Author Archives: Lisa Marie Bowman

The National Board of Review Honors Killers Of The Flower Moon

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

The National Board of Review, which is one the major Oscar precursors (though perhaps not as major as it once was), has announced its picks for the best of 2023!

Here are the winners:

Best Film — Killers of the Flower Moon

Best Director — Martin Scorsese, Killers of the Flower Moon

Best Actor — Paul Giamatti, The Holdovers

Best Actress — Lily Gladstone, Killers of the Flower Moon

Best Supporting Actor — Mark Ruffalo, Poor Things

Best Supporting Actress — Da’Vine Joy Randolph, The Holdovers

NBR Icon Award — Bradley Cooper

Best Original Screenplay — The Holdovers

Best Adapted Screenplay — Poor Things

Breakthrough Performance — Teyana Taylor, A Thousand and One

Best Directorial Debut — Celine Song, Past Lives

Best Animated Feature — Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse

Best International Film — Anatomy of a Fall

Best Documentary — Still: A Michael J. Fox Movie

Best Ensemble — The Iron Claw

Outstanding Achievement in Stunt Artistry — John Wick 4

Outstanding Cinematography — Rodrigo Prieto for Barbie & Killers of the Flower Moon

Top 10 Films of 2023:

Barbie

The Boy and the Heron

Ferrari

The Holdovers

The Iron Claw

Killers of the Flower Moon

Maestro

Oppenheimer

Past Lives

Poor Things

Top 5 International Films:

La Chimera

Fallen Leaves

The Teachers’ Lounge

Totem

The Zone of Interest

Top Five Documentaries:

20 Days in Mariupol

32 Sounds

The Eternal Memory

The Pigeon Tunnel

A Still Small Voice

Top Ten Independent Films of 2023

All Dirt Roads Taste of Salt

All Of Us Strangers

BlackBerry

Earth Mama

Flora and Son

The Persian Version

Scrapper

Showing Up

Theater Camp

A Thousand and One

4 Shots From 4 Films: Special Sergio Corbucci Edition

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

4 Or More Shots From 4 Or More Films is just what it says it is, 4 shots from 4 of our favorite films. As opposed to the reviews and recaps that we usually post, 4 Shots From 4 Films lets the visuals do the talking!

Today, we honor the birth and the legacy of the great Italian director, Sergio Corbucci!  It’s time for….

4 Shots From 4 Sergio Corbucci Films

Django (1966, dir by Sergio Corbucci, DP: Enzo Barboni)

The Hellbenders (1967, dir by Sergio Corbucci, DP: Enzo Barboni)

The Mercenary (1968, dir by Sergio Corbucci, DP: Alejandro Ulloa)

The Great Silence (1968, dir by Sergio Corbucci, DP: Silvano Ippoliti)

Music Video of the Day: Sand by Dove Cameron (2023, dir by Anastasia Delmark)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

How do you deal with a broken heart?  Well, however you do it, I hope it’s in a way that is safer than playing piano atop of a volcano.  I mean, it’s a powerful image and all but it’s just not safe!  No man is worth falling into a volcano or being reduced to dust.  Thousands of people in Pompeii agreed with me on this, right before they were encased in dust and lava.

It’ll be okay, Dove!

Enjoy!

Last Night Retro Television Reviews: Baywatch Nights 1.4 “Deadly Vision”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch Nights, an detective show that ran in Syndication from 1995 to 1997.  The entire show is currently streaming on Youtube!

Tonight, Mitch reveals a new talent!

Episode 1.4 “Deadly Vision”

(Dir by Paul Lynch, originally aired on October 21st, 1995)

The highlight of this week’s episode is an extended sequence in which Mitch (David Hasselhoff) goes undercover.  He’s trying to protect his friend Destiny (Lisa Stahl) from a serial killer.  Because Destiny spends her days doing Tarot card readings in Malibu, Mitch decides that the best way to keep an eye on her is to dress up like a mime and perform for the crowds.

The crowds love Mitch, which leads me to wonder if maybe Mitch has some sort of previous mime experience.  I mean, either Mitch has had some professional training or pretending to be in a box is the easiest thing in the world to master because Mitch pulls it off like a pro.

At one point, Mitch poses with a cardboard cut-out of Bill Clinton.

