Retro Television Review: Malibu, CA 1.20 “The Older Woman”

Posted on December 5, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Malibu CA, which aired in Syndication in 1998 and 1999. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, things get even dumber than usual. Forever summer!

Episode 1.20 “The Older Woman”

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on April 11th, 1999)

Tracyee wants to try to out for the Lakers cheerleading squad. Unfortunately, she makes the mistake of sharing her plans with Samantha and Stads, both of whom are morally offended that Tracyee would actually want to do something that could bring her 1) a steady income and 2) the fame that she’s desperately been searching for since this show started. Stads and Sam both declare cheerleading to be sexist and degrading. However, when they find out that the auditions will be televised, they decide to try out so that they can denounce the Lakers on television.

(Of course, unless the try-outs are being aired live, it’s probable that anything Samantha or Stads said would have been edited out of the program. Add to that, it doesn’t seem to occur to either one of them that they would also probably be ruining Traycee’s chance of making the squad as well.)

Now, I should point out that this is just the B-story. Only a few scenes are devoted to Murray training Sam, Stads, and Traycee before their try-outs. In the end, Murray is such a good coach that he’s the one hired for the cheerleading squad. The most (and really the only) interesting thing about this B-story is that it shows just how unlikeable and one-dimensional both Sam and Stads became as the first season progressed. There’s really no reason for them to even involve themselves in Traycee’s quest to become a Lakers Girl. Traycee indicates that she knows that it’s all sexist and exploitive but — and this is key — she doesn’t care. As soon as Traycee indicates that she doesn’t care, that’s the signal for Stads and Sam to back off.

(One of the consistent things about all of the teen sitcoms produced by Peter Engel was that feminists, whether they were Jessie Spano on Saved By The Bell or Julie on Hang Time, were always portrayed as being shrill, humorless, and, worst of all, hypocritical.)

As for the main plot — hey, it’s stupid too! In fact, it’s both stupid and creepy! Peter has hired a graphic artist named Laura (Odile Corso) to redesign the restaurant’s menus. Peter seems to like Laura and Jason decides that he’s going to help his father get laid. (He doesn’t put it that way but that’s still the general idea.) However, while Jason is trying to convince his father to ask out Laura, Laura decides to ask out Jason.

This is a bit awkward, seeing as how Jason is supposed to be a high school student! Even worse, the episode ends with Peter explaining that Laura was too young for him and suggesting that Jason should have asked her out. Again, why would a successful and attractive woman in her mid-to-late 20s want to date a shallow high school student who works in his father’s restaurant? This is not the first time that I’ve wondered if this show’s writers remembered that Jason and Scott were established, at the start of the season, as being high school students. Then again, even if Jason wasn’t a high school student, he would still be a sociopathic nepo baby so maybe Laura just has bad taste in general. As for Peter, he ends up dating a dentist, who is played by Deborah Shelton (who, in presumably better times, had a key role in Brian DePalma’s Body Double).

This was a dumb episode, even by the standards of Malibu, CA.

Retro Television Review: Malibu CA 1.18 “The Dude of Love”

Posted on November 14, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Someday, I’ll finish this show and move on to something good….

Episode 1.18 “The Dude of Love”

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on February 21st, 1999)

This week, on Malibu, CA, Jason has a crush on a girl named Holly (Kristen Miller). Holly, however, is already dating someone else. She says that her boyfriend is an accountant and is too obsessed with work.

Does Jason:

accept that Holly is not single and move on
accept thar Holly is not single and wait to see what happens with her current relationship, or
act like a sociopathic little bitch?

If you guessed the third answer, you obviously know your Malibu, CA!

Needless to say, Jason acting like a sociopathic little bitch is hardly a new occurrence. When this show originally started, I thought that Scott was the more unlikable of the two main characters. He was just so smarmy and self-satisfied. But, as this season has progressed, I’ve come to realize that Scott is just a dumb frat boy who is trying to enjoy himself before his mid-life crisis hits. Jason is so just as smarmy and self-satisfied as Scott but he’s also whiny and that makes him a hundred times more annoying.

(Another annoying thing is that, whenever Jason breaks the fourth wall and talks directly to the audience, he always awkwardly pauses before delivering his lines because the actor is obviously waiting for someone off-camera to cue him. This was especially noticeable in this episode.)

