Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 5.14 “The Last Madonna”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

This week, Crockett and Tubbs — or is it Burnett and Cooper? — enter the art world.

Episode 5.14 “The Last Madonna”

(Dir by Chip Chalmers, originally aired on March 17th, 1989)

When Crockett and Tubbs take down what they think is a drug deal, they’re shocked to discover that Stanley Costa (Stephen G. Anthony) was actually smuggling two paintings!  They could always ask Stanley what’s going on but — whoops!  They killed him during the show’s precredit sequence.

Detective Whitehead (Michael Chiklis) comes down from New York City and explains that the two paintings are the side pieces for a triptych called The Last Madonna.  It was recently stolen from a Paris museum and Whitehead is convinced that theft was masterminded by Joey Scianti (Peter Dobson).

It’s time for Tubbs and Crockett to — *sigh* — go undercover.  Why they’re still always going undercover, I have never really understood.  Every time they go undercover, their cover gets blown.  Do the members of the Miami underworld just not communicate with each other?  Shouldn’t everyone know, by this point, that Tubbs and Crockett are cops?  In this case, Tubbs goes undercover as someone who appreciates art.  Crockett goes undercover as the crude Sonny Burnett….

Yes, Crockett is still using the Burnett cover.  He’s doing this despite the fact that he just recently had a mental breakdown that led to him not only thinking that he actually was Burnett but also becoming Miami’s biggest drug lord.  Even if the Scianti family was dumb enough to not know that Crockett was a cop, surely they would have heard enough about drug lord Sonny Burnett to wonder why he would be hanging out with a connoisseur of fine art.

(Indeed, it’s hard not to notice that everyone has apparently moved on rather quickly from Sonny’s mental breakdown and his time as a drug lord.  For that matter, Sonny certainly doesn’t seem to ever give much thought to his dead second wife.  Remember her?  The world-famous singer who was literally gunned down in front of him?  She appears to have been forgotten.)

This episode was dull, largely because the Scianti family was never really a credible threat.  They came across as being a bunch of buffoons and, as such, it was hard to really get that concerned about whether or not they would figure out that Crockett and Tubbs were actually cops.  This is another episode that features a twist that you’ll see coming from miles away.  From the minute Michael Chiklis first showed up, I knew that he was eventually going to try to steal the The Lost Madonna for himself.

Considering that there was a lot of humor in this episode (Crockett, not surprisingly, struggled with understanding modern art), there’s also some surprisingly graphic violence.  Crockett and Tubbs gun down Stanley Costa and blood splatters all over the wall.  Whitehead shoots Joey Scianti and the shocked Joey looks down at his wound and says that it’s “real blood.”  Tonally, this episode is all over the place.

Everyone seemed kind of bored with this episode.  This was definitely a final season entry.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Degrassi: The Next Generation 2.5 “Weird Science”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sunday, I will be reviewing the Canadian series, Degrassi: The Next Generation, which aired from 2001 to 2015!  The series can be streamed on YouTube and Tubi.

This week, Emma is annoyed about something.

Episode 2.5 “Weird Science”

(Dir by Bruce McDonald, originally aired on November 11th, 2002)

Emma is still upset that Mr. Simpson is dating her mother.  This episode opens with an extremely awkward “family” dinner, in which Mr. Simpson asks that Emma call him “Archie” at home and Emma responds by calling him “Mr. Simpson.”  (At least he didn’t ask her to call him Snake.)  I could actually relate to Emma in this scene, if just because, when I was Emma’s age, I was an absolute brat towards anyone who tried to date my mom.  If anything, Mr. Simpson should be happy that all he has to deal with is Emma glaring at him.  He wouldn’t have been able to survive me and my sisters.

It’s science fair time!  Emma’s experiment takes a look at whether or not having a healthy breakfast can be help someone perform better at school.  She takes first prize but, because Mr. Simpson is one of the judges, she’s not sure that she earned it.  And, after Manny accidentally sends an email to the entire school in which she mentions that “Mr. Simpson loves Emma’s mom,” second-place finisher Liberty isn’t so sure that Emma deserves the prize either.

