On tonight’s episode of The Hitchhiker, the title character (Page Fletcher) continues to come across the worst people on the planet.
This time, that person is Eric Coleman (Ray Sharkey), a once great photographer who now makes a disreputable living taking pictures of celebrities and tragedies. When Eric has a chance to stop a woman’s suicide, he instead decides to take pictures. His new assistant goes out of her way to make Eric feel the error of his ways.
This episode features a convincingly sleazy performance from Ray Sharkey. Eric Coleman is a character who you will definitely want to see receive his comeuppance.
This episode originally aired on April 29th, 1989.
The 1982 film X-Ray (also known was Hospital Massacre) opens in the early 60s. A nerdy kid named Harold gives a Valentine’s Day card to a popular girl named Susan. Susan takes one look at the card and laughs. Harold responds by taking Susan’s friend, David, and hanging him from a coat rack. Yikes!
The film then jumps forward by 19 years. Susan (Barbi Benton) is an upper class, divorced mom who has just received a promotion at work. As a part of the promotion, she was required to get a medical exam for insurance purposes. On Valentine’s Day, she heads to the hospital so that she can get the results of that exam. It should be a routine thing that only takes a few minutes. Susan may be a chain smoker but, otherwise, she’s in good health.
Unfortunately, Harold is now working at the hospital and he finally sees his chance to give Susan “a piece of my heart.” Harold fakes Susan’s test results and then murders her doctor. Susan finds herself being checked into the hospital, pretty much against her will. Since Harold didn’t do a very good job at faking her results, the doctors are all confused by Susan’s results. Some of them want to operate. Some of them just want to hold her for observation. Susan desperately wants to leave, especially when she comes to realize that Harold is killing people in the ward. As the doctors and nurses strap Susan down to her bed and prepare to operate, Harold goes on a rampage….
Produced by Cannon Films and directed by Boaz Davidson, X-Ray is an effectively frightening slasher film. While the film’s plot doesn’t always hang together (for instance, Susan is remarkably untraumatized by the fact that, when she was a child, her best friend was hung from a coat rack), the hospital itself is a thoroughly creepy location and the supporting characters are all either extremely strange or extremely callous. This is a slasher film that works less because of the blood that’s spilled but instead because it captures the dread that everyone feels at the prospect of having to spend any time at the hospital. Even the doctors who aren’t trying to kill Susan come across as being cold and unfeeling. The scene where Susan finds herself being ordered to undress so that she can be examined by a brusque doctor who she only met a few minutes before is, quite frankly, just as nightmarish as anything that we see Harold doing to any of his victims. The fact that no one is willing to tell Susan what’s wrong and that everyone refuses to listen to her when she gets upset over the way she’s being treated is something to which many viewers will immediately relate. And, of course, it’s not just that Susan has a madman stalking her through the hospital. It’s also that all of the other patients seem to be so strange, from the guy who wanders around with his flask of bourbon to the three old women who share a hospital room with her and who talk about how, while Susan is beautiful on the outside, the inside of her body is slowly decaying.
Violent but quirky, X-Ray plays out like a filmed nightmare and it’s one of the most effective slasher films over the early 80s.
The 1972 film, Night of the Cobra Woman, tells the story of Lena (Marlene Clark).
During World War II, Lena was a nurse assigned to the Philippines. When she and a friend were attacked in the jungle by a Japanese soldier, Lena’s friend was raped while Lena was bitten by a cobra named Movini. As the result of being raised by a snake cult, Movini’s super-powered venom conferred eternal youth, beauty, and sexual energy. It also gave Lena the power to turn into a snake. After subduing the Japanese soldier and turning him into her slave, Lena made a life for herself in the jungle. Worshipped by the locals, Lena became known for never aging.
Years later, a young UNICEF worker named Joanna (Joy Bang) is working at a laboratory in the Philippines. Having heard about Lena’s special snake venom, Joanna heads out to Lena’s compound to ask her how the venom works. However, Joanna is chased off by Lena’s mute man-servant (Vic Diaz). Later, Joanna’s boyfriend, Duff (Roger Garrett), decides to head out to the compound himself and see what’s going on.
When Duff doesn’t return, Joanna heads out to the compound a second time. This time, she brings along Duff’s pet eagle. Joanna is confronted by Lena, who claims that Duff has been bitten by a cobra and has been recovering at the compound. After Movini hisses at Joanna, Joanna released the eagle. The eagle promptly kills Movini.
Now, this sets up a bit of a problem. Lena needed Movini because it was Movini’s venom that was keeping her young and preventing her from turning into a snake and then not being able to change back. Now that Movini is dead, Lena has to head into Manila and find men to seduce so that she can live off of their life force. Helping her out is Duff, who has apparently been brainwashed by Lena and will now do anything to help her, including setting her up with an American serviceman (who is played by an actor named, I kid you not, Slash Marks.) Duff himself starts to rapidly age and turn into a snake. Can Joanna save him and, more importantly, why would she want to? Seriously, Duff left her for another woman. Joanna doesn’t owe him anything!
Night of the Cobra Woman is a thoroughly incoherent movie, one that feels as if it was made up on the spot while filming was taking place. Duff’s decision to go to Lena’s compound on his own never makes sense, nor does it really make much sense that Joanna doesn’t seem to be that upset by the fact that he basically just abandoned her to live with the Cobra Woman. That said, Night of the Cobra Woman does have a cult following because it’s one of the eight films that Joy Bang made during her career. Bang (and that was her real name, as her husband was named Paul Bang) specialized in playing flighty hippies and, as a result, she’s not exactly believable as an expert in snake venom. But the fact that she is so miscast adds to the film’s charm. She has pretty much the same freaked-out reaction to seeing a cobra that I would have, making her a character to whom I could at least relate.
Anyway, Night of the Cobra Woman is not that good but Joy Bang completists will definitely want to check it out.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!
This week, the squad loses a member!
Episode 1.5 “Calderone’s Return: The Hit List”
(Dir by Richard A. Colla, originally aired on October 19th, 1984)
This episode opens with Sonny Crockett …. shaving!
That’s right. After four episodes featuring Sonny with stubble, he finally shaves in this one. Tubbs is shocked to see it. However, Sonny has a good reason for shaving because he is due in divorce court, where he hopes that he can keep his soon to be ex-wife from taking his son to Georgia.
At the courthouse, Sonny and Caroline (Belinda Montgomery) take one look at each other and realize that they don’t want to give up on their marriage. They cancel the hearing and fire their attorneys. Caroline says that she’ll find a job in Miami and the Crockett family will stay together.
Yay! It’s a good thing Sonny shaved.
Unfortunately, the pilot’s main bad guy, Calderone, wants to return to Miami and he’s sent an assassin (Jim Zubiena) to not only take out his potential rivals but also to kill the cops who he blames for his downfall. When Tubbs and Rodriguez discover that Crockett is the 8th name on the assassin’s hit list and that six of the previous names are already dead, Rodriguez orders Crockett to go into productive custody. Knowing that Crockett has trouble with following orders, Lt. Rodriguez personally escorts Sonny to his boat so that Sonny can pack. When Rodriguez spots the reflection of a muzzle on a nearby building, Rodriguez pushes Sonny out of the way just as the Assassin pulls the trigger. Rodriguez takes the bullet that was meant for Sonny.
And I have to admit that I was a bit upset by Rodriguez getting shot, despite the fact that Rodriguez wasn’t a particularly well-developed character. He was the typical tough chief with a secret heart of gold and, for the most part, his brief role on the show consisted of barking at Sonny to do things by the book. But still, Gregory Sierra was a likable actor and, as a result, Rodriguez always came across as being nice even when he was angry at Crockett. Technically, the reason Rodriguez sacrificed his life was because Sierra requested to be written off the show. In the world of Miami Vice, though, Rodriguez’s death gave both Crockett and Tubbs even more motivation to seek revenge on Calderone.
But, before Crockett and Tubbs can head down to the Bahamas to get Calderone, they have to take care of the Assassin. After an hour of chases, misdirections, and one wonderfully over-the-top nightclub brawl, Crockett and the Assassin face each other in Crockett’s house, firing bullets at each other while Crockett’s wife and son cower in another room. It’s an exciting fight, containing one particularly memorable moment when the Assassin appears to be firing his machine gun directly at the camera. The Assassin was played by Jim Zubiena, who is a professional marksman and was a gun advisor on the set. The Assassin doesn’t say one word but he’s still terrifying precisely because he obviously knows how to handle a gun. In the end, it takes the entire Vice Squad to gun him down and it’s nice to see Crockett and Tubbs finally being helped out in a gunfight by Gina, Trudy, Switek, and Zito.
The Assassin may be dead but Calderone still lives. After Crockett tells his shaken wife that he’ll reschedule their divorce hearing, he and Tubbs head for the Bahamas as part one of Calderone’s Revenge comes to a close.
Andrew Divoff is a talented character actor who has been making films since 1986. He’s been played a countless number of different characters, some of whom are villainous and some of whom are sympathetic. On Lost, he was the most menacing of the Others. That said, for a certain generation of horror fans, Andrew Divoff will always be known for starring as the tricky Djinn in the Wishmaster films.
In this scene, from 1997’s Wishmaster, The Djinn finally confronts Alexandra (Tammy Lauren) and grants her wish to see the Djinn as he truly is. In the hands of Andrew Divoff, the Djinn becomes a truly classic horror movie villain. Who can ever forget the gleam in his eye when he asks, “Is this something that might interest you?”
In 1993’s The Cheater, R.L. Stine tells the story of Carter Phillips.
Carter has everything going for her. Her father is a judge. Her mother is socialite. She’s a member of the exclusive Shadyside Country Club, where she and her friend Jill tear it up on the tennis court. She’s got a sweet and sensitive boyfriend named Dan. She’s got the type of name that people are definitely going to remember. There’s just one problem.
Carter sucks at Math.
And if Carter can’t get a decent grade on the big math exam, she’ll never get into Princeton!
Finally, an R.L. Stine book to which I could relate! Seriously, much like Carter, I was a pretty good student in high school but Math was never my thing. I would look at those test papers with all of those numbers and symbols and all of those commands to “show your work” and my brain would just shut off. Fortunately, my sister had been a year ahead of me and she held onto all of her old math tests. Since our teacher pretty much reused the same tests from year to year, I was lucky enough to have an answer key.
Every test day, I would wear a skirt and, right before class, I would write the answers on my thigh. If the teacher walked by my desk while I was taking the test, I would just pull down on my skirt. Fortunately, the teacher was a male so even if he did suspect that I was cheating, it’s not like he could tell me to lift up my skirt or, for that matter, even get caught trying to look down at my legs.
And that’s how I managed to pass algebra without ever paying attention to anything that was said in class. I know that I should probably feel guilty about cheating but, to be honest, I don’t. If I had it to do all over again, I would do the exact same thing.
Unfortunately, Carter doesn’t have an older sister and when she suggests that maybe Dan could take the test for her, Dan is so shocked that Carter has to pretend like she was just telling a joke. However, Adam Messner, who is a rebel who always dressed in black and doesn’t come from as wealthy a family as Carter or Dan, overhears Carter talking to Dan. He offers to take the test for Carter, on the condition that Carter go on one date with him.
Carter agrees. Adam gets a good grade on the test and, as a result, Carter is not only Princeton-bound but her father gives her a pair of diamond earrings. But now there’s the fact that Carter has to go on a date with Adam and the fact that Adam has decided that he wants more than one date….
It’s an intriguing premise but unfortunately, Stine gets bogged down with one of those murder mysteries that ends with a rather silly twist. Reading this book, it was obvious that it was written in 1993 because the main theme of the book seemed to be that Carter and her friends were totally right to be annoyed with the idea of having to deal with not-rich teenagers who dress in black and who have tattoos. One gets the feeling that, if this book were written today, the roles would be reversed with Carter being portrayed as the villain and Adam as the misunderstood victim.
That said, I enjoyed The Cheater. Stine kept the action moving quickly, Adam was actually a fairly well-drawn character, and I could relate to Carter. Seriously, Math can be difficult! The Cheater does the right thing and embraces the melodrama.
The so-called Texas Killing Fields are a stretch of land situated off of Interstate-45 and about 26 miles southeast of Houston. Despite being surrounded by oil refineries and being near one of Texas’s busier interstates, it’s a location where one can easily disappear. Since 1971, over 30 bodies have been found in the Texas Killing Fields, the majority of them being girls and young women. Many of them came from the surrounding area but others were last seen far away from Houston. Kelli Cox, for instance, disappeared from Denton. Jessica Cain was last seen in a suburb of Fort Worth. Michelle Garvey disappeared from Connecticut, just for her body to later be discovered in the Texas Killing Fields.
Because of the number of bodies and the length of time, it’s believed that multiple serial killers use the killing fields as a dumping ground for their victims. Over the years, there’s been many suspects and a few convictions. Most recently, a trucker named William Reece was convicted of three of the Killing Fields murders. Another person convicted of committing two of the murders, Michael Self, is now believed to have been innocent and to have only confessed after being tortured by the police. Unfortunately, Self died in prison while waiting for his appeal to be heard.
The 2011 film, Texas Killing Fields, is very loosely based on the murders and the area’s reputation for being a serial killer dumping ground. Sam Worthington plays Detective Mike Souder and Jeffrey Dean Morgan plays his partner, Detective Brian Heigh. (The characters are based on real-life detectives Brian Goetschius and Mike Land.) Brian is originally from New York and is a devout Catholic who views his work as almost being a holy crusade. Mike is from Texas and is a bit more cynical. He’s not happy that Brian insists on helping out Mike’s ex-wife, Detective Pam Stall (Jessica Chastain), whenever a body is found in Pam’s jurisdiction.
The discovery of a dead sex worker leads to Mike and Brian pursuing two pimps (played by Jason Clarke and Jon Eyez). However, it soon becomes apparent that the pimps aren’t the only murderers stalking the area and using the fields as a dumping ground. A young mother is attacked in her house and, when interrogated by Mike and Brian, demands to know why they aren’t out on the streets, looking for the men who attacked her. Later, a mysterious phone call leads Mike, Brian, and Pam out to the killing fields, where they discover another body.
While this is going on, Brian also tries to look after Anne Sliger (Chloe Grace Moretz), a 12 year-old girl who spends her time wandering around town because it’s preferable to spending any time at her home with her mother (Sheryl Lee) or her mother’s creepy boyfriend (Stephen Graham). When Anne is kidnapped, Brian and Mike head into the Killing Fields to find her.
Directed by Ami Canaan Mann, The Texas Killing Fields is an atmospheric film in which every frame is full of a sense of dread. Much as David Fincher did with Zodiac, Mann creates a feeling of a world that has been taken over by evil. Unfortunately, the film itself gets bogged down with a few subplots that don’t really go anywhere. (Jessica Chastain’s character and her relationship with Mike felt somewhat superfluous.) As well, the film’s examination of both Mike’s atheism and Brian’s Catholicism felt a bit shallow at best, as if it was added at the last minute to try to give this thriller some theological heft. The identity of all the killers is pretty obvious from the start. That said, Ami Canaan Mann gets good performances out of her cast and the action scenes are well-executed.
As a final note, the film was not actually shot in the actual Texas Killing Fields. Instead, much like the same year’s Killer Joe and 2013’s Dallas Buyers Club, it was filmed in Louisiana and, to be honest, it looks like it was filmed there as well. There’s little about the film that feels authentically Texan, though it does do a good job of capturing the atmosphere of the bayous.
First released in 1965, The Seventh Grave is an Italian film, featuring an all-Italian cast and dialogue that is recited in Italian.
Despite this, however, the film itself takes place in Scotland and we’re told that all of the characters are all meant to be either Scottish or American. I imagine this was done with an eye towards eventually releasing the film in the States. Indeed, many Italian horror films were made to specifically appeal to American and British audiences. However, as far as I can tell from the information that’s available online, it doesn’t appear that The Seventh Grave ever made it over to the United States. It was apparently released in the UK and Canada.
As for what the film is about, it follows a group of people as they head to a gothic castle in Scotland. The castle was owned by Sir Reginald Thorne, who was apparently a scientist of some sort but who died of Leprosy and who, we’re told, was buried in the crypt’s seventh grave. Sir Reginald’s assistant also suffered from Leprosy and was imprisoned and sent to a Leper colony. However, as the film begins, we are informed that his assistant managed to escape a month ago and no one is quite sure where he is hiding out.
As for the people heading to the castle, they are all relatives and acquaintances of Sir Reginald’s. They’ve gone to the castle to hear the reading of his will but they’re informed that one of Sir Reginald’s relatives has yet to arrive and the will cannot be read until she does so. While they wait for her, someone mentions that the castle is rumored to be the hiding place of a treasure that was found by Sir Francis Drake. Since just about everyone in the film is super greedy, they all want to get their hands on that treasure. Since one member of the group is said to be a “powerful psychic,” they decide to hold a séance so that she can commune with Sir Francis Drake’s spirit. Needless to say, the séance doesn’t go particularly well and soon, people are turning up dead. Is the murderer a ghost or could be the Leper assistant or could it be one of the visitors to the castle?
(As a sidenote, allow me to just mention that Sir Francis Drake was one of my favorite of the British explorers. Queen Elizabeth I could have been very happy with him under different circumstances.)
The plot of the Seventh Grave is next to impossible to follow and, like a lot of gothic Italian castle films, it suffers from the fact that there’s really no one to root for. I mean, just about everyone in the movie is motivated by greed and, even when the murders start, no one really acts that upset about any of them. That said, the castle is an atmospheric location and the film is only 77 minutes long so at least it doesn’t drag. For the most part, though, it’s easy to see why The Seventh Grave is largely forgotten today.
4 Shots From 4 Films is just what it says it is, 4 shots from 4 of our favorite films. As opposed to the reviews and recaps that we usually post, 4 Shots From 4 Films is all about letting the visuals do the talking.
This October, I am going to be using our 4 Shots From 4 Films feature to pay tribute to some of my favorite horror directors, in alphabetical order! That’s right, we’re going from Argento to Zombie in one month!
Today’s director is the man who put Halloween on the map and a personal favorite of everyone here at TSL, John Carpenter!
4 Shots From 4 John Carpenter Films
Halloween (1978, dir by John Carpenter, DP: Dean Cundey)
The Fog (1980, dir by John Carpenter, DP: Dean Cundey)
The Thing (1982, dir by John Carpenter, DP: Dean Cundey)
Christine (1983, dir by John Carpenter, DP: Donald M. Morgan)
Let’s just be honest, here. In many ways, 2008’s Cloverfield is a remarkably stupid film.
I mean, don’t get me wrong. It’s an entertaining film. It’s a fun film. It’s a film that I’ve seen a few times and I usually enjoy it whenever I see it. But it’s still a film about someone who refuses to stop filming, even in the middle of an alien invasion. It makes sense, of course, that Hud Platt (T.J. Miller) would want to film the going away party that’s being held for his friend Rob (Michael Stahl-David). But why would Hud keep holding onto that camcorder even after the aliens invade and New York starts to explode all around him? There are several moments in the film where it’s obvious that the camera is slowing Hud and his friends down. The easiest thing to do would be to drop the camcorder and run to safety. I mean, it’s not like the destruction of New York by aliens is going to be lost to history if Hud doesn’t film it. But instead, Hud not only keeps filming but, for all the shaky cam effects and the heaving breathing of people running for their lives, Hud still somehow manages to capture every important event on camera.
In many ways, the film epitomizes everything that tends to drive people crazy about the found footage genre but Cloverfield is an undeniably fun movie. I mean, there’s a scene where the head of the Statue of Liberty is literally tossed into the middle of the street. It’s such an over-the-top moment that it’s impossible not to love it and, to be honest, the fact that Hud manages to hold the camera still enough to perfectly capture the image of Lady Liberty’s head crashing to the ground is kind of cool. The film follows a group of friends as they try to make their way across New York City to try to rescue Rob’s girlfriend Beth (Odette Yustman) before then evacuating the city and there’s something rather exciting about the sight of this small group of people continually moving in the opposite direction of the crowd around them. While everyone else runs away from danger, our heroes move straight into it, even though none of them are exactly action heroes. They’re nerdy hipsters on a mission and, even though you know from the start that they’re all doomed, it’s hard not to kind of love them. The film’s final moments carry more an emotional punch than you might normally expect from a found footage alien invasion film.
That said, if the aliens do come and they are literally tearing apart the Statue of Liberty before your very eyes, there’s no shame in putting down the camera and running. In fact, if there’s any lesson to be learned from Cloverfield, it’s that sometimes, it’s best just to run for it.
Through the Shattered Lens 