Last Monday, I watched the Lifetime premiere movie, My Baby Is Gone!  I should have reviewed it on Tuesday but, to be honest, I spent all of last week trying to figure out if Carrie was actually Laura Palmer and if Dale Cooper ever actually escaped the Black Lodge or not.  So, this review is a week late and for that, I apologize even though I think anyone who would require an apology is kind of a jerk.

Why Was I Watching It?

Seriously, what’s been going on with Lifetime lately?  It used to be that every Saturday night saw the premiere of a new Lifetime film.  Live tweeters across the country would look forward to every new Lifetime film.  We transformed several of those films into trending topics.  We did our part.

But, for some reason, this year has seen a different Lifetime.  More often than not, Lifetime airs an old movie on Saturday and saves the premiere for Sunday.  Sorry, Lifetime.  I love you but if I have to choose between a new movie and Twin Peaks, Game of Thrones, The Walking Dead, The Deuce, Big Brother, and almost everything else that I can watch on Sunday night, anything that Lifetime premieres on Sunday is probably going to end up sitting on my DVR for a while before I actually watch it.

However, My Baby is Gone! did not premiere on Sunday.  It premiered on Labor Day, so, for the first time in what seemed like forever, I was actually able to watch and live tweet the movie as it aired.  Seriously, Lifetime, get it together.  Nobody wants to watch a Lifetime premiere on Sunday.

What Was It About?

Emily (Elisabeth Harnois) is 8 months pregnant.  Her husband (Ryan S Williams) seems to be a good guy but he works too hard and sometimes, he misses Emily’s checkups.  Her best friend (Nicole LaPlaca) is supportive but she also works with Emily’s husband so, of course, it’s reasonable to assume that they’re probably sleeping together.  This is a Lifetime movie, after all.  After you’ve seen enough Lifetime movies, you know there’s no way that men and women can ever just be co-workers.

(Unless, of course, they’re cops.  In that case, they’re just ineffectual and inevitably end up arresting the wrong person.)

Luckily, someone new has moved in across the street!  Kelly (Anna van Hooft) is super-friendly and helpful and — oh my God! — she’s eight months pregnant too!  Kelly says that she’s just staying in the house until her aunt returns.  What no one knows, of course, is that Kelly’s actually got her aunt tied up in the basement.

Oh, and it turns out that Kelly isn’t really pregnant, either.  She’s just wearing a fake belly.  It’s actually kind of obvious but, at first, everyone just takes Kelly at her word.

Soon, Kelly is drawing Emily away from her husband and her best friend.  She even convinces Emily to decorate the nursery with flamingos instead of butterflies!

What could Kelly’s nefarious plan be?

What Worked?

Uhmm… I’m thinking about it…

Actually, I had a lot of fun live tweeting this film.  My Baby is Gone! is one of those movies that literally brings out the best in a snarky audience.  There’s just so many implausible developments and none of the characters are likely to be mistaken for a member of Mensa.  It’s a fun movie to watch if you’re looking for an excuse to spend two hours wondering how people can be so stupid.

Anna Van Hooft did a great job as Kelly.  If you’re going to play a character who is batshit crazy in a Lifetime film, you might as well go all out.  When you’re in a movie with a title like My Baby is Gone!, the time for subtlety is over.

What Did Not Work?

Even by the standards of Lifetime, the plot was just too implausible to work.  I mean, the whole fake belly thing was a lot more convincing when it used in A Deadly Adoption.

“Oh my God!  Just like me!” Moments

My favorite character was Pam (Amelia Burstyn), who was Emily’s doctor’s administrative assistant and who showed absolutely no hesitation about sharing the details of another patient’s visit.  It may not have been the best example of professional ethics but sometimes, you have to break the rules.

Lessons Learned

Butterflies are better than flamingos.