I will be honest- this is not my favorite episode in the series.  We don’t see the monster until the last act and it’s more like a setup for episode 3.  However, it should be noted that a B-rating for Stranger Things is like an A-rating for any other show.

The cold open begins with a still soaking wet El on Mike’s basement couch.  The boys aren’t sure what to do with El. Then again, given the boys we’re talking about, it’s pretty clear that they wouldn’t know what to do with any girl.  There’s a very good showing not telling moment in this scene: Mike offers El some clothes and she attempts to disrobe in front of all of them, revealing her lack of any socialization. Lucas continues to emote that this is total bullshit. SIDE NOTE: I feel pretty bad for Lucas; he’s the only one of the group that wants to live in Rationality Land. Every minute Lucas spends with his friends he must think: “I live in the f#cking suburbs and THESE are my friends?! FML!!!” El again shows her tattoo as her name, which gives me the worst creeps every time as it is so tied to the holocaust and how El was indubitably thought of and treated by Evil Modine.

Roll Credits.

Joyce is going slowly crazy in her casa of poverty.  Hop arrives and notices immediately the burn marks on her phone.  He’s been up all night looking for a son whose discovery would, in some small way, relieve the pang he feels for his daughter’s death. Joyce insists that Will called her.  Hop doesn’t believe her because she only heard breathing.  Hop remains unconvinced, causing Joyce to lash out – “Don’t you think I’d know my son’s breathing, wouldn’t you know your daughter’s?!” In this moment, we watch Hop’s heart die a little.  Creeper goes up to Hop outside because he wants to question his dad with Hop.  With a not so soft punch to the chest, Hop refuses him.

Back at Mike’s house of psychics and valedictorians who are aroused by bathrooms, Mike is trying to explain how he will reveal her to his parents.  He explains what he believes is the clear path forward, but El listens politely and says – NO.  She makes a finger gun maneuver to show that if he tells, they all will die.

We cut to Evil Modine; he learns that the Monster is in Hawkins.  His lack of emotion is chilling.  I wonder what GS Level sociopaths achieve in the Federal Government? Do they start out as an 11 or just go straight to 14?

Cut to Hawkins High School, where Nancy continues to be a Toxic Friend to Barb. Then, Barb gets shit on by everyone nearby.  Poor Barb.  Steve and his henchmen plan a pool party where Barb gets to be both a driver for Nancy and a fifth wheel. Nancy, you really suck.  The cool kids see Will’s brother Creeper hang up missing poster creepily. Nancy tries to console him before it gets all awkward and stuff.  Then, Creeper leaves and goes on a roadtrip to see his shitbag father.

We cut to Lucas getting further exasperated by his friends who want to harbor a whacko. Lucas must be downing two pepto bismol bottles a day at this point!

Creeper drives to his Dad’s place and flashes to a time he listened to The Clash with Will.

Joyce goes to work.  This is where we meet Donald.  Donald is a Huge Dick.  Joyce needs an advance, a phone, and some smokes.  He parts with the needed requests like Joyce is a heroin addict trying to steal from the till.  Before we hate on Donald too much, last night his wife told me to say hi to everyone- Take that Donald!!! 

Evil modine and his henchmen go to Will’s house and find oozey monster stuff in the shed where Will was taken.

We cut to Mike’s house.  Mike is playing hookey and managing to bore to death a girl who has been a putative prisoner for her entire life.  Mike …. Buddy, I get that long-planned D&D scenarios and AV Club membership hasn’t adequately prepared you to talk to girls, but there are some opportunities for growth here.  Face it, if a girl who’s only been around Evil Modine is bored by you, maybe you should reflect a little on your life-choices and hobbies? Just saying.  El ignores Mike’s blabbering and walks like “Lamb” in the film “Witness” to point to Will.  Mike realizes that she has seen Will and might know where he is.  The scene in Witness:

Witness– Great Film, see it!  Mike’s mom comes up to check on him.  Mike needs to hide El from his Mom and puts El in a closet, causing a horrific flashback where she was tortured by being put in isolation by Evil Modine whom she called Papa – Evil Modine, you suck.  After this scene, it should be clear to everyone that Stranger Things is as much like E.T. as Hostel is to Rick Steve’s Europe on PBS.

