Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 6.5 “Speedway Fever”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

This week, we meet the future of the Highway Patrol.

Episode 6.5 “Speedway Fever”

(Dir by Chuck Bail, originally aired on November 7th, 1982)

This week, we meet Bobby’s younger brother, Bruce Nelson (Bruce Penhall). Bruce is both a world motorcycle speedway champion and a student at the Highway Patrol Academy. He hopes soon to be riding a motorcycle in the name of the law, just like Bobby and Ponch.

Unfortunately, Bruce has a hard time following orders. He likes to show off when he’s riding his motorcycle. He’s a good driver and a good shooter, but he’s struggling at the Academy. And when things start to get too tough for him, he decides to walk away from it. It’s an impulsive decision that he regrets. Can Ponch and Bobby talk the head of the Academy into giving Bruce a second chance? Of course they can! Ponch and Bobby can do anything.

Bruce Penhall was a real-life speedway champion. The footage of Bruce Nelson winning his race is actually taken from one of Penhall’s actual races. Judging from this episode, Penhall was a likable, if somewhat stiff, actor. In fact, watching this episode, I couldn’t help but notice that Bruce Penhall had better chemistry with Erik Estrada than Tom Reilly did. One gets the feeling that the purpose of this episode was to introduce Penhall as a potential replacement for Reilly. If nothing else, Penhall brought a good deal of earnest energy to his performance and provided quite a contrast to Tom Reilly’s rather spacey acting style.

This episode wasn’t entirely taken up with scenes of Penhall racing. There were two storylines. The more annoying one featured three 16-year-old girls (one of whom was played by Moon Unit Zappa) who would hitchhike and then use a water pistol to rob whoever picked them up. The girls introduced themselves as being from the Valley and spent the entire episode saying stuff like “For sure!” and “Gag me with a spoon!” (I’m not kidding; they said that more than once.) Frank Zappa’s “Valley Girl” played on the soundtrack whenever the girls showed up. It was kind of embarrassing all around. Between this episode, the Moloch episode, and the UFO episode, this season appears to have found CHiPs desperately struggling to stay culturally relevant.

As for the other storyline, it featured two motorcycle-riding thieves who were robbing couriers on the highway. One of the thieves was Bruce’s best friend, Ray (Robert Romanus). What a coincidence! Romanus, of course, played Mike Damone in Fast Times at Ridgemont High, which was probably still in theaters when this episode aired. He gives pretty much the same performance here that he gave in Amy Heckerling’s film. In the end, this episode left you wondering just how Mike Damone eventually ended up going so bad.

The episode ends with Bruce not only winning the world speedway championship but also returning to the Academy. It looks like the Highway Patrol is getting some new blood, and not a minute too soon!

Retro Television Review: Crime Story 1.16 “The Kingdom of Money”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Crime Story, which ran on NBC from 1986 to 1988.  The entire show can be found on Tubi!

This week, the show changes locations.  We’re going to Vegas and we’re getting new opening credits!

Episode 1.16 “The Kingdom of Money”

(Dir by James A. Contner, originally aired on January 30th, 1987)

Welcome to Las Vegas!

Ray Luca is very happy to be in Vegas. Along with Max Goldman, Pauli, and Steve Kordo (Jay O. Sanders), Ray has taken over a casino and is pushing his way into the local rackets. He gives a speech to the casino’s employees, telling them that from now on everything in the casino will be run honestly and that anyone who steals any money will be fired. He then has a meeting with Max in which they discuss all the ways to skim the profits.

Luca’s wife, Cori (Johann Carlo), isn’t happy about the move. She misses Chicago, so instead of hanging out around the house, Luca goes out and hires a prostitute named Jackie (Debra Feuer). Luca tells Jackie that she will be working exclusively for him from now on. Jackie points out that she already has a “manager.” Luca smirks.

The only problem for Luca is that Mike Torello is in Vegas, and now he’s working for the Justice Department. Luca and his team are headquartered in a small Vegas motel. When David Abrams sees that someone has brought a bowl of Justice Department matchbooks into the motel, he tells Torello’s men to throw them out. “We’re not a recruiting station,” Abrams says.

