Retro Television Review: St. Elsewhere 4.8 “Watch The Skies”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing St. Elsewhere, a medical show which ran on NBC from 1982 to 1988.  The show can be found on Daily Motion.

This week, the hospital becomes a very sad place.

Episode 4.8 “Watch the Skies”

(Dir by Bethany Rooney, originally aired on November 27, 1985)

Mr. Zapata (Frank Ramirez) comes to the ER complaining of stomach pains. He tells Dr. Fiscus that he doesn’t have time for an examination. He just needs something for the pain so he can go back to his job on the loading docks. Fiscus calls in Dr. Westphall, the most depressing man on the planet, for a consult. When Zapata faints, Westphall diagnoses him as suffering from malnutrition. Zapata is an immigrant from El Salvador, and all of his money goes to paying for food for his kids and younger siblings. When he’s given food at the hospital, he insists that his sister, Morena (Edith Diaz), be allowed to take it home for the family.

It’s a sad story. Of course, Westphall makes it all about himself and his struggle to get the Hospital Board to approve his social outreach programs. For the thousandth time this season, he tells Auschlander that he thought people would automatically agree to all of his ideas. Westphall is the only character I know who can meet a man who is starving and turn it into a pity party for himself.

Speaking of sad stories, Colonel Cochrane (David Ackroyd) is informed that, even if he does regain the ability to walk, he will probably never be allowed to ride in another space shuttle. NASA feels that Cochrane’s religious fervor would make people nervous. (Really?) Cochrane’s wife gets frustrated with him always talking about God and leaves him. Cochrane has yet another vision of himself floating in space. He falls out of his hospital bed and nearly breaks his neck. Dr. Morrison tells Cochrane that God would not want him to destroy himself.

Poor Dr. Morrison. He spends this entire episode getting physically ill because he’s so worried about taking his third remedial exam. It’s actually kind of amazing that Morrison is being allowed to treat high-profile patients (like the astronaut) when he really shouldn’t even be allowed to practice medicine in the first place. (Last season, in case you forgot, Morrison confessed to getting his medical degree from a fly-by-night medical school in South America.)

When Dr. Turner’s ex-husband (Charles Weldon) comes to the hospital and asks her to consider returning to her hometown in Mississippi and serving as the town’s doctor, Chandler gets jealous. Turner informs Chandler that he’ll never be a good doctor unless he learns how to care about other people. Then she dumps him.

At the insistence of Bobby Caldwell, Ehrlich is kicked out of his plastic surgery rotation and assigned to gynecology. Meanwhile, Bobby continues to be a sleaze who hits on every woman in the hospital while obsessing over his new facial scar.

Nurse Rosenthal gets into an argument with abrasive Nurse Lucy Papandrao (Jennifer Savidge). Rosenthal accuses Lucy of being “autocratic.” Lucy accuses Rosenthal of being a suck-up who brings all of her personal problems into the hospital and whose “bratty kids are calling up here all the time.” Rosenthal slaps Lucy. Somehow, Rosenthal does not lose her job, which kind of supports Lucy’s claim that Rosenthal gets special treatment.

Seriously, is no one happy at St. Eligius?

Well, there is one happy couple, and their identity might surprise you. When Dr. Craig comes into work, he finds Gene Galecki (Ramon Bieri) waiting for him with Dr. Craig’s infant granddaughter, Barbara. Gene explains that Yvonne seems to be reacting well but that she still has a long way to go in her recovery. Gene says that he and his wife are going to have to devote all of their time to taking care of Yvonne. He asks Dr. Craig to look after Barbara. Dr. Craig agrees. When he calls Ellen and gives her the news, she’s overjoyed. For that matter, so is Dr. Craig.

So Mark and Ellen Craig end this episode happy. Who would have guessed? Personally, I’m happy for them. Watching this show, it’s easy to get used to the idea of Dr. Craig as always being sarcastic and prickly. This episode reminds us that Dr. Craig is just as compelling when he’s in a good mood.

In the end, there’s a lot of sadness in this episode. Fortunately, there’s some happiness too. That’s a lesson for us all.

 

Retro Television Review: St. Elsewhere 4.7 “Close Encounters”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing St. Elsewhere, a medical show which ran on NBC from 1982 to 1988.  The show can be found on Daily Motion.

This week, John Doe No. 6 returns.