Jason’s plan, as usual, involves manipulating Murray. Murray has been hired to provide surfing updates on the local radio station (which broadcasts straight from the beach because there’s no way Peter Engel was going to pay for an extra set). Jason announces that he’s going to be Murray’s producer. Under Jason’s direction, Murray becomes “The Dude of Love,” offering up advise to lovelorn surfers.

First, Jason convinces Holly that she should call the Dude of Love for advice.

Then he convinces Murray that he’s sick so that Murray will stay home and Jason will able to take Holly’s call. Jason does an imitation of Murray and tells Holly to dump her boyfriend. Since the radio show is being broadcast literally from the beach, everyone can see Jason pretending to be Murray so I’m not really sure how this plan is supposed to work.

Anyway, Holly does not dump her boyfriend and it turns out that he’s not only an accountant but also a weight-lifter. The accountant wants to beat up Murray so Jason confesses the truth. The accountant tells Jason to stay away from Holly and to always save his receipts. Okay, the receipt thing was kind of funny.

Meanwhile, Stads, Scott, and Mr. Collins deal with Honest Ernie (Ricky Paull Goldin), a conman who sold the beach to Tracy. Of course, no one can sell the beach because it’s public property. Honest Ernie also sells fake baseball cards. Anyway, I’m not going to to waste my time detailing this dumb B-plot but the gang tricks Honest Ernie into buying a plot of land in Texas that doesn’t exist. Tracy gets her money back. Yay!

(That’s still technically fraud but whatever.)

Even by the standards of this show, this was a dumb episode. Murray deserves better friends.

Retro Television Review: Malibu, CA 1.17 “The Game Show”

Posted on November 7, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Why do I do this to myself?

Episode 1.17 “The Game Show”

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on February 14th, 1999)

Scott has been promoted! His father has made Scott the new weekend manager of his restaurant, The Lighthouse. Jason is offended, even though Jason regularly comes to work late and is rude to the customers. Strangely enough, though, the other workers at The Lighthouse, the majority of whom have probably been working there longer than both Jason and Scott, are not offended that a major promotion was given to the boss’s inexperienced jerk of a son. Seriously, Scott has only been in Malibu for a few months and he’s gotten in just as much trouble with Jason. Neither one of them deserves a promotion.

Jason and Scott are selected to appear on Blind Date, a dating game show that airs on Malibu’s public access channel. (Not surprisingly, the show is hosted by Tracy.) Jason makes a $300 bet with Scott that he can win the date. Jason’s plan is to cheat by sneaking a look at the audition tape of the girl who will be selecting her date. Scott discovers that Jason is cheating so he cheats by convincing Tracy to invite a different girl on the show. During the show, Jason realizes what Scott has done and calls him out. Tracy disqualifies both of them, which means that Murray wins the date.

I got a headache just writing that paragraph.

Meanwhile, Stads puts on a fat suit so that she can research how people treat the obese. A lifeguard named Darren (Brody Hutzler) asks Stads out while she’s in disguise. Stads is excited to finally have a date but will Darren still want to date her when he finds out that Stads is thin?

Every Peter Engel-produced sitcom did at least one episode where one of the main characters found themselves being forced to either go on a date or work with a fat person. Usually, these episodes ended with the standard message of “It’s what’s inside that counts,” and then the fat character, having served their purpose, would never be seen or mentioned again. The theme of this episode of Malibu, CA seems to be that some people don’t care about physical appearances and seriously, what the Hell’s wrong with those people? Stads learns that not everyone is turned off by a few extra pounds and wow, those people are weird! It’s not a great message for a sitcom aimed at teen girls, to be honest.

As usual, this episode struggles because almost everyone on the show comes across as being a sociopath. Scott is promoted for no good reason and immediately gets an attitude. Jason breaks the fourth wall to brag to the audience about how he’s going to lie, cheat, and steal. Stads may not be a sociopath but she is remarkably shallow in this episode. It’s always strange the way that this show insists that Stads, who is blonde, pretty, and athletic, can somehow never get a date. Maybe it would help if she had a better name. Stads probably sounds a bit too much like Stabs.

Murray and Tracy are, at this point, is the only decent characters on the show, largely because they’re both open and honest about who they are and they’re not ashamed of their quirks. Brandon Brooks and Priscilla Inga Taylor both seemed to have understood that it was pointless to try to give “real” performances on this show and their willingness to full embrace the over-the-top silliness of their characters went a long way towards making them tolerable.

