Retro Television Review: Saved By The Bell: The New Class 2.13 “Bayside Story”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell: The New Class, which ran on NBC from 1993 to 2o00.  The show is currently on Prime.

Oh no, it’s another Bayside vs Valley episode!

Episode 2.13 “Bayside Story”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on October 22nd, 1994)

It’s time for Bayside and Valley to meet on the athletic field …. again!

*sigh*

Seriously, how much water can this show draw from the well of this particular rivalry?  Ever since the original Saved By The Bell, there have been episodes about Bayside competing against Valley.  Every episode begins with Mr. Belding complaining that Bayside never beats Valley.  And yet, every episode also seems to end with Bayside defeating Valley so I’m really not sure what Belding’s problem is.

This episode, after Valley toilet papers the Bayside hallways, Mr. Belding complains that Bayside hasn’t defeated Valley since Slater graduated.  Tommy D, Lindsay, Rachel, Megan, Brian, and Bobby all nod in agreement, which is odd since Slater graduated before any of them started at Bayside.  Belding also mentions that Screech is in Vegas for Zack and Kelly’s wedding and, again, everyone nods as if they know who Zack and Kelly are.  None of these students knew who Screech was when he first came back so how would they know Zack and Kelly?  Am I just giving this too much thought?  Perhaps.

As the head cheerleader, Megan is determined that the cheerleading squad (which is apparently made up of only her, Rachel, and Lindsay) is ready to declare death to Valley.  But then she meets Doug (Bumper Robinson), the captain of Valley’s football team, and she ends up falling for him.  Her friends are horrified that Megan would date someone from Valley but that doesn’t stop them from using Megan’s relationship to take advantage of Doug by pulling off one of those elaborate SBTB schemes where everyone dresses up in a stupid costume and distracts Doug long enough for Brian and Bobby to use a spy camera to take pictures of Valley’s playbook.

(Seriously, the whole thing is really stupid.)

Shortly afterwards, Megan ends up breaking up with Doug because she can’t handle everyone’s disapproval.  The Gang feels guilty so they decide to give the pictures of the playbook back to Doug but, as opposed to just giving him the film, they instead decide to pull off another elaborate prank that involves everyone putting on costumes.

The reason why I’m not going into a lot of details about the pranks and the costumes is that it’s all really stupid.  And I’m worried that if I spend too much time describing all of this, my brain might short-circuit.  Let’s just say that it never occurs to anyone to just do the simplest of things, like maybe practicing really hard on the football field and trying to win the game legitimately.

That said, there a few things that work in this episode.

Amazingly, there actually is a funny running joke in this episode.  Unlike most of the characters on this show, Brian knows nothing about American sports and continually has to be told the most basic facts about football.  (“It’s played on a field, not a rink!”)  Christian Oliver delivered his lines with the right amount of enthusiastic naivete and it was kind of nice to see Brian transformed into something more than just a stand-in for Zack.

The episode ends with the Bayside Gang meeting the Valley Gang at the Maxx and everyone crying as they realize that they’re not so different after all.  That was actually kind of sweet.  And then Belding ran in wearing riot gear because he was convinced a fight was about to break out.  That actually made me laugh a little.  So, dumb pranks aside, this episode wasn’t a total loss.

In conclusion, I should mention that my high school had a hated rival that was actually only a few blocks away from us.  Our football team hated their football team and all that other stuff.  Unfortunately, since my school was pretty much an art school, I don’t think we ever won a game against them.  Some of that was because my school didn’t even have a football field so our team had to go over to the rival school whenever they wanted to practice.

Seriously, not even Slater could have saved them.

 

 

Review: Enemy Mine (dir. by Wolfgang Petersen)


“Truth is truth.” – Jeriba Shigan

One of those 1980s sci-fi movies that sneaks up on you with more heart than flash, Enemy Mine turns a pulpy premise into something genuinely moving under Wolfgang Petersen’s steady hand. What starts as a straightforward tale of enemies forced together ends up digging deep into survival, prejudice, and the unlikely bonds that form when everything else falls away.

The storyline kicks off in the middle of an interstellar war between humans and the Drac, a reptilian alien species. Human pilot Willis Davidge, played by Dennis Quaid, crash-lands on a harsh, storm-battered planet after a dogfight with Drac warrior Jeriba Shigan. At first, it’s pure hate: they clash, scheme, and barely survive the planet’s brutal environment—freezing winds, toxic air, and hungry scavengers. But necessity breeds uneasy teamwork, and from there, the film charts a slow thaw into mutual respect and friendship. The plot builds to bigger stakes when Jeriba faces a pregnancy unique to their species, leading to themes of parenthood, loss, and legacy that give the story real emotional weight.

Interestingly, Enemy Mine‘s basic premise echoes John Boorman’s 1968 war drama Hell in the Pacific, where an American airman (Lee Marvin) and a stranded Japanese soldier (Toshiro Mifune) wash up on the same deserted island and must cooperate to survive after initial violent antagonism. Both films hinge on that classic setup of mortal enemies isolated together, grappling with a language barrier that heightens the tension—grunts, gestures, and improvised signals become their only bridge. But where Boorman leans into raw cynicism, ending on an ambiguous and bleak note that questions if reconciliation is even possible, Enemy Mine flips the script toward optimism, letting understanding bloom into a full-fledged familial bond.

What elevates Enemy Mine beyond typical space opera is its focus on themes that feel timeless, even if the delivery is pure ’80s cheese. The human-Drac conflict is a clear stand-in for racism and xenophobia, showing how propaganda and fear turn “others” into monsters in our minds. Davidge starts spouting all the usual human supremacist lines, while Jeriba embodies alien pride, but isolation strips away those defenses. The movie argues that empathy isn’t innate—it’s forged through shared hardship, language lessons (Davidge memorably recites Drac poetry), and vulnerability. There’s a queer undercurrent too, in the intense, almost parental intimacy that develops, challenging binary ideas of enemy and ally.

