Since today would have Tor Johnson’s birthday, it only seems appropriate to share a bonus Horror On The Lens. This is the one film in which Tor Johnson starred, 1961’s The Beast Of Yucca Flats.
The Beast of Yucca Flats is a thoroughly inept film that makes next to no sense and has massive continuity errors. It’s a film that also features Tor Johnson as a Russian scientist who gets mutated by radiation and becomes a monster, but not before taking off almost all of his clothes while walking through the desert. For that matter, it’s also a film about a family that comes together though adversity — namely, being shot at by the police after the family patriarch is somehow mistaken for Tor Johnson. And finally, it’s the story of how a dying monster can find comfort from a rabbit and that’s actually kind of a sweet message.
Here’s the thing — yes, The Beast of Yucca Flats is bad but you still owe it to yourself to watch it because you will literally never see anything else like it. Plus, maybe you’ll be able to figure out what the whole point of the opening scene is.
Because I’ve watched this film a few times and I still have no idea!
Agck! I hate spiders and today’s movie has got a lot of them!
Fortunately, it also has William Shatner and some lovely Southwestern scenery.
Still, if you have a thing about spiders, this film will probably scare the Hell out of you, which makes it perfect for October. Fortunately, William Shatner gives a very William Shatenerish performance and therefore provides some relief from all of the tarantula horror.
This short film was not on IMDB; so, I used a graph from my amazing post on Alien Earth. Wasn’t that a great review? The math was perfect! This another AI short film, but you have to dig around to determine that a robot made it. I gotta say, it looks good. Maybe this will be how films are going to be made from now on?
A pale lady is walking down a hallway and then the wall starts bleeding…. motor oil? Maybe, they’ll ask me to drill a well there? I WOULD! The motor oil starts rippling and the pale lady is about to put her hand in it… for some reason. Then, a hand reaches from the motor oil puddle. She runs to an …. apartment? I can’t tell what is going on. Without any lead up, a monster appears out of nowhere and nothing happens.
This is NOT good. I have no idea what is going on and I don’t care. Maybe AI will takeover, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have to have a story. You will still need a story or your short will be terrible. What else can I say about this short?
Bed of Nails is from Alice Cooper’s 11th studio album, Trash. It was the album’s second most successful single, despite not even being released as a single in the U.S. Maybe some of that success was due to this music video, in which Alice the singer performs over and in a bed of nails while women in leather walk through the studio and play the cello.
This video was directed by Nigel Dick, who directed videos for anyone who was anyone. If Nigel Dick has not done a video for you, you are not really a rock star.
2022’s MiracleatManchester tells the story of a high school community that is brought together by one potential tragedy.
Brycen Newman (Kory Getman) is a high school student and an all-around athlete, a star on both the baseball and the football teams. But when he faints during baseball practice and also suffers a sudden nosebleed in the middle of class, his father (played by director Eddie McClintock) rushes Brycen to the hospital. He’s told that there’s nothing wrong with Brycen, beyond the typical teenage growing pain. Take a Tylenol and don’t worry about it, he’s told. That night, Brycen is woken up by a blinding headache. Another trip to the hospital reveals that Brycen has got a tumor in his brain. Brycen is continually given hope, just to have it snatched away. At first, he’s told that the tumor has been removed. But then the tumor comes back. Brycen goes through chemotherapy and even prepares to be sent to Florida so that he can take part in an experimental treatment. No one has much faith that Brycen is going to survive but Brycen’s fellow students rally around him. The football teams shaves their head in honor of Brycen. A priest leads a prayer ceremony in the stands. Journalist Miles Himmel (Nick Avila) follows Brycen’s story and reports all the details, even though he firmly does not believe in miracles. (He even snaps at his young daughter when he hears her talking about a miracle.)
While this is going on, a local mechanic named Ed Hanson (a nice performance from Daniel Roebuck) is fixing cars and, for veterans, charging on a dollar. His wife, who happens to be a nurse at the hospital, tells Ed that he need to get more rest and he needs to come up with a better financial plan than only charging people a dollar for thousands of dollars worth of work. Ed replies that he has no choice. He does it for the veterans and the needy. Good for Ed. We need more people like Ed in the world.
Miracle at Manchester is the type of low-budget, overly earnest filmmaking that typically brings out my cynical side but I have to admit that I actually teared up a bit while watching this film. Some of that is for strictly personal reasons. I lost my mom to cancer in 2008. Last year, I lost my Dad to Parkinson’s. Right now, I’m still in a state where even seeing a hospital room in a film will trigger my tears. But beyond that, it was a heartfelt story and also one that was (perhaps loosely, I don’t know) based on a true story. The film ended with the footage of the actual Brycen. It got to me.
Speaking of my father, after he died, I was organizing his estate and I was surprised to discover that he used to regularly give money to Make-A-Wish. Two representatives of Make-A-Wish appear in this film. Again, I can be cynical when it comes to various charities but Make-A-Wish seems like a good group of people. I’m proud of my Dad for supporting them.
Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell, which ran on NBC from 1989 to 1993. The entire show is currently streaming on Prime and Tubi!
Good Morning Miss Bliss failed where it aired on the Disney Channel but Brandon Tartikoff, president of NBC, felt that the show still had a potential future on NBC. Specifically, Tartikoff felt the kids — Mark-Paul Gosselaar, Dustin Diamond, and lark Voorhees — and Dennis Haskins were the ones worth keeping around. As such, Hayley Mills was let go. Max Battimo and Heather Hopper were dropped from the cast. The show was retconned from taking place in Indiana to taking place in California. The show itself was retitled Saved By The Bell….
Episode 1.1 “Dancing To The Max”
(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on August 20th, 1989)
This is it. This is the first episode of Saved By The Bell, the network morning show that would go on to dominate syndication for 20 years. That’s the thing about Saved By The Bell. It’s not necessary to have been anywhere close to being a teenager when this show began. It’s not necessary to have watched the shows when they originally aired. If you grew up in the 90s or the aughts, you knew Saved By The Bell. It was one of those shows that always seemed like it was airing somewhere. Even as recently as two years ago, it was airing on MeTV and there were frequent marathons on E! Today, it’s on Prime and Tubi. That’s not bad for a show that, if we’re to be absolutely honest, really wasn’t that good.
The first episode — which actually premiered in prime time before the show subsequently moved to its Saturday morning time slot — sets up the show. Zach Morris (I know that some people claim that it’s spelled Zack but I’ve always gone with Zach), Screen Powers, Lisa Turtle, and Mr. Belding have all been resecured from the Indiana Hell of Good Morning, Miss Bliss. Now, they all live in California and they all attend Bayside High School. They hang out at the Max, a tacky restaurant owned by a tacky magician named Max (Ed Alonzo).
Joining the ensemble are Jessie Spano (Elizabeth Berkley), Kelly Kapwoski (Tiffani-Amber Thiessen), and AC Slater (Mario Lopez). Both Slater and Zach have a crush on Kelly. Screech likes Lisa. A dance contest is approaching, one that is hosted by Casey Kasem. (All the teenagers on the show go crazy over someone who, realistically, most of them had probably never heard of. Max imitates Casey Kasem saying his name twice.) Screech wants to ask Lisa to be his partner but Lisa’s already been asked by someone else. Kelly can’t choose between Zach and Slater so they agree to have a dance-0ff. Uh-oh, Zach can’t dance! Maybe his childhood friend Jessie will teach him….
Jessie doesn’t have a date because she’s tall. When she tells Kelly and Lisa about being insecure about her height, they joke that she could become a basketball player. This gets a big laugh and I assume this episode aired before the WNBA was a thing. Eventually, Zach tells Kelly to enter the contest with Slater because he’s going with his best friend, Jessie. Meanwhile, Lisa sprains her ankle, get dumped by her partner, and ends up entering the contest with Screech.
It’s interesting to watch the character dynamics in this first episode. Jessie is not the straw feminist she would later become. Slater is a jock but still sensitive enough to comfort Screech. Kelly is actually portrayed as being somewhat shallow. Watching this episode, one gets the feeling that Zach and Jessie were originally meant to be the show’s main couple until someone decided that Zach and Kelly had better chemistry and that Jessie’s feminism and Slater’s chauvinism would make for an interesting combination. Lisa doesn’t like Screech but she doesn’t quite hate him as much she would in later episodes. Even more importantly, Zach is nowhere near as cocky as he would be in later episodes. He’s actually insecure about something.
As for the dance contest, Lisa and Screen dance “The Sprain” and they win, largely due to Slater and Zach bullying everyone into voting for them. “C’mon,” Casey Kasem announces, “let’s all do …. THE SPRAIN!” Everyone starts hopping on one foot and, at home, I cringe like you wouldn’t believe.
God, this was a stupid episode. And yet …. it was very likable. The young cast had a lot of talent. In this episode, even Dustin Diamond’s Screech is tolerable. I cringed at the extremely cheesy dance contest but I also smiled. I guess that’s the power of nostalgia. Sometimes, even the really bad things make you feel good when you rewatch them.
The Abbott teachers go to a baseball game! As our readers may have noticed, my sister loves baseball so I made sure to have her watch this episode with me. She enjoyed it, which made me happy. Myself, I found myself wondering why so many shows — like Abbott with Philadelphia or Dick Wolf’s Chicago shows — take place in cities that most American hate. Like, if I was ever told that I had to pick between Philadelphia or prison, I’d probably pick prison because at least there wouldn’t be as many people yelling. Yet, Abbott is often a rather charming show and I usually love It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia. It’s just weird how these things work.