Liberty says that Emma should withdraw her experiment and give the first prize trophy to Liberty.  Liberty, as I’ve mentioned in the past, is the absolute worst.  Emma confronts Mr. Simpson and he explains to her that all of the judges voted for Emma to get first prize.  Emma apologizes and promises to be nicer to Mr. Simpson.

(This, of course, frees Mr. Simpson to later knock up and marry Spike before cheating on her with Ms. Hatzilakos but that’s an entire season away.)

Meanwhile, Spinner is freaking out because he keeps getting erections at awkward moments — hey, Degrassi goes there!  (Seriously, that was Degrassi’s slogan for a while.)  Spinner blames it on Emma forcing him to eat bananas as a part of her experiment.  Jimmy thinks that Spinner is crazy and eventually they ask Sheila the Cafeteria Lady if certain foods could be to blame for Spinner being perpetually at attention.  Sheila says that it’s just a part of growing up.  Spinner and Jimmy are relieved but I’m concerned that, in Canada, it’s apparently left to the cafeteria workers to explain these things.

This episode is largely remembered for the Spinner subplot, with Spinner panicking and getting embarrassed in Ms. Kwan’s class, so much so that I’m always surprised to discover that it’s mostly about Emma getting mad at Mr. Simpson.  Emma, of course, is destined to eventually marry Spinner at the end of Degrassi Takes Manhattan.  The Spinner/Emma marriage has often been criticized because Spinner and Emma hardly ever interacted in the seasons leading up to their sudden decision to get married.  But this episode shows that Emma apparently felt close enough to Spinner to experiment on him.

Next week: Craig and the gang get into trouble!

Retro Television Review: Homicide: Life On The Street 4.21 “Scene of the Crime”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sundays, I will be reviewing Homicide: Life On The Street, which aired from 1993 to 1999, on NBC!  It  can be viewed on Peacock.

This week, it’s another night in Baltimore.

Episode 4.21 “Scene of the Crime”

(Dir by Kathy Bates, originally aired on April 12th, 1996)

This week, three murders are committed in the projects of Baltimore.

The first murder occurs when a drug dealer is tossed off the roof of an apartment complex, “the towers.”  Making the Lewis and Kellerman’s investigation difficult is the fact that the city has given a security contract to the Black Muslims.  The Muslims have been patrolling the Towers for a year and, in that time, they’ve chased out most of the drug dealers that once terrorized the building’s residents.  Kellerman feels that the Muslims are racists.  Giardello says that the Muslims just caused the dealers to go to another block.  Lewis, however, is a bit more conflicted.  As he explains it to Kellerman, why should white neighborhoods by the only ones allowed to have their own private security force?

The second and third murders occur at another set of towers.  This time, two teenage drug dealers ended up shooting each other.  When Munch and Russert arrive at the scene, they are met by patrolman Stu Gharty (Peter Gerety).  Gharty walks them through the scene, shows how the two dealers ended up killing each other, and then excuses himself to wait for the medical examiner.  Munch is impressed with Gharty but Russert can’t help but note the thirty-minute time gap between when Gharty got the call about the shooting and when he called for homicide.  Gharty confesses that, when he first arrived, he didn’t immediately enter the building, despite hearing the gunshots.  Gharty was concerned for his safety.  Munch understands and, even more importantly, he doesn’t believe in getting other cops in trouble.  Russert, however, is angered, especially after it turns out that one of the teenagers bled to death while Gharty was waiting outside.

This was an excellent episode of Homicide, one that was smart enough to paint anyone as being all good or all bad.  Ishmael Al-Hadj (Victor Williams), the head of the Muslim security force, is an anti-white fanatic but Lewis has a point when he says that Ishmael and his men have largely kept peace in the Towers in a way that the police have not been able to do so.  In the end, Ishmael turns over the name of the murderer but only after he knows that the man is no longer in Baltimore.