Episode 4.7 “Close Encounters”

(Dir by Eric Laneuville, originally aired on November 20th, 1985)

This episode begins with a jolt. Dr. Victor Ehrlich is actually choosing to be ethical as opposed to just kissing up. Ehrlich is currently doing a rotation in plastic surgery, where he’s working with Bobby Caldwell. Caldwell already disliked Ehrlich before Ehrlich even joined the department. Caldwell’s opinion is not improved when he discovers that Ehrlich has talked a patient out of getting an eye tuck that Caldwell recommended. When Caldwell confronts him, Ehrlich argues that the surgery wasn’t necessary and that Caldwell manipulated the man into agreeing because Caldwell’s department is currently on the chopping block. When Ehrlich threatens to go to Dr. Craig, Caldwell sneers. Dr. Craig is the one who personally recruited Caldwell to come to St. Eligius. Ehrlich, on the other hand, is just “the hospital clown.”

Yikes. When Bobby Caldwell was introduced two seasons ago, he was mild-mannered and likable and clearly on the show because Mark Harmon looked good without a shirt on. This season, Caldwell has been arrogant and self-destructive. The fresh scar on his face has become a symbol for the scar on his soul. Personally, I think Bobby is a much more interesting character now. Every soap opera needs a villain and, by the time the fourth season started, St. Elsewhere had definitely become a soap opera.

As for Dr. Craig, he’s not there to talk to Ehrlich because he’s accompanied his daughter-in-law to her hometown in Clinton, New York. Yvonne (Suzanne Lederer) has been in a coma ever since Stephen Craig flipped their car. In this episode, she finally opens her eyes but she still isn’t speaking or mobile. Along with helping to transfer Yvonne to a new hospital, Craig has another reason for going to New York. He’s promised Ellen that he will return with their granddaughter, Barbara. However, when Dr. Craig spends the night there, he discovers that Yvonne’s parents aren’t the backward monsters that he assumed they were. He sees that they love Barbara and that they are taking care of her. Though he doesn’t say it, one gets the feeling that Dr. Craig realizes that Ellen mostly just wants custody of Barbara so she can have a part of Stephen. In New York, Dr. Craig finally starts to understand why Stephen and Yvonne designated Yvonne’s parents as Barbara’s legal guardians. Dr. Craig returns to Boston without Barbara. “I hate you for this, Mark,” Ellen says.

Meanwhile, astronaut Col. Chuck Cochrane (David Ackroyd) has decided that his seizure and subsequent dream were all signs from God telling him not to return to space. NASA, concerned that Cochrane is going to give the program a bad name, sends Captain Gloria Neal (Betty White) to the hospital. (Gloria mentions that she was sent by Major Healey, which is undoubtedly a reference to Roger Healey from I Dream of Jeannie.) Because Gloria went to medical school with Dr. Westphall, NASA thinks that she’ll be able to influence him to discharge Cochrane from the hospital so that he can be taken back to Walter Reed and forced to rejoin the space program. Westphall, however, decides to support Dr. Morrison’s decision not to discharge Cochrane. Westphall goes on to tell Gloria that she’s not much of a doctor anymore. She’s just a PR agent for the government. “So, I guess we won’t be sleeping together,” Gloria replies.

Ugh, Westphall. I know that I spent a lot of time complaining about Dr. Westphall, but this episode really epitomized everything that I dislike about the character. When he’s not depressed, he’s self-righteous. Whenever anyone disagrees with him, he starts talking about his experiences volunteering at a clinic in Ethiopia, as if that experience automatically makes his opinion superior to anyone else’s. In this episode, he decides that it’s his place to judge Gloria’s life decisions. Seriously, Westphall is the worst!

Finally, John Doe No. 6 (Oliver Clark) is back. He’s recovered from the surgery that initially left him comatose. He can speak and move again but he still has amnesia. He’s back in the psych ward. While watching television, he suddenly realizes who he is. He’s Mary Richards from The Mary Tyler Moore Show! He decides that a fellow patient, Mr. Carlin (Jack Riley), is Mary’s friend Rhoda. Dr. Auschlander is Mary’s co-worker, Murray. He tries to throw a party in the psych ward and it’s awful because Mary’s parties are always awful! When he sees Gloria Neal walking down the hospital hallway, he thinks that she’s Sue Ann Nivens, the happy homemaker! “Excuse me?” Gloria asks, confused.