Next week, the agony continues!

Retro Television Review: Malibu, CA 1.8 “Two ‘Man’ Bowling”

Posted on September 5, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Ugh. I guess it’s time to get back to this stupid show.

Episode 1.8 “Two ‘Man’ Bowling”

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on November 29th, 1998)

The local bowling alley has got a tournament coming up. The grand prize is a jet ski! Woo hoo! Jason Collins really wants to win that jet ski and defeat Louie (Jose Urbina). In fact, Jason even bets all of Scott’s tip money that he’ll be able to win the tournament. (Why Scott’s tip money? Because Louie spots the jar on the counter at the restaurant and assumes that it’s Jason’s tip money. God, this show is freaking stupid.) It’s a good thing that Jason is dating Stads, the best bowler in Malibu.

Except …. IT’S A TWO MAN BOWLING TOURNAMENT! NO WOMEN ALLOWED!

Like seriously, what the Hell? Both Stads and Sam are outraged by the blatant sexism but Jason is more worried about that jet ski and his brother’s tip money. He recruits Scott to be his partner but then Scott sprains his wrist when it gets caught in a dollhouse that has been refurbished into a big mouse trap because there’s a mouse loose at the restaurant and…. God, this show is freaking stupid.

Anyway, Stads puts on a fake beard and wears a loose flannel shirt and speaks in a deep voice and pretends to be a guy named Earl. Jason and “Earl” win the tournament but Melody (Marissa Jaret Winokur) develops a crush on Earl and asks him on a date. Because Melody’s father own the bowling alley, Stads has to go on the date or else Jason won’t win his jet ski. Huh?

Since Stads is not a total sociopath, she reveals the truth to Melody at the awards tournament. (Actually, the truth comes out because Jason accidentally pulls off Stads’s wig but Stads was planning on coming clear regardless.) At first, it appears that Jason and Stads are going to be disqualified but then the owner of the bowling alley decides to change the rules after the tournament has ended and, as a result, Jason and Scott win a jet ski and hey, maybe Stads will get to ride it as well.

(Seriously, Stads …. YOU CAN DO SO MUCH BETTER!)

Meanwhile, there’s a mouse loose in the restaurant and instead of following health code regulations and closing the place down, Peter says that Murray and Sam have a day to catch it before he calls in the exterminator. It’s dumb but I have to admit that I did kind of smile at Murray, Sam, and Tracy’s enthusiasm when it came to hunting the mouse. They were enjoyably silly.

For the most part, though, this was a pretty freaking stupid episode that felt as if it was pieced together with plotlines and jokes that were left over from Saved By The Bell and California Dreams. As I’ve said before, this show wouldn’t be so bad if Jason and Scott weren’t total jerks but they are. One guy with a smirk is intriguing but two guys with a smirk feels like a threat. I hope their jet ski sinks.

Retro Television Review: Malibu, CA 1.7 “Scott’s Old Girlfriend”

Posted on July 11, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Is this a good episode of Malibu, CA? Read on to find out!

Episode 1.7 “Scott’s Old Girlfriend”

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on November 22nd, 1998)

Scott and Sam’s relationship is going strong. They’re even planning on spending the weekend in Catalina together. But then Scott’s girlfriend from New York, Megan (Tsianina Joelson), comes to California for a series of dance auditions. Scott swears that he broke up with Megan before leaving New York but it turns out that seeing, “See ya,” is not the best or clearest way to break up with someone. Megan still thinks that she’s dating Scott.

Instead of telling Megan and Sam the truth, Scott attempts to keep them from learning about each other. Why? Because Scott is a character in a Peter Engel-produced sitcom and the guys in these shows always did the stupidest possible things. Scott’s attempt to lie to both of his girlfriends ends in failure and Sam dumps him.

We’re back in familiar territory with this episode. Once again, for 20 minutes, we see that Scott Collins is the worst person who has ever lived. The show attempts to make Scott likable by having him regularly break the fourth wall and speak directly to the audience but smirking while bragging about lying to not one but two girlfriends does not exactly make one likable. His brother Jason is a bit less annoying than usual in this episode but he still helps Scott in his attempted deception so, even if he’s not as much of a sociopath as Scott, Jason’s still a bit of a wimp. (In many ways, being wimpy is even worse than being evil.) It’s actually very satisfying when Sam dumps Scott because it’s exactly what an actual human being would do in this situation. In fact, it’s so satisfying that it actually makes this episode a smidgen better than the ones that came before it.