Mitch does quite a bit as a mime.  He gets locked in an invisible box.  He juggles invisible balls.  He sings a silent song.  He even chases down and catches a thief.  What Mitch does not do is catch the serial killer.  The serial killer, who is probably not a fan of mimes, does not show up.  In fact, one could argue that Mitch doesn’t really accomplish any thing of particular importance while pretending to be a mime but the whole sequence pretty much epitomizes everything that makes Baywatch Nights so much fun.  David Hasselhoff as a mime?  It makes no sense but it’s fun!  A random cardboard cut-out of Bill Clinton?  It makes no sense but it’s fun!  Baywatch Nights is a fun show, precisely because it is so shamelessly silly.

Of course, Destiny is not having as much fun as Mitch is.  Destiny is continually having vision of people with whom she is casually acquainted being murdered.  Mitch and Garner (Gregory Alan Williams) have no problem believing that Destiny is having visions of the killer attacking people.  Ryan (Angie Harmon) is a bit more skeptical and I was happy about that, just because I’m also pretty skeptical about people who say that they can see the future.  It’s nice to have a character to whom I can relate on this show.  Mitch, Ryan and Garner think that the killer might be a con artist and a gigolo who they’re already investigating.  However, the show reveals early on that Destiny is being stalked by a crazed painter named Burt (Carl Weintraub).  Burt is obsessed with Destiny and he doesn’t like it when Destiny talks to other people, whether she’s telling their fortune or helping them investigate a crime.

In the end, the killer is thwarted and Destiny’s life is saved.  Hopefully, Mitch will continue to pursue his career as a mime because he’s got the talent!  I mean, you can’t lifeguard forever, right?

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 4.3 “The Skater’s Edge/Concerto of Death/The Last Great Race”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986.  Almost the entire show is currently streaming is on Youtube, Daily Motion, and a few other sites.

This week, Fantasy Island loses a fantasy.  Read on to find out the details and remember, “Smiles, everyone!  Smiles!”

Episode 4.3 “The Skater’s Edge/Concerto of Death/The Last Great Race”

(Dir by Cliff Bole and Vince Edwards, originally aired on November 8th, 1980)

When this episode originally aired, it was a special two-hour episode of Fantasy Island, one that featured three fantasies as opposed to the usual two.

In Skater’s Edge, Charlie Johnson (Charlene Tilton) is a farm girl from Missouri who dreams of being a world class figure skater.  She comes to the Island to compete in the Fantasy Island Skating Competition.  Mr. Roarke gives Charlie a pair of magic skates that he claims belonged to figure skater Sonja Henie.  As long as Charlie is wearing the skates, she is the greatest skater in the world.  She takes the competition by storm and she also wins the heart of coach Mike O’Brien (Dack Rambo).  Unfortunately, in doing so, Charlie upsets Mike’s protégé, Laura Henderson (Peggy Fleming).  Laura steals Charlie’s skates but, after Mr. Roarke talks to her about the importance of friendship and fair play, Laura returns the skates to Charlie. Charlie gets a perfect score from the judges but, even more importantly, she learns a lesson in humility and she’s happy when Laura is named the winner of the competition.  Laura has the Fantasy Island championship but Charlie has got Mike.

In Concerto of Death, Dennis Cole plays Jeremy Hale, who comes to the island with his wife (Mary Ann Mobley).  Jeremy’s brother was a talented concert pianist who was murdered.  Jeremy wants to play as well as his brother but he also wants to solve his murder.  Roarke gives Jeremy an emerald ring that glows a deep green when Jeremy plays his piano.  Roarke warns Jeremy that his brother’s ghost might try to possess him and seek violent revenge against those who he blames for his death.  The scenes involving Jeremy being possessed feature Jeremy being suffused by a green glow and yes, it’s kind of silly but it’s still fun in the way that cheap special effects often are.  Eventually, Jeremy realizes that his brother was killed by Carla Marco (Erin Gray) and it ends with the police taking away Carla and Jeremy’s guest cabin burning to the ground.  That cabin burned down to the ground at least once per season.

Finally, in The Last Great Race, Dick Shawn and Juliet Mills play a couple who are divorcing.  They go on a race with the winner getting the majority of their possessions.

You may notice that I don’t have much to say about The Last Great Race.  This is because the Race fantasy was edited out of this episode when it went into syndication.  Unfortunately, all of the versions that I’ve found of this episode online are of the syndicated version.  So, I guess The Last Great Race is just going to be the lost fantasy of Fantasy Island.