Of course, Betty White did play Sue Ann Nivens on The Mary Tyler Moore Show. (St. Elsewhere itself was produced by Mary Tyler Moore’s production company.) Even more interesting, however, is that Jack Riley previously played Mr. Carlin on The Bob Newhart Show. Oliver Clark also appeared on The Bob Newhart Show, playing Mr. Herd, who was a member of the same therapy group as Mr. Carlin. As such, viewers who had previously seen The Bob Newhart Show (whether during its original run or, if you’re like me, via reruns) would have known that John Doe No. 6 was actually Mr. Herd. The episode’s biggest mystery is easily solved by those with a knowledge of television history. At the same time, it’s also interesting to note that Mr. Carlin presumably recognizes John Doe No. 6 but has yet to let anyone know.

It makes for a bizarre but enjoyable episode. Bobby is turning into a monster. The Craigs are headed for divorce. Dr. Westphall just insulted Betty White. But even with all that, it’s hard not to get caught up in John Doe No. 6’s joy. He’s going to make it after all!

Retro Television Review: St. Elsewhere 4.5 “Slice O’Life”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing St. Elsewhere, a medical show which ran on NBC from 1982 to 1988.  The show can be found on Daily Motion.

This week, it’s a busy few days in Boston.

Episode 4.5 “Slice O’Life”

(Dir by Eric Laneuville, originally aired on November 6th, 1985)

Oh, the drama!

Elliot is still struggling to lose weight.

Fiscus is having an early midlife crisis, especially when a cancer patient (Todd Susman) philosophically accepts that the treatment is going to leave him impotent.  The patient has lived a life with meaning.  What has Fiscus done?

Dr. Craig finally admits to Ellen that he knows he was too hard on their now dead son.  They are both preparing to raise their granddaughter, Barbara, in their home.  However, Yvonne’s parents (Ramon Bieri and K Callan) arrive in Boston for a visit.  They are so blue collar and, in Dr. Craig’s eyes, unsophisticated that they almost seems like caricatures of what the rich think the poor are like.  They reveal that Stephen and Yvonne asked them to serve as Barbara’s legal guardians in case anything happened.  At first, Ellen refuses to let them take Barbara.  “Get your wife in check,” Yvonne’s father says.  “I’ll see you in court,” Dr. Craig replies.

After complaining about feeling like he has a cold and then getting upset about the Hospital Board not immediately approving all of his projects, Dr. Westphall collapses in the St. Eligius stairwell.  It turns out that he has Malaria.  Apparently, a self-righteous attitude and a bunch of impractical ideas were not the only things Westphall brought home from Ethiopia.

Finally, Bobby spends another weekend up at Cape Cod.  He picks up a local woman.  They have what Bobby is probably expecting to be just another one night stand.  The woman, however, has a razor blade that she’s hidden under her tongue (yikes!) and proceeds to slice Bobby across his face.

AGCK!

Up until that ending, this was a fairly typical episode of St. Elsewhere.  It looked like the big drama was going to be the Craigs temporarily losing Barbara.  Instead, the drama is that Bobby might be dead!

Oh, poor Mark Harmon.  When he first started playing the role on this show, Bobby was portrayed as being a nice guy who was a little boring.  The show really had no idea what to do with him, other than have him occasionally take his shirt off.  For the fourth season, the show’s writers turned him into an arrogant hedonist.  On the one hand, I’m sure there are a lot of doctors like Bobby Caldwell.  On the other hand, the change really does seem to have come out of nowhere.  And now, he might be dead.  I guess the lesson here is to stay away from Cape Cod!

The attack on Bobby ultimately overshadows everything else that happened in this episode.  I will say that, before Bobby got attacked, I was enjoying Dr. Craig’s rather snobbish reaction to Yvonne’s parents.  As for Dr. Westphall …. eh.  Westphall’s kind of become a one trick pony.  He’s depressed and he wants the world to know it.  I know quite a few people like Dr. Westphall in real life, which is probably why I get so annoyed with his character on the show.

Seriously, Westphall, cheer up!

 

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 3.19 “Off Road”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

This week, Ponch and Jon go to the desert!

Episode 3.19 “Off Road”

(Dir by Paul Nuckles, originally aired on February 2nd, 1980)

Though off-duty, Jon and Ponch continue to hang out together.  This weekend, they’re taking part in an off-road race at an old military bombing range in the desert.  They’re going to have look out for unexploded shells as they drive through the desert and try to make it to the finish line.  Since they’re cops, they will also have to deal with two crooks (Ramon Bieri and Michael Baselon) who are using the race as a cover to track down some stolen gold that they hid in the area.  Another racer (played by Edd Byrnes) also knows about the gold and he’s determined to get it as well.  And, of course, Ponch falls for two female racers who also end up getting involved in the search for the gold.

