Lisa Langlois | Through the Shattered Lens

Let’s say one positive thing about the 1984 “comedy” Joy of Sex.

The tag line on the poster: “Somewhere between virginity and senility, lies paradise,” is brilliant. Whoever came up with it deserves a lot of credit because it sounds a lot better than anything that’s actually heard in the movie.

Let’s say something else good at Joy of Sex. The two stars of the movie — Cameron Dye and Michelle Meyrink — both gave good and likable performances, even if their characters got a little bit annoying at times. (Then again, just about everyone in Joy of Sex gets annoying.) Also, there’s a subplot about an undercover cop (played by Colleen Camp) that predates 21 Jump Street and which occasionally shows off a few hints of genuine wit.

Otherwise, this is probably one of the worst of the 80s teen comedies that I’ll be reviewing for this series of Back to School reviews. Joy of Sex is officially credited as being an adaptation of a sex manual that was popular back in the 70s. According to the imdb and Wikipedia, Joy of Sex went through a rather tortured development. At one point, it was going to be an anthology film, starring John Belushi and co-produced by National Lampoon. However, Belushi died of a drug overdose, National Lampoon abandoned the project, and the final film turned out to be another high school film. Imagine Fast Time At Ridgemont High … but really, really bad.

Leslie Hindenberg (Michelle Meyrink) is a student at Richard Nixon High School. She’s the daughter of the school’s phys ed coach (Christopher Lloyd, playing what was probably meant to be the Belushi role) and, as a result, she is viewed as being untouchable, even by the sex-crazed boys of Nixon High. The problem is that Leslie has recently discovered a mole on chest and is convinced that she has skin cancer. Believing that she only has 6 weeks to live, Leslie sets out on a mission to lose his virginity. However, she wants to lose it to the perfect guy and there aren’t many of those at her school. (Can you really afford to be picky when you’ve only got 6 weeks to live?) Add to that, everyone’s terrified of the coach…

Leslie’s lab partner is Alan (Cameron Dye), who is a nice guy. He not only has a huge crush on Leslie but he’s also desperate to lose his virginity as well! Problem solved, right? Well, no. See, Alan has been led astray by the new girl in school. Liz (Colleen Camp) is tough, outspoken, and no-nonsense. As soon as she shows up in school, she lets everyone know that she’s obsessed with two things — sex and drugs. In fact, she’s especially interested in drugs…

A lot of students, of course, are suspicious of Liz. She seems to be older than everyone else and speak in out-of-date slang. “Could she be a narc?” some students wonder. Well, actually, she is. She is working undercover at Nixon High and is convinced that Alan knows who is supplying drugs to all of the students. And, it must be said, that Colleen Camp really throws herself into the role. As happens with most of the film’s subplots, the undercover narc storyline doesn’t really go anywhere but at least Camp made the effort.

Meanwhile, Leslie’s best friend has been kicked out of school because she’s pregnant. Leslie approaches a local reporter, hoping to convince him to do a story about what’s happened. And, while getting her best friend back into school, Leslie starts to wonder if maybe she’s found the right man to take her virginity…

(But wait! We know she’s meant to be with Alan! So, surely, the reporter will turn out to be a sleaze, right?)

But that’s not all! Someone is running around the school and using superglue to play pranks. Who could it be? Will the crazy principle (Ernie Hudson) be able to maintain order until the big dance? And will the portrayal of the school’s frequently confused foreign exchange student manage to get any more racist?

And what about Tom Pittman (Robert Prescott)? Pittman is the most popular guy in school. Pittman doesn’t really do a lot. To make an undeserved comparison to Animal House, he’s kind of the Bluto character, just not as interesting. Whereas Bluto smashed guitars and beer cans and gave inspiration speeches, Pittman tries to light his farts on fire and is something of a bully. (There is a kinda funny scene where he’s suddenly nice to Leslie and everyone’s shocked.) The most memorable thing about Pittman is that he wears thick black glasses which are held together by tape. So, if nothing else, Joy of Sex is important chapter in the history of myopia in film.

Anyway, Joy of Sex has remarkably little joy and next to no sex. I imagine that were riots in the theaters after this movie came out, as thousands of angry teenagers chanted, “We want joy! We want sex! When do we want them!? NOW!”

There were a lot of great teen films released in the 80s. Joy of Sex is not one of them.

“I am the future!” — Peter Stegman (Timothy Van Patten) in Class of 1984 (1982)

In many ways, the classic exploitation film Class of 1984 feels like an update of Blackboard Jungle. An idealistic teacher Andrew Norris (Perry King) takes a job teaching at a crime-ridden inner city school. There are a few differences. For one thing, the teacher in Class of 1984 teaches music. The graffiti-covered school in Class of 1984 looks a hundreds times worse than the one in Blackboard Jungle. Sidney Poitier is nowhere to be seen in Class of 1984 though Michael J. Fox does show up as one of the good students. Bad student Peter Stegman (Timothy Van Patten) and his gang are a lot more colorful and flamboyant than Vic Morrow ever was in Blackboard Jungle.

And, of course, the main difference between Blackboard Jungle and Class of 1984 is that, in the former film, teacher Glenn Ford’s liberal idealism ultimately defeated the forces of juvenile delinquency. Ford may have been tempted to turn violent but, ultimately, he appealed to the better instincts of his other students and the world was better for it.

In Class of 1984, Andy Norris may start off as a liberal idealist but, ultimately, he reveals himself to be just as violent as his students. And again, the world appears to be better for it.

(I imagine that, when this film was originally released, a lot of teachers probably watched it as a form of wish-fulfillment.)

Now, Andy’s actions may be extreme but he has his reasons. Just consider everything that happened to him after he started teaching.

First off, his best friend and fellow teacher Terry Corrigan (Roddy McDowall) was driven insane by the school’s students. Terry eventually ended up teaching while pointing a gun at his entire class. (The scene where McDowall finally gets his class to pay attention is one of the best in the film, largely due to McDowall’s excellent performance. The look of happiness that crosses his face when a student finally gives him the correct answer is both disturbing and funny at the same time.)

Secondly, his best student (that would be Michael J. Fox) ended up getting stabbed in the cafeteria by one of Stegman’s goons.

And finally, Stegman and his gang assaulted Andy’s wife.

Can you blame Andy Norris for taking the law into his own hands?

Now, me, I have a tendency towards being a bleeding heart when it comes to those living on the fringes of society. I’m against the death penalty. I’m against the war on drugs. I’m against violence. I believe in compassion. I believe in understanding. I believe in love. But even with all that in mind, I couldn’t help but enjoy Class of 1984. Some of that is because the film is surprisingly well-acted. You find yourself really caring about the characters played Perry King and Roddy McDowall and you also find yourself really hating Peter Stegman and his goons. I don’t care how compassionate you are, there’s something very cathartic about watching Andy finally get back at his tormentors. And then there’s the fact that, of all the directors to work in what has been termed the “exploitation” field, Mark Lester is one of the best. He’s one of those directors who knows exactly how to tell a story and what buttons to push to get the proper emotional respect.

But mostly, the film works because of Timothy Van Patten’s performance as Peter Stegman. Van Patten makes Stegman into one of the definitive teenage psychos. As intimidating as Van Patten is, his best moments come when the film reveals the type of person that Stegman could have been if not for the fact that he’s a total sociopath. At one point, when Andy tries to kick him out of music class, Stegman responds by sitting down at a piano and playing a beautiful piece of music. Perhaps my favorite Stegman moments comes late in the film, when he’s seen sweetly talking to his devoted (and clueless) mother.

Not surprisingly for a film that was released over 30 years ago, Class of 1984 is undeniably dated. But it doesn’t matter because Class of 1984 captures a universal and timeless truth. There are always going to be frustrated teachers and dangerous students. The only thing that changes is how society deals with the frustration and the danger.