch)

Posted on September 4, 2017 by Lisa Marie Bowman

The Twin Peaks finale, which began with Part 17, concludes with an episode that we’ll probably still be debating 25 years from now.

The Doppelganger sits in the waiting room of the Black Lodge and bursts into flame. MIKE (Al Strobel) uses the Doppelganger’s soul to create another Cooper (Kyle MacLachlan). One scene later, that Cooper is arriving at his home in Las Vegas, where he is embraced by Janey-E (Naomi Watts) and Sonny Jim (Pierce Gagnon).

In the woods outside Twin Peaks, the real Cooper leads Laura (Sheryl Lee) by the hand. Again, Laura vanishes and we hear the sound of her screaming.

Suddenly, we are again in the waiting room of the Black Lodge. Cooper sits in his chair. MIKE asks him, “Is it the future or the past?” Events from Parts One and Two repeat. Cooper again meets the Arm but this time the Arm asks him not if he remembers the Doppelganger but if he knows the story of the little girl who lived down the street. Again, Laura whispers in Cooper’s ear before being pulled away by an unseen force. Again, Leland (Ray Wise) tells Cooper to find Laura.

And, once again, Cooper starts to walk through the Black Lodge but this time, he finds a room that is full of dead trees. And in that room, Diane (Laura Dern) is waiting for him. “Is it you?” she asks him, “is it really you?” Cooper is shocked but happy to see Diane.

(Is it possible that, even after saving Laura Palmer and therefore eliminating the event that led to him going to Twin Peaks in the first place, Cooper still found himself trapped in the Black Lodge for 25 years? But now, instead of being sent to destroy his Doppelganger, could it be that Cooper has been allowed to leave specifically to track down Laura?)

In the next scene, Cooper and Diane are driving down a desert road. It looks like the same road in South Dakota where the Doppelganger crashed his car when Cooper previously escaped from the Black Lodge. It does not look like it’s anywhere near Odessa, Texas, which will become important shortly.

They pull over to the side of the road. “Exactly 430 miles,” Cooper says. Cooper gets out of the car. He looks at the power lines above. Remember — in the world of Twin Peaks, electricity is magic. Cooper gets back in the car and asks Diane to kiss him. “Once we cross,” he says, “it could all be different.”

They drive forward. Electricity crackles. Suddenly, they’re driving down a highway in the middle of the night. They pull into a motel and get a room. They make love, with Cooper telling Diane to keep the lights turned out and Diane placing her hands over Cooper’s face.

(It was around this time that I started to realize that a lot of unanswered questions — like what’s going on with Audrey and why Sarah Palmer can remove her face — were probably destined to remain unanswered.)

The next morning, Cooper wakes up in a room that appears to be different from the one that he fell asleep in. Diane is gone but there’s a letter on the nightstand. It is addressed to Richard and it is from Linda. Linda’s letter says that she’s leaving because, “I don’t recognize you anymore.”

(Remember during Part One, when the Giant told Cooper to remember Richard and Linda? I’m going to assume that, just as how Cooper was previously Dougie Jones, the “crossing over” that he and Diane did transformed them into Richard and Linda.)

Cooper leaves his motel and it’s a totally different motel from the one that we previously saw him checking into.

A city limits sign indicates that Cooper is in Odessa, Texas. (Lynch does not make my home state look very good in this episode but I’ll forgive him because he’s otherwise awesome.) As Cooper drives down the street, he sees a sign for Judy’s coffee shop–

JUDY!

Cooper pulls into the parking lot and enters Judy’s. He asks the waitress (Francesa Eastwood) if there’s another waitress who works there. She tells him that there is but it’s her day off. When a few rednecks in cowboy hats (really, David?) start to harass the waitress, Cooper beats them up and drops their guns in the deep fryer. Explaining that he’s with the FBI, Cooper asks for the other waitress’s address.

Cooper’s drives up to the waitress’s house. He sees that she has an electric poll (marked No. 6) outside of her house. When Cooper knocks on the door, it’s answered by Laura Palmer (Sheryl Lee)!