This is one of those episodes of CHiPs where Ponch and Jon show off the California lifestyle.  Whether it’s hang-gliding or sailing or offroad racing or handball, you can be sure that Ponch and Jon will try it at least once.  This episode is a bit of a throwback to the first season, in that Jon is the one who knows about off-road racing while Ponch is the one who learns what it’s all about.  Jon gets to be a mentor again, explaining the rules of the race while Ponch flashes his smile and leers at every woman who happens to walk by.

This episode actually spent more time with the people looking for the gold than it did with Ponch and Jon.  And I guess that’s okay because this is also one of those episodes where you can tell just how much Larry Wilcox and Erik Estrada disliked being in the same scene together.  Playing co-workers and close personal friends, Wilcox and Estrada have all the chemistry of two high school rivals forced to sit next to each other in summer school.  Wilcox barely looks at Estrada while talking to him.  Estrada continually flashes the Estrada smile in their scenes together, silently daring Wilcox to try and steal back the scene.  I was actually worried that Baker might end up abandoning Ponch in the desert but, fortunately, he didn’t and their adventures can continue.

Anyway, if you’re a car chase person, this was a fun episode.  If you’re watching for the stunts, this episode had quite a few.  The storyline was needlessly convoluted but the vehicles looked good and that’s what CHiPs is all about.

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Highway to Heaven 1.14 “Plane Death”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi and several other services!

This week, Jonathan and Mark enlist in the War on Drugs.

Episode 1.14 “Plane Death”

(Dir by Victor French, originally aired on January 9th, 1985)

In a small town in California, a man named Charlie Down (Robert Ford) drives his big family car down an isolated car.  One thing that that is immediately noticeable is that Charlie has a gigantic pair of fuzzy dice hanging from his rearview mirror.  That’s rarely a good sign.  The other thing that is immediately noticeable is that a remote control airplane is flying over the landscape.  As the audience will soon learn, the people in this town are obsessed with remote control airplanes.  That’s because drug dealer Jack Harm (Michael Bowen), the son of the local sheriff, is using the airplanes to smuggle cocaine.  When one of the planes crashes, Charlie rushes out to it and grabs the cocaine for himself.  He is pursued by Jack and his gang.  Charlie runs away from them.  An off-screen gunshot is heard.

What Jack doesn’t know is that the man that he murdered is an old friend of Mark Gordon’s (Victor French).  For the past few months, Mark has been on the road with angel Jonathan Smith (Michael Landon).  They’ve been taking care of people all over America.  But right now, they are between assignments.  They show up in town so that Mark can see his friend but, shortly after arriving, Mark is informed that Charlie has gone missing.  It doesn’t take Mark long to figure out what happened.  He announces that he’s going to get revenge, “just like in the Bible, eye for an eye.”

Fortunately, Jonathan is there to keep Mark from doing something that he might regret.  Before Mark can drive down to the local bar, Jonathan arranges for the police and the FBI to show up and take Jack and his gang into custody.  Jack’s father can only watch in disappointment as his son is taken off to prison.  When Mark thanks Jonathan for keeping him from making a mistake, Jonathan replies that he’s sure Mark would have stopped himself from killing anyone.  Mark says that he wouldn’t have been able to stop himself and Victor French’s delivery of the line is so somber and serious that there’s little doubt he was prepared to kill everyone in town.

At Charlie’s funeral, his young son (played by David Faustino) announces that he’s going to become a cop so that no other kids have to feel as bad as he feel right now.  Jonathan says that Charlie would be proud to hear that.  Mark asks Jonathan if the country is ever going to be able to win the war on drugs.

“If they don’t,” Jonathan replies, “they’re may not be a country to worry about.”

Yikes!  Setting aside the ultimate futility of the War on Drugs (which far too often became a war on addicts as opposed to war on the people making money off of them), this episode was actually pretty well-done.  Mark’s intense anger was perfectly portrayed, making him a bit frightening even if you understood his desire for revenge.  Michael Bowen’s superficially friendly psychopath was easy to dislike.  This was one of those episodes where the viewer appreciates the sincerity of the show’s emotions even if the legacy of the War on Drugs has ultimately been one of failure.

Horror on TV: Kolchak: The Night Stalker 1.17 “Legacy of Terror” (dir by Don McDougall)


Tonight, on Kolchak….

All across Chicago, people are losing their hearts …. literally!  A string of murders are all connected by the fact that the heart has been cut out of the body.  Could it be the work of an Aztec death cult that’s being led by a centuries-old mummy!?

Carl Kolchak is going to find out!

