Retro Television Review: Saved By The Bell: The New Class 2.13 “Bayside Story”

Posted on August 11, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell: The New Class, which ran on NBC from 1993 to 2o00. The show is currently on Prime.

Oh no, it’s another Bayside vs Valley episode!

Episode 2.13 “Bayside Story”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on October 22nd, 1994)

It’s time for Bayside and Valley to meet on the athletic field …. again!

*sigh*

Seriously, how much water can this show draw from the well of this particular rivalry? Ever since the original Saved By The Bell, there have been episodes about Bayside competing against Valley. Every episode begins with Mr. Belding complaining that Bayside never beats Valley. And yet, every episode also seems to end with Bayside defeating Valley so I’m really not sure what Belding’s problem is.

This episode, after Valley toilet papers the Bayside hallways, Mr. Belding complains that Bayside hasn’t defeated Valley since Slater graduated. Tommy D, Lindsay, Rachel, Megan, Brian, and Bobby all nod in agreement, which is odd since Slater graduated before any of them started at Bayside. Belding also mentions that Screech is in Vegas for Zack and Kelly’s wedding and, again, everyone nods as if they know who Zack and Kelly are. None of these students knew who Screech was when he first came back so how would they know Zack and Kelly? Am I just giving this too much thought? Perhaps.

As the head cheerleader, Megan is determined that the cheerleading squad (which is apparently made up of only her, Rachel, and Lindsay) is ready to declare death to Valley. But then she meets Doug (Bumper Robinson), the captain of Valley’s football team, and she ends up falling for him. Her friends are horrified that Megan would date someone from Valley but that doesn’t stop them from using Megan’s relationship to take advantage of Doug by pulling off one of those elaborate SBTB schemes where everyone dresses up in a stupid costume and distracts Doug long enough for Brian and Bobby to use a spy camera to take pictures of Valley’s playbook.

(Seriously, the whole thing is really stupid.)

Shortly afterwards, Megan ends up breaking up with Doug because she can’t handle everyone’s disapproval. The Gang feels guilty so they decide to give the pictures of the playbook back to Doug but, as opposed to just giving him the film, they instead decide to pull off another elaborate prank that involves everyone putting on costumes.

The reason why I’m not going into a lot of details about the pranks and the costumes is that it’s all really stupid. And I’m worried that if I spend too much time describing all of this, my brain might short-circuit. Let’s just say that it never occurs to anyone to just do the simplest of things, like maybe practicing really hard on the football field and trying to win the game legitimately.

That said, there a few things that work in this episode.

Amazingly, there actually is a funny running joke in this episode. Unlike most of the characters on this show, Brian knows nothing about American sports and continually has to be told the most basic facts about football. (“It’s played on a field, not a rink!”) Christian Oliver delivered his lines with the right amount of enthusiastic naivete and it was kind of nice to see Brian transformed into something more than just a stand-in for Zack.

The episode ends with the Bayside Gang meeting the Valley Gang at the Maxx and everyone crying as they realize that they’re not so different after all. That was actually kind of sweet. And then Belding ran in wearing riot gear because he was convinced a fight was about to break out. That actually made me laugh a little. So, dumb pranks aside, this episode wasn’t a total loss.

In conclusion, I should mention that my high school had a hated rival that was actually only a few blocks away from us. Our football team hated their football team and all that other stuff. Unfortunately, since my school was pretty much an art school, I don’t think we ever won a game against them. Some of that was because my school didn’t even have a football field so our team had to go over to the rival school whenever they wanted to practice.

Seriously, not even Slater could have saved them.

Film Review: Cast Away (dir by Robert Zemeckis)

Posted on July 9, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

“WILSON!”

Seriously, I’m usually pretty well-behaved when I watch a movie but every time I see the 2000 film Cast Away, I find myself thinking, “Protect Wilson! You must protect Wilson!” And then, every time, I feel the sting of tears in my eyes as Wilson, with that red-face and that understanding attitude, goes floating away.

Wilson is a volleyball. When a FedEx executive named Chuck Noland (played by Tom Hanks) finds himself stranded on a desert island, Wilson becomes his only companion. A stain from Chuck’s bloody palm creates something that resembles a face on Wilson’s rubber surface and Chuck spends a lot of time talking to Wilson. It’s how Chuck maintains his sanity, even as he loses weight, sheds most of his clothes, and grows a beard.