Except that she says that her name isn’t Laura Palmer. She insists that her name is Carrie Page and, when she hears that Cooper is FBI, she immediately asks, “Did you find him!?” Cooper tells her, “Your father’s name is Leland. Your mother’s name is Sarah.” When Carrie hears Sarah’s name, she appears to be momentarily shaken and asks. “What’s going on?” Cooper tells her that she is Laura Palmer and that she needs to come with him to Twin Peaks, Washington.

“D.C?” Carrie asks.

“State,” Cooper replies.

Carrie agrees to go up to Twin Peaks with him. Her willingness may have something to do with the dead man who is propped up on her couch.

Cooper and Carrie drive all the way from Texas to Washington State. That’s quite a long journey and, as I watched them slightly driving down yet another dark highway, I again resigned myself to the knowledge that the show would never reveal just why exactly Audrey was screaming in that white room.

Hey, Coop, I know you’re busy but remember Audrey?

(My theory is that, after raping her, the Doppelganger sent Audrey to the Black Lodge, and, just as he did to Diane, manufactured a replacement. But if Cooper saved Laura and the Doppelganger never entered our world, is Audrey in the Black Lodge? In fact, if Laura never died then Ben never had to sale the Ghostwood Estates to get an alibi, which means that he never pushed Audrey to become an environmental crusader and, hence, Audrey was probably not at the bank when the bomb went off.)

Finally, Cooper and Carrie reach Twin Peaks. They drive past the Double R. Carrie says she doesn’t recognize anything, not even the Palmer House.

Cooper and Carrie walk up to the house. (Rather sweetly, Cooper and Carrie hold hands as they approach.) What follows is Lynch at his creepiest, his best, and his most frustrating.

Alice Tremond was played the actual owner of the house that’s used for the exterior shots of the Palmer House.

When Cooper knocks on the door, it’s answered by the house’s owner, Alice Tremond. (Longtime fans of the show will recognize the Alice Tremond name as belonging to one of the inhabitants of the Black Lodge. However, Cooper never met Mrs. Tremond. Only Donna met her and her odd grandson.) Mrs. Tremond says that, as far as she knows, no one named Palmer has ever lived un the house. When asked, she says that she bought the house from Mrs. Chalfont, another Black Lodge inhabitant that Cooper never met.

Stunned, Cooper and Carrie walk away from the house.

“What year is this?” Cooper asks.

Carrie shrugs.

Suddenly, from inside the house, we hear Sarah Palmer’s voice. “Laura!”

Carrie screams. We hear a burst of static electricity and it appears that lights in the house go off. The screen fades to black.

The screaming fades. Again, we see Cooper’s passive face as Laura whispers in his ear.

End credits. Sheryl Lee is credited twice. Once for playing Laura Palmer. Once for playing Carrie Page.

And so it ends.

We’re going to spend years debating what all this means and I don’t want to say too much until I get chance to watch the entire series a second time. (I plan on watching all 18 hours next weekend.) It does appear that, no matter how much Cooper and Laura try to avoid it, all paths lead back to not only Twin Peaks but also to the unspeakable horror that occurred in the Palmer House. Much like Dana Andrews’s obsessive P.I. in the classic film noir, Laura, Cooper is obsessed with saving a dead woman.

I’ll write more on this later, after I’ve had time to rest. For now, I just want to thank everyone who has followed our Twin Peaks coverage here on the Shattered Lens. And thank you to Jeff, Leonard, and Ryan for contributing!

It’s a strange world, isn’t it?

Twin Peaks on TSL:

TV Review: Twin Peaks: The Return Part 17 (dir by David Lynch)

Posted on September 3, 2017 by Lisa Marie Bowman

I imagine that there are a lot of upset people right now.

Maybe you’re one of them. Maybe, even as I sit here typing this, you are seething with rage. “18 hours and it ends with Cooper trapped in yet another fucked up situation, with Laura Palmer still screaming!? What the Hell!?”

Well, my advice would be to calm down. Did Twin Peaks: The Return ends on a conventional note? No. Has anything about Twin Peaks: The Return been conventional? Hell no. This is a David Lynch production, after all. And Lynch has never shown an interest in tidy endings. In fact, if anything, Lynch has never shown much of an interest in endings. Blue Velvet concluded with a fake bird. Lost Highway ended with Bill Pullman appearing to transform yet again. Even Mulholland Drive ended with that evil creature still living behind Winkie’s.