We cut to Hop who is called to the Diner where he finds Burly Diner owner is dead. We also find out that he was Hop’s friend.  Poor Hop.

Creeper arrives at House of Shitbag Dad.  Shitbag Dad is everything you’d expect: he has a floosy strung out girlfriend, a washed out face, blames everyone else for his misfortune, and judges everyone because they aren’t “Real”. Will’s not there either.

We return to Mike’s bedroom.  The guys are all there and arguing over what to do about El. Lucas is ignored … again for trying to speak some reason to his idiot friends.  Lucas is about to tell the grownups everything and opens Mike’s bedroom. Bad idea- El puts on her serious face and uses her Carrie/Akira powers and slams it shut, not once, but twice. El’s nose is bleeding from her Carrie/Akira mojo exertion. Poor Lucas.

Hop interviews a local who was close to the Late Burly Diner Owner.  The Local remembers a kid with a crewcut, giving Hop a glimmer of hope.  Another search party has slight success because the Sheriff is guided by Mr. Clark to a shred of clothing, which they believe is Will’s. The camera pulls to a great shot of the evil government building angled up to give it a look of …. you guessed it- an evil castle. BOOM!

We go the House of Steve.  He chugs a beer and it really arouses Nancy.  But how? There’s not a single toilet outside!!!

Hop is now at home in bed next to a random lady.  He goes out into the cold and reflects on how his life and town have gone to total shit. Poor Hop.

We’re back to Mike’s house where El takes the boys to the tabletop board and turns it over to the black side of the board to convey that this is where Will is.  He is in the black, but he’s not alone.  She takes out the Demagorgon action figure and puts it next to Will.  Poor Will.

Creeper is out in the woods looking around.  He hears a scream.  Creeper investigates and discovers that teenagers are having a pool party.  Creeper does the natural thing and furtively takes secret candids of Steve, Nancy, Barb, and the rest.  We can only hope Creeper kept his pants on the entire time.  I’m certain Creeper’s conduct will get you the Death Penalty in Indiana. In the future, Creeper changes his name to Mike Pence and pursued a career in politics. Barb tries to fit in by shotgunning a beer and cuts herself. Poor Barb; Creeper takes photos of that too.

Back to Joyce’s house.  Joyce gets a call and it burns through the phone again- Donald is going to have a shit! The lights flicker and The Clash comes on – Good Cuckoo Clock moment!!!  Cuckoo clock- if you’re going to mention something unique in a story, it needs to payoff or have meaning later in the narrative that moves the story forward.  The lights begin to flash on and off and she feels the presence of her lost son, but another presence manifests – an evil one- and it nearly pushes through his bedroom wall like a stretching condom.

Back to  Steve’s house.  Everyone except for Barb ends up jumping into a pool to lame 80s generic rock.  Barb gets ditched by Nancy so that she can can have relations with Steve. Creeper takes more pictures, including one of Nancy undressing.  You just know that Creeper will end up being arrested on a Japanese Subway one day.  Creeper takes some more photos of Barb sitting on a diving board.  He’s out of film and must wind the camera with his full attention, thereby, missing a greatest scene of the episode.  Barb’s wound drips blood in the water.  Yes, blood! We see a brief shot of the Monster’s evil face before it takes her into the abyss.

Remember, you read it here first!  The monster hunts at night, for blood, and takes his victims back to his lair like a …… you guessed it – A Vampire!!!

The episode concludes with Barb getting rescued and Nancy getting chlamydia. No such luck.  Poor Barb is gone into the Monster Zone and Nancy is having fun.

Thanks again, Gentle Reader.  If you liked this review, please like it, retweet it, and tell Lisa Bowman!

There have been a lot of reviews of this sleeper hit, but it’s clear to me that Stranger Things, at its heart, is a Postmodern Gothic Vampire story.  No, not like True Blood or Twilight where the Vampires are sexy; Stranger Things goes back to the roots of Vampyre … back to Nosferatu as an unthinking monster beast of the shadows.  Gentle reader, you can disagree with me at the end, but I ask you to have an open mind for now. I know what you’re thinking: But Case, there are no stakes or silver.  My response borrows from a real chat John Landis had with his son Max:

John: How do you kill a vampire?