Dennis Quaid nails Davidge as a cocky everyman with a hidden soft side. He brings brash energy to the early fights—grinning through gritted teeth, improvising weapons from junk—but lets cracks show as grief and responsibility hit. His arc from hothead to devoted guardian feels earned, especially in quieter moments like teaching the Drac child human songs. Louis Gossett Jr. is even more impressive under layers of prosthetics as Jeriba, giving the alien a dignified, wry voice that cuts through the makeup. He conveys wisdom and humor without preaching, making Jeriba’s final lessons about tolerance land with quiet power. Their chemistry carries the film; you buy the shift from foes to family because these two sell every beat.

Thematically, Enemy Mine shines brightest in its exploration of fatherhood across species lines. After tragedy strikes, Davidge steps up for Jeriba’s child, Zammis, turning the story into a tale of nurture over nature. It’s about breaking cycles—passing on culture, rituals, and values not to perpetuate war, but to build peace. The film critiques blind loyalty to one’s side, showing how the real enemy might be the systems that demand it. Petersen, fresh off Das Boot, keeps the tone earnest, balancing tense survival scenes with tender rituals like Jeriba’s egg-laying or Davidge’s makeshift cradle. Sure, the effects age unevenly—those Drac faces look rubbery now—but the emotional core holds up.

Revisiting it today, Enemy Mine feels like a forgotten gem in the era of Aliens and Star Wars sequels. It dares to be intimate amid the spectacle, prioritizing character over conquest. The climax, with its courtroom-like showdown back in human space, hammers home the anti-war message without feeling forced. Quaid and Gossett elevate the script’s earnestness, making the bromance-turned-familial bond resonate. It’s not flawless—the pacing drags in spots, and some twists feel convenient—but its sincerity wins out. In a genre often about blowing stuff up, this one’s about building something human (or Drac) from the wreckage.

Enemy Mine reminds us that enemies are just strangers we haven’t met yet. Through Davidge and Jeriba’s journey, it champions understanding over ideology, legacy over vengeance. Quaid’s charisma and Gossett’s gravitas make it stick, turning a B-movie setup into a heartfelt plea for connection. If you’re into thoughtful sci-fi with soul, it’s worth a rewatch—imperfect, but profoundly kind.

A Movie A Day #193: The O.J. Simpson Story (1995, directed by Alan Smithee)


Long before O.J.: Made In America

Before The People vs. O.J. Simpson

Before American Tragedy

Before today’s live, televised parole hearing…

There was The O.J. Simpson Story.

In 1994, shortly after O.J. Simpson was charged with the murders of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman, Fox rushed The O.J. Simpson Story into production.  It was one of many “true life” stories that showed up as television movies during the 90s.  There was a movie about Woody Allen and Mia Farrow’s divorce.  There was a movie about David Koresh and the Branch Davidians, which actually aired while the siege in Waco was still ongoing.  There were three movies about Amy Fisher.  So, of course, O.J. would get a movie.

Though the movie was produced in 1994, it was not allowed to air in 1995 so that it would not prejudice any of the jurors in the case.  (After all, they might have done something crazy like ignore all of the DNA evidence and let O.J. go free.)  I think the legal authorities may have been giving The O.J. Simpson Story too much credit.  There were many bad made-for-TV movies made in the 90s but The O.J. Simpson Story may very well be the worst.  The only thing it could prejudice some against is television.

Opening with the discovery of the murders in Brentwood, The O.J. Simpson Story mixes scenes of O.J. (played by Bobby Hosea, who shows not a hint of O.J.s famous charisma) talking to the police and his lawyer, Bob Shapiro (Bruce Weitz, slightly more credible than John Travolta was in The People vs. O.J. Simpson) with flashbacks to O.J.’s youth, first marriage, and his relationship with Nicole (blandly played by Jessica Tuck, who, beyond the color of her hair, looked nothing like Nicole).  The film also devotes some time to O.J.’s friendship with A.C. Cowlings, who, as a young man, is played by Terrence Howard.

Several of the famous incidents of the case are wanly recreated.  The famous bronco chase is there, of course.  O.J. is shown beating Nicole in the infamous 1989 incident, which the movie suggests was triggered by Nicole telling O.J. that he would never win an Oscar for appearing in The Naked Gun.  But, since the movie was rushed into production before the trial even began, it is remarkable how much is left out.  There’s no Mark Furhman finding the black glove.  There’s no Kate Kaelin, Faye Resnick, Johnnie Cochran, or even Marcia Clark.  Because the movie was made before the trial had even begun, it does not even take a stand on whether or not O.J.’s guilty.  Narratively, it is an incomplete movie and evidence of why movies that claim to tell true stories should not be rushed into production before the story itself has been completed.

As for the film’s dialogue, when O.J. first meets Nicole, he asks her, “Any problem with going out with a brother?”

“Yeah,” Nicole says with a smile, “I’m in the Ku Klux Klan.”

Not surprisingly, The O.J. Simpson Story was directed by Alan Smithee, which was the pseudonym used by directors who felt that their movie has been so butchered by outside interference that they should not even be credited with the final result.  The O.J. Simpson Story is one of the worst Smithee films that I have ever seen.  Compared to The O.J. Simpson Story, Smithee’s work on Let’s Get Harry was Oscar-worthy.

As for the real life O.J. Simpson, earlier today, he was granted parole from the Nevada Parole Board.  He will be released from prison on October 1st.  He has said that he hope to be allowed to move to Florida after being released.  The real-life O.J. Simpson story continues.

When it comes to the long saga of O.J. Simpson, it seems appropriate to give the last word to MAD Magazine: