Gus, what were you thinking!?

1998’s Psycho tells the story of real estate secretary Marion Crane (Anne Heche). Marion is in love with Sam Loomis (Viggo Mortensen), but Sam feels that they can’t get married because he doesn’t have much money and he has to send a monthly alimony payment to his ex-wife. Sam says he doesn’t want Marion to have to spend her married life “licking the stamps.” “I’ll lick the stamps,” Marion replies in a tone that suggests she has no intention of ever licking a stamp.

Marion steals some money from work and goes on the run. While she drives around the Southwest with a blank expression on her face, she thinks about how everyone will react to the theft. She imagines what people are saying about her. She has a scary experience with a highway patrolman (James Remar). She imagines her sister (Julianne Moore) looking for her. Eventually, when it starts to rain, she pulls into an isolated motel for the night and she meets a nervous man named Norman Bates (Vince Vaughn).

Fresh from the success of Good Will Hunting, director Gus Van Sant decided that it was time to pursue a dream project. He remade Alfred Hitchcock’s Psycho. That in itself was a pretty dumb idea. The first film is one of the few films that almost everyone seems to agree is perfectly made. There was no great need to remake it and, after several sequels, there was probably not great demand for it either. Van Sant also decided that he would remake the film by using the exact same script (with just a few minor updates to reflect changing times) and that he would recreate Hitchcock’s film shot-for-shot.

Now, I know what you may be thinking. If Van Sant used the same script and the exact same shot list from the first film, why did he even bother to remake the movie in the first place? My personal theory is that remaking Psycho was probably something that Van Sant first thought of doing while he was a film student. It’s probably something that he came up with and he carried with him for years. Because no one ever thought it would actually happen, his friends humored him and didn’t tell him what a pointless idea it was. Then Van Sant became a success and, once you’re a success, no one’s going to tell you no. Making an Oscar-friendly box office hit like Good Will Hunting temporarily gave Van Sant the opportunity to do whatever he wanted and what he wanted to do was remake Psycho without changing the script or any of the shots.

Despite all of that, there are a few differences. This version of Psycho is shot in color and is full of tacky wallpaper and garish colors. Marion wears some of the ugliest outfits that I’ve ever seen. Of course, the cast is entirely new. The instantly relatable Janet Leigh is replaced by the dull and androgynous Anne Heche. Viggo Mortensen is equally dull as Sam. Julianne Moore is much more take-charge as Lila but, physically, is in no way believable as being related to Anne Heche. (Vera Miles and Janet Leigh, on the other hand, very much seemed like sisters even if they didn’t share any scenes together.) Martin Balsam’s wiseguy private eye is replaced by William H. Macy’s nerdy detective. The biggest change is that Anthony Perkins has been replaced by a totally miscast Vince Vaughn. Norman Bates is someone who has spent the last ten years of his life isolated from the world, living like a hermit. Vince Vaughn, an actor who I usually like, comes across like he can’t wait to get down to the local bar and order everyone a beer.

You don’t hear much about Gus Van Sant’s Psycho anymore. Everyone pretends like it doesn’t exist and that’s probably for the best. If anything, it’s a reminder that almost every director has at least one bad idea that he’s waiting to spring on the world once he becomes successful enough. For Gus Van Sant, the idea was Psycho.