As far as I’m concerned, Twin Peaks: The Return provided 18 of the most intriguing hours in television history. Am I little bit frustrated that it didn’t end on a definite note of conclusion? Sure. (With 15 minutes left in Part 18, I found myself saying, “Uhmmm … what about Audrey?”) But I’ll tell you right, I’m going to have a lot of fun debating what it all meant. Art is not about easy solutions.

(For the record, next weekend, I’m going to binge watch all 18 hours and then maybe I’ll post my conclusions.)

It could be argued that this should not be called a conclusion. As Ryan pointed out in this week’s peaks, the story continues. There may or may not be another season on Showtime. There may or may not be another Twin Peaks movie. Hell, Mark Frost may or may not write another Twin Peaks book. And, if none of that happens, the story will continue in our imaginations.

I went back and forth on whether or not to review both Parts 17 and 18 together or separately. In the end, I decided to review them separately because I consider Part 17 to be the conclusion on the third season of Twin Peaks while Part 18 feels like it’s laying the groundwork for a fourth season.

Let’s get to it!

Things open in South Dakota, with Gordon Cole (David Lynch) lamenting to Albert (Miguel Ferrer) and Tammy (Chrysta Bell) that he couldn’t bring himself to shoot Diane. After Albert says that Cole is going soft, Cole replies, “Not where it counts, buddy.” That line made me laugh, despite myself. Lynch just has such a sincere way of delivering his lines.

Cole goes on to explain that, before his death, Major Briggs shared, with him and Cooper, his discovery of an extremely evil and negative force that, “in olden times,” was known as Jowday. Jowday eventually got shortened to Judy. Briggs, Cooper, and Cole put together a plan that could lead them to Judy. Apparently, before his disappearance, Philip Jeffries said that he was on the verge of discovering Judy. Cole theorizes that the Doppelganger is looking for Judy.

Suddenly, the phone rings. It’s Agent Headley (Jay R. Ferguson), calling from Las Vegas, to announce that they’ve found Dougie Jones but that Dougie disappeared again. Mullins (Don Murray) asks to speak to Cole and gives him a message from Cooper. Cooper is on his way to Twin Peaks, to see Sheriff Truman!

In the Twin Peaks Sheriff’s Department, the lock-up is still nosiy. The drunk (Jay Aaseng) and Deputy Chad (John Pirruccello) take turns taunting each other. Eyeless Naido (Nae Yuuki) continues to whimper. Freddie (Jake Wardle) and James (James Marshall) listen.

At the Great Northern, Ben (Richard Beymer) gets a call. Jerry’s turned up in Wyoming, apparently convinced that he can kill people with his binoculars. It might be time to say, “No more drugs for that man,” as far as Jerry is concerned.

The next morning, the Doppelganger (Kyle MacLachlan) wanders through the woods outside of Twin Peaks. The vortex opens above him. The Doppelganger vanishes.

In the building above the purple sea, the disembodied head of Major Briggs (Don S. Davis) floats between two pictures, one of the woods and one of the Palmer House. The Fireman (Carel Struycken) waves his hand. In the background, we hear the electrical hum that been haunting the Great Northern.

The Doppelganger materializes outside of the Twin Peaks sheriff’s station. As he walks towards it, he is seen by Deputy Andy (Harry Goaz). At first, I was worried that the Doppelganger was going to kill Deputy Andy but instead, he greets him with a cold, “Hello, Andy.”

Andy leads the Doppelganger into the station, where they meet Lucy (Kimmy Robertson) and Sheriff Truman (Robert Forster). When the Doppelganger turns down a cup of coffee, everyone knows something strange is happening. Then, Andy starts to have visions of him and Lucy standing in the lobby, looking at something.

Meanwhile, in the holding area, it turns out that Chad has got a key hidden in his shoe. He gets out of his cell and heads for the weapons locker. When Andy shows up, looking for Hawk, Chad comes at him with a raised gun. But fear not! Freddie Sykes uses his green glove of power to throw open the door his cell, smashing Chad in the face and knocking him out.

Meanwhile, Lucy informs Truman that he has a phone call and he really needs to take it. Reluctantly, Truman takes the call and finds himself talking to … DALE COOPER! Dale and the Mitchums have just entered the Twin Peaks city limits and are on their way to the station!