There is a B-plot but it’s not as annoying as usual. Stads helps Murray train for a surfing contest, which Murray wins even though he’s torn between his love of surfing and his newly found love for Traycee. Stads encourages Murray to break up with Traycee so he can concentrate on surfing and, continuing the show’s theme of people behaving in a semi-realistic way, she feels guilty about it afterwards. But Traycee quickly gets back together with her ex and Murray is excited to have a surfing trophy. And you know what? Good for him. Murray started out as a kind of annoying character but, compared to Scott and Jason, he’s a prince.

Was this a good episode? Well, no, not really. Due to just how unlikable the show’s two main characters are, I don’t think there’s such a thing as a good episode of Malibu CA. But it wasn’t quite as bad as the ones that came before it.

Retro Television Review: Malibu, CA 1.6 “My Hero”

Posted on July 4, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

It’s time for another episode of the worst show ever produced by Peter Engel!

Episode 1.6 “My Hero”

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on November 15th, 1998)

Jason and Stads are finally admitting that they are a couple. Normally, I would say that this is a step forward for them and a sign of growing maturity but Jason still cannot stand the fact that his girlfriend is more athletic to him. (Did it not occur to Jason that Stads works as a lifeguard, a job that requires a certain amount of athleticism?) Stads beats Jason at foosball. She beats him at tennis. She beats him at basketball. She beats him at everything so, of course, when someone tries to rob the restaurant, Stads lets Jason have all the credit for knocking him out despite the fact that she’s the one who did it.

Oh yeah, this is a healthy relationship….

Everyone celebrates Jason as a hero. Traycee gives him a picture of David Hasselhoff to sign. The local news wants to do a story on him, for some reason. Jason lets all the adulation go to his head and, on live television, says that Stads was cowering in a corner while he defeated the robber. Stads proceeds to call him out and reveal what really happened, again on live television.

So, I guess that’s the end of that relationship, right? Nope. Jason apologizes and Stads takes him back because it would appear that Stads has no self-esteem. Seriously, Stads — you’re a blonde lifeguard with a sweet personality. YOU CAN DO BETTER THAN JASON! (That said, I probably would have at least let him win a game or two of tennis, just to be nice. And I wouldn’t have played basketball at all because everyone always seems to end with a skinned knee or a broken nose whenever they play that game. Foosball, though …. TAKE NO PRISONERS!)

This is yet another episode of Malibu, CA where the main theme is that Jason Collins is the second worst person on the planet. (The worst, of course, is his brother, Scott.) Whiney and entitled is no way to go through life.

Speaking of being whiney, Scott is upset that Murray keeps tagging along on all of his dates with Sam. So, Scott sets up Murray up with a girl who is as into surfing as Murray is. Suddenly, Scott discovers that Murray is a big believer in double dating. Scott tries to explain to Murray that he’s becoming a third wheel but Murray thinks that Scott is talking about Murray’s new girlfriend so Murray dumps her so that he can spend all of his time with Scott and Sam. Ha! Take that, Scott, ya schmuck!

I hate this show.

Retro Television Review: Malibu, CA 1.5 “Photo Shoot”

Posted on June 27, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

I meant to review this episode last week but it was so bad that the prospect of writing about it just filled me with an unending depression. This week, I’m feeling a little better so let’s give it a shot!

Episode 1.5 “Photo Shoot”

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on November 8th, 1998)

It’s been a while since I posted a review of Malibu, CA and I realize that the show is not a particularly well-remembered one. It only aired for two seasons and so few people watched that it pretty much ended producer Peter Engel’s reign as America’s top producer of teen sitcoms. So, here is a quick recap:

Scott (Trevor Merszei) and Jason Collins (Jason Hayes) are twin brothers from New York. When their mother takes a job in Saudi Arabia (like, seriously, what the Hell? Is she doing Bin Laden’s taxes?), Scott and Jason move in with their father, Peter (Edward Blatchford), who owns a restaurant in Malibu. Scott and Jason both have a crush on their next door neighbor, Sam (Gina May). Sam is friendly but doesn’t seem to really think of either of them in that way. Sam’s best friend is a lifeguard who is nicknamed Stads (Wendi Kenya, who deserved better than this show). Stads has a crush on Scott but Jason is the one who she kissed at the end of the previous episode. Meanwhile, on the beach, Murray (Brandon Brooks) owns the surf shack and Traycee (Priscilla inga Taylor) wears a bikini.