Chuck learns how to make fire. He learns how to catch fish. He is able to survive due to the supplies that he gathers from the FedEx packages that were being carried on the plane that crashed into the island. But Chuck never stops dreaming of returning home to his girlfriend (Helen Hunt). Eventually, Chuck finds the courage to try to make the journey back to civilization. He brings Wilson with him but ultimately, this is something that Chuck is going to have to do on his own. Of course, Chuck has failed to consider that he’s been gone for years. He is presumed dead. On the Island, time seemed like it was frozen. For the rest of the world, life has continued.

Cast Away is a film that a lot of people, especially online film commentators, tend to criticize. The complaint is usually that the film is essentially a commercial for FedEx, that it’s not believable that Tom Hanks could survive on that island for as long as he did, and that the film itself has a weak ending. I’ll concede that the film does make FedEx look like the nicest corporation on Earth. (FedEx’s CEO appears as himself, which should tell you something about how the company is presented.) And I will admit that the film’s time-advancing jump cut, which abruptly takes Hanks from being clean-shaven and husky to being thin and bearded, does leave a lot of unanswered questions. But I will always defend the film’s ending. The film ends on a note of ambiguity but how else could it have ended? Everyone thought Chuck Noland was dead. His girlfriend had every right to get on with her life and, in fact, it would have been psychologically unhealthy for her if she hadn’t. As for that final shot, it’s an acknowledgment that Chuck doesn’t know what lies ahead of him in the future. All he knows is that he life isn’t over yet. It’s a melancholy ending. It’s a frustrating ending. But it’s also the only way the film could have ended and therefore, it’s a perfect ending.

Cast Away is a film that I will always defend and it’s also a film that really only could have worked with Tom Hanks in the lead role. He plays Chuck as being the ultimate everyman, an affable guy who was just trying to do his job and whose survival of the initial plane crash was largely due to luck. Hanks is one of those actors who is instantly sympathetic and Cast Away uses his screen persona to good effect. You want him to survive because he’s Tom Hanks. He may be playing a character named Chuck Noland but ultimately, he’s Tom Hanks. He survived being trapped in space. Surely, he can survive being stranded on an island. The majority of the film is just Hanks talking to himself. This would have brought out the worst in so many actors but Tom Hanks makes it work. And yes, he’ll bring tears to your eyes as he watches Wilson float away. That’s the power of a good actor.

As for Wilson, I like to think that he washed up in Pensecola. Recently, I played a little volleyball on a beautiful Florida beach. Was that you, Wilson?

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 2.5 “Point Blank”

Posted on May 20, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network! It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

This week, the bike patrol’s stupidity and worthlessness puts everyone at risk. What are they thinking!?

Episode 2.5 “Point Blank”

(Dir by Michael Levine, originally aired on September 21st, 1996)

A report comes in about an armed robbery so TC and Chris speed off on their bicycles to catch the guy …. *snicker*

I’m sorry, I need a minute to stop laughing.

Anyway, TC gets knocked off of his bike by the robber, who proceeds to steal TC’s gun. Oh my God, TC’s such a dumbass! The real cops show up in their cars and Chris is all like, “Go get the robber while I tend to my fallen colleague and his totally rocking bicycle.” Seriously, Chris is kind of rude about it, frantically motioning at them to go after the robber. What else do you think they were going to do, Chris?

While TC searches for his gun, Chris discovers that someone has signed her up for a video dating service. Chris, who is always complaining about how she can’t get a date, complains about having too many dates. Then she complains that none of her dates work out, largely because of her whiny and abrasive personality.

Meanwhile, a little kid has lost his dog. Del Toro and Cory suspect that the pet has been kidnapped and sold to a research lab. They go from one sleazy kennel to another, searching for the dog. They take the kid with them and probably traumatize him for life. The good thing is that they save the dog and break up the dognapping ring. The bad thing is that their story and likable chemistry still has to share the screen with Chris whining and TC searching for his lost gun.

TC’s gun eventually lands in the hands of a bullied teenager who promptly threatens to shoot his bullies. But he changes his mind and instead give the gun back to TC. TC’s praises the kid for doing the right thing. To be honest, the kid threatened to kill three people. Haul him off to jail, TC! DO YOUR JOB, BICYCLE BOY!

I swear, this show….