The Doppelganger, realizing what is happening, reaches inside his jacket for a gun when suddenly — bang! The Doppelganger crashes to the floor. Standing behind him, holding a gun, is Lucy!

(Making this scene especially satisfying is that, during the second season Twin Peaks, Lucy was exclusively given comedic subplots that had nothing to do with the main storyline. 25 years, she finally gets to save the day.)

Way to go, Lucy!

Cooper tells Truman to make sure that no one touches the Doppelganger’s body until he arrives. Andy steps into the office with Hawk, Naido, James, and Freddie. Suddenly, just as in Part 8, the woodsmen appear and start working on the Doppelganger’s body. While that happens, Cooper and the Mitchums show up. And then Cole, Albert, and Tammy show up. It’s getting crowded in that office!

Suddenly, the spirit of Killer BOB (represented by an orb that contains stock footage of Frank Silva) emerges from the Doppelganger’s body and lunges at Freddie. Despite getting bloodied in the process, Freddie is able to use his green glove of power to smash BOB’s face into a thousand pieces. Yay Freddie!

Cooper puts the ring on the Doppelganger’s finger. The Doppelganger vanishes. Yay Cooper!

Cooper gets the key to his former hotel room from Sheriff Truman. “Major Briggs told me Sheriff Truman would have it,” Cooper explains. (Yay Major Briggs!)

Now, what happens next is interesting. A lot of positive things happen. Bobby Briggs (Dana Asbrook) comes in the office and Cooper tells him that he and Major Briggs are proud of him. Blind Naido is revealed to actually be the real Diane, in disguise. (And yes, the real Diane still has eyes.) Cole and Albert are reunited with their friend. And yet, through the whole scene, we see the face of another Cooper, this one with a blank expression, superimposed over the action.

This was when I started to suspect that the finale might turn out to be a bit controversial. Are we seeing reality or are we watching a dream, a memory, or a wish? Not even the presence of the Mitchum girls in pink, passing out finger sandwiches, can change the ominous tone of all this otherwise positive scene.

Cooper glances at the clock in Truman’s office and sees that the minute hand seems to be stuck.

A distorted voice says, “We live inside a dream.”

Oh shit, I thought as I watched this scene, we’ve got 30 minutes left and things are about to get so seriously fucked up…

“I hope I see all of you again,” Cooper says, “every one of you.”

The room goes black. Cooper’s superimposed face continues to passively stare.

Suddenly, Cooper, Diane, and Cole are slowly walking down a dark hallway. I believe they’re in the Great Northern because, when they reach a door, Cooper uses his old hotel room key to open it. He tells Cole and Diane to wait behind and then he enters the room. “See you at the curtain call,” Cooper says.

Inside the room is MIKE (Al Strobel) who recites the Fire Walk With Me poem. MIKE leads Cooper up a staircase and into the room the holds the metal device the contains the spirit of Philip Jeffries. Cooper asks to be sent back to February 23rd, 1989, the night of the death of Laura Palmer.

“Cooper,” Jeffries says, “remember…”

“ELECTRICITY!” MIKE exclaims.

Suddenly, Cooper’s back in 1989. He’s watching Laura (Sheryl Lee) sneak out of her house and jump on the back of James Hurley’s motorcycle while a jealous Leland (Ray Wise) watches from his window. Cooper watches them in the woods, listening as Laura tells James that Bobby killed a man. (This is true. Before he became everyone’s favorite lawman, Bobby shot a Canadian drug runner in Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me. I always wondered if that would be acknowledged.)

Cooper watches the familiar scene play out but, when Laura jumps off of James’s motorcycle, Cooper steps forward and changes history. Instead of allowing Laura to walk off to be murdered, Cooper tells her that he is taking her home. “I saw you in my dreams,” Laura says.

The next morning, we see another familiar sight: Laura’s body on the shore, wrapped in plastic. The body disappears. In archived footage from the original Twin Peaks pilot, we watch as Pete Martell (Jack Nance) says good morning to Catherine (Piper Laurie) and then heads out to fish. Except, this time, there’s no body to distract him. Instead of calling the police and reporting a murder, Pete goes fishing.

(It’s a sweet image and it was nice to see that, despite having been dead for 21 years, Jack Nance, who starred in Eraserhead and was the former husband of Catherine “Log Lady” Coulson, still appeared in the revival. Part 17 was dedicated to his memory.)