As for Stu Gharty, Russert is absolutely correct when she says that he failed to do his duty but, largely due to Peter Gerety’s empathetic performance, it’s hard not to sympathize with Gharty.  As Russert herself admits, Gharty has been a good cop for years but, that one night, he allowed his fear to get the better of him.  Russert, who is still thinking like a captain despite being demoted, feels that one moment of weakness cannot be overlooked.  Just about everyone else disagrees.  Whereas Russert and Kay Howard sees someone who failed to do his job, a detective like Munch looks at Gharty and sees a 54 year-old cop who is just a few years away from getting reassigned a desk job on account of his age and who made one mistake because he didn’t want his family to get a call telling them that he was dead.  At one point, Gharty says he’s thinking of just taking retirement.  Of course, he didn’t.  Instead, he returned a few seasons later as a regular.

This episode also featured Munch preparing for the return of Bolander.  After calling Bolander multiple times, Munch finally got him to agree to drop by the Waterfront Bar.  Of course, Bolander never showed up.  And it makes sense, really.  After getting shot and nearly dying during the previous season, Bolander was obviously done with being a cop.  (And, of course, Ned Beatty was no longer on the show.)  Still, there was something rather poignant about Munch’s growing realization that his partner and his hero was no longer going to be around.

Next week, the season comes to an end!

 

Late Night Retro Television Review: Saved By The Bell 1.11 “The Friendship Business”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell, which ran on NBC from 1989 to 1993.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime and Tubi!

This week, Zack and Jessie battle for business supremacy.

Episode 1.11 “The Friendship Business”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on November 4th, 1989)

Hey, it’s the Buddy Bands episode!

One of the things about Saved By The Bell is that, if you’re a certain age, all you have to hear is one term — like “Buddy Band” or “I’m so excited” or “Zack Attack” — and you automatically know what episode is being referred to.  If you were in high school or college in the days when Saved By The Bell reruns were playing endlessly in syndication, you know what I’m talking about.

That’s changing, of course.  Saved By The Bell is no longer the ubiquitous cultural touchstone that it once was.  That’s a polite way of saying that those of us who grew up with it on television are getting older and, for the generation replacing us, Saved By The Bell is just one of the many old shows that they probably skip over while looking at whatever’s streaming online.  It’s sad to say but, in another few decades, all of the Saved By The Bell talk will be limited to assisted living facilities and to grandchildren saying, “Was Zack Morris a friend of yours, grandma?”

For now, though, I’m just happy that I can say “Buddy Bands” and everyone remembers that this episode featured Zack and Jessie leading rival companies that both got involved in the cut-throat world of friendship bracelets.  Zack thinks that he has the inside track because he’s got Lisa and the fashion club working for him but he eventually demands too much from her so Lisa defects over to Jessie’s company.  But then Jessie proves to be just as demanding as Zack.  Meanwhile, Zack convinces Belding to wear a Buddy Band.  Belding walks around the school saying, “Hello, fellow Buddy Bander!” and everyone demands their money back.  Jessie asks someone if their Buddy Band is defective.  “Belding’s wearing one!  It doesn’t get more defective than that!”

Among other things, this episode features the classic Buddy Bands commercial:

Seriously, why was everyone fighting over Zack when A.C. Slater — handsome, mysterious, ageless, and a great dancer! — was right there?

Along with the oddly overproduced Buddy Band commercial, this episode featured one of those weird Zack Morris fantasies, where he imagine being so rich that Screech — as Robin Screech — interviews him.  Zack imagines owning the school, being married to Kelly, and forcing Jessie, Slater, Lisa, and Mr. Belding to work for him.  It’s a chilling look inside Zack’s mind.

Indeed, this episode is also a good early example of Zack getting away with essentially being a sociopath.  Given $100 to start a company by teacher Mr. Tuttle (Jack Angeles, making his first welcome appearance on the show), Zack proceeds to steal Lisa’s idea of making friendship bracelets, tries to overthrow Jessie as company president (leading to Jessie forming her own company and going into the Buddy Band business), and then mercilessly exploits Screech and Lisa while doing very little work himself.  After this backfires on him, he sabotages Jessie’s company and drives her out of business.  Then, at the Max, everyone just decides to be friends again.  In fact, Zack doesn’t even flunk his business class because he learned an important lesson.  I mean, as much as I disliked Ms. Bliss, at least she actually got mad (albeit briefly) when Zack stole her money and invested in potatoes!

Anyway, this episode?  Classic!  Buddy Bands!