Torello decides that the best way to get Luca is to go after one of Luca’s Vegas associates, a loan shark named Al (Mike Starr). They visit a diner owner (Graham Beckel) who owes Al money. They convince him to call Al and say that he has Al’s money. When Al comes to collect, Torello will arrest him. Sound like a good plan, right?

Unfortunately, someone is dumb enough to leave behind the bowl of Justice Department matchbooks in the diner. Additionally, it doesn’t occur to Torello to have someone watching the diner 24/7. When Al shows up early and discovers the matchbooks, he guns down not only the owner of the diner but also his wife and 5-year-old son.

Torello’s angry. Well, Torello should be angry. He should also be feeling guilty, seeing as how he and his men basically got the diner owner killed through their own incompetence. Torello decides to go undercover as someone who needs a loan. He and his men even set up a fake strip club where Torello and Al can meet to discuss the terms of the loan. Torello’s attempt to arrest Al falls apart when one of Al’s men pulls a gun and starts firing. Danny takes a bullet in the arm before killing the gunman. As for Al, he runs through the streets of Vegas before Torello guns him down.

Abrams looks down at Al’s body and says that he doesn’t think Al is going to be testifying.

This was a good episode. If the previous Chicago-based episodes emphasized the professionalism of Torello and the impulsivity of Luca, the roles are reversed in Vegas. Luca is in his element, and Torello and his men are the ones who are now having to adjust to a new city. If the previous Chicago-based episodes tended to be cold and gray, this Vegas episode is visually defined by neon and excess. The sallow, grim-faced Torello looks out of place here. This is Luca’s world.

I’m looking forward to seeing how the rest of season one plays out.

Retro Television Review: Homicide: Life On The Street 5.22 “Strangers And Other Partners”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sundays, I will be reviewing Homicide: Life On The Street, which aired from 1993 to 1999, on NBC!  It  can be viewed on Peacock.

This week, season 5 comes to a close.

Episode 5.22 “Strangers And Other Partners”

(Dir by Kenneth Fink, originally aired on May 16th, 1997)

It’s all hands on deck as the Homicide squad investigates the murder of Beau Felton.  This episode opens with Giardello announcing that Pembleton will be the primary and that they will all be working with Detective Falsone (Jon Seda) of the auto squad and Detective Gharty (Peter Gerety) of Internal Affairs.

“I ain’t working with anyone from IID!” Falsone snaps.

Hey, Falsone — you’re a guest star.  Shut up and do what you’re told, you prick.

The fifth season finale is a mess.  Some of that is because Beau Felton was never a strong enough a character for his death to have the emotional kick that it’s obviously meant to have.  Felton was not Crosetti.  Felton wasn’t some sort of beloved icon.  Felton was a jerk whose storylines were usually the least interesting of the show’s first three seasons.

An even bigger problem is that the emphasis is not on the detectives who we all know and love but instead on Falsone and Gharty.  Falsone and Gharty go from being at each other’s throats to teaming up to use a shared informant to get the evidence they need to go after Felton’s murderer.  Peter Gerety does a good job as Gharty.  It helps that Gharty has a compelling storyline.  He’s a cop that many people have dismissed as being a coward.  He’s trying to prove himelf.

Falsone, on the other hand …. seriously, what is the deal with this douchebag?  He spends this episodes strutting around in his stupid leather jacket, threatening to beat up people.  I get that he’s supposed to be a tough cop but he just comes across like a jackass with anger management issues.  It doesn’t help that actor Jon Seda gives a one-note performance in the role.

This whole episode is basically an introduction for Gharty and Falsone.  The other Homicide cops are pushed to the side so that these two can grab some legitimacy before becoming regular characters during season 6.  Gharty seems like he’ll be an okay addition to the ensemble.  Falsone, on the other hand, should be allowed nowhere near a show like Homicide.

While all of that is going on, Kellerman and Cox are both struggling with their drinking.  I’m a little bit tired of Kellerman and Cox, to be honest.  Kellerman, at least, has a compelling storyline with the Luther Mahoney shooting.  Dr. Cox, on the other hand, is starting feel superfluous.  No one from the Homicide squad can step into a bar without running into Dr. Cox.