It’s hard to judge this episode because, in the syndicated version, it’s very obvious that a lot has been removed.  It makes things feel a bit disjointed with the scene transitions often coming abruptly.  Charlie and Mike seem to fall in love in record time and Laura declaring herself to be Charlie’s friend seems odd because we haven’t really seen them interact before Laura steals her skates.  Meanwhile, the story with Jeremy also feels rushed with the final confrontation between Jeremy and the murderer seeming to come out of nowhere.

That said, it’s kind of a fun episode.  The skating scenes feature an obvious stunt double for Charlene Tilton and it’s hard not to be kind of charmed by how obvious it all is.  (You can get dizzy as the scene cuts from close-ups of Tilton’s face and close-ups of the stunt double’s legs.)  The supernatural story makes no sense but the silly special effects made me smile.  The episode ends with Mr. Roarke causing snow to fall on Fantasy Island but, in typical Roarke fashion, he makes sure that it only falls on Tattoo.  Roarke has a good laugh while Tattoo screams in terror.  Seriously, those two hate each other so much.

Here Are The 2023 Nominations of The Film Independent Spirit Awards

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

The nominations of the Independent Spirit Awards were announced today.  While the Spirits are definitely an Oscar precursor, it’s important to remember that some of the year’s big contenders — Oppenheimer, Maestro, Rustin, Nyad, Barbie, Killers Of The Flower Moon – -are not eligible for the Spirits.

Of the film nominated for Best Feature, May December, Past Lives, and American Fiction seem to be the most likely to also show up when the Oscar nominations are announced next year.

Here are the nominees!  The winners will be announced on February 25th, 2024!

BEST FEATURE (Award given to the producer)
All of Us Strangers – Producers: Graham Broadbent, Pete Czernin, Sarah Harvey
American Fiction – Producers: Cord Jefferson, Jermaine Johnson, Nikos Karamigios, Ben LeClair
May December – Producers: Jessica Elbaum, Will Ferrell, Grant S. Johnson, Pamela Koffler, Tyler W. Konney, Sophie Mas, Natalie Portman, Christine Vachon
Passages – Producers: Michel Merkt, Saïd Ben Saïd
Past Lives – Producers: David Hinojosa, Pamela Koffler, Christine Vachon
We Grown Now – Producers: Minhal Baig, Joe Pirro

BEST FIRST FEATURE (Award given to director and producer)
All Dirt Roads Taste of Salt – Director: Raven Jackson, Producers: Maria Altamirano, Mark Ceryak, Barry Jenkins, Adele Romanski
Chronicles of a Wandering Saint – Director: Tomás Gómez Bustillo, Producers: Gewan Brown, Amanda Freedman
Earth Mama – Director/Producer: Savanah Leaf, Producers: Sam Bisbee, Shirley O’Connor, Medb Riordan, Cody Ryder
A Thousand and One – Director: A.V. Rockwell, Producers: Julia Lebedev, Rishi Rajani, Eddie Vaisman, Lena Waithe, Brad Weston
Upon Entry – Directors: Alejandro Rojas, Juan Sebastián Vásquez, Producers: Sergio Adrià, Carlos Juárez, Alba Sotorra, Carles Torras, Xosé Zapata

JOHN CASSAVETES AWARD – Given to the best feature made for under $1,000,000 (Award given to the writer, director and producer)
The Artifice Girl – Director/Writer: Franklin Ritch, Producers: Aaron B. Koontz, Ashleigh Snead
Cadejo Blanco – Director/Writer/Producer: Justin Lerner, Producers: Mauricio Escobar, Ryan Friedkin, Jack Patrick Hurley
Fremont – Director/Writer: Babak Jalali, Writer: Carolina Cavalli, Producers: Rachael Fung, Chris Martin, Marjaneh Moghimi, George Rush, Sudnya Shroff, Laura Wagner
Rotting in the Sun – Director/Writer: Sebastián Silva, Writer: Pedro Peirano, Producer: Jacob Wasserman
The Unknown Country – Director/Writer/Producer: Morrisa Maltz, Writer: Lily Gladstone, Writers/Producers: Lainey Bearkiller Shangreaux, Vanara Taing, Producers: Katherine Harper, Laura Heberton, Tommy Heitkamp

