TV Review: Twin Peaks: The Return Part 7 (dir by David Lynch) (SPOILERS)

As I sit here typing this, I just noticed that Vox has a new analysis of the show. The headline reads: “Twin Peaks Brings New Meaning To The Idea of an 18-hour movie.” Hey, Vox! I said that three weeks ago! I know you guys claim to be the smartest people in the world but you need to give credit where credit is due! Anyway … Welcome back to Twin Peaks!

Before even getting into recapping tonight’s episode, I’m just going to say it. I absolutely loved this episode. While I’m not going to claim that it’s the best of the season so far (it’ll take a lot to beat any of the first four episodes), I think it can be argued that Part 7 is perhaps the most entertaining. Without sacrificing any of Lynch’s signature style, this episode moved the story forward and served to prove — regardless of what some naysayers may claim — that there is a method behind the madness. Even though we’re not sure where, Lynch is taking us someplace. We just have to be willing to keep the faith until we reach our destination.

We open, as so many episodes have, in the woods. Jerry Horne (David Patrick Kelly) stares at the trees, totally stoned. He calls Ben (Richard Beymer) at the Great Northern and announces that someone has stolen his car. Ben, not being fluent in the language of marijuana, is of little help.

At the Twin Peaks Sheriff’s Department, Hawk (Michael Horse) shows Frank (Robert Forster) the pages that he previously found in the bathroom stall. It turns out that they are pages from Laura’s diary, in which she writes about a dream she had in which a woman named Annie appeared and told her that she had been with Dale and that the “good Dale was trapped in the Black Lodge and could not come out.”

Hawk explains that the diary was found, years ago, in Harold Smith’s house. Hawk also shows Frank that, on one of the pages, Laura had written that she knew who BOB was. Hawk suggests that maybe her father, Leland, hid the pages in the stall before he died. Hawk also mentions that Leland also killed Jacques Renault, an important reminded since, later in this episode, we’re going to meet yet another Renault brother.

Frank goes to his office and places a call to Harry, who is apparently in a hospital somewhere. From the tone of the conversation, it becomes apparent that Harry is terminally ill. (As always, the shadow of death hangs over Twin Peaks.) Frank doesn’t ask Harry about Cooper. “Beat this thing,” Frank tells his brother.

After talking to Harry, Frank skypes with old Doc Hayward (Warren Frost, who passed away shortly after filming his scenes and to whom this episode was dedicated). Frank asks Doc Hayward about the night that Cooper returned from the Black Lodge. Doc Hayward says that he can’t remember what he ate for breakfast but he’ll never forget that night. Hayward retells the story of the second season finale. Other than revealing that Audrey was in a coma after the bombing at the bank, it’s nothing that we don’t already know but it’s still good to see both Doc Hayward and Warren Frost again.

Out in a field, Andy (Harry Goaz) has found the truck that Richard was driving when he ran over the little boy during the last episode. Andy talks to the truck’s owner, who is not Richard and who is also obviously very afraid to talk about his truck. Andy agrees to meet with the man in two hours in a safer, more secluded location.

In South Dakota, Lt. Knox (Adele Rene) meets with Detective Macklay (Brent Briscoe). Knox asks about the finger prints that Macklay submitted. He takes Knox to see the headless corpse that was found in Ruth Davenport’s bed. Knox is shocked to hear that the dead man — who possesses Garland Briggs’s fingerprints — was in his late forties and, when discovered, had only been dead for five to six days. Briggs supposedly died 24 years ago in a fire and, even if he had survived, he would have been much older than just his late 40s. Stepping out into a hallway, Knox calls Col. Davis (Ernie Hudson) and lets him know that 1) they have a body, 2) the head is missing, and 3) the body is the wrong age. Davis says that he’ll have to make “the other call.”

While Knox speaks to Davis, a shadowy figure walks down the hallway behind her. Knox barely glances at it as she steps back into the morgue and tells Macklay that she doesn’t think this is going to be his investigation for too much longer. The shadowy figure walks past the room as they speak.

At the FBI HQ, Gordon Cole (David Lynch) whistles in his office until Albert (Miguel Ferrer) enters and tells him that Diane’s response to the prospect of seeing Cooper was “No fucking way.”

Gordon and Albert go to Diane’s apartment, where Gordon talks Diane (Laura Dern) into going with them to see Cooper in prison. For years, fans of the show have wondered what Diane was really like and Laura Dern does not disappoint. Dern plays the role like a tough film noir femme fatale. One of Diane’s defining traits is that she tells everyone that she sees to fuck off. Nobody handles profanity with quite the skill of Laura Dern.

On the plane to South Dakota, Albert’s sarcastic, Diane drinks, and Gordon flirts with Tammy (Chrysta Bell). Bleh. No offense to Tammy (who I sympathize with because we both get car sick) but everyone knows that Gordon’s soulmate was Shelley Johnson. We also learn that, over the past 25 years, the only know photograph of Cooper (actually Cooper’s Doppelganger) was of Cooper outside of a house in Rio. In the picture, Cooper looks like a drug lord from a cheap 80s crime show.

At the prison, Diane reacts to kind words from Tammy by saying, “Fuck you, Tammy!” and then she has her meeting with Evil Cooper (Kyle MacLachlan). Evil Cooper is still speaking slowly and without emotion. Diane sees through him almost immediately. She traps him by asking him if he remembers the last night they saw each other.

“I’ll always remember that night,” Evil Cooper drones.

“Who are you!?” Diane hisses.

“I don’t know what you mean, Diane,” the dead-voiced Evil Cooper responds.