Finally, Pembleton and Mary meet and agree to give their marriage another try.  Good.

This episode (and the season) ends with Felton’s murderer still on the run.  Giardello announces that the Baltimore police department is instituting a new policy in which detectives will rotate from unit to unit.  “In three months,” he tells the detectives, “none of us may be here.”

Season 5 was pretty good so it’s unfortunate that the finale was a mess.  The strength of Homicide has always been its ensemble of quirky, flawed, and heart-breakingly human cops.  Using the final episode of the season to focus on a one-note character like Paul Falsone almost feels insulting to the rest of the cast.

Next week, we start season 6!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Saved By The Bell 3.2


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell, which ran on NBC from 1989 to 1993.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, Mr. Belding takes his job too seriously.

Episode 3.2 “Breaking Up is Hard To Undo”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on December 16th, 1990)

Slater and Jessie make it official!  They’re now a couple.  Slater wants to celebrate by going to a football game.  Jessie wants to celebrate by going to the ballet.  Suddenly, Slater and Jessie are no longer a couple.

Zack is looking forward to celebrating his anniversary with Kelly.  However, Kelly is planning on having dinner with her ex-boyfriend, Todd.  Todd is rich and “looks like Mel Gibson.”  Zack forbids Kelly to see Todd.  Kelly and Zack break up.

When a student council meeting falls apart due to Jessie and Kelly’s attempts to defund the football team and start a dance department at the school, Mr. Belding ends up breaking his gavel.  (“I broke my gavel” is the funniest line in the episode but nobody laughs.)  When Mr. Belding and his wife get into an argument over her mother-in-law staying with the Beldings and Mr. Belding ends up getting kicked out of his house, Mr. Belding decides to hang out with Zack, Slater, and Screech.  Zack comes home and discovers Belding hanging out in his bedroom….

Uhmm, what?

This is a weird episode.  The break-ups are one thing.  I could believe that part of the episode.  But why are Zack’s parents allowing his principal to live in Zack’s bedroom?  In the real world, principals and teachers get fired and worse for that sort of thing.  Seeing as how this episode also features a moment in which Zack stops time so that he can order some flowers for Mr. Belding “from Mrs. Belding,” I’m going to assume that this is a dream episode.

The dream comes to a conclusion at the Max, in which Slater and Zack before demonstrate how they should have reacted to Jessie and Kelly.  Slater announces that doesn’t care about football, strips down to a skintight leotard, and dances around the Max with Lisa (who is wearing a Jessie wig).  Screech then dressed up like a cheerleader so Zack can tell Screech that he trusts him and it’s okay if Screech wants to have dinner with Todd.

This was a weird episode.  Slater dancing was a great moment but Mr. Belding moving in with Zack asked for a little too much suspension of disbelief, even by the standards of Saved By The Bell.  Couldn’t Mr. Belding have moved in with Rod instead?

 

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 6/16/26 — 6/22/26


Big Brother 28 (24/7, CBS, Paramout+, and Pluto TV)

I’ve been writing about the show that I love to hate over at Reality TV Chat Blog.

Election Coverage (Tuesday Night)

Last week was the last big primary night of 2026.  I mostly watched the results from Florida.  The defeat of Alex Vindman in Florida should be all the proof that one needs that the Resistance era is over.

Darke of the Night (YouTube)

My review of this unsold pilot will drop in September.

Homicide: Life On The Street (Peacock TV)

I binged several episodes of Homicide this week and wrote and scheduled reviews of each one.

Juvenile Court (YouTube)

My review of this unsold pilot will drop next week.

Law & Order (Hulu)

I watched an episode of Law & Order that served as a crossover with Homicide.  My review of both episodes will drop at some point in September.

Radio 1990 (Nightflight Plus)

I watched an episode of this 80s music video show on Friday night.

Saved By The Bell (Prime)

This week’s review will drop shortly.

Sylvan in Paradise (YouTube)

My review of this pilot will drop in September.

Warden Duffy of San Quentin (YouTube)

My review of this pilot will drop in September.

Watched and Reviewed:

  1. 1st & Ten,
  2. Baywatch,
  3. CHiPs,
  4. Crime Story,
  5. Harry’s Battles,
  6. Hunter,
  7. The Love Boat,
  8. Pacific Blue,
  9. Saved By The Bell: The New Class,
  10. Sledge Hammer,
  11. St. Elsewhere

Retro Television Review: Baywatch 2.16 “Sea of Flames”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch, which ran on NBC and then in syndication from 1989 to 2001.  The entire show can be viewed on Tubi.

This week, a floating drug lab means trouble!

Episode 2.16 “Sea of Flames”

(Dir by Gregory J. Bonnan and Douglas Schwartz, originally aired on February 17th, 1992)

Hobie has a nightmare in which he sees Mitch floating in the ocean and looking confused as a speedboat roars up behind him. “BEHIND YOU, DAD!” Hobie yells right before waking up.

Mitch says that the bad dream is no big deal, but Hobie is convinced that he’s seen the future. Mitch laughs off Hobie’s concerns. Mitch is more worried about convincing the city council to approve a funding increase so the lifeguards can buy some supercool wave runners.

Mitch should be worried about Eddie, who is such a terrible lifeguard that he doesn’t even notice that Scorch (Devino Tricoche) is wandering around the beach and setting fires. Scorch is a street performer who eats fire as part of his act. But after he gets a batch of bad designer drugs, he sets Eddie’s lifeguard tower on fire. Even though Eddie is sitting in the tower at the time, he doesn’t notice the flames until it’s nearly too late. After jumping off the tower in slow motion, Eddie drags Scorch to safety. “Sumo! Sumo! Sumo!” Scorch says.

Hey, there’s a boat called Sumo that’s docked in the harbor. Could it be a floating drug lab? Of course it is! When the drug dealers decide to sail away, Mitch gets a chance to show off on a wave runner! But when Mitch falls off the wave runner, he finds himself stranded in the ocean. Uh-oh, there’s a speedboat coming up behind him!

Hobie’s ghostly voice rings out: “BEHIND YOU, DAD!”

Mitch ducks out of the way just in time. OH MY GOD, HOBIE IS MAGIC!

While Mitch is busy capturing the drug dealers, Ben is once again depressed over getting old. When he investigates a house that has supposedly been empty for decades, he meets the actress (Constance Towers) who once lived there. Back when he was a young lifeguard, Ben had a crush on her. When she invites him into the house, he discovers that she has a framed picture of him that she took when he was young and standing on his lifeguard tower. She had a crush on him as well, but back then, dating a lifeguard would have led to a career-ending scandal. And now they’re both old, so what can anyone do? Oh well. Sorry, Ben, your life sucks.

But Mitch’s life is great! At the end of the episode, he thanks Hobie for having his nightmare. Hobie says he also had a dream where Mitch got married. “Blonde or brunette?” Mitch asks.

This was another silly episode of Baywatch, but as we all know, this series is at its most entertaining when it’s silly. As usual, Hasselhoff delivers even the most ludicrous of lines with an earnestness that is actually kind of charming in its own weird way. Ben’s storyline was kind of sad, but since the only reason Ben is on this show is to show that getting older sucks, it’s to be expected.

The important thing is that Mitch gets his wave runners and the ocean is now a safer place.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Sledge Hammer 1.2 “Hammer Gets Nailed”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing SLEDGE HAMMER!, a cop comedy which ran on ABC from 1986 to 1988. The entire series can be found on Prime!

This week, the liberal media comes after Sledge Hammer!

Episode 1.2 “Hammer Gets Nailed”

(Dir by Charles Braverman, originally aired on September 26th, 1986)

“HAMMER!” shouts Lt. Trunk as the episode begins.

Trunk is concerned because nosy news reporter Phil Gumm (Ronnie Schell) wants to do a ride along with Sledge Hammer.  The Mayor is thinking about laying off a large percentage of the force.  (I guess he’s not that grateful to the police for finding his daughter.)  If Hammer screws up on camera, that’ll give the Mayor the excuse that he needs.  Doreau is assigned to keep Hammer out of trouble.

So, of course, Hammer screws everything up.  After forcing a convenience store thief to eat all of the store’s expired food, Hammer gets into a high-speed chase and crashes his car.  Phil Gumm ends up with broken arms and a bad attitude.  The Mayor promptly starts laying people off …. including Sledge Hammer!

Hammer gets a job as a crossing guard.  (He even continues to wear his suit.)  However, when a group of terrorists call in a bomb threat, Hammer is the one who heads down to the clock store to try to disarm it.  The bomb is ticking.  Unfortunately, so is every clock in the store.

“Go Hammer go!” the people watching chant.

“Go bomb go,” Trunk mutters in his office.

Fortunately, Hammer is able to find and disarm the bomb.  The store is saved and so is Hammer’s job.

Yay!

This episode wasn’t quite as funny as last week but it still had plenty of laughs.  David Rasche delivers his berserk lines with so much earnestness that they actually start to make a strange sort of sense.  When Hammer stepped into the store and saw every clock ticking back and forth, I laughed harder than I’ve laughed in a while.

The important thing is that Hammer outsmarted the media.

Retro Television Review: St. Elsewhere 4.7 “Close Encounters”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing St. Elsewhere, a medical show which ran on NBC from 1982 to 1988.  The show can be found on Daily Motion.

This week, John Doe No. 6 returns.

Episode 4.7 “Close Encounters”

(Dir by Eric Laneuville, originally aired on November 20th, 1985)

This episode begins with a jolt. Dr. Victor Ehrlich is actually choosing to be ethical as opposed to just kissing up. Ehrlich is currently doing a rotation in plastic surgery, where he’s working with Bobby Caldwell. Caldwell already disliked Ehrlich before Ehrlich even joined the department. Caldwell’s opinion is not improved when he discovers that Ehrlich has talked a patient out of getting an eye tuck that Caldwell recommended. When Caldwell confronts him, Ehrlich argues that the surgery wasn’t necessary and that Caldwell manipulated the man into agreeing because Caldwell’s department is currently on the chopping block. When Ehrlich threatens to go to Dr. Craig, Caldwell sneers. Dr. Craig is the one who personally recruited Caldwell to come to St. Eligius. Ehrlich, on the other hand, is just “the hospital clown.”

Yikes. When Bobby Caldwell was introduced two seasons ago, he was mild-mannered and likable and clearly on the show because Mark Harmon looked good without a shirt on. This season, Caldwell has been arrogant and self-destructive. The fresh scar on his face has become a symbol for the scar on his soul. Personally, I think Bobby is a much more interesting character now. Every soap opera needs a villain and, by the time the fourth season started, St. Elsewhere had definitely become a soap opera.

As for Dr. Craig, he’s not there to talk to Ehrlich because he’s accompanied his daughter-in-law to her hometown in Clinton, New York. Yvonne (Suzanne Lederer) has been in a coma ever since Stephen Craig flipped their car. In this episode, she finally opens her eyes but she still isn’t speaking or mobile. Along with helping to transfer Yvonne to a new hospital, Craig has another reason for going to New York. He’s promised Ellen that he will return with their granddaughter, Barbara. However, when Dr. Craig spends the night there, he discovers that Yvonne’s parents aren’t the backward monsters that he assumed they were. He sees that they love Barbara and that they are taking care of her. Though he doesn’t say it, one gets the feeling that Dr. Craig realizes that Ellen mostly just wants custody of Barbara so she can have a part of Stephen. In New York, Dr. Craig finally starts to understand why Stephen and Yvonne designated Yvonne’s parents as Barbara’s legal guardians. Dr. Craig returns to Boston without Barbara. “I hate you for this, Mark,” Ellen says.

Meanwhile, astronaut Col. Chuck Cochrane (David Ackroyd) has decided that his seizure and subsequent dream were all signs from God telling him not to return to space. NASA, concerned that Cochrane is going to give the program a bad name, sends Captain Gloria Neal (Betty White) to the hospital. (Gloria mentions that she was sent by Major Healey, which is undoubtedly a reference to Roger Healey from I Dream of Jeannie.) Because Gloria went to medical school with Dr. Westphall, NASA thinks that she’ll be able to influence him to discharge Cochrane from the hospital so that he can be taken back to Walter Reed and forced to rejoin the space program. Westphall, however, decides to support Dr. Morrison’s decision not to discharge Cochrane. Westphall goes on to tell Gloria that she’s not much of a doctor anymore. She’s just a PR agent for the government. “So, I guess we won’t be sleeping together,” Gloria replies.