All caught up?

Great! Let’s talk about episode 5.

Or maybe we could just skip episode 5 because God, did it suck.

Basically, the theme of episode 5 is that Scott and Jason are the two worst human beings who have ever lived. Scott finally asks Sam out on a date. Sam accepts, for some reason. But then a photographer named Devon (Simon Clark) asks Sam if she’s ever done any modeling and soon, Sam is more interested posing for Devon and going to Paris with him than in going out with some smirky frat boy from New York. This is actually a great opportunity for Sam but Sam’s success would mean Scott not getting what he wants to Scott and Jason spend the whole episode trying to sabotage Devon’s attempts to get a decent picture of Sam.

If this sound familiar, you may be remembering when the exact same thing happened with Zack and Kelly on Saved By The Bell. On Saved By The Bell, Zack learned the important of not being selfish and supporting Kelly’s dreams. Kelly went to Paris to be a model but she was back the next episode and no mention was ever made of her time in Paris for the rest of the show. On Malibu, CA, Scott acts like a possessive creep but he gets lucky in that Sam decides not to go to Paris because Devon tries a line on her about how she’s Cindy Crawford “without the mole.” Scott gets what he wants but just because Devon turned out to be equally skeezy.

Ugh. This episode. There’s a real sense of entitlement to Scott and Jason that is very off-putting. Entitled teenagers were a mainstay on Peter Engel’s shows but he usually able to temper that by casting likable actors. With Malibu, CA, he went with two actors who both came across like two smirky, mentally dull frat boys and, as a result, Jason and Scott really do come across as being the worst two people in the world.

As for the rest of the episode, Jason and Stads continued to pretend as if they didn’t like each other while Murray used various new age techniques to cure Peter’s headache. Even One World had better B-plots. Bleh all around.

Oh well — at least there’s only 47 more episodes to go….

Retro Television Review: Malibu, CA 1.1 “Welcome to Malibu”

Posted on May 2, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Imagine being Peter Engel in 1998.

Your most successful show, Saved By The Bell, ended its NBC run years ago, though it does live on in syndication. Your second most successful show, California Dreams, ended two years ago. Once you and your programs dominated NBC’s Sunday morning programming and the cultural landscape but now you’ve been reduced to City Guys, One World, Hang Time, and Saved By The Bell: The New Class. Both American culture and NBC are moving away from your style of goofy, wholesome entertainment.

What do you do?

If you’re Peter Engel, you take what worked with Saved By The Bell and what worked with California Dreams and you try to create a new show called Malibu, CA. And if NBC won’t return your calls, you just sell the show to syndication. That’ll show them!

Malibu, CA ran for two seasons and, until I came across a reference to it online, it was the only Engelverse show that I had previously never seen or even heard about. However, it turns out that Malibu, CA is available on YouTube. Considering all of the effort that I previously put into reviewing every episode of California Dreams, City Guys, Hang Time, and even One World (GOD GOD, ONE WORLD), it only seems right to now review Malibu, CA.

Episode 1.1 “Welcome to Malibu”

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on October 11th, 1998)

After a montage of familiar Malibu images (Hey! Did you know that people surf, bike, and wear bikinis in Malibu?), the show introduces us to Scott (Trevor Merszei) and Jason Collins (Jason Hayes), two twins brothers who don’t like alike. (That’s good because I’m already having trouble remembering which is which.) In typical Peter Engel style, they start the show in their bedroom and talking directly to the audience.

Scott explains that their mother has taken a job in Saudi Arabia so he and his brother have moved to Malibu to live with their Dad. (Really? Saudi Arabia?) Jason says he’s excited because Malibu is “27 miles of babes.” Scott says that Jason is “both halves of Dumb and Dumber.” Jason says that Scott’s shirt makes him look like one of the “Spice Boys.”

Downstairs, their father Peter Collins (Edward Blatchford, who previously played Mr. Belding’s laid back and irresponsible brother on a classic episode of Saved By The Bell), waits for them so that he can take them to their first day at a new school. Scott asks if Malibu is always as perfect as it appears to be in the morning. Peter says that it’s perfect except for the mudslides and the earthquakes. Jason says that he can’t wait for his first earthquake because he wants to see “Heather Locklear run from her house in her underwear.” (Okay, Jason, we get it. You’re the type of guy who is destined to go broke due to an internet porn addiction.) Peter mentions that he dated “the redhead from Melrose Place” three times. He then tells the boys that he’s “not much on rules” and he suggests that Scott change his shirt because, “You look like Al Gore.” (OUCH!) Peter leaves for the restaurant that he apparently owns while Scott heads up stairs to look for a new shirt.