 

Retro Television Review: Baywatch 1.2 “Armored Car”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch, which ran on NBC and then in syndication from 1989 to 2001.  The entire show can be viewed on Tubi.

This week …. it’s times for volleyball!

Episode 1.12 “Armored Car”

(Dir by Michael Ray Rhoades, originally aired on January 5th, 1990)

Another pier on the verge of collapse!

(Seriously, what was the deal with California in the 90s?  Why were all the piers on the verge of collapse?  Was California just not investing in infrastructure?)

A local businessman is holding a carnival to raise funds to save the pier!  Yay!  He’s also decided that it would be a smart idea to park an extremely heavy armored car on the edge of the pier so that people can see all the money sitting inside of it.  Hey, wait a minute.  That seems kind of dumb.  Why would anyone be that stupid?  The businessman says that the armored car is sitting on the pier so that people can have their picture taken with the money.  (It’s five dollars per picture.)  That seems like a pretty stupid promotion but, beyond that, is there a reason why it has to be done on a pier that’s on the verge of collapsing?

Needless to say, the pier does start to collapse, which leaves the armored car teetering right on the edge.  A little girl is trapped in the car so Eddie and Shauni — despite it being their off-day — jump into the back of the car and save the little girl.  But then the door slams shut and the armored car falls into the ocean below.  Eddie cracks several ribs.  Shauni declares her love for him as they wait to be rescued.

Have no fear, they are rescued.  This is one of those Baywatch episodes where the emphasis is on a bunch of people working together as a team to save not only two lives but also all the money in the armored car.  This episode celebrates first responders, many of whom seem to be playing themselves.  Most of the heroes in this episode have never been seen on the show before and will probably never be seen again but they still come together to accomplish the impossible.  If you ask David Hasselhoff, episodes like this are what Baywatch was all about.  The Hoff may have a point, though I think the red swimsuits probably had more to do with the show’s eventual popularity than the earnest initial intentions.

One person who is not working to rescue Eddie and Shauni is Jill.  Jill is on the other side of the beach, taking part in a volleyball tournament.  Her partner is Trevor, the arrogant Australian lifeguard and her motivation for playing is to defeat her ex-boyfriend Chris Barron (Jon Lindstrom).  Jill aggravates an old shoulder injury while playing but she refuses to withdraw from the tournament because defeating an ex is totally worth a serious injury that could cause her to lose her job as a lifeguard.  Needless to say, Jill and Trevor win the tournament.  There’s a lot of slow motion volley ball scenes, which would probably have been more effective if not for the weird faces that Jill made whenever she had to spike the ball.  Still, seeing as how Jill is going to get eaten by a shark in just a few more episodes, we should probably be happy that she got to have a moment of triumph.

This was an average Baywatch episode.  If I cared about Jill and Trevor, their storyline would have perhaps been more effective.  As for the armored car stuff, it would have been more effective if the reason for the car being on the pier wasn’t so dumb to begin with.

Forget it, it’s Baywatch.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Freddy’s Nightmares 2.1 “Dream Come True”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Freddy’s Nightmares, a horror anthology show which ran in syndication from 1988 to 1990. The entire series can be found on Tubi!

This week, we begin the second season!  Welcome back to Springwood!

Season 2.1 “Dream Come True”

(Dir by George Kaczender, originally aired on October 8th, 1989)

The second season of Freddy’s Nightmares features Freddy getting involved in the action.

The first story features Freddy haunting the nightmares of teenager Randy Jennings (David Kaufman), who has only recently moved to Springwood with his mother, Cathy (Linda Miller).  Randy is having nightmares about Freddy so his mother buys tickets to attend a talk show hosted by Stan Brooks (Jay Thomas).  Stan’s guest is therapist Dr. Brandon Kefler (Scott Marlowe), who has written a book about nightmares.  Cathy begs Brandon to see Randy and, after being pressured by Stan, Brandon agrees.  Stan arranges for cameraman Garry Heath (Gerard Prendergrast) to film the session.

At the Jennings home, Brandon talks to Randy about his nightmares.  Brandon’s therapy seems to work as, afterwards, Randy is able to sleep peacefully and without having any nightmares.  However, it turns out that Freddy just jumped from Randy’s mind to Brandon’s!  (Hey, didn’t almost the same thing happen in a movie, something about an exorcism….)  Soon, Brandon is the one who is having nightmares and being driven mad by visions….