BEST DIRECTOR
Andrew Haigh – All of Us Strangers
Todd Haynes – May December
William Oldroyd – Eileen
Ira Sachs – Passages
Celine Song – Past Lives

BEST SCREENPLAY
David Hemingson – The Holdovers
Cord Jefferson – American Fiction
Laura Moss & Brendan J. O’Brien – Birth/Rebirth
Emma Seligman & Rachel Sennott – Bottoms
Celine Song – Past Lives

BEST FIRST SCREENPLAY
Samy Burch; Story by Samy Burch & Alex Mechanik – May December
Noah Galvin, Molly Gordon, Nick Lieberman & Ben Platt – Theater Camp
Tomás Gómez Bustillo – Chronicles of a Wandering Saint
Laurel Parmet – The Starling Girl
Alejandro Rojas & Juan Sebastián Vásquez – Upon Entry

BEST LEAD PERFORMANCE
Jessica Chastain – Memory
Greta Lee – Past Lives
Trace Lysette – Monica
Natalie Portman – May December
Judy Reyes – Birth/Rebirth
Franz Rogowski – Passages
Andrew Scott – All of Us Strangers
Teyana Taylor – A Thousand and One
Jeffrey Wright – American Fiction
Teo Yoo – Past Lives

BEST SUPPORTING PERFORMANCE
Erika Alexander – American Fiction
Sterling K. Brown – American Fiction
Noah Galvin – Theater Camp
Anne Hathaway – Eileen
Glenn Howerton – BlackBerry
Marin Ireland – Eileen
Charles Melton – May December
Da’Vine Joy Randolph – The Holdovers
Catalina Saavedra – Rotting in the Sun
Ben Whishaw – Passages

BEST BREAKTHROUGH PERFORMANCE
Marshawn Lynch – Bottoms
Atibon Nazaire – Mountains
Tia Nomore – Earth Mama
Dominic Sessa – The Holdovers
Anaita Wali Zada – Fremont

BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY
Katelin Arizmendi – Monica
Eigil Bryld – The Holdovers
Jomo Fray – All Dirt Roads Taste of Salt
Pablo Lozano – Chronicles of a Wandering Saint
Pat Scola – We Grown Now

BEST EDITING
Santiago Cendejas, Gabriel Díaz, Sofía Subercaseaux – Rotting in the Sun
Stephanie Filo – We Grown Now
Daniel Garber – How to Blow Up a Pipeline
Jon Philpot – Theater Camp
Emanuele Tiziani – Upon Entry

ROBERT ALTMAN AWARD – Given to one film’s director, casting director and ensemble cast
Showing Up
Director: Kelly Reichardt
Casting Director: Gayle Keller
Ensemble Cast: André Benjamin, Hong Chau, Judd Hirsch, Heather Lawless, James Le Gros, John Magaro, Matt Malloy, Amanda Plummer, Maryann Plunkett, Denzel Rodriguez, Michelle Williams

BEST DOCUMENTARY (Award given to the director and producer)
Bye Bye Tiberias – Director: Lina Soualem, Producer: Jean-Marie Nizan
Four Daughters – Director: Kaouther Ben Hania, Producer: Nadim Cheikhrouha
Going to Mars: The Nikki Giovanni Project – Directors/Producers: Joe Brewster, Michèle Stephenson, Producer: Tommy Oliver
Kokomo City – Director: D. Smith, Producers: Bill Butler, Harris Doran
The Mother of All Lies – Director/Producer: Asmae El Moudir

BEST INTERNATIONAL FILM (Award given to the director)
Anatomy of a Fall (France) – Director: Justine Triet
Godland (Denmark/Iceland) – Director: Hlynur Pálmason
Mami Wata (Nigeria) – Director: C.J. ‘Fiery’ Obasi
Tótem (Mexico) – Director: Lila Avilés
The Zone of Interest (United Kingdom, Poland, USA) – Director: Jonathan Glazer

PRODUCERS AWARD
 Presented by Bulleit Frontier Whiskey – The Producers Award, now in its 27th year, honors emerging producers who, despite highly limited resources, demonstrate the creativity, tenacity and vision required to produce quality independent films.

Rachael Fung
Graham Swon
Monique Walton

SOMEONE TO WATCH AWARD
The Someone to Watch Award, now in its 30th year, recognizes a talented filmmaker of singular vision who has not yet received appropriate recognition.