Where is Laura? Despite not being dead, she’s not in her house. However, Sarah Palmer (Grace Zabriskie) is. Sarah is smashing the famous picture of Laura as homecoming queen into little pieces. Disturbingly, this would seem to indicate that, at the time that Laura was being abused and eventually murdered by her father, Sarah was not a bystander but was instead possessed by the same evil that possessed Leland.

Cooper leads Laura through the woods. Suddenly, Laura screams and is gone.

Standing in front the red curtains of the Black Lodge, Julee Cruise sings.

End credits.

On to Part 18, which I am about to rewatch after which I will write up a review. It might be a few hours. Until then, why not check out some of the other 81 Twin Peaks-related posts that we’ve published this year at the Shattered Lens!

Twin Peaks on TSL:

16 Initial Thoughts on Twin Peaks Part 18 (dir by David Lynch)

Posted on September 3, 2017 by Lisa Marie Bowman

As always, these are my initial thoughts. A full recap and review will be posted either later tonight or tomorrow.

So, did Cooper manufacture another Dougie for Janey-e and Sonny Jim?
Dammit, Cooper — don’t get stranded in the Black Lodge again. It was a hard enough to get you out the last time.
“Find Laura.” Was’t Cooper supposed to find Richard and Linda too?
It’s kind of a nice coincidence that the scene immediately following Cooper being told to “Find Laura,” features Laura Dern.
I notice that real Diane curses a lot less than manufactured Diane.
Okay, I love David Lynch and I love Twin Peaks but I don’t necessarily need to hear this entire damn song, not when the mystery of Audrey has yet to be solved.
Cooper is Richard? And Diane was Linda?
Odessa? They’re in Texas now?
I’d complain about the portrayal of Texas but at least this isn’t as bad as that episode of the X-Files.
Uhmmm…you might not want to travel with Carrie Page, seeing as how she has a dead man in her living room and all…
Odessa’s not that bad a town.
I’m noticing that we’ve only got 15 minutes left and Audrey is still screaming in a white room, for all that we know. This is a very odd finale and one that is going to divide a lot of viewers.
MRS. CHALFONT! And a Tremond reference as well.
Well, fuck. Is Cooper trapped in a different dimension again? He has the worst luck.
Wow. That scream.
Oh My God, there’s going to be so many angry people. And yet, did we expect anything different?

Twin Peaks on TSL:

18 Initial Thoughts on Twin Peaks: The Return Part 17 (dir by David Lynch)

Posted on September 3, 2017 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Here we go.

Tonight’s the night. Tonight is the finale of Twin Peaks: The Return. As always, I will be jotting down my initial thoughts while watching the episode. I’ll post a full recap and review either later tonight or tomorrow.

(And, as always, keep an eye out for the latest edition of Ryan’s This Week’s Peaks.)

Here are my initial thoughts:

Watching the opening credits for the final time actually get me a little emotional.
“Not where it counts, old buddy.” Someone please write a pilot where Gordon Cole retires to a small town and gives everyone folksy advice.
“Has my watch stopped or is that one of the Marx brothers?” Oh my God, we’re going to miss Miguel Ferrer.
Jerry may need to cut down on the weed.
Oh no! Please don’t let any harm come to Andy!
The Doppelganger turning down a cup of coffee should be all Andy needs to figure that he’s not the real Cooper.
Freddie Sykes and his glove of power!
Oh my God, Lucy to the rescue!
Oh dammit, there’s the Woodsmen. Hurry, Cooper!
Oh my God, they brought the finger sandwiches all the way up to Twin Peaks. That’s great.
“We live inside a dream.”
That’s right! Bobby did shoot a Canadian drug smuggler in the head. I was wondering if that would ever be mentioned again.
Now that Cooper’s overhead that Bobby killed a man, is he going to arrest him if he ever gets out of 1989? There’s no statute of limitations on murder.
There’s Leo in the flashback. I assume that he was killed by all spiders in between the end of season 2 and this revival.
Could Cooper keep Laura from dying? Can the past be changed?
“We’re going home.” Oh my God! Tears in my eyes, no joke.
Jack Nance!
Oh My God. At least I don’t have to wait a week to see what happens next…