Max: Stakes? Silver?

John: Wrong! Anyway you like because vampires don’t exist!

Here we go and enjoy the reviews!

We open at the creepy castle… I mean government facility in the woods of rural Indiana where something has been awoken.  The camera takes us down into the crypt or basement of the facility and a very nerdy man is running for his very nerdy life.  We know the monster is nearby because the lights are flickering similar to the yellow-barrels in Jaws to let the audience know the shark was nearby, the flickering lights in Stranger Things indicate that our monster is near. The scientist believes he has made it to safety, but as he makes it to the elevator and promised safety, he hears the sounds of bat-like sonar, looks up, and is pulled up head first by the unseen monster into the abyss.

The story moves to the child-protagonists.  The kids are Mike (the leader/dungeon master), Dustin (the brainy/geekiest of the group who looks uncannily like a young Judah Friedlander of 30 Rock), Lucas (the rational member of the group), and Will (who barely speaks for the entire series).  They are playing Dungeons and Dragons in a basement.  Yes, if you didn’t guess it yet, these boys are bullied … a lot.  The game goes to crap because of a poor dice roll, bringing us to Karen (Cara Buono) who tells the boys that it’s time to call it.  BTW, Cara Buono, if one of my buddies had a Cara Buono as a mom, I would’ve come up with every excuse to help out with chores for her… just sayin.  There is a hilarious moment when Mike declares that he has prepared the D&D game for two weeks and his Mom’s eyes open amazingly wide as if to say: My Son- The Forever Virgin.  The lights flicker and the t.v. is wonky, indicating the approaching monster.

The boys start heading home, but not before we get to meet the uber driven and ambitious Nancy (Nightmare on Elm Street nod) who wants nothing to do with her brother or his dork friends.  Nancy’s relationship with Steve is one of the only boring subplots, but I will cover it briefly for completeness: She dates a rich douchebag named Steve who looks like Young Jean-Ralphio of Parks and Rec.  Ok, that’s it.

Will Byers is biking home with his friends and breaks off to go his dumpy part of town.  It’s true that this biking around is somewhat reminiscent of E.T., but not really. I am of this generation and every suburban boy had a bike and no helmets either. In fact, our playgrounds were all built on top of cement and asphalt.  I guess it’s like E.T. in that boys are on bikes, but they also are breathing and wearing clothes.  It is a testament to the art department that this piece is causing people to relive the 80s so well, superimposing every movie they see onto it.  Will is getting home until he sees the silhouette of THE MONSTER.  Will dumps his bike and runs to an empty home.  The home is in stark contrast to Mike’s home; Will’s home is all wood paneling, old carpet, and dingy.  Will sees the monster approach and runs to a wood shed in the backyard.  Sadly, Will gets a rifle ready for a Vampyre fight.  The lights go nuts, we hear bat-sonar, and Will vanishes into God knows where.

Roll Credits.

The opening credits are truly a marvel of 80s nostalgia, but also a nod to vampirism.  The colors used are Black, White, and Red.  Black is the color of Nosferatu’s cloak, White is the color of Nosferatu’s fangs and skin, Red is the color of the blood Nosferatu seeks, and the opening theme music is a heartbeat.

The next scene introduces us to my very favorite character- Chief Jim Hopper (David Harbour).  He has the greatest story arc and his grief is teased out through entire series. Side note: David Harbour is without a doubt one of the greatest actors I have seen in 10 years.  Hop is obviously hungover and even smokes and drinks during his teeth brushing.  This man is the picture of deep deep grief.  Another note for 80s accuracy, Hop’s size was very common of the early 80s cops; I had never seen a small policeman until the 90s.  Cops in the early 80s were still big, could and would fight, and avuncular.  Hop is the accurate epitome of this era.