Joanna Arnow – Director of The Feeling That the Time for Doing Something Has Passed
Laura Moss – Director of Birth/Rebirth
Monica Sorelle – Director of Mountains

TRUER THAN FICTION AWARD 
The Truer Than Fiction Award, now in its 29th year, is presented to an emerging director of non-fiction features who has not yet received significant recognition.

Set Hernandez – Director of unseen
Jesse Short Bull, Laura Tomaselli – Director of Lakota Nation vs. United States
Sierra Urich – Director of Joonam

BEST NEW NON-SCRIPTED OR DOCUMENTARY SERIES (Award given to the Creator, Executive Producer, Co-Executive Producer)
Deadlocked: How America Shaped the Supreme Court
Executive Producers: Vinnie Malhotra, Aaron Saidman, Eli Holzman, Dawn Porter
Dear Mama
Executive Producers: Lasse Järvi, Quincy ‘QD3’ Jones III, Staci Robinson, Nelson George, Charles D. King, Peter Nelson, Adel ‘Future’ Nur, Jamal Joseph, Ted Skillman, Allen Hughes, Steve Berman, Marc Cimino, Jody Gerson, John Janick, Nicholas Ferrall, Nigel Sinclair
Murder in Big Horn
Executive Producers: Matthew Galkin, Vinnie Malhotra
Co-Executive Producers: Lisa Kalikow, Joshua Levine
Stolen Youth: Inside the Cult at Sarah Lawrence
Executive Producers: Mindy Goldberg, Dan Cogan, Liz Garbus, Jon Bardin, Zach Heinzerling, Krista Parris, Daniel Barban Levin, Felicia Rosario
Co-Executive Producer: Julie Gaither
Wrestlers
Executive Producers: Greg Whiteley, Ryan O’Dowd
Co-Executive Producers: Alejandro Melendez, Adam Leibowitz

BEST NEW SCRIPTED SERIES (Award given to the Creator, Executive Producer, Co-Executive Producer)
Beef
Creator/Executive Producer: Lee Sung Jin
Executive Producers: Steven Yeun, Ali Wong, Jake Schreier, Ravi Nandan, Alli Reich
Co-Executive Producers: Alice Ju, Carrie Kemper
Dreaming Whilst Black
Creator/Executive Producer: Adjani Salmon
Creators: Maximilian Evans, Natasha Jatania, Laura Seixas
Executive Producers: Tanya Qureshi, Dhanny Joshi, Bal Samra, Thomas Stogdon
I’m a Virgo
Creator/Executive Producer: Boots Riley
Executive Producers: Tze Chun, Michael Ellenberg, Lindsey Springer, Jharrel Jerome, Rebecca Rivo
Co-Executive Producers: Marcus Gardley, Carver Karaszewski
Jury Duty
Creators/Executive Producers: Lee Eisenberg, Gene Stupnitsky
Executive Producers: David Bernad, Ruben Fleischer, Nicholas Hatton, Cody Heller, Todd Schulman, Jake Szymanski, Andrew Weinberg
Slip
Creator/Executive Producer: Zoe Lister-Jones
Executive Producers: Ro Donnelly, Dakota Johnson, Katie O’Connell Marsh, David Fortier, Ivan Schneeberg

BEST LEAD PERFORMANCE IN A NEW SCRIPTED SERIES
Emma Corrin – A Murder at the End of the World
Dominique Fishback – Swarm
Betty Gilpin – Mrs. Davis
Jharrel Jerome – I’m a Virgo
Zoe Lister-Jones – Slip
Bel Powley – A Small Light
Bella Ramsey – The Last of Us
Ramón Rodríguez – Will Trent
Ali Wong – Beef
Steven Yeun – Beef

BEST SUPPORTING PERFORMANCE IN A NEW SCRIPTED SERIES
Murray Bartlett – The Last of Us
Billie Eilish – Swarm
Jack Farthing – Rain Dogs
Nick Offerman – The Last of Us
Adina Porter – The Changeling
Lewis Pullman – Lessons in Chemistry
Benny Safdie – The Curse
Luke Tennie – Shrinking
Olivia Washington – I’m a Virgo
Jessica Williams – Shrinking

BEST BREAKTHROUGH PERFORMANCE IN A NEW SCRIPTED SERIES
Clark Backo – The Changeling
Aria Mia Loberti – All the Light We Cannot See
Adjani Salmon – Dreaming Whilst Black
Keivonn Montreal Woodard – The Last of Us
Kara Young – I’m a Virgo

BEST ENSEMBLE CAST IN A NEW SCRIPTED SERIES
Jury Duty
Ensemble Cast: Alan Barinholtz, Susan Berger, Cassandra Blair, David Brown, Kirk Fox, Ross Kimball, Pramode Kumar, Trisha LaFache, Mekki Leeper, James Marsden, Edy Modica, Kerry O’Neill, Rashida Olayiwola, Whitney Rice, Maria Russell, Ishmel Sahid, Ben Seaward, Ron Song, Evan Williams

4 Shots From 4 Films: Special Fritz Lang Edition

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

4 Or More Shots From 4 Or More Films is just what it says it is, 4 shots from 4 of our favorite films. As opposed to the reviews and recaps that we usually post, 4 Shots From 4 Films lets the visuals do the talking!

Today, we celebrate the birth and the legacy of the great Austrian director Fritz Lang.  Starting his career during the silent era in Germany, Lang was both a proponent of expressionism and an early critic of the Nazis and Adolf Hitler.  Despite this and the fact that Lang’s mother was Jewish, Josef Goebbels attempted to recruit Lang to run Germany’s largest film studio, UFA.  Lang responded to Goebbels offer by moving to Paris and divorcing his wife, who was an ardent Nazi.  Lang eventually found his way to Hollywood, where he worked for the next twenty years.  With films like Metropolis, M, Fury, Hangmen Also Die, Scarlet Street, and The Testament of Dr. Mabuse, Lang proved himself to be a master of every genre and his influence is still felt to this day.

In honor of the man and his legacy, here are….

4 Shots From 4 Fritz Lang Films

Metropolis (1927, dir by Fritz Lang, DP: Karl Freund and Gunther Rittau)

M (1931, dir by Fritz Lang, DP: Fritz Arno Wagner)

The Testament of Dr. Mabuse (1933, dir by Fritz Lang, DP: Karl Vash and Fritz Arno Wagner)

Fury (1936, dir by Fritz Lang, DP: Joseph Ruttenberg)

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: CHiPs 1.4 “Moving Violation”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee!

This week, we learn who is a good cop and who is a not-so good cop.

Episode 1.4 “Moving Violation”

(Dir by Edward M. Abroms, originally aired on October 13th, 1977)

Tonight’s episode of CHiPs doesn’t so much have a plot as much as it’s just a random collection of incidents that are designed to allow us to see the differences in personality between Officer Jon Baker and Officer Frank “Ponch” Poncharello.

Officer Baker is quiet, conscientious, and mild-mannered.  He’s the officer who spots a stolen church bus but gives his partner the credit for discovering it because his partner is on probationary status with the department.  On a more serious note, he’s also the guy who is sent to inform women that they are now widows because their husbands met misfortune on the California highways.  Tonight’s episode sees Baker being sent to inform a woman that her husband has died and Baker handles the job with sensitivity and tact.  He wipes away a tear of his own as the woman starts to cry.  Larry Wilcox was not exactly the most expressive actor in the world but, in that scene, he did a wonderful job.

Officer Poncharello, on the other hand, is a screw-up who smiles frequently, lies to an almost pathological extent, and who often looks straight at the camera while delivering his lines.  He’s the type of police officer who needs his fellow officers to lie to Sgt. Getraer about what a good police officer he is.  If Officer Baker is the ideal highway patrolman, Ponch is the guy who really shouldn’t be out there.  It’s not just that Erik Estrada looks notably less assured on that motorcycle than Larry Wilcox.  It’s also that Ponch himself doesn’t ever really seem to be paying attention to …. well, anything!

This episode, Ponch lies to a woman and gets her to go out on a date with him under the assumption that he’s a sergeant.  She’s not thrilled to discover that he’s just a police officer and that he drives (and live in) an RV.  Ponch is not thrilled when he gets a ticket for not using his turn signal and he has to take a driver’s education class.  Worried that he might run into someone who he has ticketed, Ponch wears a fake mustache and, eventually, a fake beard.

As I mentioned earlier, there’s not much of a story to this episode.  Ponch and Baker just deal with whatever they come across, whether it’s a stolen church bus or a man trapped in a van with a bunch of rattlesnakes.  The oddest moment of the show comes when they pull over a motorist played by football player Roosevelt Grier and Grier proceeds to start beating up his car.  Ponch and Baker just watch in amazement.  At one point, Grier puts his fist through a window and Ponch laughs.  Uhmm …. how about checking to make sure the guy isn’t bleeding to death?

And, hey — guess who shows up in driver’s education class at the end of this episode!?  And guess who rips off Ponch’s fake beard and mustache.  The episode ends with a freeze frame of a nervous Ponch laughing but I don’t think he’s going to be laughing much longer.

This was a weird episode.  It was basically a combination of broad comedy, lovely California scenery, and that one shockingly dramatic scene in which Baker told a woman that her husband was dead.  The episode was obviously meant to introduce us to Baker and Ponch.  I would definitely prefer to get pulled over by Baker because he’s obviously just trying to do his job quickly and efficiently.  Ponch, on the other hand….

Anyway, assuming that Ponch wasn’t killed by Rosey Grier, he should be next week!  We’ll see what happens!

Retro Television Reviews: Miami Vice 1.13 “Milk Run”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, Crockett and Tubbs fail to observe movie line etiquette.

Episode 1.13 “Milk Run”

(Dir by John Nicolella, originally aired on January 4th, 1985)

At Miami International Airport, Tubbs is sweating buckets (one thing I do appreciate about Miami Vice is that it captures that Yankees never seem to get used to Southern humidity) while Crockett watches and smiles at a woman in a miniskirt.  Not surprisingly, ZZ Tops’s Legs is playing on the soundtrack.  Having good legs is definitely a plus in life.  They’ve certainly helped me out.

Anyway, Crockett and Tubbs notice that two teenagers have just paid for a ticket to Colombia in cash.  Crockett and Tubbs confront them in the airport cafeteria, causing both Louis Martinez (Evan Handler) and his friend, Eddie Rivers (Al Shannon), to make a run for it.  They manage to outrun both Crockett and Tubbs.  Louis and Eddie may not be as streetwise or experienced as the two cops but they’re definitely a lot younger and a lot quicker.

Louis is enthusiastic about Eddie flying down to Colombia and smuggling cocaine-filled statues into the United States.  Eddie is more nervous about it and keeps saying that he wishes he could just go home and pretend like they never agreed to help this week’s villains, the Moya cousins.

Not surprisingly, at least to anyone who has watched this show, Crockett and Tubbs just happen to be investigating a drug warehouse that belongs to the Moyas.  After the warehouse blows up, they discover a locker full of the statues and they also find out that the Moyas are into Santeria.  This leads to a scene where they attempt to interrogate one of their informants (played by Rainbow Harvest), a Santeria high priestess who works at a “punk rock movie theater.”  (Don’t ask me, I didn’t write the episode.)  While Crockett keeps bothering her at work, Tubbs has a tense conversation with her boyfriend, who is played by a youngish Eric Bogosian!

The two stories eventually link back up.  Eddie flies to Colombia but he and Louis are arrested by Crockett and Tubbs as soon as he returns to America.  While Louis continues to play tough, Eddie talks about how he wishes that he could just go back home and not get involved in any of this.  Crockett promises Eddie that he’ll make sure he gets home safely.  Can you guess who ends up getting gunned down the cartel at the end of the episode?

Milk Run was an episode about which I had mixed feelings.  At first, it was hard for me to have much sympathy for either Louis or Eddie.  But, at the same time, I also had a hard time having much sympathy for Crockett and Tubbs.  Whether they were holding up a line to interrogate a ticket agent at the airport or holding up the line to interrogate the Santeria priestess at the movie theater, they ended up holding up a lot of lines and that’s a pet peeve of mine.  But, by the end of this episode, I felt sorry for Eddie and the dark conclusion drove home the episode’s point.  There’s no way to escape your decisions.  Of course, by this point, we pretty much know what’s going to happen whenever Crockett promises to keep someone safe but that didn’t make the ending any less effective.

This was an okay episode.  The ending was powerful and it featured a strong supporting turn from John Kapelos in the role of a sleazy attorney.  In the end, the message was clear.  Don’t get involved with a shady business unless you’re totally prepared to deal with the consequences.