Diane storms out of the meeting room. Outside of the prison, in a beautifully acted scene, an emotional Diane tells Gordon that Evil Cooper is not the “Dale Cooper that I knew.” Diane says that Evil Cooper, whoever he is, is missing something inside.

Evil Cooper is returned to his cell. He tells the guard that he wants to see Warden Murphy. “We need to speak about a strawberry,” Evil Cooper says.

In Twin Peaks, Andy stands on the side of the road and waits for the owner of the truck. The owner never shows up.

Back at the prison, Evil Cooper is escorted into the office of Warden Murphy (James Morrison). Murphy sends the guards out of the office, tells Evil Cooper that the security cameras have been turned off so that they can speak freely, and then pulls out a gun.

“The dog’s leg,” Evil Cooper says, “That dog had four legs. One you found in my trunk. The other three went out with the information that you’re thinking about right now.”

When Murphy asks why he should believe that Evil Cooper knows what he’s talking about, Evil Cooper replies, “Joe McCluskey.” Warden Murphy gets a panicked look on his face and Evil Cooper explains that he wants a car for himself and Ray Monroe. He wants a gun in the glove compartment. And he wants to leave the jail at one in the morning.

In Las Vegas, Janey-E (Naomi Watts) waits impatiently for Dougie/Cooper to get off work. However, Dougie/Cooper is busy sitting in his office, drawing stuff and ignoring his former friend, Anthony Sinclair (Tom Sizemore). Both Janey-E and the police — led by Detective Fusco (David Koechner) — enter the office at nearly the same time.

Fusco wants to know about Dougie’s car. As usual, Dougie/Cooper has little to say, though he is fascinated by the officer’s badges. (“Badge,” he says as he reaches forward.) When Janey-E asks if Dougie’s car was stolen, Dougie replies, “Stolen.” The police all get their notebooks out and start taking notes. Janey-E demands to know what’s happening and Fusco reveals that Dougie’s car was blown up. Fortunately, Janey-E is there to do the talking.

(And let me just say that I totally and absolutely loved this scene, everything from the performances to the fact that, after all this time, absolutely no one seems to realize that Dougie/Cooper is acting strangely. Another thing that I liked is that all three of the detectives were named Fusco — according to the credits they were E. Fusco, D. Fusco, and “Smiley” Fusco.)

As Janey-E and Dougie leave the office building, they are attacked by Ike the Spike (Christophe Zajac-Denek). Fortunately, Ike bent his spike during the previous episode and is forced to come at Dougie with a gun. However, Dougie/Cooper suddenly comes to life (perhaps Cooper’s FBI training somehow managed to kick in) and, along with Janey-E, they kick Ike’s homicidal ass. While Dougie/Cooper is grabbing Ike’s gun, the mutated “arm” suddenly appears and orders, “Squeeze his hand off! Squeeze his hand off!” Dougie/Cooper gets the gun out of Ike’s hands and Ike runs off to parts unknown.

The police and the media arrive. As Dougie/Cooper blankly stares forward (a bit like Chance the Gardner in Being There, to be honest), a very animated Janey-E tells the story of how Dougie took down the assassin. Other onlookers — some of whom look traumatized by the whole thing — also tell what they saw. One woman proudly announces that Dougie Jones is not a victim. “He moves like a Cobra!”

At the Great Northern, Ben and Beverly (Ashley Judd) are in his office. Beverly has been hearing a strange hum in the office. Pervy old Ben walks around the office with her, searching for the source of the buzz. As they do so, Beverly shows him that an old room key came in the mail. Ben looks at it and, after mentioning that the Great Northern switched for keys to cards over twenty years ago, he notices that it’s from 315. Ben says that he thinks that was the room where Agent Cooper was shot.

“Who is Agent Cooper?” Beverly asks.

“He was here 25 years ago,” Ben explains, “investigating the murder of Laura Palmer.”

“Who’s Laura Palmer?” Beverly asks.

“That, my dear, is a long story,” Ben says.

The buzzing continues as Lynch’s camera glides across the office, finally focusing on one of the wooden walls.

Beverly returns home, where her sickly husband, Tom (Hugh Dillon) is waiting and angry. He wants to know why Beverly was late. Beverly says some things came up at work. When Tom says that he doesn’t want his dinner, Beverly snaps. “I know you’re sick and in pain,” she tells him, “but do not use that to fuck with me!” Tom stares at her as she asks if he realizes how lucky she is to have gotten her job. “Do not fuck this up for me, Tom!” she yells.

At the roadhouse, we spend two minutes watching an anonymous janitor sweep the place up while Jean-Michel Renault (Walter Olkewicz) cleans up behind the bar. Jean-Michel gets a call and, judging from the conversation, Jean-Michel is just as bad as his brothers. He talks about sending someone two blondes. As I rewatched the episode for this review, I heard something that I somehow missed the first time I watched it. Jean-Michel says that the Renault family has owned the roadhouse for over fifty years. That explains why there’s always a Renault working there, despite the fact that the family has, in some way, been involved with every bad thing that has ever happened in Twin Peaks.

At the prison in South Dakota, Evil Cooper and Ray Monroe (George Griffith) are allowed to leave their cells and the prison. Outside, a car and a gun are waiting for them. Murphy watches as they drive off.

From this sordid and menacing scene, we return to Twin Peaks. This episode ends at the diner, where Shelley (Madchen Amick) is pouring coffee and Norma (Peggy Lipton) is looking over the bills. A man ducks into the diner. “Hey,” he yells, “has anyone seen Bing!?” After being told no, the man leaves.

And life goes on as the end credits role…

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