That leaves Jason alone to meet the next door neighbor, Samantha “Sam” Chapman (Gina Marley May), whose short red dress causes Jason to say, “Whoa!” and inspires someone in the studio audience to do a wolf whistle. Sam wants Jason to sign a petition that will tell businessman Henry Updyke to not drill for oil on the beach. (Didn’t the same thing happen on both Saved By The Bell and California Dreams?) Jason signs and he also meets Sam’s friend, the spacey Murray Updyke (Brandon Brooks). Murray is especially dedicated to taking down Henry’s business because Henry is his father. So, basically, Murray’s a spoiled jerk, even if the show doesn’t realize it.

We then cut to high school, which appears to be the same high school set that was used in California Dreams. We see Sam with her best friend, a lifeguard named Jennifer “Stads” Stadler (Wendi Kenya). Stads (God, do I really have to call her that?) just broke up with her boyfriend because apparently, he was only taking her to Hooters so that he could hit on the waitresses. (Was she dating Michael Scott?)

Now, the good news is that Stads hates being called Stads. “Why does everyone think I’m one of the guys?” she says angrily. “Well, you did join the boys hockey team,” Sam offers up. Stads then notices Scott struggling with his locker combination. She helps him out by punching the locker, which flies open and smacks Scott in the face. As Scott struggles to regain his composure, he asks for help finding the Marine Biology class. Sam is also into Marine Biology. (SHOCKER!) She and Scott go off together.

Meanwhile, Jason is approached by a woman (Susan Wood) in a red dress. (Another red dress!) She asks his name and, when he says that he’s Jason Collins, she asks if he’s Peter’s son. Jason immediately assume that Peter must have dated her. “My Dad always dates the hottest babes!” “I’m not a babe, I’m Ms. Morrissey …. your principal.” “Whoa!” the audience says. Murray runs into the school and hugs Mrs. Morrisey. After Morrisey politely tells them to get to class and then heads for her office, Murray suggests they should skip school instead. Jason agrees. Hey, why not? It’s not like anything important happens on the first day of school.

Jason stops by the Lighthouse, which is Peter’s restaurant. The Lighthouse is easily identifiable as Sharky’s from California Dreams, just with a new coat of paint. Peter is not happy about Jason skipping but Jason gets distracted by Sam trying to pass out flyers for her anti-oil rally. Jason offers to hand out the flyers for her. Sam thanks him and says that she can’t wait to see him at the rally. After Sam leaves, Jason gives the flyers to a waiter and tell him to put them into all the menus. Scott then shows up and says that he met the perfect girl. Jason says he did to. “Wait until you meet Samantha!” they say in unison.

Cut to the beach, where Jason, Scott, Sam, Stads, and Murray are struggling to get anyone to take their flyers. Jason suggests that they need a billboard. “Are you talking about signs everywhere ragging on my dad’s company?” Murray says, “Alright!”

(I’m sorry but Murray’s kind of a dick. I mean, are you campaigning for the environment or are you just mad at your dad?)

How to pay for a billboard? Jason suggests having a fundraiser at the Lighthouse.

“Dad won’t go for that,” Scott says.

“Dad doesn’t need to know,” Jason says.

Okay, Jason’s a dick too.

How to get Peter out of the restaurant? Jason approaches Ms. Morrissey at school and, surprisingly, is not given any sort of punishment for skipping the first day. Jason gives Ms. Morrissey tickets to the Fleetwood Mac concert and says that Peter really wants to go with her but he feels awkward because Ms. Morrissey is their principal so Ms. Morrissey will have to ask him. Ms. Morrissey agrees to this because, in the world of Peter Engel, all principals are idiots.

Somehow, the plan works. Peter — oh my God! IS HE NAMED AFTER PETER ENGEL!? — goes to the concert and the boys take over the restaurant. Sam is really impressed, since the party will give her a chance to get more teenagers to sign her useless petition. Jason and Scott get into an argument over who Sam likes and they decide to ask Stads. They don’t even notice that Stads is trying to change her image by wearing a dress.