As for the second story, it deals with Garry the cameraman and his belief that Freddy Kruger is real.  One reason why Garry believes that Freddy is real is because Freddy keeps showing up in footage that he’s filmed.  Unfortunately, no one else can see Freddy, certainly not Garry’s boss (Charles Cyphers).  Even more unfortunately, the body of Garry’s girlfriend is found in a dumpster and the police aren’t buying Garry’s story that Freddy did it….

This episode actually wasn’t that bad, especially compared to some of the episodes that aired during the show’s first season.  Perhaps it’s because this episode was the first of the season and the production budget hadn’t gone dry yet but Dream Come True actually features some adequate production values.  The house looks like a real house.  The television studio looks like a place where something would actually be filmed.  The abandoned warehouse with Garry tries to confront Freddy is actually an atmospheric location and the episode even manages to generate a little suspense, even if neither plot is particularly original.  Both Scott Marlowe and Gerard Pendergrast give decent performances in their stories and, as always, Robert Englund is a properly evil Freddy.

(That said, the show did manage to misspell Charles Cyphers’s name in the opening credits, despite the fact that he was this episode’s big guest star.  I did a double take when I saw “Charles Syphers,” on my screen.  Seriously, the man was Sherriff Brackett!)

Despite getting Charles Cypher’s name wrong, this was still a good start to the final season.  It’ll be interesting to see if the remaining episodes live up to it.

Retro Television Review: St. Elsewhere 3.8 “Sweet Dreams”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing St. Elsewhere, a medical show which ran on NBC from 1982 to 1988.  The show can be found on Daily Motion.

I miss when this show on Hulu and available to rent on Prime.  The Daily Motion uploads are not the best (especially where sound quality is concerned) but, for now at least, that’s what I’m having to go with.

Episode 3.8 “Sweet Dreams”

(Dir by Mark Tinker, originally aired on November 14th, 1984)

This week’s episode was all about sleep and the dreams that might come with sleep.

Westphall, as usual, gets the most depressing storyline.  He can’t sleep.  He has insomnia.  Of course, he does.  Anything depressing that doesn’t happen to Dr. Morrison will inevitably happen to Dr. Westphall instead.

Dr. Craig tries to figure out why one of his patients died in his sleep with a terrified look on his face.  Can a nightmare cause someone to have a heart attack?

Dr. Cavanero diagnoses a man with sleep apnea.

Meanwhile, we get a peek at the dreams of three members of the St. Elsewhere staff.

Luther dreams of being kicked out of the hospital by two security guards.  Fortunately, ZZ Top is standing outside of the hospital and they order three women to kidnap Luther in a big red car and turn him into a sharp-dressed man.  Luther and his new friends invade the hospital, toss out the security guards, and invite Warren Coolidge to come hang out with them.  ZZ Top performs Legs, which seems odd since the song is about a woman who has legs and knows how to use them but Luther is the one getting the makeover.  Well, whatever.  It’s a cute dream and a nice break from Dr. Westphall looking depressed.

Both Victor and Jack agree to take part in a sleep study.  Victor is yanked out of the study by Dr. Craig but, before that happens, we do get to see Victor’s dream of washing up on an island that is ruled by Amazons.

As for Jack Morrison’s recurring dream, it’s just about as dark as you would expect when it comes to the only character who has suffered more heartache than Dr. Westphall.  In Morrison’s dream, he finds himself wandering around the deserted hospital.  He hears someone playing Led Zeppelin in the morgue.  He goes down there and discovers Peter White waiting for him.

Morrison and White speak.  Even in death, White is whiny and defensive.  Morrison repeatedly asks whether or not White was the ski mask rapist and, every time, White refuses to give a direct answer.  However, when Morrison is about to leave the morgue, White is suddenly wearing a blue ski mask.  Morrison wakes up from each dream with a jolt, terrified to face the truth about the man who he defended against his better judgment.