Hell’s Kitchen (Thursday Night, Fox)
Ugh, this episode made me physically ill. I don’t think I could ever be a professional chef, not if it means having to clean every inch of a fishing boat. (I cleaned my kitchen before watching this episode and my back was killing me by the time I was finished.) As for this episode and this season, it doesn’t seem like a single chef should be trusted to cook food for anyone. Chef Ramsay is doing a lot of yelling and I agree with him.
Law and Order (Thursday Night, NBC)
This week, yet another millionaire was murdered in New York City and there was yet another crazy defense that, for whatever reason, Maroun seemed to have sympathy for. As much as I usually like the “Law” half of these shows, the “Order” part often verges on self-parody. Between Nolan Price’s wimpy summations and Maroun’s eagerness to protect the criminals, I’m surprised they ever get a conviction.
Night Flight (NightFlight Plus)
On Saturday morning, I watched a video profile of KISS, a band that I really didn’t know much about. I enjoyed the juxtaposition between the fearsome makeup and their not-at-all fearsome music.
Snub TV (NightFlight Plus)
On Friday night. Jeff and I watched an episode of this 80s music show with our friends, Patrick and Dani. It was good music. You could dance to it.
Special Forces: World’s Toughest Test (Thursday Night, Fox)
This show is just not that interesting without Jussie Smollett crying about how nobody will accept that “I just want to move on” from filing a false police report. If it was really the world’s toughest test, I don’t think a bunch of out-of-shape reality show participants would be doing as well as they are.
Twilight Zone (Prime)
This week, I watched a few classic episodes — To Serve Man, The Monsters Are Due On Maple Street, Twenty-Two (“Room for one more, honey!”), Will The Real Martian Please Stand Up, Nick of Time, and Nightmare at 20,000 Feet. If the Twilight Zone is not a part of your October viewing, you’re doing Halloween wrong!
The Vanishing Ray (NightFlight Plus)
I checked in with this 1930s serial on Friday night. The bad guys were still after the vanishing ray and the good guys were still trying to protect it. As always, this chapter ended with a cliffhanger and an invitation to return to theater next week for the next installment.
In Fear is a movie about two people who get lost while trying to drive to a festival in Ireland. Tom (Iain De Caestecker) and Lucy (Alice Englert) have only been dating for two weeks and Tom is already inviting her to a festival and going behind her back to make reservations at a hotel. Tom says, “It’s our two-week anniversary,” and that should have been red flag city. Two weeks is only 14 days. That’s a lifetime for some creatures but not humans.
Tom and Lucy drive up and down a country road, trying to find the hotel but they keep on ending up back at the same location, sitting in front of run-down fence with a sign that says “KEEP OUT” sitting on it. Lucy thinks that she sees someone following the car but Tom isn’t so sure until someone actually tries to grab Lucy. They meet a bloody man named Max (Allen Leech), who says that there are a group of madmen who are stalking Tom and Lucy because of an earlier altercation at a pub.
In Fear was scary for the first half and then, during the second half, there were some things that happened that didn’t really make much sense to me. Some of the twists felt half-baked and sometimes, the characters behaved in ways that didn’t make much sense. Of course, speaking of making sense, I wouldn’t go on a road trip with someone who I had only been dating for two weeks. Road trips are the ultimate relationship test so you better make sure that you and your partner are really compatible before you even attempt one! Tom and Lucy were sweet together but they should have waited before going to the country together. And Tom definitely shouldn’t have made hotel reservations without talking to Lucy first. A lot of trouble could have been avoided if Tom hadn’t been so eager to celebrate that two-week anniversary.
Despite those inconsistencies, In Fear was scary enough to make me jump. It’s the type of horror movie that you should not watch in the dark. I locked all the doors as soon as it was over.
So, we all know that the Grinch once tried to steal to Christmas and then his heart grew a few sizes but did you know that apparently, the Grinch also tried to steal Halloween?
Until about 9 years ago, I did not. I was going through YouTube, searching for horror films that I could share here on the Shattered Lens, and guess what I came across?
A TV special from 1977 entitled Halloween is Grinch Night!
Unlike How The Grinch Stole Christmas, Halloween is Grinch Night apparently never became a holiday classic. Perhaps that’s because Halloween is Grinch Night is not exactly the most heart-warming of holiday specials. Whereas How The Grinch Stole Christmas tells us about how the Grinch learned the true meaning of Christmas, Halloween is Grinch Night gives us a Grinch who has no redeeming features. There is no hope for this Grinch. This Grinch will steal your soul and probably drink your blood. This Grinch is pure Grinchy evil.
This is the Grinch of our nightmares.
Check out Halloween is Grinch Night below and hope the Grinch doesn’t capture you this Halloween….