“Just imagine if the two of us liked you,” Scott says to her, apparently unaware that Stads has a crush on him, “who would you go for?”

Stads runs from the restaurant as the audience says, “Awwww!” I actually said “awww” too. Both Jason and Scott are dicks. Poor Jennifer!

Because Jason lied and said the stars of Baywatch would be at the restaurant, way too many people show up for the party. Jason and Scott get into an argument over who is to blame and they each accuse the other of only throwing the party to get a date with Sam. Offended, Sam declares, “I wouldn’t date either of you!” Good for you, Sam, they suck.

Guess who suddenly shows up? It’s Peter and the cops! The restaurant is closed for overcrowding and Peter, as owner, is fined $500. Peter worries that maybe he’s not responsible enough to look after his sons. Maybe they need to go back to New York and live with their grandma.

The next days, Jason and Scott tells Stads and Sam that they’re leaving. “I’m never going to see you again!?” Stads says before kissing Scott. “Hey, I’m leaving too!” Jason says.

Fear not. Peter decides to give them another chance, with the understanding that there will be rules. They’re both grounded and they’re both going to have to work as busboys in the restaurant. But they can stay in Malibu and continue to compete for Sam.

“My brother doesn’t stand a chance!” Jason and Scott is unison.

Well, that happened. The first episode of Malibu CA did what a first episode should do. It introduced us to the characters and their situations and it set up future storylines. Unfortunately, almost none of the characters are particularly likable. Jason’s a jerk. Scott’s a wimp. Murray is a spoiled brat. Sam is self-righteous. Peter is a midlife crisis waiting to happen. The closest thing this show has to a likable character is Jennifer and she’s stuck with a terrible nickname. I’m an optimist and I’m fully aware that first episodes are rarely indicative of what a show is going to eventually become. I hope Malibu CA will improve. For now, though, I’m starting understand why I had never heard of it before.

Retro Television Reviews: City Guys 5.21 “Anchors Aweigh” and 5.22 “Video Killed The Radio Star”

Posted on August 10, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing City Guys, which ran on NBC from 1997 to 2001. Almost the entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, Ms. Noble is finally retiring!

Episode 5.21 “Anchors Aweigh”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on November 24th, 2001)

Here’s this episode’s plot description, via Wikipedia:

The time for Ms. Noble’s retirement and the gang’s graduation is drawing near and everybody is excited, except for Dawn. Witnessing the preparation for next year and the new changes being made at the school makes Dawn uneasy. She begins to become anxious about moving on from Manny High and the thought of being apart from her friends when they all go their separate ways in the fall.

Ms. Noble’s retiring? It’s about damn time! I mean, I understand that Ms. Noble didn’t have much of a life outside of telling people who to do but still, it seems like it would get boring after a while. Then again, maybe she was just retiring so she could follow the Chris and Jamal to college and continue to yell at them for not devoting more time to church and charity. As for Dawn’s feelings, I can relate. I felt the same way when I graduated high school.

Unfortunately, there are many season 5 episodes that are not available to stream and this is one of them. So, this is as good a review as this episode is going to get. Let’s move on to an episode that actually be reviewed.

Episode 5.22 “Video Killed The Radio Star”

(Directed by Frank Bonner, originally aired on November 24th, 2001)

No, your eyes are not deceiving you! Because Ms. Noble is retiring, the graduating class of Manny High decided to pool their money and put a cheap-looking bust of her in front of the school. Ms. Noble is certainly excited but seriously, in what world would this happen? Graduation is coming up. People are making plans to either go to college or get a job. Everyone should be moving on from high school and instead, the students are spending their money on a statue of their principal? Who, in the world, loves their principal this much!?

Now, it should be noted that someone does immediately starts vandalizing the statue, which is perhaps the most realistic thing that has ever happened on City Guys. At first, the statue is covered in clown make up. Then someone puts an Abraham Lincoln beard on it. Finally, Ms. Noble spends the night in the courtyard, pretends to be her own statue, and discovers that Al and L-Train are behind the vandalism because, of course, they are. It’s not like there’s any other students at the school.

As dumb as the whole statue subplot is, it’s nowhere near as bad as this episode’s A-plot. Ms. Noble tells Chris and Jamal that there is an opening to produce a television show for Manny High. (Manny High has a television studio?) Chris and Jamal both say that they don’t need to be on TV as long as they have their radio show. Instead, Dawn, Cassidy, Al, and L-Train end up producing an abomination called Muffy The Werewolf Slapper.