(I have to admit that, if I was a nurse or a doctor at St. Eligius, I would have mixed feelings about Morrison.  Yes, he seems to be well-meaning and he’s suffered his share of tragedy.  But the fact that he continued to be a friend — albeit with a certain ambivalence — to Dr. White would make me very uncomfortable.  I know that Morrison would probably point out that Dr. White was acquitted but everyone at the hospital knew he was guilty.  Everyone but Morrison, apparently.)

This was a good episode and a bit of a reset after all the drama of the Peter White storyline.  Well-directed, well-acted, and very atmospheric, this was St. Elsewhere at its best.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Highway to Heaven 5.6 “The Source”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi and several other services!

This week, Jonathan and Mark are once again teaching high school.

Episode 5.6 “The Source”

(Dir by Michael Landon, originally aired on June 9th, 1989)

This week, Jonathan and Mark are back in high school …. again!

This time, Mark is teaching sex ed.  (Ha ha, the Boss sure does love embarrassing Mark!)  Meanwhile, Jonathan is the faculty advisor to the school newspaper.  When a school bus crashes, two enterprising student journalists — Doug (Scott Fults) and Colin (Andy Lauer) — decide that they’re going to get to the bottom of what happened.  All the evidence shows that it was just a freak accident and that bus driver Larry Nichols (Dack Rambo) is not to blame.  However, a student on the bus named Ellen (Kim Walker) tells Doug and Colin that, before the crash, Larry was flirting with her and not watching the road.  After Doug and Colin agree to protect Ellen’s identity, they write a story about Larry, the adult bus driver who was too busy flirting with an underage girl to take that curve.

Doug and Colin think that they’re going to win a Pulitzer but Jonathan says, “Hold on, we can’t publish this!”  However, the school’s principal (Alan Fudge) disagrees because Colin just happens to be his son.  The story is published and Larry loses his job.  Doug and Colin are feeling pretty proud of themselves but then they just happen to come across Ellen’s notebook in the school’s copy room.  (Jonathan, using “the Stuff,” switched out his notebook for Ellen’s.)  Doug and Colin read the notebook and discover that Ellen has a crush on Larry and that Ellen lied about him flirting with her.

Doug and Colin retract the story and learn a lesson about journalistic responsibility.  Ellen, even though Colin and Doug continue to protect her identity, leaves with Jonathan so that she can apologize to Larry face-to-face.  (We don’t actually see the apology.  I have a feeling that it probably didn’t go well.)  As the episode ends, two women look at the newspaper and agree that, retraction or no retraction, Larry was definitely guilty.  We then hear Jonathan’s voice telling us that the first amendment is too important to be abused.

That’s an important message and a timely one.  Watching this episode, it was hard not to consider that, for the past few weeks, people in this country have been arguing about whether or not the first amendment applies more to a self-employed YouTuber who stormed a church service or the people in the church who were worshipping at the time.  There’s a lot of earnest sincerity to be found in this episode of Highway to Heaven but, that said, the execution is pretty heavy-handed.  Even by the standards of this show, there’s not much subtlety to be found here.

An even bigger problem is that this episode can’t seem to decide whether Ellen is meant to be a shy teenager who made a mistake or a full-blown sociopath.  I think this episode would have worked better if Colin and Doug heard rumors that they reported as fact as opposed to Ellen just flat-out lying to them.  Once Ellen lies, it’s hard not to feel that the focus should be less on Colin and Doug learning a lesson and more on Ellen getting some sort of psychiatric help.

This episode was typical of season 5.  It was sincere but just a bit too on-the-nose.

Retro Television Review: Decoy 1.19 “The Challenger”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Decoy, which aired in Syndication in 1957 and 1958.  The show can be viewed on Tubi!

This week, Casey gets involved in dark and dirty world of professional boxing!

Episode 1.19 “The Challenger”

(Dir by Stuart Rosenberg, originally aired on February 17th, 1958)

Up-and-c0ming boxer Lenny Capper (Bob Carraway) has a chance to become the middle weight champion of the world but a local mobster known as The Bull (Vincent Gardenia) wants Lenny to throw the fight.  First, the Bull has his goons beat up Lenny’s manager, Hecky (Frank Sutton).  Then the Bull attempts to spike Lenny’s orange juice.  Luckily, Casey is there to switch out the spiked orange juice with a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice.  With the power of citrus goodness backing him up, Lenny is able to win the fight and the Bull and his goons are arrested.