The story moves back to Will’s mom – Joyce (Winona Ryder), who like Cara Buono, must have a very mysterious portrait in her attic (double points if you get the reference).  Joyce is a poor working single-mom of two boys Will and the older brother named Creeper … I mean Jonathan.  After a briefly upbraiding Jonathan for working instead of being home for Will, Joyce realizes that her son is gone.  She calls Karen who has no idea where Will is.  There is also a good showing not telling moment in this scene to really hammer home the wealth disparity between Joyce and Karen.  Joyce is calling from an already obsolete rotary phone, but Karen is speaking into a touchtone phone with the numbers in the cradle.

We are now at the school where …. brace yourselves… our three D&D obsessed child-protagonists are routinely bullied.  Nancy and her nerdy friend Barb are going on about Steve (AKA Young Jean-Ralphio).  Nancy gets a note in her locker to meet Steve in the bathrooms- that’s what I call ROMANCE.  Maybe, the arousal is from the urinal cakes or the potential of someone no longer being able to wait for them to leave and just starts furiously pooping, but they do make out quite a bit and arrange to have a study makeout session later.  Steve declares that he can be like a Ninja and get into her house without rousing her parents.  I give it to Steve on this one; I always thought ladies dug the poetry and seeing a rom-com; NOPE – it’s all about being around toilets and ninjaing to attend a makeout session.

Hop arrives at the Sheriff’s office and plays his character as still about 1/8th drunk.  Before he goes to his office, he rearranges his Deputy’s playing cards, revealing his incisive mind.  Joyce is waiting for him in his office, insisting that her son is missing.  He wonders if the father took him.  She convinces him to look, beginning his quest.  Again, this is another great nod to gothic horror, where the hero is usually flawed in someway and goes on the heroic quest for redemptive purposes.

We return to the Castl… I mean Government Facility where we meet Dr. Vanhels…I mean Dr. Brenner (Evil Modine) who, with a number of armed men wearing space suits enter the basement.  There’s snow and a general ethereal atmosphere as they approach the portal to the Monster’s Home.  This scene leads directly to us meeting our main protagonist- Eleven 0r El.

There are bare feet walking in the cold November Indiana woods.  We focus on Eleven or El.  She is a shaved-headed girl who is partly Stephen King’s Carrie and Part-Mute. She tries to steal food from a diner and is stopped by the large diner owner with a heart of gold.

We return to the school where we meet our child-protagonist’s friend – Mr. Clarke the science teacher.  He takes them to their new equipment. Yep, they are the founders and administrators of the AV Club.  I’m not writing that anyone deserves bullying, but come on, at least try ultimate frisbee or something.  Dungeons and Dragons AND the AV Club?! WORD?!  Clearly, ladies aren’t into that; they want to be making out in bathrooms with guys who Ninja around their homes!  Hop questions the boys and gets a line on where he might be.

El is eating at the Diner with the Burly Owner.  He feeds her and calls CPS to help out, poor guy.  Then, we see El use her mojo telekinesis to stop a fan from moving.

The boy’s information has led Hop to Will’s bike. When Hop gets to the abandoned bike, he knows that something terrible has happened.  Correctly, he says, “these bikes are like Cadillacs to these kids”.  Hop takes the bike to Joyce and his entire demeanor changes from grief-stricken drunk to determined hero.  BRILLIANT!  He searches the home, the outside, and goes to the backyard shed and sees signs of a struggle and a great scare moment.  He is certain at this point that Will is missing.

A search party develops and we learn that Hop’s daughter passed. BAM! Every parent watching this show understands Hop and feels a pain in their chest for him.  The boys decide that they will search for Will.  As Mike leaves to help, he sees Steve (AKA Young Jean-Ralphio) awkwardly ninjaing into his sister’s room.  I watched this scene twice and Steve did some piss poor ninjaing if you ask me!

Burly diner owner answers the door for the Evil CPS Lady and is gunned down for his trouble.  El is stopped by two armed government goons whom she easily dispatches with her Killer Mind Mojo.  El’s Mojo- it’s not just good for turning off fans and messing with electronics- IT CAN KILL!!!  She escapes into the rain where she runs into our child-protagonists.

END CREDITS!!!

If you liked this piece, tell a friend and better yet, TELL LISA BOWMAN!