The episode originally aired on February 14th, 1975.  Wow!  Happy Valentine’s Day!

Enjoy!

Horror on TV: Kolchak: The Night Stalker 1.8 “Bad Medicine” (dir by Alexander Grasshoff)


On tonight’s episode of Kolchak: The Night Stalker, wealthy women are dying in Chicago and Carl Kolchak is on the case!  It turns out that it’s all connected to priceless jewels and a legendary monster known as the Diabelro, a creature has been cursed to roam the Earth and search for gems.

The Diabelro is played by Richard Kiel, who might be best known for playing Jaws in The Spy Who Loved Me and Moonraker.

This episode originally aired on November 29th, 1974.

Enjoy!

Embracing the Melodrama Part III #4: The Grasshopper (dir by Jerry Paris)


“It’s very simple what I want to be: totally happy; totally different; and totally in love.”

— Christine Adams (Jacqueline Bisset) in The Grasshopper (1970)

Seriously, is Christine asking for too much?

Total happiness?  That may sound like a lot but trust me, it can be done.

Totally different?  That’s a little bit more challenging because, to be honest, you’re either different or you’re not.  If you have to make the effort to be different, then you definitely are not.

Totally in love?  Well, it depends on how you define love…

At the start of The Grasshopper, Christine thinks that she’s heading to America to find love.  While an oh-so late 60s/early 70s theme song plays in the background, Christine leaves her small hometown in Canada and she heads down to California.  She’s planning on meeting up with her boyfriend Eddie (Tim O’Kelly) and taking a job as a bank teller.

Of course, it soon turns out that working in a bank isn’t as exciting as Christine originally assumed.  Eddie expects Christine to just be a conventional girlfriend and that’s not what Christine is looking for. As well, it’s possible that Christine may have seen Targets, in which O’Kelly played an all-American boy who picks up a rifle and goes on a killing spree.

And so, Christine abandons Eddie and heads to Las Vegas.  Since this movie was made in 1970 and Uber didn’t exist back then, Christine’s preferred method of traveling is hitchhiking.  This gives her a chance to meet the usual collection of late 60s weirdos who always populate movies like this.  One driver crosses herself when Christine says that she plans to have a baby before getting married.  Another is a hacky Las Vegas comic.

In Vegas, Christine applies for a job as a showgirl.  As she explains to sleazy casino owner Jack Benton (Ed Flanders), she “once did Little Women in school.”

“Did you do it nude?” Jack replies.

Yep, that’s Vegas for you!  It’s the city of Showgirls, Casino, and Saved By The Bell: Wedding in Vegas, after all!

Anyway, thing do get better once Christine meets and falls in love with Tommy Marcott (Jim Brown), a former football player who is now working as a door greeter in Jack’s casino.  Everyone tells Christine not to get involved with Tommy.  One of Jack’s men, a menacing hitman who looks just like Johnny from Night of the Living Death (he even wears glasses), warns Christine to watch herself.

Through a long series of events, Christine ends up on her own again.  The usual collection of 70s events occur: murder, drugs, prostitution, and ultimately a stint as the mistress of a rich man played by Joseph Cotten.  The important thing is that it all eventually leads to Christine and a skywriter getting stoned, stealing a plane, and deciding to write a message in the sky.

That’s when this happens:

Yes, it’s all very 1970!

Anyway, The Grasshopper is one of those films that tries to have it both ways.  Establishment audiences could watch it and think, “Wow, those kids are really messed up.”  Counterculture audiences could watch it and say, “Old people are such hypocrites.”  Oddly enough, The Grasshopper was written by future director Garry Marshall and it’s an incredibly overwrought film.  There’s not a subtle moment to be found in the entire film and the film’s direction is flashy but empty.  However, for those of us who love history, it’s as close to 1970 as we’re going to get without hopping into a time machine.

Horror on TV: The Twilight Zone 1.23 “Shadow Play” (dir by Paul Lynch)


For tonight’s trip into the world of televised horror, we have an episode from a 1986 attempt to revive The Twilight Zone.

This episode is a remake of one of my favorite episodes of the original series, Shadow Play.  That’s the one where the guy is on death row but he says he’s not worried about being executed because he knows he’s just having a reoccuring nightmare.  Of course, this kind of freaks out some of the people around him because, if he’s just having a dream, what happens to them when the dream ends?

While the remake is nowhere near as good as the original, it’s still fairly well done.  Plus, it’s on YouTube and the original isn’t.

This episode was directed by Paul Lynch, the Canadian director who also directed the original Prom Night.

Enjoy!