This episode was kind of boring.  Until it was time for her to switch out the orange juice, Casey spent most of this episode as an observer.  The majority of the episode was taken up with scenes of Carraway, Sutton, and Gardenia playing out the very familiar story of the honest lunk-headed boxer with a streetwise manager and a gangster demanding that he throw the big fight.  The only thing that was messing was someone to say, “I coulda been somebody, Charlie!  I coulda been a contender!”

Casey didn’t even really get to go undercover in this episode.  She attended a boxing match and then she just kind of hung around in the locker room.  If I was working a case that involved the world of boxing, I would at least want to get dressed up for one of the matches.  I would demand to wear the dress that Amy Adams wore whenever she went to Mark Wahlberg’s fights in The Fighter.  I would also insist that How You Like Me Now be played while The Bull and his men were being marched out to the paddy wagon.

In the end, the main problem with this episode is that it wasn’t really a Casey Jones story.  Instead, it was just a standard boxing tale with Casey rather awkwardly inserted into the action.  That said, as the episode ends, Casey looks at the camera and tells us that it takes a lot of work to be the middleweight champion of the world.  And then she smokes a cigarette because, even in an episode like this one, Casey was the coolest person in New York.

 

Late Night Retro Television Review: 1st & 10 3.2 “A Second Chance Once Removed”)


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing 1st and Ten, which aired in syndication from 1984 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on Tubi.

This week, OJ Simpson makes things awkward.

Episode 3.2 “A Second Chance Once Removed”

(Dir by Stan Lathan, originally aired on August 12th, 1987)

With Coach Denardo no longer around, Diana has kept her promise and promoted Fred Grier to head coach.  However, Diana’s boyfriend and the new co-owner of the Bulls, Teddy, wants to hire T.D.’s old college coach, Red Macklin (John Robinson).  Though T.D. isn’t comfortable with the idea of betraying Fred or doing anything behind Diana’s back, he does agree that Macklin would be a better coach.  After an argument with his wife, T.D. flies out to his old college.

T.D. doesn’t do a very good job of selling the team to Macklin.  Macklin finally says, “You don’t want to be the head coach of the Bulls, do you?”  T.D. says that he does but the position has already been given to Fred and T.D. doesn’t believe in doing things without being upfront with everyone because …. well, I’ll let T.D. explain it….

This episode is a good example of what happens when one of a show’s main characters is played by someone who is now best-known for somehow getting acquitted of stabbing his ex-wife and a waiter to death.  Even the most innocuous of lines seem to take on an entirely different meaning.  I have to admit that I cringed every time T.D.’s wife called and said that he was working too hard and spending too much time with the team.  No, I wanted to yell, don’t make him mad….

As for the rest of the episode, it largely dealt with training camp.  Veteran defensive player John Manzak (John Matuszak) fears that he won’t make the team.  There’s a young rookie who seems to have more energy and strength than him.  However, Manzak has a secret weapon …. steroids!  I cannot imagine that this is going to end well.

Meanwhile, the government wants to deport the Bulgarian kicker, Zagreb (John Kassir).  Zagreb applies for political asylum but it turns out that his father is some sort of official in the Bulgarian government and, as such, Zagreb would not be in any danger if he was sent back home.  (I don’t really follow that logic, to be honest.  Communist dictators, like Zagreb’s father, are notoriously unsentimental when it comes to their children.  Fidel Castro had children all over the world and he didn’t leave Cuba to a single one of them.  Instead, Justin had to settle for Canada.)  Diana has a solution, though.  They have to find Zagreb a wife.  Again, I cannot imagine that this is going to end well.

Meanwhile, Yinessa is still holding out for money, Bubba is still arguing with his wife, and I’m still not sure what Jethro does on the team.

This episode of 1st & Ten …. actually, it wasn’t that bad.  I could actually follow the story for once and it didn’t feel like it had been cut to ribbons for syndication.  John Matuszak actually gave a very touching performance as a player who might be past his prime.  Hopefully, things will work out for him.  We’ll find out next week!