Ugh, Westphall. I know that I spent a lot of time complaining about Dr. Westphall, but this episode really epitomized everything that I dislike about the character. When he’s not depressed, he’s self-righteous. Whenever anyone disagrees with him, he starts talking about his experiences volunteering at a clinic in Ethiopia, as if that experience automatically makes his opinion superior to anyone else’s. In this episode, he decides that it’s his place to judge Gloria’s life decisions. Seriously, Westphall is the worst!

Finally, John Doe No. 6 (Oliver Clark) is back. He’s recovered from the surgery that initially left him comatose. He can speak and move again but he still has amnesia. He’s back in the psych ward. While watching television, he suddenly realizes who he is. He’s Mary Richards from The Mary Tyler Moore Show! He decides that a fellow patient, Mr. Carlin (Jack Riley), is Mary’s friend Rhoda. Dr. Auschlander is Mary’s co-worker, Murray. He tries to throw a party in the psych ward and it’s awful because Mary’s parties are always awful! When he sees Gloria Neal walking down the hospital hallway, he thinks that she’s Sue Ann Nivens, the happy homemaker! “Excuse me?” Gloria asks, confused.

Of course, Betty White did play Sue Ann Nivens on The Mary Tyler Moore Show. (St. Elsewhere itself was produced by Mary Tyler Moore’s production company.) Even more interesting, however, is that Jack Riley previously played Mr. Carlin on The Bob Newhart Show. Oliver Clark also appeared on The Bob Newhart Show, playing Mr. Herd, who was a member of the same therapy group as Mr. Carlin. As such, viewers who had previously seen The Bob Newhart Show (whether during its original run or, if you’re like me, via reruns) would have known that John Doe No. 6 was actually Mr. Herd. The episode’s biggest mystery is easily solved by those with a knowledge of television history. At the same time, it’s also interesting to note that Mr. Carlin presumably recognizes John Doe No. 6 but has yet to let anyone know.

It makes for a bizarre but enjoyable episode. Bobby is turning into a monster. The Craigs are headed for divorce. Dr. Westphall just insulted Betty White. But even with all that, it’s hard not to get caught up in John Doe No. 6’s joy. He’s going to make it after all!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Hunter 1.17 “The Last Kill”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Hunter, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1991.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi and several other services!

This week, Hunter helps an ex-girlfriend.

Episode 1.17 “The Last Kill”

(Dir by Bruce Kessler, originally aired on April 20th, 1985)

Internationally famous model Christine Le Masters (Stephanie Blackmore) thinks that her husband, Kerry (Madison Mason), is cheating on her. Christine tells Kerry that she’s heading to the airport to catch a flight for Europe and a new ad campaign. Instead, she follows Kerry when he heads over to a cheap motel. Christine is expecting to catch her husband with his mistress. Instead, she finds a prostitute who has been shot in the back of the head by a hitman.

Not wanting her husband to know that she lied about leaving the country, Christine goes to an ex-boyfriend for help. The name of that ex-boyfriend? Rick Hunter.

Hunter and McCall do investigate and discover that the prostitute is just one of many low-level criminals who have apparently all been killed by the same assassin. Hunter uses his little-mentioned mob contacts to dig into the murders and finds out that there’s a hitman named George who has been killing everyone involved in a plot to blackmail a mob boss. However, George appears to be doing this out of the kindness of his heart. Hunter suspects that George is just trying to get close to the mob boss so that he can kill him. He also suspects that George is actually Kerry Le Masters!

Is Hunter just jealous that Kerry is married to his ex-girlfriend, or is he correct about Kerry being a killer? It turns out that both things can be true! Don’t worry, though. Even though Kerry is holding a gun at his wife’s head at the time, Hunter is still able to shoot him without hurting Christine. Hunter tells police dispatch to send “the coroner’s wagon.” The police dispatcher doesn’t sound surprised. Hunter kills an average of three people a day.

This episode never really made it clear why Kerry would decide to become a hitman in the first place. I mean, he’s already rich. But I did appreciate that the Hunter family’s mob ties were mentioned again and that we got to learn a little about his past. When Kerry told Hunter that the two of them were heading for a standoff that only one would survive, Hunter replied, “Works for me.” It was a cool moment on an otherwise standard episode of Hunter.

Retro Television Review: Harry’s Battles 1.1 “Pilot”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  This Thursday, I will be reviewing Harry’s Battles, which aired its only episode on ABC in 1981.  The show can be found on YouTube!

Episode 1.1 “Pilot”

(Dir by Adam Rafkin, aired on June 8th, 1981)

Harry Fitzsimmons (Dick Van Dyke) is a grocery store manager who doesn’t understand why life has to be so complicated. During the opening credits, we watch as a gas station attendant (Joe Regalbuto) changes the price of unleaded while Harry is filling up his tank. We watch as the car-wash guy (Joe Regalbuto again) changes the radio station in his car. We watch as a postman (played by, you guessed it, Joe Regalbuto) clumsily tosses Harry’s package into the street after Harry tells him that it’s fragile.

Harry is easily frustrated, and anyone who has ever had to deal with any sort of bureaucracy will be able to understand where he’s coming from. In this episode, he and his wife, Mary Carol (Connie Stevens), are planning a night at the theater with their best friends, Herb (Danny Wells) and Diane (Marley Sims). They’re going to see Kate Jackson in Evita. But then Mary Carol gets something in her eye, and Harry decides to run her by the emergency room to get it checked out. It should only take a few minutes….

Two hours later, Harry is demanding to know where his wife is, the nurse on duty (Brooke Alderson) is more interested in talking on the phone than talking to him, and Dr. Harwood (Joe Regalbuto) is making jokes like, “We may lose patients on the operating table but not in the halls.”

It turns out the ER is short-staffed because everyone is at a party for the departing head of psychiatry. Harry talks to the incoming head of psychiatry, Dr. Jorgensen (David Ruprecht), who starts talking about the wrath that he’s going to bring down on the world. Only Harry seems to notice that the incoming head of psychiatry is apparently insane.

When Dr. Harwood announces that he’s found Harry’s wife, he rolls out an elderly woman (Florence Halop) in a wheelchair. When Harry insists that the woman is not his wife, both Dr. Harwood and the nurse reply that the woman is named “Mrs. Fitzsimmons” and therefore she is Harry’s wife. Eventually the woman announces that she’s escaping and rolls out of the hospital. Only then does it occur to the doctor and the nurse that the woman might not be Harry’s wife despite her last name. They have a good laugh over it.

When Mary Carol is finally found, she’s on a gurney and can barely walk or talk because of the painkillers she’s been given for her broken collarbone. “See,” Harwood says, looking at the X-ray, “look at that finger-shaped bone!” “That is my finger!” Mary Carol finally manages to say. Harry loses it and accuses Dr. Harwood of being incompetent. The doctor responds that not everyone can afford to go to the theater and that he is proud to be a doctor for those people. All of the patients in the ER applaud….

I’ve watched a lot of pilots for this feature and most of them are pretty bad. Harry’s Battles is actually really good and still funny and relatable nearly 45 years after it first aired. (It’s amazing to think that Dick Van Dyke, who was in his fifties when he did this pilot, is still with us.) Harry’s anger is the anger that everyone feels while dealing with incompetence. His frustration with paperwork and bureaucratic nonsense remains relatable. If anything, it’s probably even more relatable today than when this pilot first aired. We live in an overly regulated society and, sadly, there are a lot of people currently running for office who want to make things even more regulated. Dick Van Dyke may be a DSA supporter, but Harry Fitzsimmons definitely would have known better. I also really like the idea of Joe Regalbuto playing everyone who annoys Harry. Watching this pilot, it was easy to imagine week after week of various Regalbuto characters making Harry’s life difficult.

Sadly, this pilot was not turned into a television series. If Harry’s Battles had become a series, it probably would have been a classic. As it is, we’ve got this one episode that encourages us to consider what could have been.