Yes, Muffy is meant to be a parody of Buffy The Vampire Slayer. And yes, everyone at Manny High loves it even though it’s not that funny. (Dawn and Cassidy plays cheerleaders who love Freddie Prinze, Jr. and fighting werewolves. L-Train and Al are the werewolves who just want to date Dawn and Cassidy.) Unfortunately, since Muffy airs at the same time as Chris and Jamal’s radio show, Chris and Jamal lose all of their listeners. (I’ve always been stunned at the idea of anyone setting their schedule around Chris and Jamal’s tired radio schtick.) Feeling jealous, Chris and Jamal sabotage the recording of an episode of Muffy. Feeling guilty, they confess on the radio and then appear on the next episode of Muffy, playing two cheerleaders who try to steal Al and L-Train away from the werewolf slappers.

It was dumb. The whole thing was just mind-numbingly dumb. Watching these final episodes of City Guys, one gets the idea that everyone involved in the show mentally checked out long before shooting their final episode.

Speaking of final episodes, it’s only two weeks away! Finally, some good news.

Retro Television Review: City Guys 5.19 “Model Behavior” and 5.20 “Almost Fatal”

Posted on August 3, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Seriously, how have we not reached the final episode yet?

Episode 5.19 “Model Behavior”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on November 17th, 2001)

I have to admit that, with each week, it gets harder and harder for me to watch and review this stupid show. I’m currently on the final season and there’s only a few more episodes left to go but, every Thursday, I literally have to force myself to sit through whatever episodes are available on YouTube. City Guys was never a particularly original show to begin with. I mean, the only thing that distinguishes it from every other show that Peter Engel produced for NBC was that the cast was a bit more diverse than usual. But, by the fifth season, it was obvious that the writers were out of ideas and the cast was ready to move on. I’m at the point that, whenever I hear Al call his ex-girlfriend “Dawny Dawn,” I want to throw something across the room. Whenever Ms. Noble starts to talk down to her students, I want to scream. Whenever Chris say something dorky or Jamal asks someone to “Help a brother out,” I silently groan. It’s all so predictable that I feel like I could probably just guess what happened in each episode and be correct.

As for this episode, Jamal has a girlfriend! Now, because so much of Season 5 is not streaming online, I don’t know if this episode is the first time that we’ve seen Rosie (Jenna Watson) but apparently, she and Jamal are very much an established couple. Rosie gets an opportunity to be a model and Jamal throws a fit because he doesn’t want other guys checking out his girlfriend, even though Jamal was earlier doing the same thing to Rosie’s fellow models. When Rosie calls him out on it, Jamal learns an important lessons about double standards. Personally, I’m amazed that a successful model like Rosie would waste her time with someone who can barely handle running the cash register at the Manhattan Diner.

Meanwhile, Dawn is organizing a week-long trip to Florida and one of the students who was meant to be a part of the group has to drop out after she gets mono. Ms. Noble tells Dawn that it’s up to her to select who will be the replacement. Al and L-Train suck up to Dawn and try to convince her to take them to Florida. Dawn picks some guy named Jason instead and Ms. Noble gives Al and L-Train a week of detention. In the past, this is the type of B-plot that would have been saved by the comic timing of Steven Daniel but, at this point, I’m even tired of L-Train. To be honest, I don’t know why Dawn didn’t just pick her best friend Cassidy.

This episode just felt tired. The Florida trip made no sense whatsoever while the model storyline just made me think about how much better California Dreams would have handled the whole thing. I’ve been reviewing City Guys for nearly a year now and I’m definitely ready to move on.

Episode 5.20 “Almost Fatal”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on November 17th, 2001)

Here’s the plot description for Wikipedia:

After Chris, Jamal, and El-Train survive a car crash, they start going through some changes as they now view life in a whole new perspective. The three friends begin live to their lives on the edge by doing certain activities to the extreme.

This is one of the many season 5 episodes that is not currently streaming anywhere. That’s kind of a shame because the plot description makes it sound like this episode could have been interesting or, at the very least, memorably bad. That said, if I had to guess, I’d say that this was probably just another episode where everyone spent too much time hanging out on the roof and getting a stern talking to from Ms. Noble.

Next week, I’ll be more another episode closer to being done with this show!